Stop A Bullet
Chapter One 1
The house smelt like burn out cigarette’s and something familiar that I had grown up with. 2
The smell was not enticing and none the less I could smell the stench of fear a mile away, had come accustomed to it and now it lingered like the drag of a stale cigarette both putrid and unhealthy, filling my lungs with the toxic fumes of starvation for a new and better life and the knowledge that all my wishes in the matter would never prevail; as long as the furious stench wafted though my every, living, day.3
The fear was thick inside the closed in walls of my bedroom. A prison almost,without the bars and my co- criminals, and not even the open windows had been enough to control my feeling of claustrophobia that drifted into the room and consumed me, wrapping itself around me like a chain around wooden box.4
Tonight I lay awake, my eyes pinned to the ceiling with is crackling exterior and the brackets that looked daring enough to snap completely; crushing me into an almost painless, crippled, death. 5
When would the rotten, flesh, eating, memories fade away? I wondered, questioning myself for the first time tonight. When would I be able to breath again without the fear strangling my breath?6
I pricked my ears becoming accustomed to the sounds of the night, not only from the walls , but from the outside as well. 7
Like always it was a typical night, a restless night drifting of to sleep with the shrilling sound of abuse sounding an almost haunting melody through the paper, thin, walls. Pounding the bricks into crumbled ashes of yesterdays. So loud and unnerving that I could almost feel the screeching bursting my eardrums, ringing them into a frenzied, fit, of exhaustion. 8
I had never got used to the sound not even to this very night. It never got any easier listening to Maggie. I could feel her every tired, shriek, biting through my skin like a parasite, slowly eating me away every time her octave raised a higher level until when at last it was near ending the disease had hit his marrow, and was now bone- thick sending my body shuddering into my mattress. 9
I was Glad, knowing that it had stopped the house once again remaining calm, but completely torn because I knew that Maggie was not safe from his malicious, hands.; Not now and not never.10
Trey owned Maggie like a piece of meat. She was not a person but a prize he had to win. Flesh and bones and when aroused more than a lifeless body.11
For I had heard Maggie once say, while speaking to a friend, that the more Trey knew she was aroused, the more he played on it. Like a fiddle, like a violin, in a grotesque, orchestra, of iniquity. 12
Pleasure beyond pain, and pain beyond pleasure.13
It had occurred after hearing that conversation that Trey was no normal offender. That he did not take the easy, brutal, way of handling her body but used other means that to him were more like torture than a sexual fulfillment. 14
Trey was a beast, a pedophile, a delinquent; more animal than human and it had crushed my heart, my organs, my bones, every inch and ounce of my being, knowing that my sister had been so carnally, corrupted. 15
I peeled my eyes open, my body now alert to the sounds that tamed an after dinner special. 16
I waited as they grew unaccustomed to my onyx, surroundings, and directed my eyes towards the open door where a shimmer of light produced enough for my eyes to catch the shadows of the next room dancing on the wall.17
Maggie; I could make out her outline as a larger beast clawed the shadow of torment against the cream, dirt, walls of the hallway. The sight was enough to cause my stomach to churn, knot, and roll over in a manner that was to sickly to describe to any doctor who would ever listen. 18
It was the part of the evening I hated the most and was the most frequent, like a routine or tradition, as soon as the last plate was left in the sink to accumulate mold that would have a health inspector crippling in a ball and screaming for his mother; the routine began and did not deteriorate into the late hours of the night, or the chilling hours of the morning when the clock had stricken 12:00 and the pleading had become almost silent.19
Tonight was no different in the Wilberson/Grant household. Tonight was just another night marked of on the calendar that hung loosely on my Smokey, Black, wall. 20
A night to witness the shadows that reminded me of a horrific play where a woman was tied up to a four post bed, stripped of every layer of clothing that kept her body both innocent and vulnerable ,only to have the monster, the rapist, the sickest of men on the planet violate her slowly and agonizingly, draining and tearing every ounce of faith and belief she had in herself and for the world, but for what?21
Pleasure? satisfaction in the most sadistic way? 22
No I knew the reason behind why these men, men just like Trey turned these women, these girls, their children and wives into voodoo dolls of despair and misery.23
I knew how it triggered them deep inside where it counted in their woefully, unwholesome, hearts and how these women, these beautiful women took every strike of molestation and tirade letting their lives become a plague of misery and resentment ceasing their life long dreams and letting them disappear into a thickening cloud of dominance.24
