Remainders of Earth V2

Lying on the ground I felt as if I was sinking to the bottom of the sea, the unfamiliar sky above me a far-away surface. This sky, unlike Earth, was not a familiar blue; instead it was green as the lush forest, which covered most of the land beneath it. But I was not staring at the sky through an emerald canopy of those trees. I lay in a waste, the lush forests only a myth created from data. 1

The plain around me was flat. I could see for miles as if I were on the top of a mountain. It seemed lonely on that mountaintop. It felt eerie. I was a lone figure, a tiny blotch on a seemingly infinite plane. Above me I saw a cloud coasting along lazily. I reached out towards it, to grab the end of it with my hand. Laughing I forced my hand back. Why did I do that?2

I had never been someone who could lie on a hill and stare at clouds for hours. Chasing clouds like dreams was just never my thing. Now that I look back I can see that nothing ever was. If the definition of ordinary were a person, that person would be me. All my life I have never tried to be different. I just drifted with the current. Most of the time I felt that I was lost in it.3

I remember watching people who would always just seem to be by themselves and I always wondered why. I knew I never wanted to be like that. But having ‘friends’ that barely knew your name was worse than not having friends at all. There was no closeness and barely any purpose. I felt left out even when I was in the center of that crowd of ‘friends’.4

I felt alienated. It was impossible to relate to my so-called friends. Sure I would talk and I would laugh but the talking felt scripted and the laughter bitter and hollow. Funny, talking about being alienated back on Earth when I was out here. When I thought about it I wondered about how isolated I was here and whether being out here was worse or better than feeling alone in that group of ‘friends’. Back on Earth I never had any thoughts like that. 5

I felt glad that I had escaped that. A lot of the time I was on Earth I felt like I was slowly rotting like a corpse. But out here I had never felt so alive before. The thrill of the unknown stretching out into the infinite reaches of space, I felt like I had grown wings after years of crawling through mud. When we left we had been told that we were on a mission for mankind, that our efforts would be forever remembered. Comparing my life on Earth to this was pointless. My life before the mission might as well have never existed.6

But it still did. I knew that I would never forget it, that I would carry those bitter pointless memories forever They would follow me no matter how many light-years I flew away from earth. I knew that one day they would fill me with regret, my time on Earth had been wasted and I have no chance to go back to start again.7

Although out here I felt so alive I knew that I probably would have been happier back on Earth if I had started anew and tried again, out here there was no chance for that. Perhaps this mission was like a gilded cage, no it was more like a galleon sailing at sea not quite sure where it was going but it knew that it would never return to its homeport. 8

The sky above me flickered and started to fade. All around me the landscape was disappearing like the illusions that they were and just like that I was back on the Pioneer. Had it all been but a dream? But I knew it was not. That planet existed it was our destination and one of the many planets mankind hoped to colonize. It was a hope of to start anew. But I would not live to see that with my own eyes. For me my memories of Earth were mine forever. Whether I liked it or not.9

There was one of them however that was not as bad as the others. It was a few days before the missions were set to leave for the stars. I was saying goodbye to my friends struggling to remember each of their names as I said my farewells. I left to go home my goodbyes finished. Glad to leave this life behind on Earth. As I was walking home I saw ahead of me a girl about my age. I had never seen her before, which was not strange, as I did not know half of the people that I apparently should of known. I do not remember what she looked like but I do remember what she said to me.10

“Are you happy with all this?”11

It was amazing that someone could ask such a personal question to someone they had never met. But I was amazed that I answered knowing what she meant “Of course”. She laughed like a songbird, beautifully, and said, “That’s fine then”. Weird girl. I then walked off knowing that I would never see her again.12

I remember that because of how close it as to my most vivid memory of launching and breaking that bonds of gravity more violently than first being bound by it. And because of the impression the girl left on my. Are you happy with all this it seemed that I asked myself that question hundreds of times, never answering. But I hear it once from a stranger and I answer immediately.13

I’ve always wondered what would have happened if I had stayed on Earth. Would I continued as I was getting an ordinary job, married someone I didn’t love and have kept coasting along through life never showing my true self? I am glad that I never had to find out. Perhaps I wouldn’t have minded if I had gotten to know that girl more, she was interesting. That is one of my only regrets, I had never even found out her name.14

The biggest regret is that I never tried to change who I was back on Earth. That I never bothered to, despite how miserable I was. Now I look back I find it somehow amazing that I had ever been like that. I realized that I had changed ever since I had left Earth. I was less afraid to stand out, less afraid to be alone. After all we are in space after all, if there were no variety in the crew it would be one boring trip. Also I am already in the depths of space and it is hard to get more isolated than that. I was becoming more of an individual. I was showing the world less of a mask and more of my face.15

Being out here in space really had changed me. There are so many things that I took for granted that were now lost. Being able to communicate with anyone in the world within a matter of seconds was the one that affected me the most; this gave me the feeling of isolation. Sending a message to Earth took 117 years and it would take more time to get a reply.16

But really it did not matter I had gotten through that months ago. The Pioneer was now my home; it was the only possible one within millions of kilometres. The crew was the same the only other humans that were reachable. I stood up and walked towards the door of my room and it opened as I approached. I went through it and saw a view of the stars that always greeted me as left my room. The window of course was not actually a window and was in fact a panel of screens that showed what the ship saw through its thousands of unblinking mechanical eyes. The corridor I was in seemed to be taken straight out of an old sci-fi TV series with white lighting and mostly being made out of metal. 17

It was quiet out side, strange, no matter what the time was there was always work being done and people moving about. My suspicions were aroused further as I continued down the corridor, walking not floating artificial gravity was kept so our bodies would not grow weak because of weightlessness. I reached the lounge which was where everyone was whenever they weren’t sleeping or on duty. It was filled with furniture that almost seemed alive as displays flickered and changed almost constantly, usually it was a bustling area with people coming and going as they pleased. But this time it was different I heard no one talking and saw no one among the strange furniture. This was impossible there was always someone here. I began to think that maybe something had gone seriously wrong.18

I ran from room to room, from deck to deck. I could find no one the ship seemed as empty as the space the surrounded it, nothing to be found except for the ship itself.. There was no evidence of any struggle they had simply all gone. The bridge, someone had to be there. I ran up to the bridge and was greeted by silence that seemed to mock me. The bridge was empty the rooms were empty all of them seeming as if the people there had simply vanished.19

What happened? What could have possible have happened to make everyone simply disappear. I collapsed onto my knees. My world was coming apart. All I had now were my shattered memories with no hopes of making news ones, my memories remainders of Earth. Remainders of my Earth.20