Beautiful Scars (~The Dragons and the Lost City~ Fanfic)

It started just like any other day. But before the twenty-four hours were up, the Prophecy would have the beginnings of a vessel through which it could fulfill itself.1

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The sun’s beams blinked weakly off a head of brilliant golden orange, the strands tucked back behind two elegantly pointed ears. These particular ears happened to belong to a half-elf by the name of Kinuye Gyu, of C Squad 13, though she expected to be taking the B-rank exams in the near future. That was why she was here, out in the forest in the middle of winter, training herself to use ylven.3

She was a burden to her teammates – there was no question about that.4

It was bad enough that she was a half-breed, with status hardly above that of some stray dog. But this was far worse. She couldn’t help being a half-breed, for she had been born that way. But this lack of talents was her fault. No one was born with them, and if she had worked harder, they would have been within her grasp.5

Twin orbs of the most vivid green brimmed over with tears, staining her pale cheeks. When the exams came around, she was sure she would be the only one to fail it. Everyone else was so skilled – so sure to pass. She would be left alone when they went on without her.6

Kinuye’s eyes smoldered as she set her chin defiantly. No. She wouldn’t let that happen. She would train until her limbs fell off if she had to. After all, she was a soul agent on the edge of earning the B-rank. Giving up was not an option. Never had been, never would be.7

Besides, she had Smokestorm. So even if she failed the exams, she wouldn’t be alone.8

Her stomach growled audibly, and she departed from the forest in search of the comforts of food.9

Kinuye left the restaurant twenty minutes later, munching on a slice of apple. She had eaten a light lunch – she still had a quite a bit of training ahead of her, and she didn’t particularly want to be vomiting if it got a little rough.10

Her boots crunched against the wet white blanket that filled the street, leaving footprints everywhere they landed. A frigid wind flitted through the air, and she pulled her coat tighter around her, shivering slightly. The snow was much thicker than it had been before she ate, and the citizens of Atlantis had retreated to the warmth of their homes.11

Let it never be said that elven blood was a curse – it would protect her in the colder temperatures.12

“Excuse me – I think I’m lost,” a gravelly voice sounded behind her.13

She turned in surprise, for she hadn’t thought anyone else would be out here. And she hadn’t noticed anyone’s presence – if someone had been there, she should have been able to hear the sound of feet crunching on snow. “Where are you trying to go?”14

“Thornsing – according to my map, it should be less than a mile away.” The voice poured out from beneath the hood, thick and slurred.15

“…Thornsing? That’s all the way on the other side of Atlantis,” Kinuye said, wondering how he had gotten so disoriented.16

His eyes glinted, like a cat’s upon finding a nest of baby birds. “Oh? How troublesome.”17

“I’m sorry…”18

Suddenly he was right beside her, his words sifting into her ear. “Nothing to apologize for.”19

The scent of sake rolled heavy off his breath.20

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He left her half-dead amongst the swirl of whites and reds, throat racked with a thousand soundless sobs. Limp as a rag doll and barely breathing, she endured. Hanging to life by a worn-down thread.22

~I’m just… too weak…”23

Her fingers were losing hold. She couldn’t… hold on… any longer…24

A pale white hand fell next to the girl’s thin frame with the clink of a bloody knife.25

“Kinuye! Kinuye!”26

The half-elf woke to the sound of her voice being screamed from a distance. Immediately her stomach lurched, and she gasped as the contents of her lunch surged out onto the crimson-stained snow.27

“KINUYE!!” The voice was getting closer.28

~Umeka… I’m over here. Please… Please find me…~29

Her eyes drooped shut as sleep claimed them, the lashes wet with droplets of snow. They were beautiful, a crisp, crystalline white against her skin. Beautiful, beautiful liquid scars. Beautiful and horrible, all at once. Mistakes that could never be erased.30

Her existence was marred forever. Why wasn’t she dead? But no… She was alive. At least, she ~thought~ she was. If what she thought counted for anything. She was floating… drifting… in an endless sea of white.31

Something hot splashed on her cheek.32

“Kinuye…” someone was choking above her, giving a half-strangled sob. “Kinuye! What the ~hell~… happened to you!?”33

It was a tear.34

“Atarny’it, Kinuye! Wake up! You can’t be dead…”35

It was more than a tear. It was an endless pool, bathing her cheeks in the infernal droplets. She wished it would stop. The tears hurt more when they weren’t her own.36