For what?” I whispered into the silent air, the sonance of Maggie’s profanation flowing from a defining, nightmare into a hushed, surreal, state of freedom.25
“For what is this all for,?” I breathed holding my cross, chain, necklace close to my open, rippled, shirt. 26
“Why Won’t you make it stop?”27
This was a question I had asked myself to many times.28
Every night, nearly every waking moment was a life spent questioning the reasons why my father had left us all in this state, left his daughter and his children’s Mother in the hands of a man so powerful he was a god amongst the household?29
“Go on, get the fucking hell out of my room and get to bed now you dirty bitch.” 30
I heard Trey growl, waiting for the moment when the coast was clear and Maggie would once again be free to walk.31
“Hurry up your mother will be home soon and if she catches us you're bloody in for a good thrashing, do you understand me?”32
I watched the shadow of my sister, tall but hunched over, standing at the doorway, her ripped, night gown blowing from the open window from the beasts bedroom.33
I waited patiently, often wondering what exactly ran through Maggie’s mind when it was all over. Always wondering how she saw herself once he had left her body?34
He was brutal, I could guarantee anyone that. It did not take a rocket scientist to figure it out, but it gnawed at me every so often and taunted me into a sense of regret and guilt, that I was to weak to handle or understand even if I wanted too. 35
He was about as gentle as an African vulture picking his prey with his firm, sharp, beak and tangling himself inside his meal devouring every last scrap until its victim was nothing but a wretched, pile, of worthless carcass and bones. 36
There was no compassion in him, anyone could see it if they looked into his eyes; his saturated, silver, storm, eyes. 37
He was cruel and heartless and more to the point merciless about the way he approached every manner inside his household. 38
He made sure that every living member inside those prison, brick, walls, knew that nearly every waking minute from morning till night; who they were and where they stood, never ceasing to make it known if anyone of them stepped out of line. 39
It horrified me to know the power of his control under normal circumstances. I hated to imagine what his power held in the circumstance he had dragged Maggie and my mother into.40
“Don't make me ask you again,” Trey screamed.41
I sat upright, swinging my legs over the side of my bed, ready to run to Maggie's aid. This did not look good at all.42
What was she playing at? She knew how aggressive he got? Why would she play these games with him? Our mother would be home soon, did she want to get caught?43
Maggie moved backwards pressing her trembling body against the wall as the door was slammed shut, the house now pitch Black. Her figure not even an outline in the dark.44
In those few minute of light I could see Maggie's cheeks stained with tears, her mascara running, making her face look like it had been smothered with dirt. Her night gown looked like it had been torn, but I was not at all certain, it might have been a trick of the light, although knowing Trey; that was unlikely.45
“Maggie?” I said reaching around me for my torch, “Are you still there?”46
I heard no answer, not even the sound of her heavy breathing that I had heard as she stood in had stood doorway while Trey screamed at her.47
“Where the freaking hell is my torch?” I asked myself leaning forward, sliding my hand underneath the bed. I knew I had it here somewhere close by; just in case on an emergency.48
“Maggie?” I asked again finding my torch under a pair of dirty, jeans.49
I flicked the switch on, my own hands trembling with fear scared for her safety more than mine and directed it towards the wall.50
Nothing; she was gone already. She must have gone to her room when he had slammed the door in her face; creep. 51
I could not blame her though.52
I had no idea what was running through her mind or what it must have felt like trying to pick a fight with him. 53
All I knew was that it had been a wise move on her part to retreat to her bedroom given the tone of Trey's voice, anyone with half a mind would of. When it came to Trey he had no time for games.54
Trey was scared though I figured, I could sense it in his aggression. 55
For he had no problem abusing Maggie while my mother was not present, but when it came to my mother 's presence even he was frightened and with good reason for my mother was unpredictable and she had strong intentions on raising her family better than her own parents had.56
If she knew about the things Trey did behind her back she would be crushed and I did not think that Trey would even want that; However brutal he may have been, he still loved my mother.57
I sat still wondering whether or not to check up on Maggie, wondering is she was okay, knowing the answer was obvious and my question plain stupidity. 58
How could she be okay? She had just been raped, of course she was not okay.59
“Why do you have to be so stupid?” I asked myself hearing the bedroom door open once again, the light almost blinding me as it flashed and darted into my own bedroom.60
Trey stepped into the hallway, a sullen frown upon his face, his hands clutching his leather, spiked, belt. 61
I looked at his hands, my eyes scanning him from head to toe. 62
