The Making of Cain

Thus Cain stood jaw bone held high. Abel moved not. Cain thrust the jaw bone upon the ground and there knelt beside his brother. Abel's head in his hands, the blood of his life stained Cain. His sacrifice to his holy father complete. The holy spirit's ghost did not shine down on Cain.1

Then a raven scratched upon the ground. And Cain looked upon him. And thus knew his brother would rest in the ground. Upon receipt of this knowledge Cain buried his brother and still the raven looked upon him. 2

"Dost thou expect God's praise?" The raven asked. "It is His wrath thou shalt incur."3

"Thou speaks falsely, this is the greatest sacrifice." Cain argued.4

The raven flew at Cain and pricked his hand thus taking a sacrifice of blood.5

Then God spoketh unto him, "Where is your brother Abel?"6

"I knowest not," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?" Cain cradled his bloodied hand. Anger now over ran him for he learnt one sacrifice is greater than the other.7

And thus God cast Cain out of His land to wander the Earth. There upon Cain found the land of Nod, east of Eden. He reveled in the great emptiness of this land. Cain traveled and tilled the land growing wilted crops of tasteless fruit. Woe filled the heart of Cain. And soon loneliness too took Cain.8

And one day God took pity upon Cain. He wished to populate the world with his children. And thus God led Lilith to Cain.9

"Thou seeketh a wife, Cain." Spoke God. "Thus deliver me children and thoust shalt have my forgiveness."10

Cain refused to believe God would forgive him for his sins were great. He ignored Lilith.11

Lilith, unaccepting of his refusal, sought answers to how she might gain the love of Cain. God spoke not to her. Anger now filling Lilith she asked an old raven for an answer to her problem. 12

"Speaketh not of Cain, but giveth me thine blood." The raven pricked her finger and drew forth her blood tasting it upon his tongue.13

Lilith cried for now she knew the raven as Lucifer. She knew not what she'd done. She went and cried to Cain. "Forgive me, for I have asked Lucifer to make thoust mine husband."14

And thus Cain comforted Lilith and her tears fell upon him. This melted Cain's heart and thus Cain learnt he loved Lilith. With Lilith he gave his God many fine children. Still he believed God had rejected him and exiled him. His children and children's children would forever be out cast. His God would never forgive what he had done. The blood of his blood would not be enough of a sacrifice. 15

"Why hast thou forsaken me?" Cain wept for the pain of being forever separated from his Holy Father.16

And thus a raven landed at their feet. And spoketh that raven, "I offer thee a gift, Cain." Cain knew this bird now for the evil it was. Yet he feared not. "I offer thee an end of pain. Drinketh this blood of life. Blood of thine, Lilith's and mine, made powerful in the mixing. Thou shalt become blood of my blood forever bonded. My child. And I shalt always forgive thine sins."17

And thus Cain took the vial of blood which the raven had in its claw and swallowed all. Lilith held Cain as his body burnt and the last of his pain wreathed his body.18

And Cain looked up. The raven was now a large man, handsome and placid smiled. The blood of life dripped from his teeth. Cain fell upon his knees and wept. For he was thankful to his new father.19

"This comes at a price." Lucifer spoke, "Thoust must prove thy faith in me with one more sacrifice."20

Cain followed the gaze of his unholy father to his wife and felt the affliction of true hunger in his heart.21

And thus Cain found the taking of blood removed all pain, all emotions. However, it did not satisfy. And thus Cain wondered the Earth, taking blood from all whose path he crossed. Cain sired a new breed for his unholy father. All walk with him taking from the living to sacrifice for the damned.

Author notes

An experiment in writing in Biblical style. Inspired by "Vampire:the Masqurade" history.

for contest;
*Yes, Amanda Vampiress I have read the rules for your contest: Anything Fantasy, Mystical, Supernatural goes!!!!!!

for contest; Write Me An Original Vampire Story! by ThisIsMyWonderland
SN:tonialoise

In a list

A contest entry

Does it sound like it came from the Bible?

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 27 of 27
  • Vieve-I
    April 16
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    nice, a change from the norm


  • XxXDreamWeaverXxX
    December 15, 2008

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    This was a well writing story, it was intseresting how you wrote your story, in most cases interesting is good... THIS IS NO EXEPTION!!! I also love your idea on how vampires were started!!! Some speling erros though, and some capitals missing, and added like this one --raven asked. "It is His wrath thou shalt--- The word "His" should not have a capital...
    All in all this was a great story and I look forward to reading your work in the future!!!

    ~Cat!


    • tonialoise
      December 15, 2008
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      spelling errors? ok I'll go through it again. Hmmm... about "His" whenever people talk of God they usually capitalize the pronoun along with it. I guess my mind believed I saw this in the bible as well, however as I go back and double check I don't see it, so I guess I will fix this too.

      Thank you for your comment and applause.


  • IrishYndina Greeters member
    December 11, 2008

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    Port Raid!

    Congratulations on winning last month's port raid with your great commenting in the Writing 101 list! I'm here to help see that you get you just rewards.