“TELL ME YOU’RE NOT DEAD, KINUYE!!”37

Someone was shrieking… slapping her face… More tears were raining down on her…38

“Kinuye…”39

The voice was fading to a haunted whisper.40

“Just…”41

Umeka?42

“Tell me… you’re not dead.”43

Two vivid green eyes forced themselves open. “I’m not dead,” she whispered, the voice hoarse in her sandpaper-dry throat. “I… was raped.”44

The tears froze on her friend’s face. “K… Kinuye…”45

“Umeka…” Kinuye croaked, forcing a smile. “I need… to sleep…”46

And her eyes closed again.47

Umeka sat there, unmoving, letting her glassy tears be borne away on the wind. This. Couldn’t. Be. Happening.48

But it was.49

Her lips parted, and it took her a moment to find her tongue. “TATSUYA! RYUU! COME ~QUICK~!!”50

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She was in a hospital room. Everything was white… Like the snow had been. Before the blood poisoned it.52

“She’s pregnant.”53

The cold, unbelieving words were formed just outside the door. They burned into her mind, searing it with events of the recent past. A stranger was lost… She was lying in the snow, her body numb… She was staring, eyes blank, at the doctor who was saying she was pregnant…54

Footsteps clicked on the white floor tiles.55

She looked up to find Tatsuya by her bedside. His eyes were cast down, like he was avoiding her gaze. Like it hurt him to see her.56

Their words passed in a blur. Dull, empty words. Her ears were listening, but her mind was flashing through various memories. She couldn’t escape them.57

“I am going to have a child, Tatsuya.”58

“No, you shouldn’t carry that man’s…you won’t…we’ve got the Exams…we’ll get you an abortion.”59

Her hand jumped to her stomach, and suddenly she found herself angry. “No! This child’s done nothing wrong. I won’t let you hurt it. We’ll just wait another year, for the next exams.” But why was she angry with ~him~? This wasn’t his fault. If anyone’s, it was hers. If only she had been stronger.60

Her hand found his. He looked surprised, but didn’t try to shake it off. So she didn’t let go.61

“Please, Tatsuya,” she said softly.62

He was quiet, transfixed by her large green eyes. And as the words continued to flit from her tongue, he made a decision. “I promise.”63

That was when the tears came. He didn’t even bother to wipe them away.64

Captain Rin was found dead soon after.65

The whole squad attended her funeral, along with Kiba Takeda and a bunch of important people Kinuye didn’t even know.66

More tears were shed that week than had been shed at any previous point in Kinuye’s life. Her eyes got used to seeing them all the time. Needless to say, it was a time of angst. Of raw emotions that needed to be let out. A time when no one was spared from the feeling of true pain.67

In the middle of the night, she would wake up, a sheen of sweat on her forehead. Then she would cry until the tears dried her eyes out. She would let them cascade down her cheeks, not making any attempt to blink them back. The images, the sounds, the smells, the feelings – they never left her mind.68

The sound of rough breathing. The taste of blood as it came up her throat. The feeling of insatiable lips crushing against her own.69

The grating of a voice whispering lowly in her ear: “No one cares what I do with you. You’re ~halfbreed trash~.”70

She had never liked how people were ranked according to how “pure” their blood was. But now, it became unbearable. She couldn’t even hear the word “halfbreed” paired with some negative connotation without getting teary-eyed.71

The smell of sake. Whenever it met her nostrils, she would become quiet and timid and frightened. She would shiver like a leaf in the wind, and want to get away as quickly as possible. So she never stayed long when there was alcohol present.72

“The baby,” she would whisper, eyes haunted. That was her excuse.73

She wondered what she would say once the child was born.74

Sometimes she would go to the others for comfort. Tatsuya, Umeka, and Ryuu were always there to give her a hug and a kind word. She tried to appear happy at all times, for their good. She knew it hurt them to see her when she was depressed. But sometimes, her sadness slipped out through the cracks in her mask. That was when she had to depend on her friends. Because by that point, she couldn’t continue depending on herself.75

Every Friday, their team would camp out together. Kinuye would share a tent with Umeka, and Ryuu would share one with Tatsuya. They all would make s’mores and look up at the stars.76

Kinuye would watch her marshmallow as the flames licked up around it with little tongues of glowing orange and blue and purple, crisping the outer layer until it formed a coarse wrapper of black and brown marshmallow shell. Then she would blow out the flame that had gathered on her marshmallow, and peel off the newly formed crust.77

