A Pirate's Lament

Games, anime, music ... I have done it all.1

Rampaging through the internet on my trusty laptop, infringing copyright after copyright - I was the Scourge of Intellectual Property, the dreaded Devourer of Profits. Across the globe, company directors had nightmares of me at night. 2

With my mouse welded to my hand, and the keyboard forming an extension of my soul, the world was my oyster. Anything which could be digitalised merely existed to be stolen by me. Among netizens in the know, I quickly acquired the reputation of "Super Seeder A" ... the mysterious messiah who granted life to all other seeds.3

You may have heard of me.4

I had always left the Authorities chasing my shadows, bamboozling them with an ingenious ploy which was stunning in its simplicity. By constantly keeping on the move, leeching off various Wi-Fi networks across the country, I was never assigned a definite IP address, and thus I could not be tracked.5

When my fall finally came, it was through no fault of my own.6

I remember that day well:7

The agents, in their pressed black suits, closing in on me. The bewilderment, as I questioned myself - How? The anger, as realisation dawned on me - Betrayal! By a member of my inner circle, no less. But enlightenment had arrived too late, for the dagger had already been stealthily slid into my back. And then ...8

Desperation. I recall breaking out of the encirclement, and racing through the shopping complex like a man possessed. Higher and higher I went, with no destination in mind, until I finally found myself on the roof.9

The wide expanse beyond the ledge beckoned seductively towards me, offering a way out. I could destroy the evidence! I stumbled over and threw my laptop into the air. Its final voyage was a beautiful parabolic arc, and my eyes trailed after it until it finally lay scuttled on the hard pavement below.10

What ... what had I done?11

I turned around and stared blankly at the agents sprinting towards me, letting out a maniacal laugh. With the demise of my laptop, I had become a member of the walking dead - my heart thumped in my chest, but my soul had already been crushed. 12

I leant back and allowed myself to fall, screaming out my epitaph, "The Geek goes down with his -"13

Well, it would have made a good epitaph, had it not been for the burly arms which had encircled me and dragged me away from the brink.14

Suffice to say, I did not cover myself in glory that day. Like a craven, snivelling fool, I offered up the location of my hoard - the trove of burnt DVDs which I had accumulated over the years - in exchange for leniency.15

Which brings us to today.16

"My name is Paul."17

"Hi Paul!" the audience thundered in response.18

Tears blurred my vision.19

O How the Mighty Have Fallen ...20

"I met a traveller from an antique land
Who said: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone
Stand in the desert. Near them on the sand,
Half sunk, a shatter'd visage lies, whose frown
And wrinkled lip and sneer of cold command
Tell that its sculptor well those passions read
Which yet survive, stamp'd on these lifeless things,
The hand that mock'd them and the heart that fed.
And on the pedestal these words appear:
"My name is Ozymandias, king of kings:
Look on my works, ye Mighty, and despair!"
Nothing beside remains: round the decay
Of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare,
The lone and level sands stretch far away."21

"My name is Paul," I choked out, "And I'm a file-sharer."22