Untitled - Chapter 19 - Suppressed Memories - Seg.3

{segment 3 of chapter 19 - Garn}1

I stand outside the Triumph with my earpiece in, waiting for Logan to answer. 2

“Garn,” he says after a brief moment. “What is it?”3

“They won’t let me through,” I reply.4

“Oh,” he says. “I suppose Avi doesn’t know she’s supposed to give the names of those who can visit her.”5

I cross my arms and step back so that a woman can walk past me along the street. “Yeah, well, could you make a call for me or something?”6

“Of course,” he says, severing the contact. I wait a few minutes before turning and heading back through the doors to challenge the receptionist once again. She smiles at me when she sees me.7

“Ah, there you are,” she says. “I just got a call confirming your legitimacy. Feel free to go and see the Empress; I’ll announce your arrival. Do you need a guide to the Royal Apartments?”8

I consider the offer. “Yes, actually.”9

One of the mechs beside her at the desk stops typing on the computer and stands smoothly. “This way, sir,” it says. As I follow the mech to the lifts, I begin to appreciate the advantages of having friends in high places. All it took was a phone call to make the receptionist go from sending for security to politely offering me a guide.10

I step into the lift with the mech and take note of the floor we’re headed to so that I remember the route next time I visit. In spite of how safe I should feel, being locked in a tiny room, no more than a foot away from a mech and having no where to run is making my hackles rise. But I’m here for a reason. Bashing up a mech to satisfy my own paranoia won’t help anything. The lift ‘dings’ and the robot leads me out into a wide beige hallway. 11

There are many reasons for my being here, actually. The first of which is my new mission. I’ve only just returned to the City and it’s my right to have some sort of a life in between jobs. I’ve tried to work out how I could get out of it, and I figure the best way is simply to ask Avi to have me excused. I’m sure Pursh won’t mind missing just one spy out of many. Though it’s kind of sad for all the spies being forced Outside unjustly, who aren’t fortunate enough to know any Empresses.12

‘There’s only one life you can truly control, and sometimes not even that.’ I stop abruptly. Who told me that? The memory is just beyond my grasp, and I reach for it, concentrating fiercely.13

“Sir?” The mech’s voice breaks through my thoughts and I can no longer even remember what I was trying to remember. “Is there something wrong?” Damn mechs.14

I look up. “No.” I start to walk again and the mech obligingly continues leading the way. I try to recall what I was thinking about, but my mind is a complete blank. I shake my head.15

Well, hopefully Avi will be happy to see me. That was another reason for this visit; I felt I ought to congratulate her, see how she’s doing. Then again, the fact that Logan called and told me I should pay her a visit persuaded me to come earlier than I would have. I mean, I really don’t want to bother her when she’s probably really busy. I asked Logan why he was telling me to visit her, and he simply said, “It’s hard for me to be around sad people.”16

I have no idea what that means. Maybe he doesn’t know what to say to people when they’re sad or something; he doesn’t seem to be all that in touch with any sort of emotion. But it doesn’t matter; the important part of his statement was the implication that Avi was unhappy. I can’t imagine why; maybe she’s still in shock? Maybe she’s homesick? I guess I’ll find out.17

“Sir, we have arrived.”18

I study the mech’s cold face. “Thankyou,” I say. “You needn’t wait for me; I know the way back.”19

“Yes, sir.” It bows slightly before heading back the way we came. I turn to see the heavily carved door before me. It’s made of a shiny pewter-coloured metal and there are intricate curving patterns on it of flowers and birds. A small but tasteful sign beside the door says, ‘Royal Apartments’. I knock softly and wait for Avi’s answer.20

“Enter,” her voice comes from inside, and I obey. 21

I find myself in a sitting room with plush white carpet and a low table in the centre in front of two embroidered couches. A door to another room lies on either side of me. There are books scattered all over the table and floor nearby, and along the far wall is some sort of modern artwork made of vertical glass pipes that send patterns across the floor, reflecting the warm lights on the ceiling. Avi stands in front of the art work in a blue robe cut with long sleeves and a sash around the lower half of her ribcage.22

Her hair is down, though the front part is pulled back into some sort of pretty gold ornament that resembles a tangle of brambles. She smiles when she sees me. “Garn! I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.” She leaps over the pile of books on the floor and surprises me by hugging me. She pulls back again, looking up at me with curiosity. “Is there a reason for this visit?”23

“Yes…” I say. “But look at you," I grin. "You look different every time I see you."24