The shell would stick to her fingers like glue, and she would have to use water just to get it to come off. Then she would make her s’more. The inside of the marshmallow would be sticky and creamy and sweet on her tongue, complimenting the flavors of warm chocolate and graham crackers.78

She would smile because sweets reminded her of the old days, when it seemed like nothing bad ever happened. When the worst thing that could happen was skinning her knee, and crying when the ointment stung. There was always a band-aid for her, back then. But these days, band-aids were rare. And sometimes, they didn’t work. There was a new kind of wound, one that required a treatment that hadn’t been found yet.79

It made her cry, to think that little children nowadays would barely cringe at skinning their knees. To think that they hid their tears always, even when their loved ones died – mothers, fathers, sisters, and brothers. They learned early to pretend their wounds had healed.80

Tatsuya and the others would see her tears and look saddened, and Kinuye would feel a guilt-enflamed dagger stabbing at her heart. Everyone else was happy because they knew that being sad meant she would be, too. It was hard for them, and even when they did it, she still cried. She didn’t deserve such good friends.81

“Kinuye,” Tatsuya said one such time, “I’ll kill them for you. I promise.”82

“Not if I get them first,” Umeka said solemnly, her eyes smoldering.83

“I second that,” Ryuu muttered, licking his lips wolfishly. There was a hunger for death in his face, and it was frightening to look at.84

All three of them were dead serious.85

Kinuye knew who they meant by “them,” of course. Yuudai Miyazawa, the one who had killed Rin. And the baby’s father. “I’m sorry,” she whispered, not bothering to blow out the flame that had completely engulfed her marshmallow.86

“For what?” Tatsuya demanded. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”87

“Wrong,” the half-elf murmured. “I’m a burden to everyone. You all… You’re sad because of me. If I could be happier…”88

Umeka snatched the stick from Kinuye’s hand and blew vigorously until the flames embracing it had died down. “The only thing you have to apologize for is ruining this marshmallow,” she said, pointing to the black blob.89

Kinuye giggled half-heartedly. “You can have it, if you want it that bad.”90

“Thanks,” Umeka sang, gulping it down without even bothering to pull off the black stuff. “The burnt part is the best, you know,” she said with a wink.91

“Eww.”92

“It’s not good for you,” Ryuu told Umeka with a shrug, “but then again, neither is any of this stuff. It’s junk… But it’s really good junk.”93

“Kinuye, all jokes aside,” Tatsuya said seriously, “Don’t apologize. Please. No one blames you for being sad. Anyone would be, in your situation.”94

“None of you would have let it happen,” Kinuye said. “If I’d been stronger, I wouldn’t have let it happen, either.”95

“That’s rubbish,” Umeka snapped, the humor gone from her eyes. “Kinuye, listen to yourself. Do you hear what you’re saying!? No one blames a victim for being too weak to defend himself. The one at fault is the attacker.”96

“Still,” Kinuye protested, “you would have slaughtered him, Umeka. But I… I couldn’t do squat.” Her eyes darkened, the pupils growing larger and more anxious. “He…” Her voice broke, like a piece of glass shattering into numerous pieces. “He could have killed me, you know,” she said in a tiny squeak of a voice. “He was kinder… than he might have been.” Her eyes lowered to stare blankly at her fingernails. “Sometimes,” she confided, “I wish… that he hadn’t left me alive.”97

Tatsuya reached out his index finger, catching on it her single tear just as it left her lashes. “Kinuye…” he whispered.98

Umeka was silent, glancing back and forth between the faces of her three teammates. She was scared.99

“Do you… Do you really think you have nothing left to live for?” Tatsuya spat suddenly, jumping to his feet. “How can you say that, Kinuye? We’re still here for you! You still have a life! A life that belongs to you! Just because… Because things aren’t perfect, you want to give it up!?” His eyes blazed accusingly. “The Kinuye I know would never say such things.”100

Kinuye watched as he stormed off into his tent, throwing his marshmallow and stick to the dirt. “Sorry,” she said softly, and blew out the fire.101

“Kinuye, please don’t be mad at Tatsuya. He’s… going through a difficult time,” Ryuu said, forcing himself up. “He didn’t mean to hurt you.” With that, he left, presumably to talk to Tatsuya.102