He was like built like a brick; rock, solid, toned and muscular. His body screamed violence. He had me shaking in my boots with just one look in my direction, a look as if he were about to snap my weak, fragile, body, in half with just one, fowl, strike of his hand. 63
“Where is your sister?” he asked roughly, clasping his belt, pulling the strap tight to hold his gritty, jeans, against his hips.64
“In her room I suppose,” I said softly unable to breath let alone speak. 65
He hadn't even touched me and I already felt beaten. I guessed that was what fear and exhaustion did to people. Drained them, made them feel like they had been beaten to a pulp and Trey had done a good job of that, even though he was not aware.66
He nodded turning in the direction of my bedroom.67
“ I see.”68
“Please Don't come in... Please Don't come in,” I whispered to myself, though my whispers did not prevail. 69
Trey stepped into my room, walking towards me. A menace he was, I could feel my heart bruising my chest with each step he took closer. My eyes watering as he blocked the light, tears burning, stinging my eyes with beads like salt.70
Oh god he is going to crush me, I thought to myself. He is going to crush me like an ant and leave me for dead.71
Trey stopped short of my bed leaning forward to pick up one of my school sketch books off the ground. The muscles in his arms bulging and glistening in the light.72
He was drenched in sweat, his torso was covered in it. Not only that it was still dripping from his body, even his hair was matted, stuck to his cheeks as he tried to brush it away from his eyes in annoyance. He sure knew how to take his body to the highest limits.73
“How was school today?” he asked firmly, but friendly, taking me back completely.74
He wasn't going to crush me?75
“It was alright I guess,” I said moving backwards so that I was almost lying back down on the mattress, my breathing increasing in depth, my throat feeling hoarse and dry.76
“Did you have art today son?” he asked leafing through my sketchbook, the abstract art causing his lips to crease, a small, smile, replacing his dominant, frown. 77
I hated it when he called me son. It angered me to the the extent I could feel my blood burning and boiling as it rushed fervently through my veins. 78
I could not decline him though of his chosen title, I never could and never would; That was just asking for it.79
Instead I nodded, keeping my head down to disguise my teary eyes and gritted teeth.80
“Good, well keep it up it looks like you are doing well,” he said tapping my shoulder with my sketch-book, causing my body to jolt.81
I looked up seeing Trey's eyes glazed with sorrow. 82
What did he have to be sorry about?83
He made me feel almost sorry for him, although he had a way of making me feel weak and emotional, just the same as he had a way of scaring me to the point of a heart attack. 84
I knew he was not sorry though. If he was sorry he would never have done it in the first place; And as the feeling of guilt was washed away by the flashes of Maggie's tear-stained face I began to relax a little in an attempt to not make it seem to obvious that he had frightened me.85
“Alright, well I am of to bed now Taint, so I want you to go clean Maggie up before your mother gets home, and when she does let her know that dinner is in the oven okay?”86
I nodded watching as he placed my sketchbook on the end of my bed flashing me a small, smile, before turning his back to me, revealing to me a line of fresh, wounds, across the arch of his upper back.87
I gulped, feeling the saliva almost gagging me as it slid down my throat. I inhaled another deep breath, biting my lip, tempted to ask him how he had gotten them, but not stupid enough to dare. It was obvious where he had got them, but it did not make it any less of a surprise.88
Maggie; She had put up a fight this time. So that was why he was so angry with her, or was it? It had to be, usually he let her of easy, being to tired to complain, but tonight there had been deep, aggression in his voice. 89
She had attempted to seek revenge, however small and sweet. It almost made me smile, knowing that she had overcome a barrier large enough to defend herself the best she could.90
It was better than I could do for her. It gave me faith that she still had that little ounce of strength in herself and that maybe one day she might make a stand. I was proud of her.91
I watched as Trey left my room , glancing down the hallway, running his hands down his rippled body before retuning to his own bedroom, closing the door; until only a fraction of light remained.92
Good he's gone I thought to myself inhaling a deep breath, my body falling back into my mattress. He was gone...for now.93
94
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Two95
I thought it would be best to follow his orders especially as the hours were slipping away until my mothers arrival. I had no intentions of disobeying him, whether he had been kind to me or not. 96
I had been left out of the circle of abuse, but I was still foot deep it in. Not that I think Trey understood that. I assumed in his eyes I was just an innocent bystander. It made me ask questions, questions about just what he had in stall for me. 97
Why was I the odd one out? Why had he not hit me once in all the years that he had been with my mother, and yet it was like a mating ritual for him with Maggie?98
