Green misty eyes1
losing all hope2
trying to cope3
without you here.4
Echoes of pain5
brings back my fear6
dark thoughts appear7
deep in my mind8
Reality9
has been unkind10
I can not find11
love that is true12
I do not know13
what I can do14
I wish you knew15
how much I care.16
Fading away17
into despair18
I can not bear19
life without you.20
Breathing my last21
my life is through22
I give to you23
all that I have.24
Author notes
This is a Pathya Vat
I read At My Savior's Feet by Onfire4Jesus
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 33 of 33
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Sad but true.
I wish you many pleasant diversions to make the waiting a little more bearable, sweet martyr of love.
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it is mad innit when comments just fly in that mean nothingto the poem
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Great poem i really liked it.
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Wonderful poem. It is so touching and it flows perfectly. You are a great poet and also a good friend. Keep it up. I hope I can read something more of yours soon.
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Smiles My Dear Friend
Thank you Michael for reading my poem. I just noticed your comment this morning. I always appreciate your thoughts dear friend. Hugs and smiles to you. Hope we can chat soon. Miss ya, Sandy
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Wow...you did an amazing job with the form! I see how this rhyme scheme creates a deceptively intricate poem! The feel of the poem is that of despair and sadness...
Good luck in the contest!
Lorena -
Wow I really do appreciate the wonderful comment you left on my poem. Take care, Sandy
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Great stuff
You seem to have done an awesome job on the form; it flows really well and is easy to the ear! Really enjoyed reading this, great job! All the best and good luck, Paul -
Thank yo so much for the lovely comment. I am so glad you enjoyed it. Take care, Sandy
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That was incredible read, very smooth and seems to be in complete form, awesome job!!!
~Tina -
Thank you for the wonderful comment Sam. I so appreciate it coming from. you. Take care, Sandy
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This is great work. I think this proves that I am the only one who had difficulty with this form. IT is an amazing job sweetie. Excellent work.
S♠m
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Thank you so much renee. for the wonderful coomment. It is always so nice to hear from you. You take care, Sandy
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Oh sandy, this is passionate. So very somber, and sad yet flows with tenderness and unbridled love. Very beautiful! I am finding that this form creates eloquence, even when the subject matter is melancholy, it is stunning as is your musing. Very nice. The talent in this contest is truly amazing. The best to you in this challenge.
Renee ♥ -
Thank you so much Kimberly for the lovely comment. I do appreciate it. Hope all is well with you. Take care, Sandy
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I know very little about this form but you seem to have done a wonderful job here Sandy. I walked back and forth over that 2nd line in the 2nd stanza though. Like I said, I know nothing of this form, but it seems to me like "brings back my fear" should be "bring back my fear". I don't know.
I guess it works either way and I sure do like the content of your words. Good luck in your contest.
♥ Kimberly
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Thank you angel for the nice comment. It is always appreciated. Take care. Sandy
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good read. it flowed really well. nice job on this.
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Thank you for the lovely comment. It is so appreciated. Take care, Sandy
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Thank you so much for your nice comment. Take care, Sandy
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very nice read...smooth flow...good luck in the contest....Peace Abel
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Very well worded and excellently rhymed poem.Adheres to the form requirements perfectly.A nice read.Good luck in the contest.
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You are kind with your comments my friend. Thank you for everything you do and for all the time you spend encouraging me. I love you, Sandy
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Thank you so much for the advie, it does sound so much better. Take care, Sandy
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hey Sandy!! Once again you did a fabulous job on this poem!! It was beautiful!! As always Your works are always amazing!! I see that you have a wonderful talent as well I love it!! Your love for everyone and Christ shines ever so brightly!! Praise God!! Good Luck my friend!! I love you !! God BLess You!!
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Very, very nice job. I'm glad to see you made the changes, they look much better. Well done. Keep writing.
~CT -
Sandygram, also, please remember to comment on at least one other poem in the contest, and identify in the Author Note which one that was. Thanks!
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What a lovely, touching pathya vat! You use the simplicity of the form to perfectly capture the essence of depression. That again is precisely what secberm and I were hoping for. You might want to think about adding an adjective or single syllable word to
"caused by fear"
I am from the school that the "ed" in past tense words like "caused" does not add an additional syllable count. If it doesn't, then that sentence is one syllable short. I know that can be a matter of debate -- so if you elect not to, we won't care. I just wanted to call it to your attention. Either way, this is just a lovely write.
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Thank you for the lovely comment. I do appreciate it. This was my first attempt at this form. I am glad you enjoyed it. Take care, Sandy
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This was an amazing write, thank you so much for sharing your talents! I really like this form to it's awesome. Unfortunately i wanted to applaud this but they are all used up. I'm sorry! I will come back to applaud this later though!
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Thank you for the nice comment. It is appreciated. Take care, Sandy
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Wow. Sometimes love sucks. Sometimes it doesn't. And in between it's just plain boring! LOL
Great attempt.
Um... You might want to consider rewriting:
Reality
has been unkind
being left behind
has now come true
"being left behind"
And:
Breathing my last
my life is through
I give to you
my heart forever
"my heart forever"
Otherwise, I enjoyed the write my friend. Thank you for entering and good luck.
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kewlllllll
the style is amazing
few words yet say a lot
the poem (though u categorised in story)has a simple flow...but it gives a effect
keep going
Edited on Mar 19, 6:26 because ''.
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