Beginning, Middle, and End of "Unspoken"

I laugh to myself as the old man strikes out again. I've been watching him most of the night, sitting over at the bar, drinking cheap whiskey and hitting on anything that gets within five feet of him. Well, almost anything. He takes one look at the vampires and turns away, uninterested. Can't say I blame him. A walking corpse wouldn't be my first choice, either. Neither would he, usually, but he intrigues me. What is a guy pushing sixty doing in a night club called Faerie Wings?1

I can't die like this! I'm not some animal to be put down in a dark alley. I shift back to human form, soaked to the skin and trembling, but I meet his eyes as he walks toward me. He presses the barrel of the gun up under my chin and I draw a sharp breath, the scent of gun oil and burnt powder filling my nose. I swallow hard and close my eyes. This is it.2

I sigh and straighten up, turning off the living room light as I head back down the hall. I have to piss. In the bathroom, I relieve myself and turn to the sink, holding my hands under the water as I wait for it to heat up. I glance down at the counter and a crooked smile pulls at the corner of my mouth. The key is gone.3

A contest entry

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  • Valkyrie silver member
    November 24, 2008
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    The key? What key? What keeeeeeeeeeey?? That was a great 3 paragraphs. It leaves a bunch of unanswered questions. I wonder, is the key being gone a good thing and your dude's happy and good, or is it a bad thing, and he's all evilly grinning?


  • Melancholic Smile
    October 8, 2008

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    I like this I am quite intrigued now to read the full version of your story. You gave me a good taster and after reading para 1 I wanted to know what this old guy was doing in a club called Faerie Wings! The 2nd para has good descriptions and again makes me want to know why he is getting a gun pushed against him. The 3rd para leaves me wondering what the significance of the key is and I like the simple ending. Definetly intrigued me into reading the full version Thanks for entering and good luck!


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    September 27, 2008

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    Now I really am interested.
    These Three paprgraphs caught me in.
    One because of the sity year old (forgive me if I am wrong)
    The second because the senses were used brilliantly and immediatly ignited my fear - I love the oil and burnt poweder..that somehow to me was a nice smell0 or the smell of death..... & the last sent shivers down my spine... so simple..need to pee and then all of sudden it turns around and hes evil lol.

    GOOD LUCK
    Temaria