Alice was sitting near a pool, bored. Her sister was a complete bonehead. She had been reading a book for a week and it seemed she still couldn't figure it out. She was still reading it. Alice was beginning to think of some way to make her sister fall into the pool, when she heard someone mutter something about getting late. She whipped her head and, to her utter astonishment, saw a rabbit with a watch walking, or rather trotting towards a hole in the ground!1
She took one look at her boring sister and, glad to finally have some action, followed the rabbit to the hole. As the rabbit jumped in, she saw the hole expand further to allow the rabbit fall through. Overcome by curiosity, Alice jumped in and, sure enough, the hole expanded to let her in, too. Alice fell and fell and finally landed on something soft. She got up and looked around. There was darkness everywhere and not a soul in sight. Then two fluorescent eyes stared at her. Out came the rabbit, with a machete in his hand.2
Alice saw the rabbit's mouth turn into an evil sneer. 3
"Hello!" she said, hiding her fear.4
"Thanks for dropping by!" the rabbit said. 5
"It's a nice place you've got. Well, I gotta be going now! Bye!" Alice started moving.6
"Yes," the rabbit said, "it's about time." he brought the machete forward and aimed at her throat.7
"B-But, this is a dream!" Alice blurted out frantically.8
"Not anymore!"9
The swipe was perfect. Alice never woke up.
Author notes
Wrote it off in random. Hope you like it.
A contest entry
- funny or just plain you. by Caym-Yuri.
175 points, ended October 10, 2008, 5 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - twisted fairy tales by poetry is soul.
950 points, ended October 8, 2008, 14 entries
Honorable winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short short short!! by Thorn-on-the-Rose.
175 points, ended September 28, 2008, 41 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Horror! by mharrington05.
230 points, ended October 10, 2008, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Halloween Contest for Adults by whichcraft.
350 points, ended October 29, 2008, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scary Stories by LivingDeath-Mia.
400 points, ended October 24, 2008, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Anything is appreciated...
Comments
1 - 25 of 25
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This was actually more funny than scary. Because I mean we all read Alice in Wonderland so I wanted to see what you would do with it. And then when he killed her, well laughs came out. (Yesh, I am weird. xD) Good luck!!
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That'll teach you never to jump into holes following someone you don't know.
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Short and sweet! I like what you've done here, taken an old classic and livened it up some. you know, you could take on this theme? Like say Humpty Dumpty was pushed! There are so many childrens fairy tales that could use this sort of treatment, could make for some interesting reading.Thanks for entering, good luck.
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Heheh.. Nice ideas... I've already changed Sleeping Beauty in my 'The Beauty who slept too long'. This being my second one, I didn't wanna do same kind of stories immediately. So, I'll kill Humpty Dumpty a few stories later
. Thanks for hosting the contest. May you have tough time judging!!
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Nice twisted story!
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Okay i can see you had alot of fun with this
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You bet I had! Thanks for dropping by
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I always knew rabbits were weird. I mean, look at Bugs Bunny. There had to be something in those carrots...
Eh. There are some grammar errors when you started using quotes. Like, in paragraph five, 'the' should be capitalized because you have already ended the sentence. It's just little stuff.
Overall, this was an interesting look on Alice and Wonderland..
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Hehe.. Mystery of the Carrots? Glad you liked it
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Wow, what a dark twist on Alice in Wonder land. Vicious...oddly enough I liked it. Great job!
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Thank you very much
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Thank you very much
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Wow! pretty sick, I kinda thought of 'Through the looking glass' although there was more to that, but this was awesome. I loved it, great job. very dark, very twisted, good luck in my contest =DD
-Dani -
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Thanks Dani! Glad you liked it! Have fun judging!!
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Ha HAAAAA! That was so WRONG! See, I knew there was a reason I didn't like rabbits. Heh heh. The real and much shorter version of the story, hmm? I like it. Cut to the chase, as it were! Ahhaha, really, really funny!
P2 where you say and, sure, - might want to say sure enough
in the same sentence you say "too" twice
and when you get to the quotes later on, you don't need to capitalize the first letter after the quote ends unless it's someone's name
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Heh.. That's what they say: Never trust a rabbit with a machete! Glad you liked it. Thank you for the suggestions. I'm always open to suggestions that improve my story. On the way to change them. Thanks again
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interesting... poor alice. mean bunny... makes me think twice on petting one again... lol. it was short, but it was pretty good. just a suggestion...not saying that you have to,but what if you expanded this? she got away in time, but then the queen really did off her head... either way,i still like it. good job!
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Thank you for reading, commenting and applauding Glad you liked it. Expanding the story would be much fun, indeed. I'll try my hand at it as soon as I finish my current stories. Thanks for the suggestion
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Cool a little bit funny. Oh yeah it really has a twist. Wonder what happened to Alice. And of course the bunny. I thought in the real story Alice didn't know it was a dream. Oh no, Alice was dead. I thought it was a nightmare. Wish you good luck in the contest.
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Thank you for commenting and the applause. This is my version of the story, so Alice knows it's a dream
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Heh heh heh... Twisted, indeed!
Good luck with the contest, dude!!! -
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Thanks dude.. Glad you liked it.. Any suggestions?
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Naah...
I find it just fine...
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scary lol i liked it it confuzed me a first but i did like it
hope to read others and se how ya do
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Thanks edge for reading, commenting and applauding. Glad you liked it. Alice has a reputation to confuse ppl lol...
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