    Interesting twist on the old tale - both the biblical one and the vampiric one. I like the addition of the raven - he seems appropriate for the folklorish feel of this piece. I actually had fun reading the old English Bible-mmimicry - I've done something similar as a final project for a class before. Mimicry is always fun. Overall, a very enjoyable read.

    Here are a couple of things I noticed while reading, if you're interested:

    * Para 12: I think it's actually "giveth me thine blood."

    * Para 13: "Forgiveth me" - I think even King James would simplify this to "Forgive me". *laughs*

    * Para 15: "I shalt always forgive thoust sins" - I could be wrong, but I think it should be "forgive thine sins." I'm not an expert on King James English, but that is my understanding. *shrugs*

    * Para 16: "vile of blood" - I believe you mean vial, a small (usually glass) container of liquid. It could possibly be a vial of vile blood.

    * Para 17: "The raven now a large man" - I think you're missing a verb. "The raven WAS now" perhaps? Also, I relatively sure that Cain feel upon his knees and not his keens to weep.

    • tonialoise
      December 11, 2008
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      Now I'm embarrassed. so many silly little mistakes. I think you're right on the King's English stuff. I didn't do a whole lot of research on it before hand.

      So thank you so much for reviewing this for me. I'll make the changes.


  • locked-away-lover
    November 21, 2008

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    This was very good.
    You have an amazing imagination!
    The format was much like the bible
    making it more believable. XD


  • amanda vampiress silver member
    November 15, 2008

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    This was rather interesting. The entire time I was reading your story, i was thinking in the back of my mind...'this reminds me of L.A.Banks stories in a way'. I think you did a really good job with this one. The descriptions were written very well, giving the story a biblical feel. The structure was good, and the dialogue was superb. Cain is a very over used subject, but you made it into something of your own, and different. thank you for entering my contest and good luck!


  • Friesian
    November 11, 2008
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    omg!

    I loved this!!!! so goood! Very creative and original!


  • beutifullcloud
    October 28, 2008

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    Tonia you always get me impreses! dang girl keep the good work! oh and by the way I believ that Cain was the first vampire, cause i found prof of it *lol*


    • tonialoise
      October 28, 2008
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      ooohhh... do tell.

      • beutifullcloud
        October 29, 2008
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        This basically reapets somethings but is a resume of everything and there is also somethings abviouse XD:

        Cain was the firstborn son of Adam and Eve. He was banished, with a mark, from the land of his parents because he killed his brother in a jealous rage.

        10 What hast thou done? The voice of thy brother's blood crith unto me from the ground.
        11 And now art thou cursed from the earth, which hath opened her mouth to receive thy brother's blood from thy hand;
        12 When thou tillest the ground, it shall not henceforth yield unto thee her strength; a fugitive and a vagabond shalt thou be in the earth.
        15 And the LORD said unto him, Therefore whosoever slayeth Cain, vengeance shall be taken on him seven fold. And the LORD set a mark on Cain, lest any finding him shall kill him.

        Genesis 4:10-15 According to vampire legend, Cain wandered until he found Lilith by the Red Sea. She took him in and showed him the power of blood. (My religion teacher put it that the tree of life is represented in blood. Thus why Jewish persons staunchly drain all blood away from their meat before cooking and eating it. And thus why drinking blood/ being a vampire is such a big deal in a religious context.)

        From Cain and Lilith came a host of demons and vampires in the vague myths. Cain is mentioned in the Bible as having a number of legitimate children, with an unnamed woman/ wife. Some of his children are even highly regarded, as they are listed with their inventions, such as the harp and metal working. But, past Gen. 4:26 there is no more mention of Cain's children or his line. Cain himself is referred to only twice more, in the New Testament, as "the prototype of the wicked man."

        From what there is presented in the Bible, there is little to go on with the myth of Cain and Lilith. Lilith herself appears only in Jewish apocrypha texts-- she is in neither the Torah or the Bible. But what is interesting is Cain-- and it might be inferred Lilith too-- appears in the epic poem Beowulf, and with much more mention than he ever receives in the Bible.

        ...Till the monster stirred, that demon, that fiend,
        Grendel, who haunted the moors, the wild
        Marshes, and made his home in a hell
        Not hell but earth. He was spawned in that slime,
        Conceived by a pair of those monsters born
        Of Cain, murderous creatures banished
        By God, punished forever for the crime
        Of Abel's death. The Almighty drove
        Those demons out, and their exile was bitter,
        Shut away from men; they split
        Into a thousand forms of evil-- spirits,
        And fiends, goblins, monsters, and giants.
        A brood forever opposing the Lord's
        Will, and again and again defeated.
        (Ll. 101-114)

        ...Cain had killed his only
        Brother, slain his father's son
        With an angry sword, God drove him off,
        Outlawed him to the dry and barren desert,
        And branded him with a murder's mark. And he bore
        Arace of fiends accursed like their father...
        (Ll. 1261-1266)

        How intriguing is that? Where does the author's venom for Cain come from? Yes, he's a sinner, but in the Bible it seems that he goes off and does the best he can, building the city of Enoch, and having a lineage of creative descendants. In the other references to him, he is used as an example of a sinner, but without malice. But the author(s) of Beowulf seems to heap undue vileness onto Cain. There is simply no place in the Bible that speaks of Cain in such a hate-filled regard. What's even more interesting is that Grendel's forefathers are referred to as a pair. "The Almighty drove/ Those demons out" when there is clearly no mention of God driving anyone out of Eden but Cain.

