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I carved into my brother's flesh, his eyes staring up at me in terror. At least he couldn’t feel anything at the moment. Oh, how I couldn’t wait for the anesthetic to wear off. To hear his screams of agony as the pain finally took over. I smiled at him as he pleaded with his eyes.1

His heart was pounding in his chest, each thumping beat moving his rib cage. He struggled to move, to scream, but nothing happened. He closed his eyes tight, a tear streaming down his face. Sweat beaded down his forehead, his face red with the struggle to make his body move. How unnerving it must be to have no control over your own body, or over what happens to it. I reveled in his torture.2

“Those puny insects...”I had said, not long ago. I smiled remembering the words that had passed through my lips as I dug my knife deeper into his abdomen, the stench of his blood filling my nostrils. “Insolent fools! All of them!” How right I had been! Those unworthy heaps of flesh wandering the streets. “They don’t know what’s coming for them…” Of course, they didn’t. Why would they have any idea?3

That beautiful voice crept into my memory. Her tortured screams as they had ripped my bride limb from limb. How I missed her now. 4

Anger swept into me as I punctured his intestines, too blind to think what a mistake that was. Oh, the idea of that sweet revenge on those unworthy of living! “Yes… Yes, definitely!” What an idea my bride proposed! The beautiful woman that no one believed was still around. 5

Dead!6

They had killed her! 7

But no one knew the truth! 8

No one knew what I was capable of!9

“I’ll skin them alive! Dance to the music of their agony! Ohh, how I’ll savor the moment… ” I’ll give her the fresh organs so wrongfully used, give her the life she’s dreaming of! 10

“The moment the terror enters their faces,” How lovely those eyes looked to me now. And I was only killing one at the moment. 11

“The moment they realize it was me!” Yes, one of their own! “The betrayal,” Much like they betrayed me. “The pain…” Would they think of the pain she suffered as I rip them open? Each watching, waiting as one of their own dies in front of them. “The beauty!” Watching the blood pour from each sliced opening. “Yes… soon… very soon…” I just didn’t realize how soon it was!12

Author notes

Contest Entry!!!! I might change some of the writing, not sure yet. Feel free to read though!

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 5 of 5

  • Ary
    November 2, 2008
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    Last comment before judging:
    Still stand by my previous statements, it's a good story! I'm not sure if much changed since last time but it's a good (short) story nonetheless.
    I understand his family killed his bride and now he's having his revenge?
    Awesome *evil*

    Thanks for entering!


  • Ary
    September 22, 2008

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    Awesome! Love how you smeared the prompt throughout the story! As Vampwolf said before me, more detail on the pain etc. of the brother would be nice, 'cause it would add to the horror. All in all, a good story!

    It's a bit short, not that that is a bad thing, but I feel it could be expanded into something even better! If you do change anything after this comment, send me a message or something, so I can read it again!

    Good stuff, thanks!

  • Vampwolf
    September 18, 2008
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    I could feel the glee of your character, however lacked the terror of her brother. I want to hear the terror, the gasps, of pain, the writhing of the body.
    I know sick but... it makes for a great image. Sorry I'm a detail freak.
    However, I think its a good story and you should continue with it.

  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    September 18, 2008

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    *shivers* That's vicious, in an insnely beautiful way. It's great writing. Hate to be on that guys badside. Terrific job


  • Mel-the-Believer
    September 18, 2008

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    So, yeah, this Dude, belongs in an asylum. He's nuts. haha. Anyways, great little story, bit weird and creepy. Good luck in this contest. God Bless!

1 - 5 of 5