Shade

We could hear the hunters behind us, which meant they were far to close. At least a two hundred feet seeing as we could hear them breathing. Thanks to the new drugs they could take, hunters were almost as fast as we were. 1

There were six of us. Me, Rara, Lesta, Dax, Aries, and Helix. Helix was our leader and, though it was unknown to the others, I’d saved his life twenty six years ago, shortly after he turned me, and he’d loved me ever since. Now he was saving all of us from the hunters. 2

I was the slowest one of us and could barely keep up with Lesta, much less be up beside Helix. I knew exactly why I was so far behind, we were all supposed to have hunted before we ran and I hadn’t. I was getting slower and slower and, right as told myself to keep going, I lost consciousness for half a second and fell. Lesta turned around to look at me as I hit the ground but she didn’t say anything. I ignored her and pulled the chain out from under my shirt; following its length until found the blood sensor at the end.3

By this point, of course, everyone had seen me and knew what had happened. I tried not to look anyone in the eye and focused more on figuring out just how bad my problem really was.4

I held the sensor over my wrist; it beeped twice and flashed a red warning. That was bad; it meant my blood count was far lower than I thought it was. I was lucky I was still breathing. We were being chased and I was weak. If any of us got caught, we would all get caught. And that, well that would be very bad.5

"Come on, Shade," Helix yelled, "They aren't that far behind."6

As if any of us could possibly forget about the hunters, like Helix always told us, hunters are never very far behind nowadays, and that makes it harder for us to stay ahead. 7

"I can't," I replied, "I'm low?" 8

I could feel his anger as if it were my own, and when I caught up, if I caught up, I was going to be in trouble for not feeding before we ran.9

"I say we leave her," Rara, the angry looking female just behind Helix said, "She'll be a danger to us all."10

Helix was frozen, looking from me to Rara.11

"How low?" Helix said and Rara rolled her eyes.12

"At least two pints," I answered. 13

Helix reached into his pocket and pulled out a needle and a vial half-filled with clear liquid. 14

"We don't have time for this," Rara told him but he shook his head. 15

“We’ll make time," He answered as he moved towards me, "I'm not letting her die, the rest of you go on."16

Rara looked amazed but, unable to disobey a direct order from Helix, ran on with the others.17

"You know why I call you Shade?" Helix asked me as he stuck the needle into his neck and filled the syringe with blood.18

I shook my head.19

“Because when the sun comes up and we’re all safe from it, you’re going to be the one that had to do ‘one more thing’ or was in ‘too much of a hurry’ and you’re going to be stuck in the shade all day trying to survive.” He pulled the needle out from his neck, injected the blood into the vial and shook it roughly, “You’re going to be the perfect target and there won’t be anything we can do about it.” He looked closely at the vial and then at me, “You do have a hypodermic, right? I’ve only got one more, and I’m not using them both on you.”20

I nodded and touched the little plastic case on my belt. It scanned my thumb print and opened, revealing my syringe and three of the five hypodermic needles I had left.21

“Good,” He handed me the vial, “That won’t cover two pints, but we haven’t got much farther to go. You can have it straight when we get there.”22

It took me only a few seconds to fit the needle into the syringe and shoot the mixture of blood, steroids, and holy water into my veins. I’d done this so much that I was accustomed to the sharp burn that accompanied the holy water.23

Helix shook his head impatiently, “Is it in yet?” He asked, I waited a few seconds for the injection to reach my head. Temporary as it was, a shot like that would give a vampire pure strength even if they were dying from thirst. Pity it only lasted half an hour.24

“Yeah,” I answered as I felt cold sting in my head, “It’s in.”25

Helix grabbed my arm and pulled me along before I could get my bearings, but within two seconds I was running along beside him. I knew he was at a loss for words, or else he would be lecturing me right now.26

“I know what you’re thinking, Helix,” I said, but before I could continue he stopped me.27

“You have no idea, Shade. If you did, you wouldn’t keep doing this to yourself. Now please, just stay quiet until we reach vHaven, alright?” 28

