http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u314/Photogenic_012/Album%205/ist2_2696005-pregnancy-portraits.jpg1
Mother,
When will I stop feeling bitter when I hear that word?
When will tears wash my cheeks?
How long has it been since I cried?
Mother,
You'll be just like me,
With smokey blue eyes, and wavy black hair
And I'll know the mistake, the beautiful mistake I've made
Mother,
I want to cry when I place my palms upon you
And know that you'll be a mirror of myself
And all the evil things I've done
Mother,
I'll never be the same, and you'll never be like me,
To be another fool in this world, who lost a game
But you're a good baby...so far.
Mother,
One day you'll be born, and times will get harder
As if they've never been hard enough before
And I'll be sorry I had to bring you into this terrible world
Mother,
It's 17 years gone down the drain, and so much has led up to this point.
It'll be goodbye Maya and hello Mother,
But I won't shed a tear, and I won't complain anymore.
Cause Baby,
You're the biggest mistake and biggest blessing of my life.
Author notes
Based on my story-in-progress "Amberleigh's Autumn" and inspired by some new teenage pregnancy photos I looked for.
XD Boy, it was kind of hard writing this but I so badly wanted to do it! In the end I just had to 'wing it' >_<
Hope you liked this!
*** My username is Princess-HT and what I would do with a random banana? Whack someone with it then eat it 
***
*** Happy Days ***
A contest entry
- poetry by Alyana.
100 points, ended October 8, 2008, 25 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Poems, poems, and more poems... by Keirii.
130 points, ended March 1, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Random!
Comments
1 - 49 of 49
-
I love it. ;D Gosh, reminds me so much of Rachel.
Great job princess.
-
strawberry fastasy
was great prncess! -
This is a really good writing.
I enjoyed reading it.
The ending was especially good.
"Your the biggest mistake and biggest blessing of my life."beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
-
Very nice idea. You captured her feelings, emotions, in a perfect manner. It is actually quite a mixed feeling. Scene is different. Thanks. Please, expand this.
-
I think you did a great job with this one. The direct way in which you conveyed her attitudes and emotions really contributes to reaching your audience in a very personal level. Even though I've never been in that situation, I still felt like I could relate to how she felt. I'll admit that for the most part, I thought the poem was pretty simple (which, if anything, adds to the beauty of the piece), but that last line really resonated with me. I think you did a great job setting it up so that the impact that that line would have was tremendous. Basically, what I'm trying to say is this: Great job!
-
Like is probably not the right word to use. I'm a very glad you have written it, although it is rough, your point is clear. 'the biggest mistake and the biggest blessing' is a thought I can really understand. Very real and very good.
-
awwww that was beautiful i liked it alot it was inspirational but not like you think i liked this it was well words can't describe it but u know
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 4.
-
WOW THIS WAS GREAT! I thought you did a really good job. this sounded really beautiful and well written. The picture really relates to the story. Nice job!
-
Great story, you really shouldn't cry
-
it was amazing! it sounded like a fairly experienced poet wrote it, so good job! i like how you fir in description into the rhythm. The rythm and teh repeating of the word mother allowed the poem to flow very well! i'm no expert on poetry, but i liked this a lot. i could really feel the pain in the narrator's words and the emotions running through her mind. i ecspecially loved the last line. thanks for sharing this, i enjoed reading it!
xoxo -
Aw...I love that (: Beautiful and sweet and realistic. I also love the picture at the top...and the background. So cute. (: Nicely done! I was confused by who was speaking though...it seemed like a mother's words but the "Mother," at ever stanza made me think a parent was being addressed.
-
This is a very heartfelt and emotionally believable piece of poetry. As Kill the Lights said, I liked the repeating word "mother". For me, it added something good, but I can't exactly describe it. Nice job!
-
Awww so nice
This is a very sweet and loving story. It is very emotional and gives me a heart. Good work.beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
Aw! I loved it! Extremely beautiful and sad, and I loved the recurrence of the word "mother". My favorite line was "And I'll know the mistake, the beautiful mistake I've made", because of the words "beautiful" and "mistake" next to each other in the same sentence, like it's wonderfully horrible. Very, very lovely poem you've written. ^^ Keep up the great work!
~Alix ♥ -
-
Thank you so much! Your comment lifted my spirits! ^_^ Hehe, that's my fave line too 
I'm really glad you like it, and thank you again for your amazing comment! It's really appreciated!
~*Princess*~ -
-
Good! ^^ I'm glad. And don't thank me, it's what I'm here for.
I love your work!
-
-
-
Beautifully sad, but...
The ending was uplifting. I like the repetition of mother. I remember when I discovered I was pregnant at 19. Mother...oh my god what a title...well 9 years have passed and I have three now and every once in a while it still makes me catch my breath. This piece has a nice rhythm and flow and I enjoyed reading it immensely. Fantastic poem.
mandie
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 4.
-
-
Thank you so much for the wonderful comment! I'm glad you can relate to what I tried to express in the poem! I really appreciate this!
