Sneak Peak at Chapter One of "Welcome Forward"

Hello. My name is Ryan Iris Doyle. My confirmation number is 18-25-1-14 and 9-18-9-19 and 4-15-25-12-5. Welcome to my world.1

Some of you (mostly the adults) would think this is just another kid’s journal. You may be right. Some of you may think I was mental. You may be right. And some of you just might understand exactly what this is all about. When you do, you will be right.2

Why don’t I start off with some basics? For one, I am a fourteen-year-old girl living in Freedom, Oklahoma of the U.S. who started out as a shy Goth at the TLC and who ended up as the hero of the planet by the end of my freshman year. Now, you may not believe me at this point, but trust me, this will all make sense in the end. Just let me bring you forward to the year 13000.3

January 1, 130004

Hey, it’s Ryan. My uncle got me this journal for New Year’s so I thought I’d use it tonight. It’s the new Magnetized Thought Reader I wanted for Christmas, but my mom said it was too expensive. But what do you know, good old Uncle Ryder comes through every time.5

The Magnetized Thought Reader reads your thoughts just like every other boring journal out there but it also gives emphasis on things automatically and draws pictures of what you’re talking about based on your mind. It’s totally groovy (and yes, that’s the first time I’ve used the new slang. It was my brother’s idea to go back to the slang of the Oldies. I said it was stupid, but everyone caught on so I guess I have to use it now). I’m so in love with it.6

Anyway, on to what happened today. We’ve moved on to a new decade and the 131st century. I’m totally psyched about it, especially since I’m told that the Oldies thought thirteen was an unlucky number and it’s sure to bring bad luck. I keep this thought to myself, however, because most adults would think I’m crazy to be excited for bad luck. The thing is, I’ve been waiting for some sort of adventure for fourteen years of my life and I think this might be the year I’ll get it.7

At midnight, all of the Academy students went outside to celebrate and watch the stars explode. It’s said that what really happens is the scientists set off some unintelligent Oldie’s trick called fireworks. It’s rather silly, I think, that the scientists would bring back the days of the Oldies but you never know what could happen.8

Well, anyway, I was sitting all alone like I normally do on the edge of the Academy grounds watching the horizon fade to black, when I heard a rustling beside me. Thinking it was just another empty bottle of Zing thrown out by the new freshmen students, I began to cry. The bottle of Zing reminded me I was now a silly adult, lost in the business world of numbers and school. I could no longer think of the planets that existed beyond the horizon I stared at now without being teased or thought of as zany. Not that I had friends, now, it was just that I was going to be transported to Triad after my break to begin my training for high school and I was hoping to start a new life. No one would know me there; it was a boarding school that only the best could get into (I was one of the few people who studied at my middle school so I luckily didn’t end up as air headed as any of them). I realized I couldn’t be a kid anymore. It made me so tear-jerking just thinking about it. My tears, however, were stopped by a gentle hand. And that hand belonged to the Academy’s bravest and most dazzling boy that ever walked the planet Earth: Saiph Ivory.9

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his angelic voice reaching my ears with such fragility that I shuddered.10

I stared at the cloud in front of me. If I haven’t mentioned this before, the Academy gains a foot of height every year. It was built in 10473 on the ground and is now 2,527 feet off the ground. I sat with my feet dangling off the edge like I did every recess back in grade school.11

“N-nothing,” I stammered, hastily wiping the tears away.12

His dark blue eyes bored into mine as I peered at him through thick, round glasses. “Then why are you crying?” Saiph laughed.13

I blushed. This was so zany. He shouldn’t even be talking to me. I was a low class, Twaddle that no one looked at twice and he- he was the first on everyone’s list, the best of the best, a Charm…14

But he was talking to me.15

And I, Ryan Iris Doyle, was talking back.16

“O-oh, crying?’ I stuttered. “I-I’m not c-crying. N-no not me! Ha ha…”17

I glanced back at him and saw that he was concerned. I didn’t really want to talk to him. He was just too beautiful. It didn’t feel right.18

“Stop lying,” he warned. “I want you to tell me what’s wrong.”19

Not able to keep my eyes focused, I closed them, took a deep breath and launched into my story about growing up and not being able to fool around ever again. As I spoke, I could feel his mesmerizing eyes resting upon me. I heard his slow and steady breathing, smelled his sweet aroma of midwinter’s night air. Occasionally, he would hum in agreement with the words that so clumsily rolled off my tongue. Somehow, I knew he understood. I felt safe telling him my story, like he already knew the truth about everything I was telling him.20

But how could he? After all, being a Charm meant no more childhood.21

My eyes were still squeezed shut when I finished. There was a stinging silence besides the faded voices of the celebrating students. After about a minute or too, I breathed in deeply, and opened my eyes to look at him.22

Author notes

This is the nonrevised version so please please please critique my work! I want comments filled with criticism. Give me your worst. I want it all! =)

what should i change?

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • gezza gold member
    September 29

    Edit | Reply
    Apologies, but I have to DQ this - primarily because (I quote in the rules) "The story must be stand-alone - no chapters or prologues etc!" If I have time, I will have a look at it and provide some feedback.


    • Iris Doyle
      September 29
      Edit | Reply
      BUt i havent even passed this part in my story and i have nothing else posted from here!


      • gezza gold member
        September 29
        Edit | Reply
        Sorry, the reason why I said "stand alone" in my rules, is that I get stories written as is, with no "continuing" feels about them.


        • Iris Doyle
          September 30
          Edit | Reply
          Oh haha. sorry for my total rampage. I'll try to do better next time.

1 - 5 of 5