I couldn’t ignore an order, he’d made me, and I had to obey him, regardless of what he said. But I was less concerned with the order and more concerned with the destination. We were going to vHaven? This was definantly not my night, there weren’t many vampire safe houses left, but of all of them, vHaven was probably the most dangerous. The other four would probably be fine, but Helix and I? An ancient and a vampire that was practically a child? We would be free game, or at least I would, unless of course, we could find the others before we were found.29

I’d taken the shot before, but this time thirty minutes never seemed to go by so fast. I could see the great black rocks that meant vHaven was close, and I nearly passed out again. Helix picked me up before I even realized it. 30

“We’re almost there,” He whispered as my feet left the ground, “And you’re going to walk in when we get there.”31

Helix approached one of the rocks and set me down. He slit his finger with his fangs and pressed it to the stone. Immediately, a large piece of the rock slid aside to admit us. When we were through it snapped shut. 32

I’d never actually seen vHaven before, which was probably a good thing. Helix kept a tight grip on my arm and moved swiftly through the crowd of vampires that gave me longing stares. If he hadn’t been holding me, I’d probably have been killed by now.33

As we went past, I felt someone grab my other arm and pull sharply. Helix lost his grip on me and whirled around instantly to see who had taken me. 34

The Vampire that grabbed my arm was huge in comparison to Helix, but bulk doesn’t matter in our world. There are little children that can be stronger then giants. It’s all about age, and if this vampire was anywhere near 75 then he would have known not to pull one vampire away from another. It was just asking to die.35

Helix was there before I could call his name and he grabbed the giant vampire and pulled him down to his height.36

Even with Helix’s hands wrapped around his neck, the vampire still thought he had the upper hand.37

“Did you lose something, pipsqueak?” He said in a slurred voice. Even better, he was drunk.38

“No, I believe you did.” Helix said, releasing the giant’s neck and breaking it in the same second.39

Helix took my arm again and pulled me along towards the bar. No one else stood in our way. It was clear Helix wouldn’t stand for it.40

The bartender came up to us.41

“”What can I get you, mister...?” The bartender said, waiting for Helix to give his name.42

“You don’t need our names,” He replied, “Do you have any rooms? Anywhere we can stay?”43

The bartender nodded, “Just that way,” He pointed down a hall to the right of the bar, “A group came in earlier, said they were waiting for an ancient and his girl. Would that be you?”44

Helix nodded, and the bartender seemed awestruck, clearly they didn’t get ancients in here very much.45

“I don’t have time for your amazement,” Helix said in an annoyed voice, “Which room are they in?” 46

“Number seven, straight down.” 47

“Thank you.” Helix answered smoothly, and the bartender bowed slightly, at least he knew how to treat ancients.48

Helix took my hand again and led toward room seven. Several vampires were still staring at us, but that was no surprise.49

When we reached the room Helix knocked softly, he didn’t have a choice as the door wasn’t coded to his hand print yet and would fry up both if he tried to open it.50

Dax opened it and let us in.51

“Is it them?” Aries called.52

“Its us,” Helix called, “I don’t know how long we’ll be welcome though. I damaged one of their customers.”53

Rara came towards Dax and put her arm around him before speaking to Helix, “I doubt they’ll mind,” She said with a smile, “What can they do you?”54

Helix cracked a smile for the first time in weeks, in truth; there was nothing any of the vampires in the bar could ever do to Helix. But he could probably kill all of them effortlessly.55

“Ahh, they can suck on sunlight for all I care,” Lesta laughed. She was sitting in front of Aries, who was kissing her forehead every few seconds.56

Helix picked me back up again and carried me over to the couch that Dax and Rara had clearly just vacated. He sat down, nestling me comfortably on his lap.57

“Now you can have your two pints,” He whispered, and made an inch long cut on his neck with his knife.58

He pulled me higher so I could reach his neck and I heard his sigh as my lips made contact with his skin. 59

It was just like with the injection, except there was no burn because Helix never shot himself with holy water. But I could feel the cold sting, that wasn’t from the water. That was all because of the blood. Just case we needed it and we liked the taste didn’t mean our minds liked it. And pretty soon I had a good headache, but that was what the steroids were for in the injection. Vampires don’t get any ill effects from steroids; they take pain away and make us strong. 60