“I guess I do,” she laughs. “And you look exactly the same.”25

“I’m very predictable,” I admit humorously. “So how is life at the top?” I ask. “It looks pretty nice,” I say, indicating the room.26

“Yeah…” she says, glancing around. “It is…”27

The way she says it isn’t very convincing at all. “You don’t like being Empress?” I ask. Maybe this is why she’s been sad lately. Avi smiles weakly at me, and I can see the cogs in her mind turning as she tries to think of a believable reply.28

After a while she sighs, her whole body suddenly deflating. “I guess I should have known it’d be hard,” she mutters. “It’s just that I swore to myself that I’d never let them control me or treat me like a child. But that’s exactly how I felt, Garn.” She stares at the floor. “The first thing I noticed when I came to the meeting was how old they all were, and how young I was. I was completely outnumbered in everything and, for now at least, I really have no control over anything. I do nothing.”29

I frown with concern. “I’m sure it’s not as bad as you think.”30

“It is,” she insisted, shaking her head in frustration. “And yet, they all bowed to me at the end, acknowledging my presence for the first time in hours. It was as if they were simply humouring me; I was part of the ritual, but had no say in the action. It was horrible. And the worst thing is,” her voice falters and she takes a short breath, “is that I tried so hard. I did my very best not to let them win, but… it wasn’t enough…” Avi’s shoulders crumple and she begins to weep, in spite of her efforts to wipe her eyes and continue as normal.31

I’m sort of in shock, considering I’ve only just got here and already she’s started crying, but I instinctively step forward. “Hey, Avi…” I put my arms around her and she buries her face in my chest. “Avi, don’t worry about it. It was your first meeting; they wouldn’t give you control willingly. You just have to keep persisting. I’m sure all Emperors and Empresses have to win over their people to some extent.”32

After a while she stops crying and we stay there, still and silent, while she calms down. She sighs dejectedly and mumbles into my shirt, “I don’t understand it. I never used to cry at all, and now I do it all the time.”33

I shrug. “You’re under a lot of stress. You’re not used to all this. I’m sure it won’t last.”34

“I hope so,” she replies. “I feel like an idiot.”35

“Don’t,” I laugh.36

She finally pulls back and wipes her eyes with the back of her sleeve. “Maybe I’m just not cut out to be an Empress.” I open my mouth to protest, but she speaks before I do. “I’m an Outsider, after all. The only politics I know is to kill them if they try to kill you.”37

“You’re not an Outsider,” I say. “You’re an Insider. I knew you weren’t like the rest of them the moment I met you. You didn’t belong out there.”38

“Do I belong here?” she asks. I take a moment to think about this, and she shakes her head, turning away and taking a seat on one of the couches. “Never mind. Please, sit down,” she offers, indicating the second couch. Moving a couple of cushions out of the way, I do so. “You said you had a reason for coming here,” she says, sounding more and more formal with every word.39

“Yes,” I say, reacting to her change of mood by sitting up straight and speaking seriously. “I did come for a personal visit, but I’ve also got a problem and I was wondering if you could fix it for me.”40

“Oh,” Avi frowns slightly. “What is it?”41

I pull the red envelope out of my pocket and hand it to her, waiting for her to finish reading it.42

“I don’t understand,” she says, frown deepening. “I thought you had a few months before you had to leave again.”43

“That’s what the law states,” I nod. “But it seems Pursh has decided to make an exception just this once. Are you aware that he’s sending all the spies out at once in order to find Rainstorm?”44

“No,” she gasps. “No one bothered to tell me. Garn, please tell me what’s going on.”45

“Well, in theory, Pursh’s idea is a good one,” I explain. “It’ll make the Outsiders uneasy, and we’re bound to find their hideout much sooner if he does this. But many spies will die for the cause, no matter how skilled they are. I suspect the Outsiders would eventually just kill anyone who hasn’t been with them for very long.”46

Avi’s eyes widen. “I don’t think I can… I don’t think I can stop him, Garn,” she murmurs.47

I smile grimly. “I guessed as much. So I was hoping instead that you could just get me out of this.” Hearing myself say it out loud suddenly makes me feel selfish. But if I can’t save everyone and there’s a possibility I could at least save myself, I might as well take the opportunity, right?48

“Of course,” Avi nods quickly, looking relieved. “Yes, I can manage that, I’m sure. But Garn,” she says, shifting forward in her seat. “You won’t have anything to do for the next few months then, right?”49

Cocking my head to one side, I frown questioningly. “I suppose. Why do you ask?”50

“Would you like to make a little extra money?” 51

“What do you mean?” I ask.52

She smiles. “I want you to work directly for me for a little while. To be my bodyguard, mainly, though I’m sure I could also do with your advice sometimes too.”53

