I ducked into the the alleyway, pulling the hood up over my head and holding onto it tighter. I wore the shadows as a shield. They dripped from every where, from the walls of the tight alley way, to the forgotten sidewalks that lined the street. The light seemed to avoid the buildings, giving the things the things they hid the grace of dark's cover. The street, filthy and dirty, was different, drenched in moonlight from the full moon above. Of all nights to be running it had to be on one with a full moon. I couldn't have planned it any worse. 1
I shivered inwardly as the figure strode into view. He walked with carefully measured steps, back held straight and shoulders squared, dark cloak billowing around his ankles with every step. There was nothing more I wanted to do then shrink backwards into the darkness. I didn't, I couldn't. I feared that even the slightest motion would draw the unwanted attention I was so desperately trying to avoid. He couldn't spot me, my freedom depended on it. He was the person I was running from. 2
He continued down the street, seemingly oblivious to my existence. I tried not to hold my breath, tried not to let it leave me in a collective sigh of relief as he passed me by. I watched his form grow fainter, become more and more distorted by the night as he walked briskly away. I hated this man, he was, or rather had been my master, and I his apprentice. For years I had been unaware of the sinister man behind the cold stares and wiry beard, but that had all changed. I no longer saw his harsh criticism as a means to help me improve my magical ability. I saw it as the contempt he held for having to train a student with so much more magical ability then himself. He wanted my power, and I wasn't about to let him have it. 3
Hoping the danger had passed, I slowly moved from my place of hiding. Now, fully in view of any one who may be out at this time of night, I started off at a steady pace. My anxiety of the past few minutes slowly began to ease and I was finally able to concentrate on what it was I had been about to do. I could see the building now, with its worn sign that was barely legible. It was a familiar sight, one that brought back a feeling of fear and contempt. Only moments ago I had taken refuge in an alleyway, hiding from my old mentor, and now I was planning to break into his home. Insanity was the only word that could describe what I was about to do.4
Keeping a steady pace, I carefully studied my surroundings. The street was crowded with buildings, but most were shops, and only a few were homes. Fewer homes meant less of a chance to be seen. The street was exactly as I remembered it, and there was nothing out of the ordinary that I could see. I quickly made my way to the narrow alley that ran along side my old master's home and slipped back into the shadows. I peered back the way I had come, searching the streets to make sure I had not been followed. 5
Seeing that the night was still, I eased my way along the wall to where I knew the window of the old shop stood. I slowly moved to put my hands against the dusty glass but stepped back as my head began to ache. Knowing this to mean that magic was present, I spun, waiting for the attack that never came. The night was calm and nothing stirred in the street, but the feeling that magic was in use still lingered. I let my mind wonder, testing the alleyway with my senses. At first I found nothing, but as i reached further, I found the tiniest bit of magic had been placed on the window that i had been about to open. The magic was unknown to me, but I was sure that, had I not sensed it, I would be dead or worse. 6
The old Magician was cunning, but he had underestimated my abilities. I had not been this strong when last we had met, and he had obviously assumed that, without his guidance, I would not grow stronger. Not only had my powers grown stronger, but that growth had been accompanied by an even greater ability to sense when magic was in use nearby. This was a rare Talent, even for the most powerful magicians. 7
I reached out with my mind, testing the spell that had been used on the window. It was a simple spell, one that was easily undone. Letting go of my hold on the magic, i waited. Sensing that no more magic had been used, I gently pushed on the glass. To my surprise, the window opened with less noise then I had expected, and I slowly pulled my self through. 8
Now, standing in room where I had first met the old magician, my courage began to fade. The memories still lingered, and my anger was slowly taking a hold over me. I was determined not to let my feelings of fear and resentment for the old man hold me back any longer. I had come here to find something and I wasn't going to leave without it. Using the smallest amount of magic, I cast a spell to calm my mind. I had to focus if I was to make it out of this alive. Having no idea when my old mentor would return meant that every minute that passed brought me closer to a confrontation. 9
I was seeking an amulet, one that had been in my possession for as long as I could remember, that is , until the old magician had discovered that it had held magical properties of its own. Claiming that it needed to be studied, he had stolen it away and I had never seen it again, but getting the amulet back was the only way I could finally be rid of him. I only had one chance at this and if I failed to find the amulet I would not be able to return. The magician would most certainly know that I had been here, but if I succeeded then I would be long gone from this city by morning.10
