Working Title

Oh, how to begin? Simply put, I don't have the mind for any of this anymore. I used to love this stuff, used to love just writing my mind out and letting these fantasies take me. No more, just no. I have become a figment of my shadow's fantasies now, my own are unattractive and lost to me. Sad, I suppose, but its true. So for now, truth is what I'll write in this explanation.1

Simply put, I've become a sickening being. I have fallen for the fallacy of the pervert. Perversion has let my mind become rot and my own anti-social nature has made it such a faux-haven. I can't begin to explain what it's like to watch that pretty girl with the short, red hair to walk by, swaying her fingers through the straight strands of her hair as the only thought through my sick head is, "cute!", as I imagine her spreading her naked self out before me. Ah, as a teen it would have seemed such an innocent, curious thought, but now its just sick. What has changed in those ten years?2

I used to have dreams. I could have been a police officer, a fire-fighter, a hero. Someone could have looked up to me, I could have been some sort of hero. Again, I'm at a loss as to exactly what happened. Childhood was so innocent, every day was something to look forward to. It might not have started off at the nicest place, but on that same page, no one's life really is everything they wanted. I could have been a cartoon character, though! Someone could have heard my voice, read my adventures, pretended they were me for a day! It all seems all to late for that now, in a life where its the daily lotto ticket, losing just to lose, to follow the same pattern as yesterday, down the spiral again. Its just more comfortable than working to change it, right? I could fall down the spiral faster if that happens...3

I remember it, way back in. I was only thirteen when I discovered that first porno pic. "Eww..." I remember thinking to myself. Eww, yet, I was intrigued. I'd come back later to find out the rest, even though at the time I didn't know that. Maybe I could blame it on the fact that no one had ever told me "the rules", the birds and the bees. Sex was something I'd been blind to up till that point, and now I'd consider myself somewhat of a "pornologist". Sickening.4

..Maybe I could have been a doctor...5

Look at me now! I can't look at a woman without popping one up. I'm so sick that I sicken myself, for God's sake! What's wrong with me? What have I become?