Once there was a girl that was deeply in love with a handsome prince. She was so dedicated to her hidden love that she practiced dancing every night in hope that her dance would become so graceful it would ensnare the prince's heart at one glance.1
There was a sorceress also content on the prince's heart, and when she heard of a mere peasant girl trying to close in on her love she was furious and decided to play a trick on the poor girl.2
The sorceress promised the girl that she would cast a spell over her dance that would surely surpass any love potion. The girl agreed to this but little did she know the sorceress was really cursing her dance, so that no matter how hard she dance in front of the prince he wouldn't see her. 3
After the curse was placed over the naive girl she went to perform before the prince. 4
She danced and danced the most beautiful dance but the curse prevented the prince from even seeing her. 5
As time went on the prince became betrothed to the sorceress but the peasant girl still danced even though it caused her much pain, in hope that he would one day see her.
Author notes
I tried to write a classical fairytale in traditional format.
What did you think?
Comments
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Very good
This was penned very well and sometimes we feel that way for real .Keep up the good work
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I agree with Raeyle. Definitely it needs fleshing out but otherwise it has potential.
Maybe it's just me (I know the traditional fairy tales didn't always have happy endings) but it seemed a bit of a letdown that the peasant girl didn't really accomplish anything or overcome the curse or fall in real love with someone else who could actually see her beautiful dancing. (Or if you want the sad ending still, have someone else see her beautiful dancing and fall in love with her but she's so bent on the prince that she's blind to that love herself - it gives it kind of a nice circular feel).
To me, there's just something not satisfying with a story where the main character doesn't really do anything but perhaps that's just because there's not much detail in what you've written so far.
But I do like the fairy tale format and I encourage you to flesh out this one. -
I think this is an interesting story line.
The only thing i would say is that it needs fleshing out a bit. As it is it seems like an overview of the story rather than the full story itself. You can bring in greater detail and more scenes and dialogue.
But don't get disheartened if you are. I think the story has the potential to be a good one and the actual subject matter of the story is quite fairytale traditional in my opinion.
Keep on writing. Blessings with everything.
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