Endless Reign of Darkness

The night was young. It was only a few hours after the darkness had consumed the sky with a velvet blanket and hid the sun until dawn. A thousand bright stars were sprinkled across the heavens as though every child’s dream had frozen in time above us. The moon did not hide behind a single cloud tonight; it stood proudly in the middle of the sky, shining to its fullest. A slight breeze rustled the hairs on my arm, sending a series of midnight chills down my spine. I breathed in silently, slowly, and deeply. The scent of nightmares swam down my nostrils, making me wrinkle my nose in disgust. Poor children, I thought, wishing there was something I could do to help. I understood their dreams, their thrashing around in bed. The life I lived was hell and never was there a place I could go without being followed.1

I took off, without a sound, across the farmland where I lived, hidden from most of the human race. Though I was picking up speed, my breathing did not turn to gasps or sputters. I sucked in the oxygen as easily as if I were walking. Still, the exhilaration of running filled my body like the air that filled my lungs and I darted farther away from civilization by the second. Soon, I was nearing a large river that cut across my sacred homeland. Even from my distance, I heard the echo of water splashing softly against a rock, the reverberation of a frog’s hiccup in the night, and a small school of tadpoles scurrying in every direction, pleading wordlessly for a gentler place to swim.2

Then, just as I reached the edge of the water, I leaped higher than any human had ever thought possible, and spread my thin, angel-white wings to their maximum point. The wind picked me up as though I were light as a feather, floating quietly through the cool summer air. But then I sighed as the breeze was slowly diminishing and I prepared to land. Flying was not an option tonight, apparently. I drifted gradually towards the water in the creek, my feet firm. Just as my bare foot merely glimpsed its reflection, the wind took off again, raising me higher than I had ever gone before.3

I laughed and soared gracefully through the air, reaching out to touch the beauties of the night: the stars, the ravens, the breeze. I beat my wings a few times to gain momentum and height. I flew higher and higher, until I was sure the stars had grown bigger. I plunged farther into the darkness, and took in one last breath before catching it in the airless, eternal feild of outer space. I smiled at how silent the world was when you looked at it from this point of view. I wondered if anyone could see me from up here, or if I looked like just another forgotten cloud, drifting alone through the atmosphere.4

Abandoning that thought, I twirled around and tossed my hair. Up here, I could do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Everything went according to my thoughts. There was no snag or snare to this endless reign of darkness, nothing to regret or forget. One could never lament about a life among the silence and stars. I was free with no rules that confined me to earth like the rest of the humans. But I was no human.

Author notes

idk. i had a prompt and i liked what i wrote so i posted it. hope you like it =D


i recently edited this. please tell me if its better than what i had before.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Renevelant.Feather
    January 30

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    Very creative and yes, I loved this contest. You have an extravagant writing style and wonderful flow. The imagery is superb and the darkness ideal altogether took me away. I loved it - thanks for entering!


  • gezza gold member
    September 29, 2008

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    I loved it but sorry

    Hey

    You wrote a beautiful short piece and I loved the majority of your choices of words - you have a free-flowing, poetic style, and may I add a very good mastery of style and grammar.  I particularly like your choices of words for the flying components - it was dreamlike and inspiring.

    I feel that there were a few moments, particularly toward the end, when you use very modern words and phrases ("guaranteed" for example), when it would have been good to choose an older style to keep the character detached from our world. Just a thought.

    I have added a few other observations:

    para 1 - minor point - the second sentence paints a "darkness" picture , and yet the "thousand bright stars" and the moon standing proudly, "shining to its fullest" paints a different, contradictory picture. I suggest you tone down the darkness, say, talk about the "night" - "it" - consumiung the sky with a "velvet" blanket (or the like - not suggesting you use my words, just that "black" doesn't quite work. "a set of" seems redundant. If you want, you can highlight your strong last sentence by making it a separate paragraph.

    para 2 - "hidden by most of the human race" - did you mean "hidden from most of the human race"? You should add "I"after "easily as if". You should add "that" after "like the air".
    para 3 - "stopping" seems not quite right - "diminishing"? or the like?

    Now the "sorry" bit. I really don't believe you have mixed genres here, or at the very best, you have not equally represented them. This is a story about a supernatural being, and a wonderful one at that. It has a kinda twist, but this doesn't seem to be the main thrust of the story, but either way, twists don't constitute mixing either.

    So I'm going to disqualify your story, but please, please understand why I did it, and that I loved your story.

    Gezza


    • Iris Doyle
      January 3
      Edit | Reply
      I recently edited this using your points and I was wondering if you would care to read it again and see if this is any better. Also, you mentioned there were certain phrases that seemed too modern for the feel of this story. Could you give more examples of where I could find and correct those?


    • Iris Doyle
      November 28, 2008
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      hey its cool. i totally understand! thanks for the review

      • gezza gold member
        January 3
        Edit | Reply
        It reads very well ID.

        A phrase that smacks of "modern" which is inconsistent with the type of language that the narrator speaks, is "gravity free zone of outer space".

        Well done.

        Geza

        • Iris Doyle
          January 3
          Edit | Reply
          In para 4, I changed that phrase to "I plunged farther into the darkness, and took in one last breath before catching it in the airless, eternal feild of outer space."

          I'm not exactly sure that fits correctly. Tell me if it sounds odd to you.

          Thanks,

          Iris Doyle


        • Iris Doyle
          January 3
          Edit | Reply
          Thanks so much for that. I'll change it.

  • Writing0Freedom
    September 28, 2008
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    wow I really like this. The imagery is outstanding and the wording is beautiful. You conveyed freedom, and the character very well!
    It was the perfect length and really beautifully done. Very beautiful reading, it was a pleasure to read. I think you just won my contest also.
    Thank you for entering!
    WritingFree


  • Tiger-Lily
    September 21, 2008

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    Oooh, nice wording, firstly.

    Nice flow, secondly. Good structuring of how it builds up.

    I have no idea what your prompt is, but I liked this piece. Great description for one thing.

    -HT


  • katicalocke
    September 21, 2008
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    Wow, very interesting. I love the imagery. Great job. Keep writing.


  • Kagamine Rin
    September 20, 2008

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    This is very creative. I like this story! I loved the last sentence. I want it to be continued, but, you should leave it as it is. I did not catch and grammar or spelling mistakes. You're a very good writer! ^^

    I love it. Keep writing!

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