But Helix didn’t do any injections unless they were pure blood; it was a rare vampire that didn’t do drugs these days, rarer still one that didn’t do holy water. Helix was the only one I knew, and he wasn’t perfect. He turned down everything else, but he didn’t turn down alcohol.61

He pulled my head back after a minute; there was no sense in letting him get weak. But he was no fool; he knew I was still weak.62

“You lied to me didn’t you, Shade?” He asked, “You aren’t two short, its more than that isn’t it?”63

I nodded.64

“How much more?” I’d been hoping he wouldn’t ask that, but I knew he would.65

“About three or four more,” I said softly, “But I’m not taking that much from you.”66

“Damn right you’re not,” Helix said,” Oh, I should have expected something like this from you.”67

“You can take Absinthe, can’t you?” He asked me and I nodded, that I’d had before. 68

Helix looked around the room, “Hey, Lesta?” He said and she looked over at him, “They serve Red Fairies here, don’t they?”69

Oh, perfect. Absinthe I could handle, but a Red Fairy was Absinthe and blood with more holy water then I’d ever taken at one time. 70

Lesta nodded, I knew why he’d asked her. Lesta had been here more than any of us, and she was probably the only one besides Helix himself who could go into the bar and not be in any danger.71

“You want I should get you one?” She asked then her eyes fell on me, “Ahh...two?”72

“Get me something without holy water, if you don’t mind. But yes, get Shade a Red Fairy.” Helix replied, “Oh, take this with you.”73

Helix reached for his gun, loaded it, and tossed it to her. She caught it and grinned.74

“You know I don’t need this, Helix.” She said.75

“Yes, I know, “He replied, “But if we rip apart another customer, that poor bartender is gonna lose it. At least shoot if they bother you.”76

Lesta put on a fake pout and left the room, Aries leaped up to follow her.77

Helix looked back down at me.78

“I hope you can take a Red Fairy, at the very least.” He said, “It’ll make your head burn, but they put a lot of blood in them.”79

The room was quiet for a few seconds until Dax spoke.80

“How long are we staying here?” He asked, stroking Rara’s hair. She had her head on his knees but she wasn’t asleep.81

“I don’t know, “Helix replied. “As long as they let us I suppose, Lesta had a point though; they can’t do much to me. And I doubt they would even try.”82

“How old are you anyway, Helix?” Rara asked.83

Helix laughed, “Didn’t your mother ever tell you not to be nosy to vampires?” 84

Rara and Dax laughed as well, “No,” Rara replied, “I don’t think ever got to that part.85

I was amazed as I always was that Rara could talk so lightly about her parents when they were killed by vampire hunters as bait to capture us. The same thing had happened to my Father and Helix practically had to chain me up to keep me from attacking the hunters. It would have been a fight I could never have won.86

“Put it this way,” Helix said, “Dracula wasn’t half as rabid as they made him out to be.”87

Rara’s breath came out in a whistle.88

“And to think,” She answered, “My first memory had a computer in it.” 89

None of us were even half as old as Helix was which also meant none of us were half as strong. I’d known Helix since I was human and he’d turned me. We’d met Dax when we ran off together to South America just seven years before the vampires came out of the coffin. He’d met Rara before he met us and found her again as soon as possible. Aries and Lesta we saved from the hunters about three years ago. We’ve been together ever since and the same hunters have been following us.90

“You have any more Jesus Blood vials, Helix?” Dax asked, “I could use one of those about now.”91

Jesus Blood, God’s Tears, Holy Shock, all names we gave to the holy water/steroids injection, it was a powerful drug among us and Dax was one of the ones who had become extremely addicted to it, it that was exactly what Helix was afraid was going to happen to me, which was why he let me have his blood straight on occasion.92

“Yea, I got about eight more of ‘em.” Helix answered, “I take it Lesta isn’t getting you anything?”93

“I didn’t ask her to,” Dax answered, then his voice took on a desperate note, “Aw, come on Helix, I haven’t had one for three days.”94

Helix rolled his eyes and ran his thumb over the case on his belt; it was identical to the one I had except his had the crystal vials in it as well as the needles and syringe. He pulled out one of the vials and tossed it to Dax.95

“But you have to get your own needle and I’m not putting blood in it for you.” Helix said.96

