My Friend, the Anchor

Over his head, a wave breaks
and I laugh at my friend, the anchor
Then I falter1

Salt water drains down my throat
but I can still taste the panic
bitter, thick, enveloping my senses
halting my breath
because he's gone
and suddenly I'm swimming2

my arms are too slow
legs useless as they flail behind me
I never could swim right
The world disappears into the tunnel vision
that is my need to protect him3

Is it saltwater blinding me
or tears?4

He's a wild boy
who climbs telephone poles
to grab the wires
Carries a knife
knows how to use it
Has scarred hands
broken knuckles
gets scrapes, cuts, lacerations
then laughs
always with that gorgeous smile
Because he loves it5

I'd always feared he would die young
The idiot6

I saw myslef by his grave
head bowed
tears staining my face
Saw years of being alone
in the dark
because his smile was my sunset
and the sun would not rise for me again
And where would I be without him?
Nowhere
Definitely nowhere7

I would fall back into the time
when I was always cold
afraid and lonely
a time before he came into my life
and saved my sanity
turned me human8

I cry for him
and still I swim9

He stands before I reach him
moaning in pain
hands on his knees
coughing water from his nearly drowned lungs
face red from lack of air
or embarassment10

I want to sink to the bottom of the ocean
never come back up, I'm so relieved
Because he's alive11

My anchor is alive