Midnight's Witness

The child was cold, even with her frail arms wrapped around her legs and her knees pulled up to her chest. She shivered lightly, idly running a finger over one of her exposed knees, the roughness of the red, raw skin resembling the roughness of her life thus far. A sigh fell from her lips, and her stomach grumbled.1

Suddenly, the angry sound of voices floated to her ears, and she looked up, startled and slightly confused; why would anyone be at the park at this time of night? Peering down the walkway, she stands, rough, dirty hands helping to guide her around the bench she had been resting on. She stood behind it, blue eyes still trained on the walkway. As the voices came closer, the child frowned lightly and involuntarily took a few steps back, fading into the shadows of the large oak tree behind her.2

After a moment, two walking figures came into her view, and the girl could just make out the frantic hand movements which accompanied the raised voices. She stood completely still, unsure of whether she should walk away or simply stay and hope that the people, (were they a couple?), wouldn't see her.3

In the end, the child, thirteen years of age, stayed, her curiosity getting the best of her. She huddled closer to the cool tree trunk at her back, her eyes watching curiously as her midnight visitors neared.4

Their footsteps became more pronounced, and the girl could make out some of the words behind the angry tones, snatches of the conversation reaching her ears.5

"You expect me to... after everything...? Are you crazy?" The female's voice held so much disgust that the girl was surprised that her companion even bothered to talk to her.6

"I didn't... You aren't even... a chance! Why... You... don't ever..."7

Ah so they were a couple. The girl wasn't foolish enough to not recognize the semi-pleading tone of the male. But what were they arguing about, especially in a deserted park at midnight?8

"But you won't even listen to me, Lisa! How can you accuse me of something when you don't even know what happened?"9

"I don't have to listen to your side of the story, Erik! I'm not stupid and you can't fool me!" 10

They were closer mow, almost close enough for the girl to describe them in detail. She could make out the boy's - Erik's - dark hair and the girl's - Lisa, was it? - blonde locks, and as they neared her place of refuge, she could clearly see Lisa's yellow top and blue jeans, a stark contrast to Erik's clothing. 11

"Liz, just let me explain one thing, alright?" Erik reached out as he spoke, grasping Lisa's wrist and turning her to face him, his movements and tone of voice betraying his anxiety. Lisa wrenched her hand from his grip, crossing her arms over her chest as she stood, tense. The girl could tell that it was taking everything in her not to walk away, and Erik, realizing this very same thing, launched into action, words flying from his lips in rapid succession. 12

"I never meant to hurt you, alright? I know Faith was everything to you, and I - "13

"Stop apologizing and get to the point!" The words were spoken so vehemently that the girl flinched, even though they weren't meant for her. She shrank further into the shadows, fearing that Erik's eyes caught her form as he glanced nervously over Lisa's shoulder. He licked his lips, nodding.14

"Okay." He paused, and the child could tell that Lisa was on the verge of losing her patience; her body tensed and her entire posture screamed annoyance. As if sensing this, Erik continued, his voice quiet. "When I went in, she was already dead, and I - "15

"You have got to be kidding me," Lisa interrupted, a scalding type of disbelief coloring her tone. Erik's face flashed confusion, and Lisa laughed, a mocking, quietly disturbed laugh. For the first time, the girl felt a chill creep up her spine, a shiver that had nothing to do with the chilly midnight air. Something about this exchange was horribly wrong. 16

They're talking about a fish, or a dog, or a... a lizard or something, the girl thought, swallowing a lump in her throat as she recalled Erik's earlier words: When I went in, she was already dead... 17

"You expect me to believe that?" Lisa asked, and the girl jumped before realizing that Lisa was talking to Erik, not answering her own thoughts. 18

"It's the truth! Why wouldn't you believe it?" Erik retorted, his eyes widening. Another laugh rippled from Lisa's throat, and she continued to laugh for a moment, her shoulders shaking even after the sound ceased to come from her lips.19

"Erik, you've always been a horrible liar," she said after composing herself, a trace of mirth lacing her tone. She was momentarily silent, and when she did speak again, the mirth was gone, replaced by an emotionless monotone. "You killed her, and you were getting rid of her body when I came back, weren't you? You didn't expect me to be home so early, did you?" 20