        The only other time we see sin in (around) Eden is when we look at the legends of Lilith. It was she who said the holy name of God and vanished out from Eden. And Lilith, in the Jewish tradition, has always been seen as the mother of demons. So for there to have been demons, Lilith must have conceived them (Cain's wife was busy having good children). I think the original author of Beowulf must have known of this Lilith legend (it certainly isn't obscure) and implied this in his writing, because the audience otherwise knows that there was no one expelled but Cain, and that, in the Bible, he stays a legitimate person, not a bearer of monsters.

        To further drive home the point that the author knew what he was talking about, Beowulf was first written down and preserved by monks-- who were the only literate people in their time. The tale originated somewhere in the 600's in England, and was thought to have been written down at a later time (it was a bard's tale before that, made to be sung). As monks have a notorious reputation for adding God and His works into things as they write, we would certainly expect to find more references to Christianity than would have probably been present in thenewly Christian world that the poem was composed in. So it can only be concluded that the author knew what he was talking about and wrote down something that had meaning to his audience at the time, but which has been lost to us since.

        At the time of the composing of the poem, and during the later years when it was written down, the Bible of choice was the Vulgate, of Jerome's Latin Bible. I have attempted to look through the Latin text of this Bible, and have searched for Cain references, but itappears to have no more to say about Cain than does the later (and most popular) version, the King James Version (which most all of us know). The origin of the Cain = monstrous evil myth is well obscured and lost, which allows us to speculate even more as to where monsters-- in particular, vampires-- came from.

        Hope you like it

        • tonialoise
          October 29, 2008
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          Wow, you know I've read Beowulf a couple times (granted many years ago) and I don't remember the mention of Cain. But there it is, I must have forgotten it.

          that's true you know, the bible doesn't speak of him with such malice or make him to be a real bad guy, only over time have we made him into such a monster. Even if one doesn't believe he became a vampire then he's still looked at as a monster.

          This was an interesting read. Cool info Thanks.

          • beutifullcloud
            October 29, 2008
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            did you read the poem or the story? because is only mentineon in the poem...I think it suks that they let that out.

            for me literally he's a vampire and I got schock, the same was with the story of lilith...in case i got that one too, but is more shorter then this one


            • tonialoise
              October 29, 2008
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              I read the poem. Never even knew they put it out in story form.


  • lavanya
    October 24, 2008

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    best!!!!!!!!!!!

    you will surely beat me in contest . your entry is most intresting and complete one . great write ton best of luck fo rcontest


    • tonialoise
      October 24, 2008
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      Thanks, that's very sweet of you, but in many ways I do like your entry in the Cain contest better


  • Storms
    October 18, 2008

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    *clap* !!!

    Nicely done, my friend!!!! It was very good, I liked how you used the oldish speaking thing... yeah... It has a very good theory on how vampires came to be!


  • DeathNoteYaoi
    October 7, 2008

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    Very well done this is the frist time i read a story like this very unquie to me welldone again XD

    DNY--


  • Rein
    October 5, 2008

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    I like that you wrote it in a way that was ttly differnt than the rest. But it kind of starts off boring to me. But as I read on it got better. Keep it up!^0^

    • tonialoise
      October 5, 2008
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      Hmmm... Strange because the beginning is paraphrased (and the dialog between God and Cain is stolen) from the Bible. So I'm wondering was my interpretation of it boring or is the story in the Bible itself boring and I did not make it more interesting?


  • LadyDementia
    October 3, 2008

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    Well I've not read a lot of the bible to be honest, but it does sound very much like what I have read. I love the idea of this story, it is creative and very well written. Certainly held my attention. All the best in the contest

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.


  • NosferatuWoman
    October 1, 2008

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    OK, here ya go... Here's where I think you lost a little of the biblical feel... maybe throw in some more thou's and thine's and mine's???

    7 "I don't know," he replied. "Am I my brother's keeper?" Cain cradled his bloodied hand angry now for....
    Perhaps, "I knowest not...

    12 Lilith frustrated by his refusal sought answers to how she might win Cain's heart. ...... Anger now filling Lilith she asked an old raven for an answer to her problem.

    17 And Cain looked up, the raven now a large man handsome and placid. Cain fell upon his keens and wept.

  • NosferatuWoman
    October 1, 2008
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    You start out with a great biblical feel, but loose it in some places. Nice story though. I enjoyed it.
    Origianal feel to it.

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