The young man with the three-pointed pendant walked into a clearing surrounded by old trees, the forest itself speaking of old age. Nothing stirred, not a breeze, not a creature, nothing. The world felt blanketed by silence, yet a hunger lay within the man, a deep wanting that he knew will soon be filled. The lush undergrowth sent a chill through his bare feet, and the cool morning air made goosebumps appear. He gathered his cloak about him, setting off to the new items in the clearing, a raging bonfire, and drums. This was his world after all, this was his place. 1
He made himself comfortable in front of the drum, a piece of wood like a barrel with skin stretched across, on the side a strange emblem engraved. Once again he cast his eyes about the world he was in, feeling that expectation in the air. The air trembled, yet not a breeze blew. This world was waiting to be born. 2
Smiling to himself, he drummed a beat that rose up in the crystalline air, a calling rhythm that spoke of the hunger he felt, that summoned those who have the right sounds of making this melody, a energy that could awake this story, calling, calling, calling, and they came 3
A woman carrying her years with grace appeared at the edge to his left, and slowly walked to his right, her steps in time with the beat that was now calling to the very boundaries of this place. She smiled at him as he beat out the heartbeat of the story, and she sat next to him, holding a flute made from blue crystal. With a smile and a nod, she blew, the notes sounded like the wind rushing through the trees, forlorn and peaceful, enticing yet warning. The flute and drum intermingled with the energy of the earth and the heat of the fire, calling, calling, and they came 4
To his right a young boy stepped out from the forest, looking uncertain of his whereabouts. His eyes scanned the clearing until he saw them sitting there, and quickly he sped to them, his smile growing as he approached. He settled himself on the man's left, his own drums in front of him, and he beat the rhythm that he heard from the two already there. The rhythmic heartbeat of a world on the edge of creation. The sounds now already carry power, a gentle breeze rose up and blew through the underbrush, stirring leaves for the first time. And yet the harmony sped through the world, calling, calling, calling, and they came 5
Far in the distance a red haired maiden appeared, small lights flew over her head creating a nimbus of beauty. Slowly she walked over to the other side of the fire, her eyes smiling playfully as she watched the man. Her eyes radiated youth and wisdom, and she slowly sat down. With a deft flick of the wrist she held op her fingers, and pressed the air in front of her. From the nothingness rose a note, and more, following the stringent beat of the drums and flute. Their energies mixed, and the world was born. From all corners of the new world, life rose from nothingness, and those nearest to the clearing saw four people around a sun. And the music they made was creation, watched by the eyes of heaven.6
Author notes
This is part one of a 2 part piece (2nd piece is called Winds of Forever), that also forms the intro to a book I'm working on called "Nine". Although part of a bigger piece, this one and part 2 stands pretty well on their own. Enjoy!
A contest entry
- Any Fantasy , Adventure Short , Short Story !!!!!!!!!!!! by .
120 points, ended February 20, 2007, 10 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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Very Good detail one of the better pieces so far, i like the concept, very original, i could see where it was part of a bigger piece i want to read the others now lol great job
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Fantastic
held op her fingers - should be up
This was so good, what an interesting and original creation piece; you write beautifully. The description really drew me in, I could see them all so clearly. Amazing job
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was beautifully written. Such description wow!!
I every story there is always spelling errors and sometimes even the tense is mixed up. I do it all the time.
This was great though. Wonderfully describe and it flowed. Not choppy.
~Syren~beginning: 4, language: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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I think this is an excellent piece. I did notice a coule of grammar errors where there was a slight mix up in tenses but other than this it was brilliant. It is a very interesting piece to write about and you have done it well. I will have to check out the second piece you mentioned.
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, overall: 6, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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I do love this. I got the oddest chills while reading the story. It just felt to me, from the beginning, like I was witnessing the Gods creating the world, and the knowledge that the man who's prespective this is in was also called was an interesting feeling. I saw only two mistakes, and the description was beautiful.
Paragraph 1: Knows should be knew
Paragraph 2: Casted should be cast
beginning: 5, language: 5, overall: 7, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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thanks for catching that
In all this time it's been online nobody ever saw it, lol
Glad you enjoyed the story
Take care!
~P
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Oh my fucking God... the other night I was at this party and I was drunk as fuck and people started puking and pissing me off so I went out into my friend's backyard by the fire. One of those drums just like the one you described was there and I just stared into the flames and played it. I wonder if I created another world.
Well that night didn't end up so good for me and a had the most horrible hangover ever the next day, and I've quit drinking since then (for good, even once I'm 21).
But I really liked your story. As an obsessor of music I enjoyed your version of Creation too. You described it very well and I felt like I was there, even though there was no dialog.
Very good. Just don't write another version called "Eyes of Heaven 2" that contradicts this one. -
I enjoyed reading your story very much and I'm looking forward to reading part two, what a wonderful way to write about creation.
Hugs angelica
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i love this... it reminds me of a festival i go too! crazy ... really good job! keep writing!
<3
Ems -
this is really good. i liked how you created the atmosphere of the forest through your words and i loved the words you used to describe their music. i hope you continue to write more and i'll definitely want to see more of this story.
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I like how they created a new world with music.. that's really creative and cool. Thanks for entering and good luck!
dt -
This is really good. Thanks for entering & keep writing.
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This was beautiful. Your stories are so full of such eleqouent(sp?) description, that how could they not be thrilling to the eye. My favourite was the last one, with the red-haired maiden. She seemed to possess a fiery.. aura. Maybe it was the direct mentioning of fire, when she appears.
Oh.. Yes, there is a typo in that paragraph.
stringest=strongest?
Nothing too major.
Keep up the good work, as always.
~BloodyFeathers -
hey nice poem that i ever heard of, it's a beautifully done and etc.. anyways i hope you see one of my poems in the future. have a great summer... ccccccccccc-ya!
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this was so interesting and beautifully done. the descriptions were wonderful and I loved the story. thank you for sharing it.
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wow, this is really sweet, I like the way you put this 'creation' into words, and make it all so beautiful.
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It was almost like I could hear the music and see the world you talk about. During this contest I’m see so many good stories and your definitely falls under: GOOD
Good luck and I hope you enjoy yourself in participating in this contest. Until the next time I read your story..
Love Sam
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so descrpitive! I got lost in it, I felt like I was there... so so good! Sorry for my brief comment, your story was very touching! THank you for entering, and best of luck!
Love,
Katy
~LiquidLullaby~ -
Indeed a wonderful piece which makes one feel in touch with the world and creation. For me it also shows that we are never alone, that there is always someone out there in the forest who will help you in creating a better world. Keep it up!
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BRILLIANT
In this story all my senses are awoken. I taste the clear air, smell the undergrowth, feel the trembling air, hear the music and see creation. A wonderful composition.
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