Dax shrugged and fished out his own syringe and needle, which Rara promptly took from him.97

“I’ll do it,” She said, “And I’m clean, no point using two needles where one will do.”98

Helix shook his head, “No, I’ll be lenient, but you two aren’t sharing needles, I don’t even do that.”99

Rara pulled out her own needle and muttered something in an annoyed voice that I didn’t catch, which was probably a good thing.100

Just then Aries and Lesta came back, Lesta with a glowing red glass in one hand and a bright green one on the other. Aries was holding a tall, thin glass filled an electric blue liquid. 101

“What in the name sunlight is that, Aries?” Dax said and Aries lifted as if to toast him.102

“Holy Shock, alcohol, and some human drug. I think he called it Cocaine. But I don’t know.” He answered.103

“Of course you don’t,” Helix said then he turned to Lesta, “What did they have without holy water?”104

“Plenty,” She said handing him the green glass and me the red one, “But it most of it had drugs or worse in it. They’ve got a new one,” She laughed, “How do you think a shot glass full of blood and black powder would sound?”105

“This is straight Absinthe, right?” He said, “I have no interest in drinking gunpowder.”106

“Nor do I, don’t worry.” Lesta pulled out the gun and handed it back to Helix, “Told you I wouldn’t need it.”107

“All the same,” Helix muttered and set it on the table behind his head. 108

I sniffed the Red Fairy gingerly and the scent burned my nose, definitely a lot of holy water. Dax would love this. I took a sip of it though and felt the burn immediately but the blood toned it down. I could hardly taste the Absinthe, but I wasn’t complaining about that.109

“How is it, Shade?” Helix asked and I shrugged, yes shrugging was good.110

I coughed and the others laughed, Helix hardest of all.111

"Don't they serve straight blood here?" I gasped.112

Aries was still laughing, "You won't find anything like that here, the closest would have gunpowder in it."113

"And you couldn't take that, baby" Helix added, "Gunpowder'll do funny things to you."114

"Yea, Shade, it aint like Holy Water," Dax said, "It'll mess you up, and thats the last thing you need."115

I took another drink, the Holy Water burning my throat again. I'd never drank it before anyway, only shot it in my veins. The blood filled me up fast enough, it was like eating. But after a minute my head was on fire, I couldn't take it anymore and Helix took the glass form me and placed it on the table beside his gun. 116

"Don't feel bad, baby," He said, "You think I could take it?"117

There was soft laughter al around the room. Of course, Helix could take anything. His system would just expel what would hurt him and keep anything else. But he'd never swallow it, not without a fight.118

I curled closer to him and he ran his fingers through my hair. 119

"You gonna sleep, baby?" He asked, I doubted the others could hear. I shook my head slightly.120

"Can't," I answered, "Too much in me."121

Holy Water keeps us alert for days, and even though the strength had long since worn off, I wouldn't be sleeping for at least three days. Helix wasn't exactly familiar with the effects, he didn't make it point to know them. 122

"Sun should be up," Dax said and I turned my head towards the others. 123

Rara who, unlike me, hadn't had any injections for the past week, was completely asleep with her head still on Dax's knees. Aries was leaning back against the wall, Lesta was in front of him with her legs around his waist. Both of them still had their drinks in hand and, for the most part, seemed completely oblivious to the rest of us.124

"Yea," Helix said in a half-atentive voice, "I can feel it."125

Lesta laughed very loudly all of a sudden causing everyone except Rara to look over at the happy couple.126

"I sincerly hope you to arent planning on having sex over there." Helix said, lifting his head slightly. 127

"Not planning on it," Aries answered, "But you know how these things just happen, Helix."128

Dax snickered but Aries ignored him. 129

"Shield your eyes, baby girl," Dax said to me, causing more laughter.130

These were the moments I loved most about our lives When we weren't running or hiding. When no one was dying, no life or death decisions had to be made. When we could laugh or joke with a few drinks. Pity those times were few aand far between. 131

"Hilarious, Dax" Aries said, His silver eyes never leaving Lesta's. 132

Dax gave him a surprised look.133

"Thats your great come back?" He laughed, "I'dve expected better from the great Aries."134

