Dying of Fright

Did you ever get scared?
Like an evil in the night,
You felt its warmth against your skin
As the rooster crowed, and your patience wore thin,
And you felt yourself dying of fright1

And did you ever hear
Or yearn to listen to the ocean roar?
When life was simple, plain and clear
Nothing pained your paranoia and fear
It was blissful watching the birds soar2

Did you ever feel empty?
Contemplating, sad and alone
The void becoming nearer
Your whole life, suddenly, is clearer
And you've found the person you've never known...3


Author notes

A different style here, not sure what I think of it yet.

Tyler, different rhyme pattern, use of metaphor, also. haha. =P


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Comments

  • steph...
    October 6, 2008

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    THIS IS REALLY GOOD

    hey, I really like this one, it's got a great rhyming pattern and i feel people can releate to it good work!
    steph

  • Mort
    September 17, 2008

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    I read it and knew what I was going to put in my comment before I even finished it. Then I saw your notes and so oh well. I like it!... here is also alliteration thee too.... and I think paradox to stanza three line four and five, paradox? Well I like it... the use of techniques added depth to your poem. Made it more... I really don't want to say this, "Professional" sorry! I couldn't think of a better word... This poem doesn't sounds so much like it was written by a sixteen your old girl in high school. It has broken out of your norm. I like the rhyme scheme, I didn't even think of that one when I think of schemes for my poems.

    I like the second stanza the best i think. It has the best rhythm and timing... Well it sounds best when you read it out loud.

    What is this poem about may I ask? I tried for a while and i can't really figure it out. IS the whole thing a metaphor? I think if I went into it a bit more it would come clear. [sorry fellow 'Story Writians' but you won’t understand this next part it's more personal then communal] You should show Mr. Tracy. I really think you should.

    So in all a great poem, you defiantly put more effort into its construction... "The right words in the right order" Keep it up Frances.

    T.


    • Midnightmare
      September 18, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      THANKS! yeah i'll consider showing mr tracey... but after the holidays lol.
      thanks again XD