Walking on the beach 1
Holding hands2
Our feet getting wet3
As we skim the shore4
We are laughing5
At some silly joke6
Your sheer blouse7
Starts to blow 8
In the breeze9
Your hard nipples10
Can clearly be seen.11
I lift the gauzy fabric12
Touch my lips13
To your breast14
Making you gasp15
You grab my face16
And push it against17
Your beating chest18
As our excitement grows19
We fall on the sand20
Our clothes are gone21
Our skin is touching22
My softness with23
Your softness24
Come together 25
As the waves crash26
The sun shines down27
A backdrop28
To the passion 29
That binds us.
In a list
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Wonderful
This is a tasty little piece. I think the start could be stronger setting the view (night or day, alone on beach, cool or hot) but I like the way it moves at a quick pace, step by step, toward fulfillment. -
Very beautiful indeed
a richly detailed piece of fine writing. Excellent job!
~ Ink
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Loved it!!
As the waves crash The sun shines down A backdrop to the passion. Oooh my favorite lines. Fabulous imagery.
*personally i would have stopped there, but I see how your flow took you to the end.
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Thank you, I am glad you like it! It was fun to experience, and fun to write about.
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Smooth and tastey ...
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Yes, she was!
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She got as good as she gave
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Niiiice.... I liked the imagery and the flow.
"As the waves crash
The sun shines down
A backdrop
To the passion
That binds us."
-- loved those lines, especially...
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Thank you so much, I felt good about those lines too!
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Beautiful scene and story in verse.
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Thank you, I appreciate that.
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I kissed a girl and I liked it.
I liked this poem as well. It was very sexy.
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Thank you. Well -- it was a sexy situation!
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That was a perfect picture, portrayed in verse. You did it so well.
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Thank you so much!
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Beautiful
I like this. =] -
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Thanks sweetie!
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From Here To Eternity...A Poem!
Nice. Exciting. I would only wonder, and perhaps only to make it a bit easier...perhaps more interesting for the reader, what it would be like broken up into verses or stanzas?
Of course, you may have your reason for the one, long stream...a kind of flow.... I understand. But still...give it thought! I also wonder what would happen with fewer pronouns. (Do you need them all?)
Nice scene.
Ah, youth!
GA
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Hmmm, to be honest, when I write, it just sort of flows (no pun intended) and that was how this one came out. I might play with it and try your suggestion. Thanks!
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