One Last Goodbye

I used to be your typical year 11 student, but I’m not anymore, I used to think the world was perfect, but in just two words my view of a perfect world came crashing down. It was that fateful winter’s day that Chris told me it was over. With just two words a knife stabbed through my heart, I knew from that day onward I could no longer be myself, I was no longer able to face reality, from that day onward I knew that I had to leave, I had to get away from the tattered remains of my life. That’s exactly what I did; I left home, and went to somewhere where I can be myself.1

It was one spring morning that I packed my bags and left, I wanted to leave as soon as Chris had broken up with me, but I was told to wait and that’s what I did. I waited; it didn’t help so I persuaded my parents to let me leave. I woke early and left, before mum and dad were awake. They knew I was leaving, but goodbyes were too hard. I didn’t really care much about the trip, my eyes stayed focused to the road. It was the destination that was constantly on my mind. I was on my way to a small lakeside town nestled in the middle in nowhere, large oaks surround the town which was built on a beautiful lake of blue and green. It would be the perfect place to restart my life and pick up the pieces of my life. My uncle left use a small house on the outskirts of the town, when he died, we never really visited, and it was only if we had to. Dad always told me that there were too many bad memories there, so I told my parents that was where I was going, I was going to fix the old lake house up. I was going to repair the house while I repaired myself.2

I arrived, unpacked, cleaned and set up a bedroom for myself, the house smelt musty and old. It was dark and dusty, there was no running water, the plumbing was rusted, the windows barely shifted, this was more than just a one person job. I knew I had to get a tradesman in. Within a week I had got a tradesman, had the water and electricity put on and had a phone line installed. The lake house was looking better and better each day; Ryan was good at what he did. Ryan was tall with olive skin, deep brown eyes and a face with a story. It wasn’t till the last day of the job that we spoke; we would say hello but not a proper conversation.3

“I’ve been here for a week and I really don’t know you.” Ryan said quietly.4

“Well I didn’t think it was common to be friendly with tradesmen.” I replied5

“People are nice to tradesmen you just have something stuck up your bum.”6

“Sorry, I’m just not into letting people get to know me.”7

“Why?” Ryan asked with great intent.8

“I just don’t want to get hurt anymore”9

“So, that’s the reason.” 10

“I guess it is” I said.11

“Will you let me get to know you? It may help.” Ryan asked.12

“I...I...um...dunno. Who wants to get to know me?” 13

“I do” Ryan replied. 14

I never really thought about letting someone getting to know me again, after Chris broke up with me, but it was time for a change. 15

“Ok, but you have to tell me your story first.”16

“I’m 20, don’t know what happened to my parents, really couldn’t careless, lived here my whole life, with my grandparents, they died over a year ago, never been in love, not planning to. Is that good enough?” Ryan said.17

“I really don’t think you need to her my story” I replied.18

“I can tell you yours. Your 17 or 18, I haven’t seen u smile yet, you look like a big town girl, but lots of people know your story, you look like you’re hurting emotionally, at same time pushing everyone away, you came here to find yourself, heal. Did I get it right?” Ryan asked.19

“You sort of got it right. My boyfriend broke up with me and I haven’t been able to cope ever since.” I replied.20

“So that’s why your here?” Ryan inquired.21

“More or less, give or take.” I answered. 22

“Let me help you?”23

“I’m a broken doll, nobody wants, I do want to bother you” I said with spite.24

“And I’m a tradesman; I know how to fix broken things.” Ryan laughed.25

I decided to let Ryan help me, what harm could it do, I could only hurt him.26

Ryan returned every afternoon. We would sit and talk; I learnt stuff about Ryan that he would never tell anyone else, he learnt stuff about me that I wouldn’t tell anyone about. I final let down my barricade, I smiled, I laughed and even cried. I began to let go of Chris, some part of me wouldn’t but one it would. Ryan taught me that I didn’t need love to be happy; I just needed to enjoy life. Ryan and I took each day at a time; there was no rush to finish fixing the lake house, as long as we had fun. After about two weeks the lake house was looking more like a home, it was clean, freshly painted and liveable. Over those two weeks I noticed a change in myself, I didn’t look at the world as if it was a horrible place, I didn’t see a future of darkness lying ahead of me and I’d gotten over Chris, but for some reason I still didn’t feel right. There was still something that had to fill the void in my chest. I was unsure of what that was. I had friendship, I had something to take my mind of Chris, but nothing I could do would fill that void. I was always in contact with my parents, every night I would speak to them. They told me what was going on at home and what I missed out on. It never seemed to be enough. 27

It wasn’t until I was lying in bed one night, when I realised that I had to talk to Chris, tell him how much I hated him. I couldn’t write talk to him, so I wrote a letter.28

Dear Chris.29

I always thought I could never forgive you, but tonight I sit here writing this thinking of everything that I have gone through just to move on, my family that I pushed away, my friends that I lost and my broken heart, but tonight I sit here and forgive you. I took my time, but now I mend and I say thank you.30

Ash.31

With that letter, the void in my chest filled. Everything fell in to piece. I was whole again. I decided that I had mended, I packed my bags and went back to bed. 32

I waited till the afternoon to see Ryan and say goodbye, tears ran down my cheeks, goodbye was too hard, so we didn’t say goodbye.33

“I am assuming that you found yourself?” Ryan asked with great content.34

“Yeah I did. Thank you.” I said.35

“No problem, can you promise me something?” Ryan asked his tone more serious.36

“Sure nothing to hard.” I jokingly said.37

“Don’t get hurt by another guy again. Promise?”38

“I promise"39

“Good.” Ryan replied.40

We hugged one last time, I got in my car and left. My world became perfect again, for the first time in a very long time, my heart was whole, I could smile freely and be happy. From this day onward I was forever grateful that I had met that tradesman by the name of Ryan, that I had got to know him, and that I was going to give Chris that letter the he deserved. I looked back at the white lake house nestled on the shore of the bluey, green lake surrounded by oaks, and Ryan standing in the middle of that picture. My life was whole once more.41

The End42