eternal bleeding

I stair out of my window looking at the rising sun, 1

but when the sun comes it is dark grey 2

and no light came off of it. 3

The sky was dark much like night though it was day, 4

and filled with fright. demons walked the streets were people should be, 5

their faces light up when they see me. 6

I wish to die and leave this land, 7

to never return to the witches hand.8

I slice my wrists, 9

and see the blood10

poor down like rain.11

Towards the floor, 12

I colapsed unmoving, my eyes open fading away.13

I awaken from my dream 14

only to find, that I am still alive in this nightmare.15

Help me please for I am running out of time.16

For the witches ghosts will have their fill of my boasts. 17

Though you can not help me 18

this I understand19

For the witches next victem20

will most sertenly be you. 21

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Celestial Rose
    October 9, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    A few misspelled words, but interesting. I have to say i liked it, because its the truth. Keep writing, because the writin word has the power to shine through the ages!

  • Elphinstone
    September 28, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    In the first line, you put 'stair' rather than 'stare', which it what you should have put. Also, in the last line, you put 'sertenly' rather than 'certainly' Apart from that, it was very good. Not quite what I was really looking for, bat a good attempt. Keep writing


  • So Strange Greeters member
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You misspelled a word in the last line, but other then that, you showed a lot of emotion and the flow in this was just outstandingly well written. I think that you have a talent for this and at your age, it's only bound to get better. I just hope it's not about you--you cutting and stuff. Or maybe it's just a horror poem or something.

    But either way, if you fixed this up a bit where the grammar is concerned, you'd have yourself a really good piece of work and I think that is a good thing. I want to read more of your stuff when you post it and it shall be just as good as this--or so I hope.

    Keep up the great work and I look forward to reading more of your stuff in the near future, Phoenix.


  • Luckyk
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This is good... i enjoyed reading it...you have a few typos though but it is good otherwise...keep it up


  • SprinkledCupcake
    September 27, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this is really good! i love it <3333

1 - 5 of 5