The night was hot and sticky as I walked over to the large window, sliding the thick glass upwards to invite in the nonexistent breeze. Slivers of moonlight streaked across the dark garden, filtering through thick motionless clouds and causing the courtyard to look like some enchanted, midnight playground. In the undisturbed stillness, I gazed down at the illuminated garden absently, taking a few deep breaths to clear the remnants of the strange, recurring dream from my mind. Hazy, wispy images of tattered wings and broken feathers scattered as I did so, and I sighed, wondering what the confusing dream meant.1
Startled by a sudden rustling coming from one of the moonlit trees below, I jumped, all feelings of sleepiness vanishing. My pulse quickened as I squinted into the pale halo of the garden, my night clouded eyes searching for the source of the sound. All was quiet again, but I knew what I had heard. Then, just as I was about to let it go, a figure stepped from the distant shadows, pure moonlight basking his face in a white, ethereal glow. 2
Tilting his head towards the open window, the mysterious stranger stood in the moonlit courtyard patiently, watching me with liquid eyes. I stared down at him with an equally curious expression, my mind trying to remember where I had seen that face before. The white blonde hair, that alabaster skin… I gasped when the memory hit me. That face, along with the confusing images of broken feathers and tattered wings, belonged in my dreams. 3
“Who are you,” I whispered to myself, surprised that I wasn’t frightened.4
Somehow, this all seemed like it was real. My mind didn’t even pause to question the reality of the situation; it just accepted that the person whose face had appeared in my recent dreams was standing outside in my garden. Heart fluttering strangely at the thought of him actually being there, I pulled my eyes away from his figure and decided to satisfy my burning curiosity.5
Descending the dark staircase quietly, I padded into the tiled kitchen, unlocking the backdoor and stepping out into the hot moonlit night. I took a deep breath to prepare myself, then started walking across the rough concrete courtyard, all suspicions and reason vanishing like an icy breath in a chilly winter air. The dark grass was soft as I stepped onto it, my eyes never leaving the pale, glowing boy who stood just a few more feet away from me. When I was close enough to see the deep richness of his dark blue eyes, I stopped. 6
“You came,” he said, his voice like delicate leaves sighing in a spring breeze. 7
Not knowing how to respond to that, I remained quiet, trying to think of what to say to him. 8
“I’ve seen you before,” I finally said, deciding to tell him about the dreams. 9
This was becoming stranger by the second, but right now I couldn’t comprehend what his presence in the waking world could mean. Logic escaped me, and all I could focus on was the strange familiarity of his features. 10
“In my dreams,” I continued, aware of how awkward this was sounding.11
Frowning as he took in my words, his alabaster face clouded over with confusion.12
“You mean… you don’t… remember me?” 13
The words were so softly spoken; they were hard to hear even in the quietest of nights. 14
“Not exactly,” I admitted.15
Sighing as though in pain, the boy shook his head in dismal disbelief.16
“I don’t believe this,” he said, taking a close look at my face. “You’re saying you don’t remember anything at all?”17
“Remember what?” I asked, confused.18
It seemed he was clearly mistaking me for someone else.19
“Alyssa,” he whispered, pulling his midnight eyes away from mine. “Am I too late…”20
The foreign name that had slipped from his lips stirred a deep emotion within me, causing dim, indistinct images to flit across my mind. Though they didn’t really seem like random images; more like long forgotten… memories instead. Closing my eyes, I tried to cling onto the mysterious things, but as briefly as they had appeared, they vanished again.21
Reopening my eyes, I was startled to see that the boy was much closer than he had been a moment before, though I hadn’t heard him move. Inches away, he gazed at me with a long, unwavering expression, as though he was trying to see right into my soul. His midnight eyes were so captivating I couldn’t pull myself away, my thoughts blanking and the world melting into a swirling blur at the edges of my vision. Perhaps he was searching for the girl he thought I was as he looked at me; the one named Alyssa he so obviously cared about. 22
“Please remember,” he said quietly, and before I could blink leaned forward and kissed me.23
As his soft, cold lips touched mine, I felt my mind soar, rapid images and thoughts and feelings falling delicately into place. 24
…Two angels fallen from grace, banished from Heaven for the forbidden love they share. With tattered wings and broken feathers, they run across vast, smouldering deserts in order to be together, their angelic forms flecked with the ashes of their wings and the blood of their sins. Not caring about anything but their love, they keep running, until one can run no further. Collapsing, she sinks to hot earth, crying silver tears as she realises they can never be together. Not in this life and not in this form. 25
So, as Death sweeps down upon them, they surrender their immortality and choose death over eternal life. But Death is not so kind as to let them be united; not when they have committed the worst sin. The two are stripped of their eternal life, but the girl is made a mortal. Sent to earth as a human, she remembers nothing of her past; not even her fallen lover.26