May The Great Gods of SW continue to bless you and your children!
xoxo
~*Princess*~
-
-
It's nice piece and emotional ,bitter but has a sweet ending.It's really good you wrote sth like that.Since it a social problem many teen girls can relate.There is a feeling of peace and warm in it.Keep it up!
-
-
Thank you so much for the beautiful comment! I'm glad you felt the emotion I put in, thanks again, and I will!
-
-
Aww it sounds like it was really hard for her... I know it must be hard going through that! I really love the way this poem started out, it was very bitter, but ended up being sweet. ^_^ This was a very creative piece of writing. And I love how she made peace with it, but not completely. Motherhood is definetely one of those things that jsut has to progress slowly. And cute background, too!
-
-
Thank you so much! I really really appreciate the amazing review, this really lifts up my spirits! ^^
I love the background too, but it's hard to get a text that works with it
-
-
Babies are a true blessing! I wish more young women would understand that. If they could go through the pain of not being able to concieve, maybe they'd think like this. All most teen girls do is think that sex is great and then they get pregnant and think they made a mistake. I don't think it's a mistake at all. They were blessed with something that not everyone can have. Great poem! Keep up the good work! -Liz
-
-
Thank you ! Your comment made my day, it was well said and what I wanted to convey in my poem. Thank you for the lovely comment!
-
-
very beautiful. I know so many teen girls that don't see that side of the pregnancy they just want to have the fun to get that way.
-
-
Thank you! And that's a very true statement, I'm so glad I wrote this poem ^^
-
-
It's so pretty...and sweeet and so hit the nail on the head I can so believe that this is a mother to be at age 17 talking...or writing...but you get my point
-
-
Oh thank you so much! I appreciate your comment and that you find it believable!
-
-
Your welcome....I know that it wasn't all that helpful...I know that most people like critical reviews but I find it hard to do for poems, because there are no real rules for it....but I did like it.....
Blessed Be
Lauren
-
-
-
Sweet little poem. It has a nice flow and involves a good message, it's something that, unfortunately a lot of teenage girl go through.
-
-
THANK YOU! I'm glad so many people are reading my message
-
-
good
you have a good scheme with this and a good beat. You also put mother in there as if the child had already been born instead though it was an unborn child i assume because you take it back to that in the end. maybe a bit of clarification is needed there or maybe i just didnt get it.. beautiful write though.
-
-
Thank you! :P
Thank you so much for your great comment!
And actually, the repetitive of the word 'mother' is expressing the young girl's disabelief that she will actually be one (this poem was kind of random, but hey, I actually made some sensible crap out of it! yay!!! XD) Thank you again!
-
-
Hmm... Beautiful poem. Nice concept...
-
-
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! I am commented by Lily! Life is good!
*bows before you* Oh thank you my gracious Princess! Tis an honour to recieve such recognition from your humble presence! Please accept my gratitude for your kindness!
Btw, since I was having trouble starting it I kind of got inspired by you XD (
lines 3 and 4 )
*bows and runs away squealing* -
-
Hm. Yeah, I was thinking about those lines. And the last one. Hmm...
-
-
-
yay you followed the rules
I really really liked this, excellent job. "You're the biggest mistake and biggest blessing of my life it" that spoke straight to my heart.
this speaks out about something important going on in the world right now, and i appreciate that.
very good job
snaps and good luck!
Alyana
-
-
YAAAAAAAAAy!
I like following rules! ^^ Lol, thank you so much! XD I keep on getting dumbfounded that I actually wrote such a beautiful phrase >.< Lol
I am so glad I decided to write "Amberleigh's Autumn" I keep on getting inspired to write great stuff like this! Thank you again for your lovely comment!
-
-
haha good for you, inspiring moments are hard to come by sometimes :]
-
-
yup, especially for me >_< my brain doesn't seem to like me very much XD
-
-
hahaha its ok, mine doesnt either
-
-
-
-
-
Freaking AMAZING. That really was beautiful. It was so well written with such pure emotion...great job on this one.
-
-
You know from last night I was hoping you'd comment XD Idk why. THANK YOU SO MUCH MY WITTLE SHEEP GNOME!
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaays!
-
-
biggest mistake? *cries*
awesome poem! -
-
*hands you tissue* THANK YOU!
-
-
You're the biggest mistake and biggest blessing of my life.
LOVED. THAT.
0_0 This was different to read, since I by-pass the whole Teenage pregnancy thing...>>
Nice job Goat-Sista-Aunt-Best buddy-Etc
-
-
Double YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
THANK. YOU!
Lol, I'm glad I made it different for you? XD Thanks again!
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! ^^
-
-
*wails* that was beautiful. dammies, you write beautifully. *gets jealous* , no, seriously, that was very well done. It was very sad and very sweet and sort of... gave emotion very clearly, exploring how it would feel. Amazing!!!!!!! *gets jealous all over again* hehe, sorry, but you're fantastic. I particularly loved the ending. Really nice flow. Great work and keep writing!!!!!!
-
-
YAAAAAAAAAAAY!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Jealous! You kill me Dippie! XD
If you're jealous, I suggest you go there for help *points to mental ward*
but anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH MUCH-DIPSTICK I loved the ending too
*ish jealous of you*
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 49 of 49
