tears

"It really hurts me when you lock me out Rose," Andy said, Gently brushing the hair out of Rose's eyes, and turning her face upward. He could see the tears in her eyes, the pain, though she was really good at hiding it from everyone else. He could always tell when she was sad.1

Rose turned her face away, ashamed, angry at herself for crying like a big baby, scared by Andy's words, which dug into her. She didn't mean to lock him out exactly, it was just she was afraid to let people see how she felt. 2

"I wish you'd just tell me whats wrong. Was it something I did?" Men always found a way to ask the wrong question. No, it was never anything that they'd done, nothing so simple or as easily fixed, there in lay the problem. They just didn't understand that half the time the worst thing they could possibly do was try to fix the problem. 3

The simple fact was, Rose had no idea how to express her emotions. All her life she'd ever been told her emotions didn't matter, or been ridiculed for having them. She remembered the time when kids would change her middle name from tirzah, pronounced Teer-zah to Tears-ah. At some point in her life she'd just found it easier not to let people in. The price had been not having any friendships to speack of, but itd seemed worth leaving the pain that came with them behing, until she met Andy. Andy changed the equation in so many distressing ways. 4

"Im ok baby, really." Rose said faking a smile, but she could tell from Andy's worried expression that he didn't buy the lie one bit. Rose leaned into him, trying to give comfort and perace to his mind, trying to think of something to say that would make everything all better, but nothing came to mind.