“But I’m a spy,” I point out. “I don’t think you can…”54

“I may not be able to do a lot of things, but I can do this,” she tells me. “You’re more than qualified. And the government seems to trust you a lot, probably because of the loyalty you’ve shown over the years, so I don’t think they’d object. And it’d give me a reason to keep you from your mission. I know you, so I want a bodyguard I can trust; one that won’t corner me and stab me in the back for Duvavi when no one’s looking. I won’t force you,” she quickly adds. “But what do you think?”55

I try to think about this for a moment; it’s right out of the blue. Well, what she’s saying is quite logical. I’m not in need of any money, but maybe I’d like to help her. I’d certainly worry less if I was with her and could keep her safe from any likely assassins. Who knows what Duvavi is planning? “Alright,” I nod. “Until I’m called for another mission.”56

She sits back in her chair and smiles. “Thankyou.”57

There’s a long silence while we both relax and reflect on this new decision. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so overwhelmed before. I couldn’t have said no even if I wanted to. If Avi thinks she’s not cut out to be an Empress, she’s completely wrong.58

I look down absently at the table in front of me that’s covered in open books. They’re all about Daisitar and Natale, Avi’s parents, I realise. “Learning about your family history?” I ask.59

She sits up and stares at the books thoughtfully. “Yes, actually. I was kind of curious to know what they were like. They seemed like good people.”60

I pick up the closest book that’s open to a picture of the two rulers and an article about some new hospital they had opened. “Huh,” I murmur.61

Avi frowns. “What?”62

I look up at her and shrug, putting the book back on the table. “Nothing, really. I can understand your interest in your parents. It’s just that, personally, I’d be more interested in the identity of the assassin. The one that killed them and tried to kill you.”63

She blinks in surprise. “The assassin…”64

I nod. “I mean, his identity isn’t recorded anywhere. If he were dead it wouldn’t matter, but the incident was only eighteen years ago, and I can almost guarantee he’s still alive out there somewhere. I don’t know,” I chuckle. “Maybe I’m just a more vengeful person than you or something. He obviously has nothing against you anymore, and there’s no real reason that his identity should be revealed.”65

“I didn’t even think about that,” Avi breathes. “He’s… still out there.” 66

It takes me this long to realise that it hasn’t in fact occurred to her yet that the guy who killed her family is still alive. How could I be so stupid, yapping on like that as if nothing mattered? “Ugh,” I whack myself in the head. “I’m sorry, Avi. You’ve got enough to worry about.”67

“No. It’s alright,” she says quietly. “I’m glad you told me.”68

Glad. That word usually describes smiling or laughing; some sort of happiness. Watching her face, I don’t think she looks at all glad. To think I came here to try and cheer her up. Standing, I take a deep breath. “Maybe I should leave.”69

“No.” Without looking up she thrusts a hand out as if to stop me, though I’m too far for her to reach.70

“I… was going to get a little training in this afternoon,” I shrug. “So I’d better—”71

“Can I come with you?” she asks, rising from her seat.72

The idea takes me completely by surprise. “Come with me? But… you’re an—”73

“If I’m an Empress, then surely I should have a little freedom,” she says. “I need to get out of this tower. The air is too thick to breathe.”74

I take a step back; she’s starting to overwhelm me again. “Avi, it wouldn’t be safe for you to just go out with no one guarding you.”75

“You deem yourself without the skill to keep me safe?” she asks dryly.76

I shake my head. “Even if I were ok with it, you could never leave the Triumph without anyone noticing. They wouldn’t let you leave.”77

“When I became Empress, I agreed to lead a government; not be imprisoned by it,” Avi argues. Clearly she’s already spent too much time with the politicians. She’s quite ready with her answers.78

I frown and shake my head. No matter what she says, I know we couldn’t do it. “Avi,” I mutter doubtfully.79

“We could take the stairwells,” she says. “No one uses them, and any mechs watching the cameras won’t see anything out of the ordinary. After all, we’re allowed to go anywhere in the building. No one would know.”80

“No,” I tell her firmly.81

She crosses her arms and cocks her head to one side. “As your Empress, I order you to take me training with you.”82

I wince, trying to find a way out of this. “…As a spectator?” I ask hopefully.83

She thinks for a moment. “…Maybe.” She turns and heads through the door on the right side of the room. “Just give me a minute to change into something more practical.”84

I suddenly get the uneasy feeling she doesn’t plan on being a spectator at all. I really think this newfound royalty might have gone to her head.85