The reporter’s old gray suit had more wrinkles in it than a Shar pei’s face when the dog’s taking a shit. A half-smoked Marlboro dangled out of the reporter’s mouth, the ashes close to letting loose on my brand-new Broyhill. If that happens, I swear I’ll kill the son of a bitch with his No. 2 pencil.1
After a thirty second coughing fit, he finally spoke.2
“What started you writing?”3
I slipped the L4 and L5 vertebral disks in my back playing tennis. There’s not a whole lot you can do in bed recuperating—at least nothing I can say in public—so I started writing.”4
“That’s it?” he said, shaking his ferret-like head.5
“That’s it.”6
“I see,” he said, scribbling furiously.“What is your main inspiration?”7
“Other authors—Pete Hamill, Paul Ohlmstead, Steven Pressman…”8
“Never heard of ‘em.”9
“…Steven King.”10
“Heard of him,” he said, wiping blood and phlegm off the side of his mouth with his yellow handkerchief.“Is there a routine you have in writing? Meaning time of day? Cups of coffee?”11
“Do you think you could ask one question at a time, for Christ sake?”12
“Yeah, sure—any one of them, BanReo?”13
“I grab a beer at 8 pm and write for two hours every day, unless my wife and I go out.”14
“You’re married, then?”15
“Yeah—usually when you mention your wife it means you’re married.”16
“That’s right— you’re a smart boy, all right,” the reporter said, pushing a gray nose hair back up into his nostril. Satisfied, he continued.“What is your primary genre?”17
“My novels are mystery thrillers that are usually suspense oriented. I’m writing one now which involves stalking and strangling reporters.”18
He smiled nervously at me.19
“Female,” I said.20
He smiled again. “How do you plan your characters, meaning— are they a part of you? Something you said in someone else?”21
“There you go again with your multiple questions. All right—I’ll answer, anyway. Every writer’s characters have some of him or her in them. It’s impossible not to have some of my idiosyncrasies in my protagonists and antagonists.”22
I stuck an ashtray under the cigarette he had placed on the coffee table. I looked him in the eyes. “We’re all capable of murder.”23
He grinned.“What is your thought pattern on coming up with names for your characters?”24
“I use relative’s names.”25
“Really?”26
“I’m Irish Catholic.”27
“Oh,” he said. “That explains it.” He screwed the eraser into his ear in thought.28
“Do you outline or just go with the flow and leave the proofreading for later?”29
“I outline the entire book or story in my head and then write it down. It keeps you from getting writer’s block if you have an outline in front of you. I drift off occasionally, but always return to the template.”30
“Interesting!” he exclaimed loudly, trying unsuccessfully to mask a loud fart.31
“Do you proof alone or allow someone else to assist in this?”32
“I edit the manuscript six or seven times before sending it to a professional editor. We parlay back and forth, three or four more times with the manuscript, until I’m satisfied.”33
“Do you have a good luck charm?”34
“I do,” I said, standing up from my chair, pointing. “My sofa pillow there, embroidered with the words, ‘I love chocolate.’ The one you just burned a hole in with your cigarette!”35
I reared back my arm, preparing to strike. 36
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Gold trophy winner
Adding your comment:
. Rewarded 4
If some guy actually pushed his nose hair back into his nose right in front of me, i think i would have to say, "see ya". Gross man. And if he farted, he would have a bloody nose. again, gross guy....
