I live in a world where
Culture
Is squeezed, choked out of every race
To make room for “progress”.
Where white defines perfection,
And the whites together
Gain identity
By forcing everyone else to forget his.
I live in a world where
Love is always the same color,
And money
Seduces, threatens life without happiness.
I live in a world where
Something malicious is done
And apologized for seventy years later;
A world where
Submission is a woman’s occupation,
And silence her pastime.
I want to live where
Voice
Is an option,
And love
Is colorful,
And happiness
Comes without monetary attachments.
A contest entry
- I want some good poems by Fervent-Author.
209 points, ended September 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Trophies for the Trophy-less by May Kingston.
175 points, ended May 24, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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You're not the only one, chicka. You dream of a world that countless other would sacrifice their lives for.
Despite all the downsides, life isn't really all that bad. Not when you nitpick on the personal level, at any rate. As a whole, it's...not so great. xD
Lovely poem, and it was a joy to read. Short, to the point, and packed a punch.
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Wow. I love it! It really speaks a strong message in a condensed space, in one small poem. I agree... I only wish that somehow this vision could come true.
Great poem. Thanks for entering! -
A bomb of a poem. Short as a foot but it spoke for miles. Sometimes short work makes a better point than a long one. This was one of those cases.
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I really enjoyed this poem. Powerful writing and emotive choice of words. Keep writing such compelling poetry!
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Awesome poem! I read this before but didn't get a chance to comment. I love the message.
Good job and keep writing!
(Oh, this is AthenaWisdom - just so you know
)
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It will never fail to make me feel better
. 
, wish I could give you more points.
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Amen...
... now use the energy of your anger to go and make at least some of it happen. And yes, I've tried it, with moderate success. But it is the function of the young to rebel, to kick holes in the establishment, and to patch them with righteousness and love. There are actually some of us oldsters still trying it! Hope this encourages you. -
This was terriffic.
I really enjoy the tone in your writing. Tone is like the fingerprint of the writer, it emotes the person by how they put words into life and I probably enjoy experiencing it the most. There's a reverence in how you view life that is really wonderful to see in this day and age of emo gloom. It's like a bright light that shines and it's a joy to read.
With this work you cut to the center of what is really important in life and what it means to you as a woman, that you wish to be regarded for what you offer rather than what society deems your due. I agree completely. I was raised to view all people only in regard to what they radiate through their character and that race or gender is immaterial to this vision. Though you lament that gender is still riding a discriminatory line, I do believe it's much better today than it was. I work in the construction trade and have been working around a woman electrician. I have taken the opportunity to ask her how it's going in this trade of men and she reports that it's been fine. She is respected for the work she does rather than the sex she is and in construction the results are plain to see. Your work is your resume and she is skilled so she is rewarded for her skill. So have hope, it's not all that bad, there are some bright spots and it's getting better all the time.
I enjoy the dichotomy you draw between love and money. So many fail this test as one of the most common reasons leading to marital strife is trouble with money. My wife married me as a poor plumber's apprentice making eight dollars an hour and lived with me in a travel trailer for two years before we bought a house. I knew she loved me. Then when I became ill and was reduced to a skeleton and looked like hammered crap and we were about to lose everything she still loved me. I truly believe that we could end up on a street corner and there she would be, right by my side. That is where love is incredibly powerful and I return that love by working hard to insure she never has to experience that kind of indigence. It's great that you get that at such a young age. So many today become lost in materialism that again, your views are like a bright, shining light. I really enjoy reading your work. Please keep sharing such inspirational writes as it makes the world a better place. I feel good after reading your work.
al
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Come back to read again just because I feel like it, and again I was struck by it, and it's beauty, so lets leave it at that shall we? still love the pacing, the words you selected, and especially the whole point of the poem. Nice to know people do have eyes and see the world for the ugly thing it can be. Still love this so much, brilliant job
keep writing for ever more 
. (I'd give you more clappies but it won't let me second time around *sulks*) but I'll give you my own, even if it won't give you points.
!!!!!!!!!!
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I'm so sorry. I moved from Texas, so it's cool for me now. Maybe you should try. ^_^
Sorry I can't be serious about this stuff.
Listen, maybe this really IS where you live... like... fifty years in the past... but I can't help thinking this is WAAAAY over-dramatic. Why do you live in that world? Because you WANT to???? That's what it seems like, since you are acknowledging nothing positive that actually IS in the world. Quit moping. Show a little light with the dark. And don't look at my depressing violent crap as a good example. >_<
I like the beat you have going, and it seems like poetry spews out of you quite freely. That's good, really really.
So keep it up.
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I'm gonna hafta take back most of what I said because I've been thinking about it, and over-dramatization is not the problem.
The problem IS that these problems you talk about, racism, bigotry, greed, are obviously, ya, present in society. The thing is that you address these things in the broadest way possible and don't give the reader a lot to connect to. A way you can improve this poem is by adding in-between lines of SPECIFIC examples.
EX:
Where white defines perfection,
And no more than 20% of America's Next Top Model's will be colored
(ha ha, I know.)
Something like that? Things that people can see, and relate to. You can take examples from your grandmother's time, and make it more of a historical view.
Sorry my first comment was dull-minded and angry
I like your writing, and would like to see more.
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Wow...Loved this. So emotive...and maddeningly true in places around the world. T_T
-HT
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Awesome work...I agree that too much emphasis is placed on people's difference than on what tis the same about us all. Very well written...
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wow i love it! i hate how race is still so big in todays society. god created everyone equal and that is how it should be!!!!
-Dani
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Very good poem. I really liked it!
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I love this !!! Love love love it
So much raw honesty about humanity and the world that we all must unite to live it. I love everything about this poem and what it means and stands for. you have captured the emotions and needs for a fuller life wonderfully.
good luck with the contest
♣ Blake
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This is a great poem - I enjoyed reading this.
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Very interesting
I don't care what that teacher said, but that isn't too sentimental, you've hit the description of todays society on the head, very interesting poem
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i love it and its perfect no joke
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Wow. I loved the part about 'submission is a woman's occupation and silence is her pastime.' I'm so glad I clicked the 'Random Story' button !
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This is the most amazing poem i have EVER read, and its all thanks to Much. It is so truthful and its the kind of poem that would inspire me. Would you mind if i use it a inspiration for a poetry club me and my friend are running? send me a message to let me know. I would love you forever, as a friend, if you said yes.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Oh WOW! What Elli said! It's so true! It's absolutely fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You really must do something with this. Have you considered selling it to the media? It's amazingly brilliant. I love the steady flow and the way you shaped every word. I also loved the repetition. Man, I'm should get a copy of this and print it out and stick it up everywhere! I won't but it would be great! I might get a copy for my wall. Truthful words and a huge amount of feeling! You must keep writing this kind of thing!!!!!!!!!!!! Best of luck in your contest (though with this entry you shouldn't need that) and keep going!!!!!!
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Sarah I friggin love this. It is so true and oh man it just speaks volumes. VOLUMES I tell you VOLUMES.
Excellent write.
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