I climbed that tree
to see His face
and feel His brace
Upon my heart
I climbed back down
and stood up tall
only to fall
down at His feet
He picked me up
and said my child
and then He smiled
brightly at me
Now go and see
what I have done
for everyone
upon that cross
I died for you
so you can see
reality
and live eternally
No more sadness
no more crying
no more dying
and no more pain
For we will live
eternally
and blissfully
forevermore
Author notes
Ok, this was really hard. Im not sure how much sense it makes, but I tried. SO please be honest with me and maybe my next one will be better. And as I learn more, I can write more. This took a lot of thinking and now my brain is hurting... lol God Bless You all!!
I read the Rustling Leaves by envinyatar
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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wow this was really good i loved it a lot and it made sense to me and spoke to me
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This makes all the sence in the world and heavens beautifully written!
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this is is fantastic, you've managed to tell so much with so little
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Wow...this beautifully portrays Jesus....He is so awesome! I'm so glad I serve the one most high God. Beautiful job, and keep up writing the truth of Jesus.
God Bless,
Take Care. -
I think this is a really good poem about Jesus. I wasn't brought up with much religion, and it bothers me, but I'm looking for one that suits me because I want religion in my life, even though my family isn't big on it. See you.
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I really like this piece. I'm not particularly religious, but this reminded me of it. My friend would probably enjoy this, seeing as she is extremely religious! Well, pleasant times and joyous writngs!
-james -
Thank You Heather for your comment on my poem!! That is awesome that you got 600 dollars though
So Praise God!! I hope that school continues to go well for you You will be richly blessed!! God Bless You my friend!!
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This was excellent. If I had just read it without knowing the guidelines, I would probably just say nice write, and move on, but I have to give you credit where credit is due when it comes to this poem. It made complete sense despite the restrictions, and instead of just using 4 one syllable words in every line, you got creative and used 1 4 syllable word in a couple lines, very good job. It took me about 5 seconds to write my (whatever it's called) and you can definitely tell, I just wrote about how I can't write about anything with so little space, anyways, good job, good luck
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A sweet poem about a story well known, I think you did this really well
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I will be honest...and since I'm not an expert on these forms or any other forms for that matter, you needn't worry about me catching any errors!
However, I can say that this appears to me to be correct in syllable count and rhyme and you have done a good job at linking them together. Good luck in the contest! By the way, the background is very pretty!
Lorena -
What a fantstic poem for me to read on Easter morning. Truly uplifting and beautiful words you have placed here, and you linked them together very well. everything was fantastic. great job!
luv,
*KIM* -
Good Poetry style, my friend. I would like to see a short one though
Your poetry seems to be inspirational to alot of people my friend so i petition you to carry on in your ways brother. Good luck in the contest bro.
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I think you did beautifully with this form adding such a wonderful message as well. We can never Praise the Lord enough for what He did for us and your words did just that in such a wonderful and delicate way.
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This is perfect! I have no problem recognizing the form after reading this inspirational writ of poetry. EXQUISITE! This is praiseworthy and a pleasure to have read. Thank you! Godspeed in the challenge.
Renee ♥ -
This is very good, especially for a first attempt! I have never tried this form but after reading yours and Sam's I may just have to try. This seems like a lot of fun. Loved your comment about the "brain pain." I can't think of what to suggest in future writings other than always be careful with the syllable count. Great job and God Bless, Penny
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A wonderful form that seems perfect for the spiritual poem you have written. I need to check that form out as well. Nice work.
S♠m
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GREAT!
Is that Picture of Zachicus, however you spell it? Anyways I really like this. Its cute! I could see it in a childrens book. I really enjoied this. Maybe you should but your poems into a book sometime, because believe me, they will minister to anyone who even glances at them. -
Wow, this is such a beautiful poem, really really a testament of our Lord's love and our love for our Lord.
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Well, to be perfectly honest, I don't see anything 'wrong' with the piece. It carries such a powerful message. My first attempt at this poem took a lot of thought, too...and then considering it was written at 1:45 this morning, lol...
The only thing that I would suggest for future writes is that, if you choose to make a transition from third to first person perspectives, is to use a word that will slowly introduce one point of view into the other. Aside from that, this is amazing! I sometimes struggle with religious conflicts, but I know that my Heavenly Father will be with me, and that I will go far if I follow the example of our Savior.
God bless you, dear one. Good luck in the contest!
Many blessings,
Raven Aurora
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Great
Hey Charles, I liked this. Don't know anything about the poetry forms, but the content was great. For isn't it true that we can crash down at his feet, but he will always pick us up, point us to the cross, and face us again in the direction he wants us to go. His way is so perfect and of such excellence. We serve such a forgiving and loving God. Take care my friend, Heather -
I’m afraid I found the rhyming a little erratic in that it didn’t follow the contest guidelines ‘Pathya Vat poems may be linked together, preferably with the last line of each rhyming with the second and third lines of the next.’
In the first stanza although brace does work I felt 'embrace' would be more fitting and could be shortened to meet the syllable count simply as 'feel His embrace'.
The illustration went perfectly with your poem.
Kat xxx
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this is really good you know god has done miracles so great that hardly noone believes in my school but i show it b/c i pray when someone says they dont believe or have faith and then i talk to them about it
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This is a perfectly constructed pathya vat chain, with a beautiful spiritual message. It was in hopes of eliciting poems like this that secberm and I co-hosted the contest. Two minor issues: In the third stanza, the line "then He smiled" is only three, rather than four, syllables long, I believe (it appears that elsewhere you too follow traditional form, and do not count an extra syllable on "ed". Also, per the contest rules, please remember to return and comment on at least one other poem, and identify what that poem(s) was/were in your author notes.
This is excellent, and you should look at all the admiring comments and be certain you succeeded in your attempt.
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This was a very nice poem. The only thing I did not like was the word forevermore at the end. Not because it didn't fit, but because I find it to be overused in poetry. I don't say this to take away from the poem, it is more or less a personal gripe. Anyway, good job with this form and good luck in the contest.
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AMAZING POEM
This was really awesome Charles. I love it because I know you r heart and soul go into your spiritual poems. They make me feel so good when I read them. Thank you so much. You are making such a difference in my like. God Bless you. Tears again. Love you, God Bless
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This was another great poem of yours. I liked your other peoms better thougth. KEEP ON WRITING.. GOD BLESS.
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Wow!! great write the image really helps!!! Keepit up and God bless!!!
~Kelsey
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Another great piece Charles,
Keep on writting
Gothic Angel
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I love it. Very awesome...angel baby u have a great gift. God is really working through u. Keep up the good work. Love ya
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Wow man u possess the lord in your writing you know it, i can really feel his pressence im havein a good vision, very good jopb man just nic elittle easy to go poem
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Wonderfully Writen
Awww!This is a very fantastic poem!I have no idea how you could have made this up!This is very wonderfully written!Keep it up! -
Loved it. This is a great example of this form (at least I think it is). Quite fitting with the illustration. Thanks for entering. Sorry about the headache. LOL
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I totally got the point of it. The flow of it wasn't overly smooth, but overall I really thought that it was really good. You're a great writer.
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Iknow how you feel about your brain hurting! Praise the Lord, I just got a check in the mail for over $600! I can now pay off my school tuition! The Lord is wonderful! Great job on it as I think that it is great! God bless you
Heather
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