Still as the night was getting closer to becoming morning I disregarded all my questions, pushing them to the side and pulled myself up from the comfortable haven of the mattress, dragging myself to my feet for the first time since dinner.99
My muscles ached as I attempted to stretch and flex, my arms stretching as far as I could stretch them; pushing my sketchbook on the floor in the progress. 100
I bent down picking it up remembering the praise that Trey had given me just a few moments ago.101
Why did he never give Maggie praise? 102
She was good at most things as well. She wasn ’t just some toy. She had dreams and aspirations as well that she was determined to follow.103
Where was the moral, parental, support? And what the hell was with the praise? 104
He wouldn’t know art if it came back and bit him fair in the face.105
“Forget it, ’ I told myself arching my back, wriggling away the last of the pins and needles that had consumed my stiff body. 106
It was just another day, another night gone and wasted. There was no point in wishing we were normal or always questioning everyone ’s, every move. It was all just pointless; because when the sun went down and the moon was left the stormy, sky, for the morning it was all just the same shit, just another day. 107
I might as well just gut it and get used to it, get over it, build a bridge as Maggie used to say. Though of course Like everything; it was easier said than done. 108
I tucked my sketchbook under my sheets, planning on coming back to it later on in the night, adding some kind of abstract creation to release my anger, frustration, heartache and guilt. 109
It was the only way I knew I could, the only way that I knew how to gather up all my strength and stand up for what I believed in. Art was my world, but I did not want trey immersed in my world. Art was the one thing I did not want him interfering with, the only thing I owned for myself.
. . .110
Time was ticking away. The more it escaped me the less time I had to fulfill Treys request and that unnerved me greatly.111
I scanned my room one last time looking into the darkness, before walking out into the hallway, shutting my bedroom door behind me; The light from Treys room being enough to guide me towards Maggie's.112
I tapped on the door pushing my feet against the door already feeling the warmth escaping from underneath. 113
She always had her room toasty and warm; it was one of the house's luxuries and we took it in turn by week in an attempt to keep our rooms heated in the frosty, weather board house. This week, it was her turn and I missed the feeling of warmth in my own room114
At first I heard silence, a silence that had surrounded the house following the events that had just unfolded and then the sound of pattering feet as Maggie made her way to the door, opening it only a fraction to see who it was; her room lit by a little, Red, night light that hung a few centimeters above her bed.115
“Don't worry, ” I whispered trying to sooth, letting her know that is was me and not the brute. “Trey asked me to come and get you cleaned up before Tanya gets home.”116
Maggie hesitated, her fingers curled around the door knob, red and raw I could just make out the patches of blood that stained her fingers like ink, crimson and sooty, a mix of both; it reminded me of some demonic blood you would see it the movies, Putrid and thick. 117
Maggie paused, her breathing deep and heavy. I could sense from the sound of it that she was still petrified of Treys attack and had probably not settled at all. 118
“Is he still here? ” she asked opening the door a fraction more for me to step inside.119
I shook my head, closing her bedroom door behind me, pulling her into my arms.120
Maggie was a nineteen year old in a fourteen year olds body, compared to me it sometimes felt like I was the older of the both of us. 121
I felt like a sixteen year old in a thirty year old mans body. I knew I was mature for my age, but Maggie; No Maggie had lost her credit for her age along with her innocence. 122
I supposed if she had been able to grow up at a normal pace then she might have been able to match her personality with her age, but it was as if she had a block in her life; putting it on a hold to escape the numbness she once spoke of. 123
Maggie gripped her arms around me tightly, her head pressed against my chest for warmth and support. Tears streaming from her eyes, salty like a river melting into the fabric of my loose shirt. 124
I could feel them cold against my skin as I ran my fingers through her matted, tangled, locks. Her hair felt gritty against my fingertips as did her skin, it too thickly dripping with sweat. 125
The potent stench of arousal and sweat wafted up my nose and lingered as she pressed herself closer towards me, making my stomach churn violently. She most definitely needed to bath; The smell was almost unbearable.126
I had not intentions of upsetting her as I pulled away from her slowly trying not to embarrass her or let her know that she was about to make me sick. I was not one who had a strong stomach and even the smell of brunt toast in the morning was enough to make my stomach heave.127
Luckily she pulled away from me without hesitation, wiping her teary eyes against my sleeve.