Where the girl remembers nothing, the boy is burdened with the pain of remembering everything. He is confined to the barren desert wasteland, remaining as an immortal until the sands of time has fallen and eighteen years has passed. But, for every human year, fifty years fall in the desert wasteland, and it is only nine hundred years later that he is able to break free from his prison…27
Opening my eyes, I pulled myself away, breathless and wide-eyed. Staring at the fallen angel in front of me in wonder, I couldn’t believe that my strange dreams had actually been memories of my past. Was I really the other fallen angel who had been sent to earth? How could that even be possible? I felt my eyes trace his already familiar face once again, as though confirming he was the boy – the angel – from my dreams; my past. 28
“Lucipher?” I whispered tentatively, afraid now that I remembered. 29
Smiling at me in the deep moonlight, his azure eyes sparkled beneath the luminous trees, his white blonde hair ruffling in the hot, summer breeze. 30
“Alyssa, it’s been much too long,” he said, reaching out and entwining his pale fingers with mine. 31
“Yes, though not for me,” I replied, feeling a deep sense of completion settle over me as our hands touched. 32
Regardless of the strange circumstances, I couldn’t deny how… utterly right this all felt. Though I had my doubts and questions, I knew the sense of connection I felt with him overruled many of them. 33
“I only had to wait for eighteen years, but you had to wait for nine hundred. That doesn’t seem fair,” I continued, feeling uneasy as a thought occurred to me.34
Who was I now? Was I me, average eighteen year old Brooke Milano, or was I Alyssa, fallen angel banished from Heaven? Were we two separate people in one body? Or one person with two pasts?35
Lucipher laughed at my remark, distracting me from my thoughts with the sound of his laughter. Apparently he was still an immortal, because he sounded like a bubbling brook. 36
“I’d rather wait nine hundred years and have you remember eventually then wait a day and have you eternally forget.”37
I opened my mouth to say something in reply, but a sickeningly familiar sound captured my attention. Both our heads whipped towards the direction of a large group of illuminated trees, my heart thudding as my mind identified the sound. I felt Lucipher’s fingers tighten around mine.38
The faint, eerie sighing of Death’s wings as it brushed against the night air came again, and this time, I knew we couldn’t run. With growing fear I watched as it swept down upon us, its form glittering in the moon’s pale light. It seemed the time of judgement had come. 39
Author notes
Probably the first story I've written that isn't dark but romantic instead 
For contest:
http://anzel-x.deviantart.com/art/ThEiR-FoRbIdDeN-LoVe-91144466
A contest entry
- Once in the Moonlight by Nikki Rowles.
107 points, ended October 2, 2008, 6 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy, Romance, Darkness by Hellcat Metal.
375 points, ended October 18, 2008, 8 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Forbidden Love by Frozen Angel.
350 points, ended December 8, 2008, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Vampires, Werewolves, And/Or Angels by Zero Kiryu.
175 points, ended September 11, 18 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Be honest. Tell me what you think.
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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wow what happens next to them? dont tell me they get seperatted again they just found each other
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There's no words to describe how awesome this is.
Seriously I SWEAR TO GOD, I am sitting here thinking of a word that can explain this epic win and I JUST - CAN'T - FIND IT! XD
First of all the descriptions were picture perfect; I could imagine every scene effortlessly, my favorite being them running with their tattered wings and ashes and the blood of their sins.
When she couldn't remember I swear -I- felt heartbroken. XD Then she remembered and the story of their fall from grace almost drove me to tears.
And oh my god when she said Lucifer...
Are you TRYING to give me a heart attack?! ^o^
I was sooo happy...and then death comes to take them, and pull them apart once more. Of course I would try my hardest to run anyway, but you aren't always allowed to get what you want. Fate rarely bends to Free Will.
I am favoriting this story because of it's awesomeness and epic win and there's nothing you can do about it.
Plus, Forbidden Love is one of my favorite genres, so that's just an added bonus!!
MANY APPLAUSES FOR YOU!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thankyou for commenting! I'm terribly flattered by your compliments
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Vivid.
I quite enjoyed reading this. It had vivid detail and the prose flowed really well, although at times the change in tenses seemed to clash but that could just be me.
The characters were decent although there could be a bit more to them. It was a nice spin on Lucifer though. Though, Alyssa as a name doesn't feel like it fits. Then again I don't know the history of the name so I could be wrong.
Overall it was great and I highly enjoyed it.
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awestruck
the story as a whole was phenomenal. I love your take on the legend.
your characters were cool but also flat. I understand that this was for a contest and is your first romance, but I feel like you cheated your characters and turned them into puppets.