I made my way to where I knew a staircase stood at the back of the shop. I had to be cautious, for I would not know if there was another magical barrier in place until I was almost on top of it. I found none as I slowly climbed the old staircase. Reaching the top, I quickly made my way to the room where I knew that the magician had done all of his studies. This was a room that I had never entered and I had no idea what waited beyond the door. Testing the handle, I found it to be unlocked. I slowly took hold of my magic, ready to strike out with it or to throw up a defensive barrier if the need arose, but nothing out of the ordinary happened as I slowly pushed the door open. 11
The room behind the door was small and plain, with a row of book shelves on one side and a desk on the other. A large window stood at the back of the room overlooking the street. Peering out, I found that everything was as it had been and there was no sign of the old magician or anyone else. Walking to the desk, I became aware of something pulling at me. I was sure that the amulet was there, somewhere within the desk, and suddenly, I knew exactly which drawer held what i was here for. I opened it to find a small gilded box which i quickly removed. It was finally in my possession and I felt safe standing there holding it. Taking the amulet out, I pulled it over my head and was suddenly struck by the beauty of it. As it came to rest on my chest I became aware of a pulsing light that came from deep within the blue stone. The amulet seemed to radiate with power12
As I made my way down the stairs and back through the window, I never did see the shadowy figure standing in the corner of the shop. I was so overwhelmed with joy that I never heard the laughter that seemed to follow me down the street. I made my way through the city to the Inn that I had called my home for the past year, and I silently slipped in through the back. My things were all ready, with everything i owned thrown into a single bag, and I quickly departed.13
The sun was slowly beginning to rise as I found my way to the ship that I knew would sail within the hour. I quickly boarded and was half way to the cabin that i been told would be mine before my head began to ache. I looked around for anything out of the ordinary but could find nothing until my eyes finally came to rest on the amulet. The deep blue had suddenly turned to red and the light that had seemed to pulsate from the stone had gone out. I stood there puzzled until finally i realized that i had been tricked. The amulet was a fake.14
My mind raced as I sprinted across the ship only to the find that it was slowly drifting away from the dock. I could have easily made the jump, but I had no Idea what I would do once I reached the other side, or if there was any chance of recovering the real amulet. Taking the false one from around my neck, I flung it into the sea without a second glance, and made my way to my cabin. I was soon fast a sleep but my dreams were troubled that night by images of the old man holding the amulet above my head, just out of reach...
I found ending this story especially difficult so any suggestions you may have on that would be much appreciated.
Comments
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hmm. the plot itself i wasn't really feeling but that's not your fault. I'm just a nomad when it comes to genres. Anyway your writing style is very strong though. The deepness of your plot was evident and the colorful lanugage and imagery at least kpt me hooked, very important. On the ending it just seems like it's hanging on a thread. Not like a cliff hanger but more of a ,...ik like you forgot what you meant to write and just typed randomness. which isn't really a problem but that ending paragraph is definately the weak chain in this story. Hope that helps a bit.
peace
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Strong Monologue
The story was good though I have no suggestions for your ending because I don't have your grasp of the source of the story. I would love some dialog to set the players a little firmer in the fore brain. Relate ability is the most important thing in character establishment and when writing a first person story it is important to establish the hero. This is all counter point though because you have a very skilled method of establishing the character through his actions and choices. Not to mention offering internal thoughts as a source for the reader. Your writing style is easy on the eyes and in bites that work for the brains consumption. I personally would add another flavor to the meal but otherwise well done. Ty for posting.
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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i liked it and once again i usually hate first person stories but thanks to stories like yours i think i'll give them another chance.

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Thanks for picking my entry! Anyway, I liked what you did with it and how you elaborated on the apprentices abilities and goal. The amulet was a nice touch, it's a shame they were tricked though.
You fixed the ending up better, it's less confusing now. Great job. I even noticed how you kept my thing of not telling if the main character was a male or female.