. . .128
Now that I could see her clearly my assumptions had been correct. Her night gown had been torn, from the tip of the collar, right down her cleavage, almost to the tip of her naval. 129
Her skin was grubby, dirty, almost as gritty as her fingers. She looked like a homeless child or someone who had been working outdoors all day. 130
It shocked me to see her in the state she was in, it never been this extreme. I wondered just how long it was going to take to get her clean, or whether or not it was still worth it. I knew Trey had his wished, but my mother would find out one day I knew that.131
Maggie caught me scanning her body, self consciously reaching down to the floor to pick up a crumpled up shirt that smelt like musk, candy.132
“Can you please run me a bath while I gather some clothes, ” she asked turning her back to me, wandering around her room her hands scooping up a pile of clothes, fumbling through them, picking and choosing which ones would suit best before discarding the ones she did not want back on the floor. 133
Was she planning on going somewhere?134
“Maggie, what are you doing, ” I asked watching her hold a short, skirt up to her hips. Her back stretching as her body curved, flashing a view in the mirror in front of her. She looked different, almost happy and I suddenly felt strange being in her presence. 135
She was going somewhere I knew it.136
“Just run me a bath Taint, I need to get away from here for a while. ”137
I stood still for a moment listening to her demands, watching as my sisters mood changed from torment to determination. 138
Her beauty was certainly something of importance to her. I had always known that, but I never seen the serious manner she took when choosing just the right outfit. It almost made me laugh, but I thought better of it. 139
She looked annoyed when her clothes would not match and threw them down scowling, only to smile when something more suitable mixed together with the skirt she had held against her just movements before.140
I knew she could feel me watching as she turned to face me, ushering me towards the bathroom. 141
I could never understand girls.142
“Come on Taint, before Mum gets home, you don ’t want Trey angry do you?” she asked, without waiting for an answer, shoving me into the bathroom.143
“Oh someone ’s in a bit of a rush,” I joked with her reaching for the taps as she nearly pushed me into the empty bath.144
I turned them on watching the water running fast and relaxingly into the cream, white, tub. “145
You Don ’t want bubbles then?” I asked dipping my hands into the heated luxury of clean, fresh, water; Nothing felt as good as a nice soak after a long day.146
Maggie did not answer and surprisingly I found myself slowly getting annoyed with her non-direct responses. She had my heart beating and 100 miles per hour, worried sick with each minute that passed in her silence. My mind rushing with the possibilities of the situations that could occur in those few minutes when I was not alert to her.147
Rotating my body to face hers, expecting a response I looked across the room, seeing her body crumpled up in a heap on the floor.148
“Maggie, ” I hissed my body standing frozen to the spot for what seemed like hours.149
She had taken of her night gown and had thrown it beside her; her body bare all but a pair of panties. Though I paid no attention whatsoever to her state of clothing, I was more worried about her state of mind.150
Jolting free of my statute posture, panic hit me like a dart: direct, fast and painfully. I turned off both taps, wiping my hands quickly on my sleeve, and as I ran into my bedroom, I fell to the floor in front of Maggie. 151
I arms wrapping tightly around her shoulders feeling the warmth of her shuddering body in my hands.152
“Maggie, Oh god Maggie, you have to tell somebody, ” I said hysterically tears burning as they tricked from my eyes and down my heated cheeks. 153
“You can ’t keep on going on like this, he needs a bullet.”154
Maggie lifted her head, her body trembling violently in my arms.155
“No, ” she whispered her voice nothing but a gasp for air. 156
“You cannot tell anyone, do you hear me, ” she breathed digging her face into my chest once again. Her crying strangled my her tears and running nose. “No one can know what he did to me.”157
I shook my head, if there was ever a time to just come out and be blunt with her the time was now.158
“No Maggie don ’t you see what he is doing to you, doing to us? He is making us live in fear, like he controls everything, like he is God, but he is not God Maggie. We are free people and what he is doing to you is a crime, we could put him in jail, he is abusing you Maggie.”159
Maggie howled, attempting to compress her lips against my bare skin. Her dry, crackled lips felt like sand paper grinding across my chest while her mournful cries went right through me like an echo in a cave; Hollow and frightening.160
I could not lie.161
I had no idea how to comfort her or what to say. She was more hysterical than I was and the shaking, she would not stop shaking. It was causing my heart to quicken in tempo, so much so I wondered whether or not to get help from Trey or to wait till my mother got home for her support.162
“Stupid Taint, don ’t be stupid, “ I said out loud causing Maggie to look up at me like a little girl pleading for someone to be her savior from the black hole she was being dragged into. 163
A savior, that savior had to be me.164
I had to be strong, I had to be stable and be her rock, her solid ground. I had to catch her when she fell and she had fallen. This time the scars where more evident and long lasting then the times before.165