Kinuye smiled sadly. “I know. I didn’t mean to hurt him either.”103

“Shall we get some sleep?” Umeka asked. “It’s been a long day.”104

The girl of sun-streaked hair nodded shortly. “Yes… It has been a long day,” she mused.105

Kinuye never went anywhere alone. Her teammates were too protective for that. To them, she was delicate. Fragile. Breakable. They wanted to keep her in one piece.106

~But,~ she thought with dry humor, ~it’s too late for that.~107

“Kinuye, Umeka,” Kiba Takeda greeted them one morning as he passed them on their way to the store.108

“Oh… hello,” Kinuye murmured politely. But although she knew him to be a good friend, a thick, insuppressible panic was swelling rapidly in her chest.109

The stench of sake was thick on his breath.110

Umeka noticed. “Well, we must be going,” she said pleasantly. “It was nice seeing you, Kiba-sama.”111

“Thank you,” Kinuye said once they were out of earshot. “I’m sorry… You might have wanted to talk to him.”112

“Kinuye, you apologize too much.”113

“I… feel bad for Kiba-sama,” the half-elf said. “He needs more support than I do, really. With Lieutenant Kiyoshi dead… I don’t blame him for becoming a… a…”114

“A drunkard,” Umeka said helpfully, thoughtfully twirling a pigtail around her finger. “A slave to sake.”115

“Well… yes.”116

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“Uwaaah! Uwaaaah!” The baby finally stopped crying when Umeka laid her hand gently over his eyes.118

Nine months had passed since the day Kinuye was raped.119

The half-elf was fast asleep, exhausted from the birth of her newborn son.120

“Look,” Umeka was telling Tatsuya and Ryuu fondly, setting the baby down next to his mother. “She hasn’t named him, but she will. He’s a healthy, strong young lad.”121

The two nodded, relieved that it was over with, and left.122

Umeka sat down in a chair next to Kinuye’s bed, giving a sigh of contentment. Soon Kinuye would be able to train with them again. And with what she’d been practicing lately, the B-rank exams would be a breeze.123

When Kinuye opened her eyes, the nurse was handing her the baby. He was sleeping, his eyes scrunched shut in a tiny scrunched-up face. She smiled at the sight of his tiny little fingers entwined with hers. He was so young. So naïve. So innocent. Like she had once been. She wondered how long it would be before that would change.124

“Have you thought of a name yet?” Umeka asked.125

“…” Kinuye pondered for a moment, then brushed at the barely noticeable tuft of orange hair with her fingertips. So his looks went after hers, not his father’s. So far, so good. “Yes… But you’ll have to wait to hear it on his own lips.”126

“Aw… c’mon, Kinuye! You’re no fun,” Umeka pouted.127

“No thanks. I’m fine being no fun.”128

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From the moment Kinuye walked in through the gate, she knew her fate. Surprising herself, she realized that it didn’t pain her quite as much as she had thought it would. She had been living a sort of half life, broken and always needing protection. The only sadness she felt was for her son and for her friends.130

~I am going to die.~131

It seemed an ordinary sentence, the type one might hear every day. The words had no weight to them; they were as empty as the air.132

Tatsuya would never forgive himself.133

She let the hint of a smile flit across her lips. She knew what she had to do.134

She drew two long knives with numb fingers, and watched Moonsmoke dive towards her. The ylven came out slowly, reluctantly, and it stung. Her hands shook, and she could not look Tatsuya in the eyes.135

It would be a beautiful death, a beautiful death indeed.136

Then they were fighting, and three conflicts had emerged. Physically, Kinuye Gyu was fighting Tatsuya Ijiri. But it was the two mental battles, one for each soul agent, that would determine what really mattered.137

The sword plunged for her heart, and Kinuye was on her knees, not even putting up a struggle. Waiting for it to suck from her what was left of her life. But then the cursed blade skidded to a halt. It had not broken her skin.138

Tatsuya was swearing.139

So she had been right. He was not weak enough to kill his teammate like this. He was too strong to succumb so easily to the wishes of the Soul Force Organization. He would not let himself do this.140

~I am going to commit suicide.~141

The thought that would have disturbed her in the past brought on no similar emotions now. It was a simple statement to her now, little more than “the sky is blue” or “the week starts on a Sunday.”142

Her pale fingers grasped at the crosshilt of the sword that would take her. “Tatsuya.” The word was a ghost, wispy and indistinguishable from the chill night breeze, drifting across the empty cemetery.143

~Please forgive me.~