Lesta kissed Aries before answering.135

"Not now," She said, "He's distracted."136

Dax cleared his throat loudly, "Yea,I'm gonna sit this one out if no one minds." He threw a glance at Aries and Lesta, "We got the room next door to. I'l take her over there...turn in myself."137

Helix nodded, "We'll probably be here through tomorrow night, but after that I can't guarantee it would be safe. Hunters will be all over this area by then, vHaven has a reputation. And the four that followed us couldn't handle a raid on their own."138

From Dax's expresson he cold care less about vHaven's reputation.139

"Four?" He repeated in a shocked whisper, "You acted like there were twenty, we could have taken four, we could still be in our own home, Helix!"140

Helix ran his tongue over his fangs, it was an unconscious habit of his when he was thinking of something to say. 141

"No, under normal circumsatnces I would assume we could have done it," Helix leaned forward slightly as he spoke, almost as though tensing himself for the battle that had never happened, "But, think about it, FOUR hunters to put themselves up against an ancient, against someone like ME?" He leaned back again, "Its utter madness, even amateurs wouldn't do something that foolish. They must have had something planned, and it would have been suicide for us if they did."142

Silence followed this little speech except in Aries and Lesta's corner, and Dax answered only with a nod. He carefully picked up Rara and carried her like a child toward the door which slid open at his appoach. The moment it slid shut after he left, however, the only sounds we could hear were Lesta and Aries who, by the sound of it, were begenning to reconsider their oniginal abstinince plan.143

"Alright," Helix said, interrupting a now shortless Aries, "There is a bedroom right through that door. PLEASE make use of it."144

With fake frowns both of them complied, Lesta leaning back to grab Aries's shirt though her's probably wouldn't last that much longer. When they had both disappeared through the door into the bedroom, it slid shut. I knew it would open again if anone approached it though. I made a mental note not to.145

All was silent for a few minutes until I spoke to Helix.146

"Are you going to sleep?" I asked and he to shook his head.147

"Not with you awake, no," He said as though the idea of leaving me the only one awake was insane, "Why? Did you want me to?"148

"You should," I said, "if any of us should stay strong, its you."149

"I'll be fine, baby, don't you worry about me. I've gone one day without sleeping before, doesn't bother me," HE paused before continuing, "What bothers me is the reason you arent asleep right now."150

"Wh ywould hat worry you?" I asked as I answered the question in my head.151

"I'm not playing, Shade, I'm serious and you shoudl be too," He said sternly, he didn't often substitute himself for my father but when he did I listened, because he was usually right. Alright, I USUALLY listened.152

"I'm not gonna get hooked on the water," I told him in a rushed voice so I could say all I needed to before he stopped me, "I'm not Dax, I can control myself"153

Helix's silver eyes sparkled, "Oh you can, can you?" He said as he rolled over on top of me, grinning wickedly.154

He kissed me, running his tongue across my fangs in the process. "Definatly not Dax," Helix confirmed as he pulled his lips away form mine just enough to speak, "Dax couldn't be this sexy in his dreams."
My breath quickened as I wrapped my arms around his neck, knotting my fingers in his loose shirt and hair.155

"I don't know, baby girl," Helix murmured, that wicked grin still on his face, "You arent controlling yourself very well, I was under the impression that oyu could."156

"You're cheating," I pouted and he laughed, his movement doing interesting things to the way our bodies were presedtogether.157

"I never said I'd play fair," He justified, "I don't think my self control is up to that."158

My fingers twisted tighter in his hair as I pulled him closer, crushing his lips against mine, just daring his self control NOT to be up to that.159

"I have an unbelievably sexy girl right here geting me all hot and bothered,"Helix said, his voice defensive, "Jesus Christ might have some problems with self control were he in my position."160

Helix kissed my neck, his fangs grazing my skin. Honestly I wouldn't have cared if he bit me, wished he would, but I knew he wouldn't.161

"Jesus Christ can get in line," I muttered as I condemned self control to the deepest circle of Hell," I'm busy."162

Right as the words left my mouth, someone knocked on the door effectively killing the moment and I condemned them to hell too. 163