"Lisa, will you stop making yourself believe that? You're - "21

"I'm telling the truth, Erik!" Lisa's voice rose, much louder than she had been yelling minutes before, when the girl was first alerted of the couple's presence. 22

"But I didn't kill her! Why would I?" Erik was yelling now, too, and his face had contorted into a look that scared the girl, a rage that transformed him into a grotesque monster, shadows playing with the corners of his mouth as the night wore on.23

"I don't know, Erik! Maybe because you hated her, because she took all of my attention away from you!" Lisa paused, and the girl imagined that an expression akin to dislike passed over her features. "You didn't like her, so you killed her." 24

Suddenly, Erik looked up, and the girl knew, without doubt, that he saw her. A type of fear passed over his face, then the line of his jaw set, and a hardness settled over his countenance. The girl's heart jumped up into her throat, causing her to choke on her own air, her body beginning to tremble. Her legs moved on their own, and she began to back away, praying that he would just let her go. 25

"Hey!" 26

That one shout was enough. The girl spun on her heel and, just barely missing the tree trunk she had been pressed into, ran, her eyesight blurry. The grass was slippery underneath the tattered remains of what had once been a good pair of sneakers, causing her to stumble. Her arms flailed at her sides, her hands uselessly grasping at the air around her every time she slipped, probably in hopes that she would have something to hold onto if her feet left her.27

The sounds of a passing car reached her ears, and she realized that she was nearing the street that ran alongside the park. Maybe she could reach it, and maybe there would be someone there who would help her. 28

This thought spurred her on, her fear sending adrenaline through her veins, her heart pounding. Abruptly, she felt a jolt, and she faintly registered falling before her body hit the ground, her head smacking into the hard earth, the grass which covered it cushioning the impact, though only slightly. There was heavy breathing in her ear, and she was forcefully rolled over, her struggling hands held over her aching head.29

"Where do you think you're going, huh? I'm not going to let you go tattle to someone about this." It was Erik, and his dark eyes held complete malice, malevolent anger that warped into something akin to madness as he looked at her. "I can't let anyone know about this..." His voice was frantic now, his dark eyes wild. She whimpered, but the words she wanted to say wouldn't leave her mouth. She couldn't breathe. 30

After a moment, everything went black, and the child was cold.

Author notes

Well, this is a little thing I wrote for my creative writing class. What did you think? Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated! I'm Prestige.

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Comments

  • Willy nilly
    October 25, 2008
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    i think you have a day to read the rules and do as they say if you want me to score this

  • Luckyk
    September 22, 2008
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    This was a great piece. Held my interest from the very beginning and i thoroughly enjoyed it. Your descriptions were vivid and clear sand they allowed me to completely visualize them. It was wonderful write. A great start. Excellent cliffhanger keeps me wanting for more...I cant want for more.

    . Rewarded 6

  • dark-fantasies
    September 22, 2008

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    This was very well written with great attention to detail. I loved the descriptions and the way in which you portrayed your characters; they came across so intriguing and realistic. The story captured my attention almost immediately and I couldn't tear my interest away. I found myself wanting more at the end there, but thought the cliffhanger rounded things up really nicely. Overall great job with this; it had wonderful flow and a really engaging storyline.

    . Rewarded 8


  • John Carney gold member
    September 21, 2008

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    OK. You've got me hooked. I want to know what's going to happen next. Good start. Keep up the cliffhanger endings. That's what you need in stories like these. It keeps the reader's interest going. There was just one small detail that I thought I'd bring to your attention. At one point, the girl notes that forty minutes had gone by since she had first seen the couple approach and I thought that you might consider editing that out as it seemed slightly unrealistic that the brief span of dialogue that is portrayed would have gone on for that long. Why not be more vague about the passage of time in which the girl is listening to the couple argue? That way you can avoid any inconsistincies of detail like this from getting in the way of the reader's notice. It's up to you. I just thought that this seemed to be an unnecessary detail that more gets in the way than helps out the plot development. But like I said, that's up to you. All in all, very good though.

    John

    . Rewarded 8