A frustrated young man, after angrily settling a separation from his wife, took a long,long walk to collect his feelings. A few miles away from his house, he approached a bridge. He walked about half way out and stopped to look down at the water and ponder his anger. 1
Of course taking this specific route and stopping at this bridge in the dead of night was no coincidence. This man quickly collected himself, took a final ponder at his life, and concluded to step up to the ledge with the loaded pistol he had brought along.2
Nervously he shook upon the guardrail of this bridge. He stared down into the icy water, a nervous wreck, slowly trying to raise his hand and steady his weapon. He took a deep breath,and made a decision within his mind and soul that he would end his life. Just then he heard a faint scream in the background. 3
He noticed a small girl running down the sidewalk of the bridge. She was approaching the man, breathing O so heavily, until she stumbled and fell onto the sidewalk just a few feet in front of the man.4
'Get up..... and head home' he angrily muttered to the little girl. He made no attempt to step down or lower his weapon. Didn't care that he was exposing this small impressionable girl to the lowest and most degrading time in this mans struggling life. He nearly whispered to the girl in a saddened,devastated tone, 'You have no business here..... now leave'5
'You cant do it' said the small girl. 'Don't' she says. 'Why would... How could you do something like that'6
'My kids despise and disown me, I no longer share any sort of emotion or' he violently grunts, 'LOVE... with my wife, and I'm in the deepest debt of my life. I can no longer provide for my family or myself. My relatives and friends have lost seemingly all there respect..................for me' 7
' I find no reason for me to to continue on living' He dismissively exhaled and muttered 'But what would you know'8
The small girl looked down at the ground,then glanced to the icy water below , and sighed. 'My father died of a fairly rare and almost always deadly disease only last year'. ' My siblings and I, we miss our father with every piece of our hearts. Our mother cannot find it in herself to ever love again, nor does she ever make any attempt to'. 'My mother struggles to barely provide for us, and the foundations of my friends and family have been shaken and heartbroken....................... 9
...as am I'10
'What will your death do for your family?' she innocently questioned11
The man then stood still and stared into the little girls tearing eyes. A sudden wave of heartfelt emotion washed over his mind and body. A small tear ran down the side of his face as he shook and sweat on the railing of this bridge. He then fell upon the hard sidewalk, breathing heavily and shaking the gun in his hand.12
He softly cried as the little girl slowly approached him. She stared into the man for a second, overwhelmed by his dark and sorrowful ambitions,and bent down and touched his shoulder as she softly said13
'Get up..... and head home'14
Author notes
Perhaps I should have made this longer.. but I liked the idea of it being a short,morale story. I think you can get the idea I was trying to display. But plase give me a review or critique so I can aybe make it better... or just applaud it. lol
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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and bent down and touched his shoulder as she softly said
'Get up..... and go home'
this one really touched my heart...you have worded it so beautifully and made it seem so 'real', you really have a flair for writing and this is a true showcase of talent so well done
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You did a fantastic job this piece. It made my heart feel good. Nice job writing this. It was a tad short, by you explained how you weren't trying to write a long story. Thank you for writing this. Thank you also for entering the contest. The judging will be held on Tuesday.
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You wanted me to read it, well i see what your saying but i have a little advice, not that i'm a professional because I'm not, but my daughter all of nearly eighteen has been told she is, and she learnt a bit from me. So here goes.
We know his on the bridge so you don't have to mention where the railing is.We also know he had just seperated from his wife so this not need to be said again just in the next sentence. The second and third paragraphs are fine.
You wouldn't have a small girl breathing O so heavily, it sounds like an excited woman, heavily would be enough.5th paragraph should be his life not this mans life. No small child would say siblings but brothers and sisters and they wouldn't use the word foundation.They may use the words " my family are heartbroken or nanny never visits anymore, Children talk as if the person they are talking to knows who they are talking about."What will your death do to your family". This would be more his thought then her words.She wouldn't know how to verbalize this, even if this is what she thinks. The last paragraph is also out of character with a child she may approach him if she hasn't been taught better then to approach a man with a gun, but she can feel sorry for him, that he doesn't get to play with his kids etc, she also may have sympthey with his crying and hurt, but she wouldn't completely understand it, to her his crying because his unhappy, but she won't fully understand these emotions of why. I also think it would be get up and go home. but the story is a good one you just need to put yourselve in each characters shoes, become them. i hope I havn't burst your bubble. -
Wow!
Wow.... just wow. It really makes you think about your life and what would happen? 'What will your death do for your family?' she innocently questioned i love that part. So innocent, so to the point. Very powerful. i like how you ended it was just the right touch to the story to make you go "wow". GREAT!!!
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OMG! I thought that this was a very moving story and had a very powerful message. You are a terrific writer. I can't wait to read more of your writing. Bye with~luv
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omg,this was so damn good!this has a strong powerful message-and you expressed it extremely well!!excellent job on this one-brilliant.i think this is one of your most powerful pieces.keep it up!
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heyyy i liked your use of the "get up and move along"-both the girl saying it and the man, the two different ways that the meaning of this sentence came across was a cool contrast
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