I would've ignored it, Helix wouldnve too, wouldn't take much to forget it. Few kisses, maybe something involving less clothing...and self control. But whoever it was didnt stop. 164

"Ignore it, they'll go away," I whispered and Helix seemed only too eager to oblige.165

He kissed me again, right where we'd left off, but it was as though the stranger had taken th epassion oout of it. No longer was this just between Helix and I but now this person to, this stranger who could no doubt hear every our every word. IT was'nt right.166

"Damn it," I mutered and gave the door a positively lethat glance.167

"If that isn't Jesus Christ," Helix growled as he got up to answer it.168

I didn't know who I expected but it wasnt the bartender and his crazed expresson.169

"Sir," HE said in a low voice, saying the title with reverence, "There are hunters all over my bar, its completely surrounded, you and-"170

Helix stopped him, "Impossible, its mid-afternoon."171

The bartender sighed, pulled out a small hand-held screen, and handed it to Helix, who stared at it silently, his eyes growing wider every second.172

I could imagine what he was seeing and, though I was probably blowing the whole thing out of proportion, I was sure I had the essentials right. It didn't look good.173

Helix passed the screen back to the bartender and looked towards me. The look in his eyes sent chills running up my spine. I'd never seen such a look in his eyes. It didn't seem real, Helix experiencing fear.174

Clearly I had blown nothing out of proportion.175

"Sir?" THe bartender asked, "Sir, are you alright?"176

"Yes, thank you." Helix said, suddenly all charm again," Who else knows about this?"177

Bartender shook his head," No one," He answered as though in a trance, "You're the single most important person here."178

"Only to you," Helix said in such a cold voice that the bartender took a step backwards, but he returned to the charm as soon as his words had the desired effect, "The room beside ours, tell them."179

BArtender nodded them, "Anythign else?"180

"That-that camera, may I borrow it?" Helix askd, his voice now turning almost sugary.181

Without a word, the bartender held it out. I had to wonder if her even knew what he was doing, I didn't know Helix's powers very intimately. But I had no doubt that if Helix wanted him to dance on his hands, there wouldn't much that bartender could do about it.182

Helix took the screen and closed the door on the now seemingly dazed bartender.183

"Helix?" I asked and his eyes were instantly on me, full of the care adn attention he hadn't bothered to give the bartender, "HOw are we getting out?"184

I had no doubt that we were, I'd headd this before. Helix always jumped to conclusions when it came to our safety. This wasn't the first time he'd overreactd. IT did make me wonder though, I hoped his plan wasn't too extravagent. None of us were up to it.185

Helix looked at me with hollow eyes.186

"There's no way out," HE whispered and I just stared.187

This was a sick joke, it had ot be. I looked around with a confused expression, half expecting Rara or Aries to jump out and scream "gotcha!"188

No one screamed.189

No one jumped.190

"There's always a way out," I breathed, the words were barely audible.191

"Not this time." He said, he may as well have mouthed the words. But it was enough.192

There was no doubting him, not when he said it lke that. Even looking at his eyes would have been enough to see the truth. He wore the expression of a man condemned to death.193

WIth the indescribable fear on his face, Helix went to get Aries and Lesta. I didn't even hear what he said to them. His words echoed in my head like a sadistic broken record. There's no way out, there's no way out.194

My head hit something soft befor eI realized I'd collapsed. IT felt like I was floating, thought the sensation ended abruptly when I was surrounded by Helix's arms and my face was pressed against his chest.195

I heard the door open as though I were at the end of a tunnel. When Rara spoke, it echoed.196

"What's going on?" She asked?, "The man said you needed us, said it was bad. What is it?"197

She seemed to be realizing the truth of her own words when she spoke them. Helix answered her with his face still pressed onto my hair. 198

"You all know I would never expect you to die with me, for any reason." He said, his voice betraying no emotion.199

I could feel the fear going around the room and almost knew what they were thinking. If something could kill him...200

"I speak for all of us when I say we all would," Aries said, "What's going on?"201

"We're surrounded," Helix said and, for the first time since I'd met him, he sounded like the walking dead man that he technically was, "There's just no way out. ITs not the four hunters that were following us, theres at least a hundred. We don't stand a a chance."202

Dax swore under his breath.203

"What about the others in the bar-" Lesta started, her instincts as a fighter kicking into over drive.