I mean Lucifer has waited almost a full millennial cycle to find his love and she doesn't remember who he is. How would you feel if someone you cared about had been lost to you, but when you found each other, they don't even recognize you. It seems to Disney that Alyssa/Brooke would remember that easily.
And speaking of A/B. Put yourself in her shoes ( seeing as the story is written in first person). there's this guy who steps out of some bushes. A complete god! (no pun intended) He's calling you by this foreign name and kisses you. Yes, he looks just like the guy from your dreams but you still don't know him yet he seems to know you. granted your estatic that he taken with you but, this guy is a stranger. Stranger Danger! Would you really comply with some male model who kissed you on the street?
I'm just saying that romance writing isn't about two lovers finding each other and then being ripped apart.
The whole appeal of romance is even though we know they'll end up together, one way or another, it's the chase that gives it umph. People wouldn't have liked titanic half as much if Rose and Jack hadn't been from two different worlds.
Yes it's sweet that Lucifer and A/B remembered each other but it's not realistic. You're not letting your character's live their lives. Characters are people too and they have feelings! (Not too dramatic is it?) Let them do what they would do. really, a writer should know their characters as well as themselves. If A/B would really react that way and have a surge of memories replenished, then I apologize and so be it. But if it's even a little bit possible that she wouldn't, a small edit wouldn't hurt.
Oh, and last but certainly not least this:
"Slivers of moonlight streaked across the dark garden, filtering through thick motionless clouds and causing the courtyard to look like some enchanted, midnight playground. In the undisturbed stillness, I gazed down at the illuminated garden absently, taking a few deep breaths to clear the remnants of the strange, recurring dream from my mind. Hazy, wispy images of tattered wings and broken feathers scattered as I did so, and I sighed, wondering what the confusing dream meant."
Although this has punctuation, it is by literary standards, a run on sentence. Description is good. It's one of the best tricks of the trade. It pull your reader into the story, giving them a true view of the scenery. But there is such a rule as too much of a good thing. there are only Four writers I know whose style has effectively puled off an overload of details. J.R.R. Tolkien, John Steinbeck, Robert Jordan, and Jane Austen. In there books it's needed to set the mood. I think you can use this tool to your advantage if your true desire is to set the scene. To pull us into that dark night where a stranger emerges from the bushes and the heroine is alone. But i think you got so hung up in details that you lost sight of your goal. And you also seem to like participles, which is fine. But again don't over blow. read your writing out loud and decipher if it's good or total BS.
Please don't think i'm picking on you. I truly only go Darth Editor when I actually like a piece. I believe that this work has lost of potential and I want other readers to gete as much as they can out of your writing
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Lol, no I don't think your picking on me at all. I appreciate you taking your time to edit this, because I know there are some things in it that are a bit off. Yes I admit that my characters are a bit flat, but I didn't want this to be too long so I sorta rushed it and didn't go into as much detail as I would've liked. A/B was meant to remember everything through that single kiss; that was completely intentional, and I'm sorry if it doesn't seem very realistic to you.
Another funny thing is the name Lucipher in this was completely coincidental, believe it or not I didn't know that Lucifer was satan until after I wrote this. So I didn't really twist the legend at all.
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Very nice! Some wonderful imagery in there. Keep up the good work!
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Wow, that was really, really good. I've been playing with the idea of angels for a while now and you really changed my perspective on them. This was really beautiful, I love the imagery of broken feathers and tattered wings.
Go-ooo-od work.
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Wow
I am just..wow. That was AMAZING! I am seriously at a loss of words. Everything was written so beautifully and the story was FULL of vivid imagery. All of the words and paragraphs flowed so well together, woven smoothly. I didn't know how the outcome would be but everything began and pulled together to make an astonishing and abrupt, yet very beautiful ending. I am eager to know what happened! I LOVED paragraph 25. Every sentence in that paragraph was just simply beautiful. Every description, from the hot sticky night, to describing the feathers and moonlight, was just..wonderful. And the names meshed so well together. I loved how you spelled Lucipher. I loved this!
"With tattered wings and broken feathers, they run across vast, smouldering deserts in order to be together, their angelic forms flecked with the ashes of their wings and the blood of their sins." was my favorite line. Beautifully and well written and also bookmarked on my reading list. Keep up the great work! You're a finalist.
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Seems familiar
I like it but it seems familiar. I've always loved the idea of fallen angels and i think that it works quite well when put in a romantic setting. Also did you mean worst in paragraph 26?
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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for got the
Lauren
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“I’d rather wait nine hundred years and have you remember eventually then wait a day and have you eternally forget.”38......I love it....it's amazing......the easiset way to tell if a story is good is if when I read it, I have this urge to read it out loud....well....my keyboard got to hear it anyway....lol....I loved it it was great
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