5:20 AM. And I知 sitting at the third floor window, watching the flickering lamp half way down the street, cast light upon a non-existent person. The wind is moving through the bare trees, shedding ghostly-shadows upon the pavement, but I知 staring at a lit up spot, and watching a specter I know that I have created. He is tall, with dark hair that sweeps over his forehead, the tips falling before piercing green eyes. As he is illuminated again I can see the glint of his teeth, almost razor sharp and blindingly white, as he grins a predatory grin in my direction. Just as I see him, he sees me too. Incomprehensibly, I duck down, hiding away beneath the sill, hoping that I was wrong, waiting for the churning in my stomach to subside. 1
Curiosity, as is natural, gets the better of me. Hesitantly I raise myself once again, eyes level with the bottom of the window, then higher, peaking back towards the lamp. He Is still there, perched against it lazily as if he has been waiting all evening to be seen, and he shall not go until he gets the necessary acknowledgment. He deserves it. A dark coat, which hangs to his thighs, is draped off strong shoulders. He would make an impression dressed as a tramp, his look is so striking. Every physical feature is defined and incredibly masculine. 2
I swallow, wondering why my throat is so dry, and why I am so hot, and itching to move from the relative safety of my third floor bedroom, to the bench at the front of the house, right outside, and in plain view. I consider. Again and again that options enters my mind and will not be forced out of it, how matter how desperately I push. In his hand is a silver object, he plays it through his fingers and it moves like liquid would, so fluid, yet he seems to have perfect control over this, and over everything else. The lamplight that always flickers, has stopped flickering while my eyes have stopped looking away. Stretched across his torso, taunt and distorted, is a black shirt which melts into his coat. Tucked, neatly into the waistband of his trousers, off-black due to dustiness, a little torn, disheveled in a ruggedly handsome way. These two are taunt, definitely pulled too tight. 3
Finally I close my eyes, but the image is burned to the back of my eyelids. I知 floating, and before I know it, I知 outside the cold wind whipping against my cheeks, blowing unkempt hair into my eyes, and causing goosebumps to rise upon bare shoulders. I hope this is just a figment of my imagination too. I daren稚 approach. Leisurely, or as leisurely as it could possibly be presented in such a situation, I sit upon the bench, draw my legs up to my chest and wrap my arms around my knee痴. My chin is rested on the top, and I知 looking in every direction except where I know he is standing, watching me. I can feel his eyes burning against my skin, taking in every aspect of my being that he could not previously have seen. I can almost feel his breath upon my neck, feel his lips upon my neck, feel his teeth upon my - I raise a hand to touch the skin, unconsciously my neck has already dipped to the side and there, against my fingers, I feel warmth. Surprised, I drew my fingers away and looked at them, crimson and glowing in the eerie street light glare. 4
Blood.
In a list
What do you think so far? Is this worth continuing? Any suggestions?
Comments
1 - 24 of 24
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I say keep going on this. It's really good.
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Very, good, it's interesting and leaves me wanting more. I want to know exaclty who they are, and what their relationship is. Great job!
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this is interesting makes me feel as tho im right watching the two of them...keep it up
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Thankyou, and I intend to.
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5.20 sould be 5:20paragraph one scene should be seen paragraph 2 Goosebumps should not be captialized paragraph 4 other than that it's a good start..and with it being a prologue..that should be taken in a good way....
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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Thanks for your help. Its so hard to get everything no matter how many times you read it. I really appreciate you pointing those things out.
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Thanks for your help.
No matter how many times you read something back, it is hard to get all the mistakes.
Always glad for someone to give it another read through and point those things out.
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Yeah I know...so difficult...I've got a bunch of writers for friends they help..so does this site though...so between the two...and I'll be glad to help anytime
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Damn double. Hehe.
Well yeah, the help is always appreciated. Hey thats why i'm on this site anyway.
And thanks for taking an interest in it at all. -
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honestly I just found it by hitting th random button but I did like it...hey I just made a contest anything goes as long as it includes moonlight...not a lot of points but I bet you could do pretty well in it
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Really?
Thats excellent. I'm lookin' for something to help me get over a little bit of writers block here, so a contest could definitely be fun. I'll check it out.
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http://storywrite.com/contest/show/6330 here is a link make it faster and easier to find
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Thanks, i've looked over it and i'm trying to get something down now.
Without making it too obvious and clichéd, hehe. -
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Yeah I'm bad about that...I can't write romance because it always ends up being cliche...I still try anyway...lol
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I'm pretty sure that it ends up like that for everyone. There is hardly anything in romance that isn't a cliché any longer. We just have to deal with it and somehow still make it interesting.
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yeah...cliche is just so...common...part of why I don't really write much romance..the only romance story that I have any real liking for that I've written is secrets of topaz eyes and in all honesty that is very cliche but it's still different...maybe because they are both bisexual...but hey...lol
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Mm, but then most of the time when we read romance, we read it for those clichés. You'd be kind of disappointed without them. And if a piece manages to add something new, then <3
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yeah very true...it's like that's sooo cliche...why can't it happen to me....lol...or at least that's what runs through my head...lol...BTW...is that you in your picture?
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yeah i thought the purple kind of went with my 'Theme' so i put that pic up, hehe.
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just wondered...I like the purple hair...it's really cool....your theme?....
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oooohhh!
goodgood! *motions for the next page*
looks great though there are a few grammar errors with the wrong word.
good job.
Cheers
Hunter~
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Nice
I like the description in it. =3
I do wish more was -happening- but as it appears to be part of something bigger, the lack of action is easily forgivable. I'll definitely read more. =3
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who this is really good how it enhds so simply like that.
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This was very descripitive...making the imagery simple to obtain. Great job in that. And i like how you structured it, the thought patturn of it. Sounds like an excellant story and yes, you should continue
Great job...just don't forget to categorise it
Great job
Rian
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