Author notes

In case anyone is going to ask, yes, I got the name Helix from the double Helix DNA. Its not his real name, the only ones who go by their real names are Lesta, Aries and Rara. The other three go by nicknames.

The name Lesta is a shout out to my favorite photographer, her screename is Lesta on DeviantArt.

And I think I'm going to continue adding to this because I like the characters (especially Helix, he's fun to write about)

I WILL keep this going sooo sorry i have to stop it now.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • havatica
    September 12

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked it. Although it may not be the type of thing I usually read,I couldn't stop reading. I was hooked! Keep up the good work!


  • Caradoc
    July 5

    Edit | Reply
    And you say my stuff is good...Obviously you aren't looking at the comments on these because this was great! Awesome futuristic setting. The attention to detail, they way you painted the setting...I loved it. And your dialogue was extremely entertaining, especially the Jesus lines. Funny, I have one of those in a story of mine that I'm working on. Perhaps I will post it later...

    Anyways, I digress. I loved everything about this story. I read a comment down a ways, Shade is finished? I will definitely be reading this entire thing. Oh and by the way, if I saw this on the shelves, anywhere, whether it be my local bookstore or even a grocery store, which is where I have found some good books, I would buy it and finish it by the end of the day if not sooner. Like you, I am a one sitter. If the book is good enough to catch my interest I will be done with it before the day is out, one non stop reading session.

    And Ms. Corvis, your book is that good.


    • Andiness
      July 6
      Edit | Reply
      yeah, for being a christian I think I had waaaaay too much fun with the Jesus parts, lol....why are the funny things technically wrong? *guilty expression*

      Ok it can't honestly be THAT good. You make it sound like its better than your which, no debating, it is NOT. Your writing is so much more mature than mine. It sounds like it came from some one older and that fits the character. I don't come near shade in age and that messes things up because I can't think like she does.

      That and my characters kiss too much, lol....thats all I know how to make them do because thats all I know how to do!

      -Andi

      • Caradoc
        July 6
        Edit | Reply
        Yeah? You think your characters kiss too much? I don't know how I'm gonna make them kiss at all. I wanna write vampire romance...and I'm a guy. It's a little harder for me when it comes to that, which also explains why my action scenes are good.

        • Andiness
          July 7
          Edit | Reply
          its a bit easier to write "His lips touched mine/hers" that an entire fight scene...my action scenes suck!! They are SOOOO unrealistic and boring...you'll see in Shade...oh you'll definity see...

          And I can see your characters kissing....I have no doubt that you'll write it just as well as you write anything else! Guys can do romance just as well I bet...can't name any authors right now but...I just woke up! *defensive*

  • It's a good beginning.

    You should go back and fix the usual typing errors, etc. Also, work on not using dead words or too many words to explain the same thing - the usual grammar stuff that everyone has problems with.

    You establish the characters and the setting well. I wonder how it goes from here.

  • EXECELLCENT!!!!!!!!!!

    it was good but you are aswome write more please if you do you would win you are the best writer do a contest. PLEASE!!! GREAT JOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Andiness
      May 17
      Edit | Reply
      lol...I'm rewriting this and I've posted much much more of it

      Right now I'm writing chapter 16, lol

      I'm about to submit more of it right now also

      -andi


  • Fedex666
    May 6

    Edit | Reply

    Likies!

    i loved it! its a really novel way of approching a vampire story, make them do things much more human, allow them to get hooked and drugs and what not. LOVESSSSS

    P.S. i read you discript of shade down, dude shes seriously like me lol!! anywaysssss off to read the rest XXX

    • Andiness
      May 17
      Edit | Reply
      She's like you?? That is so awesome, lol

      I don't think you need to be a human to get hooked one something, but thank you so very much!!

      -Andi


  • H.A.Johnson gold member
    March 26
    Edit | Reply
    This is good, I like it. Holy Water as a drug? Love it. Such a wonderful idea.


  • beezy92
    December 31, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    4700 words is a short story? Hehe I read this cause I have a longer story named Shade too (: I liked it!

