1 3 The laughter of the ball echoed in every mortal man's ear, a noxious blend of lust and beauty. The spike of the candles ricocheted off the lights and into the silk and lace embroidered on their garments, tempting and so vile. The powdered white of the wigs gave the illusion that the room was capped with frost. Their lips all a luscious red, an illusion managed by the entirety of the glamorous room. All around her Katherine saw the whites in the eyes of elves and daemons, dancing to the devil's march. She felt herself consumed by this wretched music of the night...to dance...and only dance...with the stranger at her side. 4 5 6 8 9 11 12 14 15 17 The invocation of his profile was intoxicating, and while others grew lame with the voices of string instruments, Katherine's heart grew weak in her bosom from sheer euphoria. She took his hand in time of the music in her mind...a melody of a music box. So delicate yet so invigorating. 18 19 He led her to the marble balcony overlooking the sins of the newfangled city, bleeding and blazing with lanterns in the night. The raunchy calls could be heard from a brothel somewhere in town and the plantations seemed to clash into the depths of the swamps. The sounds and smell of life was everywhere...from the bitter smell of the Mississippi River to the creole prostitutes and under-worldly folk walking the decks of revolution. Katherine watched in amazement at a life she had never seen before, wrapped and smothered behind her manor gates. This was the other side...the missing piece of her reality. And as her sultry lover bent to her kiss, she felt his words echo in her mind... 'dance...become one with the night'20
"I can change your life" He promised in a throaty whisper.He smiled, showing her his perfectly delicate teeth in a grin that held the putrid essence of hell itself. Her eyes opened wide behind her feathered mask, jeweled to taste the the light of the room. Their steps took them to the opposite of each other as the violins played on, occasionally straying off the frets in sweet rapture.2
He raised his white gloved hand and took his into her own, kissing it lightly...almost in a daring way. The pointed elfin nose of his velvet black mask bore into her gaze, his black irises almost hypnotizing her. He was no more than a porcelain doll, tailored in the lace of an aristocrat and made from wax in the very mold that God used to create Gabriel.7
"Forever...my love" He mouthed.10
The floor felt as if it were moving under her, in a path to his cloaked body, which was winding and twisting with the dancing of chords. She found herself sewn in his arms for what was no less then ten seconds, however much it felt like forever."I will give you everything you want" He whispered in a voice like rippled chocolate, rich and divine.13
Katherine fell into his gaze as he laughed and twirled her into his arms.Holding her close, the music slowed and Katherine's eyes closed into the obsidian of his eyes. "If you be mine tonight...I bid you to come with me" He said softly, placing his cheek on hers so that the breath in his words stroked the curls tucked behind his angelic ears. He held out his hand to her and grinned.16
Author notes
chose 8
Don't blame me, I'm just the writer sadly enough
Right then, to clarify...this piece is not about phantom of the opera as everyone seems to think though the picture doesnt help much. Dont get me wrong, I love phantom, but I'm trying to write about something new.
Ok honestly I only have a vauge idea of what goes on in this piece. This was one that I unconcious for while writing this. I get the idea that it is just a hage ball scene where everyone is dancing. I confuse myself. Damn these trances.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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Wow this is an amazing write! Thank you for entering my contest and I wish you the best of luck!
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You confused me, but it was kind of nice. This is some powerful stuff. Loved the line:
He smiled, showing her his perfectly delicate teeth in a grin that held the putrid essence of hell itself.
I don't know what to say, i don't understand it. I have my outbursts as you know as well. Plus you don't understand it totally, so should i attempt to? lol either way...just amazing. -
There is such mystic and a sexy aura surrounding anything going on in New Orleans.. You had me there.. I would kill to go and visit again.. Sniff and see it all for myself.. You darn near made it come alive hon.. Take Care, Catressa
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I see so many possibilities for this. I think that is what other people are failing to look at. This is not the finished product, it is just the beginning. I like it. You have always impressed me with your writes and I have always admired the way you pull the reader in and hold them captive. Let the creativity come naturally and flow freely. You are doing great! Good luck in the contest with this.
♥ Kimberly -
You know, I watched Van Helsing last night, and this was almost perfectly similar to it until you say that her name's Katherine. I don't know why it seems more PotO to people- it just smacks of Van Helsing to me.
But anyways- this was a lovely, wonderfully written bit. I so enjoyed the imagery, and really was glad to have read this. I LOVED it!
Keep up the good writing, and I look forward to your next piece!
~Shadowdragon -
i like it and i didn't think it anything likethe phantom so great job i like it alot and it had great detail like i was actually there looking on
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wow this was good. i loved all the details and tones in this story. I was written marvelously. I loved it. You are a very talented writer and good luck in the contest.
~later~ -
Wow. I really like this a lot. The dark, slightly dangerous tone and mood adds a lot to the story. I don't really know what is happening, but in this piece, that is good, because it leaves you free to speculate. I see where someone could compare this to phantom of the opera, but I also see how it differs considerably. This was really well done, very vivid. Imaginative. Good luck in my contest! Jinx
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Where do you get the time! I'm so swamped with homework and crap that writing is a luxury I can't afford to have... but I do it anyway
You write expertly even in a trance. -
I'm perplexed by it too but I'll read it over in the morning. When I write I'm kind of...well trancy...I probabily wont even remember writing it oin the morning lol
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Well I guess this is supposed to be critical review, not blind compliments. I did like the word choice and fluency of this piece. However, the content itself was rather unoriginal, as it was already written in the Phantom of the Opera. I suppose I'm not one to tell you what to write about. The change of setting from France to the southern U.S. did more than throw me off- it seemed so random and out of place. If you wanted to write about a seductive manor-owner in the south, why in the context of the phantom of the opera? I am very impressed by your great fluency and word choice! you're an awesome writter but I'm somewhat perplexed by the story.
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Good Lord, I thought I'd have to wat forever for a comment that made sence. I've been struck with a writers block for about a year this is the first time it has come back to me. Much appreciated. At 15, I learn from everyone.
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I would love to read the whole book!
Oo! I love the picture!! *smiles*
This is.. wel I think it'd make the best kind of romance novel start.. so alluring, mysterious.. as if it has a fog about it! I love it!
Short stories.. well, I must admit it takes a special writer to come up with a good short story, story opener. It takes talent to draw a person into it.. to make them want to read.
So awesome! -
Well...I suppose the comments so far have left me scratching my head...yes, the piece is dark...I sort of meant that..."it relates well with the orginal story"...Not really sure what that means...
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This is not a criticism in any way but this whole piece is dark. Like finding your favorite fruit and a half of worm after you've taken a bite. It relates well with the original story and thats always a plus. I did notice a few errors the 6th paragraph talks about the curls behind his ear when I think he was whispering into hers. Just a quick once over will have this at perfection. Best luck to you in the contest!
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Wow!
Mary
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