  • quantumsurveyor
    December 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    I could have spit blood when I found this to be incomplete. Fascinating set up - I do not go for vampire stuff normally but you thrust the reader into a complete and satisfying scenario and don't let go. It all seems so natural and real which is, of course, completely daft. Too long since October for no completion - black marks all round.

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 1, dialog: 5, characters: 3.

    • Andiness
      December 24, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i ran into SEVERE complications...its finished, but ill be posting it on allpoetry...trust me...its either AP or deviantart but it will get online

      as its now a finished novel, im looking into getting a geocities site for it...it WILL be online though...i apologize to all that this inconvenienced


  • VoreloverGal
    December 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    It is good

    I like how you did your story. It is good and very talent work.

    Nice writing as well and the storyline is very amazing.

    You got good stories.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • InksterMoxy
    December 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    wows

    that was really grabbing. I don't like the way you stopped Lesta's sentence but all in all really amazing awesome job!
    I can not wait to read your next installment

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • SilentStar08
    October 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    please tell me that you're going to continue, this is amazing. i love it.


  • Child of the Fay
    October 10, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Interesting

    I've never heard of vampires being done like this so it was kind of confusing at 1st with the injections and durgs. I'm a girl who likes more clasic vampires but I found this kind of cool. I liked it it was very good and would be a great chapter langhth story. More desciption of the characters whould be nise I can't seem to see them in my head. All in all I realy enjoyed it. Nice job!

    • Andiness
      October 29, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      I'm used to the classic ones as well, which is why i tried something a little different. I've written about the victorian, romantic, and (in some cases) french-speaking vampires for too long. I'm having fun with this one, but dont worry I won't leave my others behind...I love them too much.

      As for the discription, I didn't want to let myself form them completely, because then when I do its harder for me to work with them. I have a problem with characters, I CAN'T picture my own characters in my head, mine or anyone elses. Which is pretty bad sometimes. But if I get a slight picture (I cant get a face) then its like I lose them, I don't know why but I find the best way to get around it is to keep the discriptions vague. You know, let other people put themselves in that character's place, because for all they know the character looks exactly like them.

      Now if you want to know, you don't have to keep reading, I'll tell you as far as I got with their appearances.

      Shade has red (pretty much orange) hair that just touches her shoulders. Its pin straight and kind of thin. None of them are deathly white, but they don't tan very well if you get my drift. Not white, but pale. They do have fangs, but not the inch long daggers, just very sharp pointy incisors that are slightly longer then the rest of their teeth. They all have silver eyes, it comes with being a vampire. But the sinver is different shades and none of it glows unnaturally or anything.
      Helix is the hardest, apperance-wise. I never thought of a look for him, but I do know that his hair isn't much shorter then Shade's. And his hair is dark, not black (much too cliched) but dark.
      I havent decided anything about Dax and Lesta. Rara is spanish and I actually came up with her full name. Rara Almendra. (Its funny, because Rara is actually a Japanese name while Almendra means Almond in spanish). Aries I know has short hair though I havent decided any more then that.

      As for the time this is set in, far future. I left a few subtle hints to that. The blood sensor, the doors, the 'new' drugs. There are others in numerous back stories, I did the character questions that Intrepid/Blair put out and that helped me decide alot. They do have cars, well did, Shade had a Mercedes Hover and Helix had a Porsche Flight. (yes, I made up the Hover and Flight parts) But they are like normal people, they had a house, they had friends, they went out on dates and paid taxes and went shopiing. Now of course they are being hunted.

      The hunters are only supposed to hunt the vampres that have out lived their human years. (that estimated to be over 90) Helix is the only one like that . I havent decided specifics, but the order is Helix, Aries, Dax, Rara, Lesta, and Shade (oldest down).

      I havent decided the year this takes place either, but it does take place on THIS planet, and in THIS country. For the record, vHaven under the Stratosphere hotel and casino in Vegas.


  • Raeyle
    September 30, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I like this has me intrigued. I would love to see a prologue and seeing u writing more with this story line. I was drawn into this story. So much is unanswered here but that is what makes this a good set of scenes. i really hope u continue writing


    • Andiness
      October 1, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      there is a little more, but its not ready to add yet

      thankies for reading

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