It was my responsibility as her brother to keep her straight, to keep her smiling until my mother came home. To bath and clean her and have her relaxed in bed just like Trey had intended so that there was no evidence of what had gone on; just a normal, happy, family settling in for a good nights rest.166
“Maggie you need to get up right now, we will both be in serious trouble if you are not bathed in the next Five minutes, you don ’t want that do you?” I asked already picking her up I got back on my feet, her arms still gripping tightly to mine.167
She did not hesitate and nodded, discarding her clothes as she walked into the bathroom.168
Bending forward she pealed of her underwear, standing with her back facing me. Her nakedness revealing her ass literally Black and Blue, covered in patches of bruises Trey must of made with the striking of his leather belt. 169
My stomach heaved, hitting a new low at the sight of her beautiful, soft, milk, skin tamed with colors that should never be marked upon a persons skin, let alone a young girl of her age and physique. 170
“Did he do that to you? ” I asked baffled by the sight.171
I could feel the anger surging through my body, my own fingers clutching my clothes. I felt like tearing them apart, I felt like tearing myself apart. 172
How could anyone do this to a woman?173
Maggie nodded slipping into the shallow bath, turning the tap knobs in her direction.174
“Forget about it Taint. It is easier if we just forget about it, ’ She muttered splashing the steamy, water all over her arms and legs. 175
“The more you think about it the more it will drive you insane, just let it numb you Taint, it is never going to stop. ”176
What was she saying? Why was she saying these things? Like she deserved this, like she was meant to just take his abuse? 177
“NO, ” I shouted walking into the bedroom, pacing around her room. My emotions a scattered mess. 178
“YOU CAN NOT THINK LIKE THAT. ”179
Maggie frowned bring her finger to her lips, the bath now filled with water. She turned of the taps reaching for her fluffy, white, cloth and began to wash herself slowly and sensually, paying special attention to her sensitive areas.180
“Keep your voice down Taint, Trey will hear you, ” she said letting her voice drag through the heat of the room. 181
“Just relax, forget what happened, I will be fine I just had a bit of a nervous breakdown, it is normal. ”182
“Relax? You are asking me to relax and stand by to watch while this man destroys you? ” I asked, not bothering with an answer, my nostrils inflamed like a bull ready to charge.183
She nodded, not another word escaping her mouth as the room went silent, my eyes on her body.184
I could not help but watch her, watch the cloth as it turned from a nice, cream, color to a cross between a dark, smudged, brown color and a sooty, black. All the excess grit being wiped away and soaked into the bathtub like the days events unfolding and disappearing into the early morning.185
Maggie knew I was watching her, it was like our minds ran together sometimes. It must have been something we had learned to do, tune into what each other was thinking. 186
We had been close even as kids and even though in the past few years we had drifted apart I felt that we still had that connection. 187
The connection between siblings that could not be taken away or replaced. It was there, always embedded for situations like this when we relied and depended on each other more than anyone or anything else and I was glad for a moment as I looked into her sullen, fearing, eyes that we still had that between us; Because God knew we both needed it, whether either of us were able to admit it or not.188
“Can you come over here and wash my back Taint? ’ Maggie asked holding the cloth over the edge of the bath, letting the dirty water drip onto the floor. 189
She was exhausted, everything about her screamed the need to sleep. Her body was slowly sinking into the depths of the water and I would of let her sink had I not been so scared that she would not get back up from underneath the water after sinking in. 190
I took a moment to just stare at my sister. 191
I had never felt such a strong need to protect anyone in my entire life, not even myself. She had always come before me and always would. I knew it was because without her I had nothing to live for, but sometimes when I looked into her eyes I wondered if it was something more to that; Something I could never see.192
Taking small steps I nodded loosening my grip on my clothing. The anger, the frustration, the resentment and urgency for her smile drifting away into the back of my mind. 193
She needed me to smile and I would smile because I was all she had in this hell bound home, this rocketing, depreciating, life that we both were forced to live because we had nothing else but our family to keep us alive; and to me life was worth living regardless of how bad it was. 194
I stopped short in front of the bathtub, taking the scrubber from her hands, mine trembling with nerves.195
I had never touched Maggie’s body in this way before and I was hesitant to start. My feelings overwhelming me, I felt if I touched her I was somehow violating her body in the same way that Trey was. 196
It knew that it was inappropriate. Hell Maggie was old enough to wash her own body; she did not need my help; but then again, I was not washing her sexually, I was merely doing as I was told. 197
So why did it make me feel like I was in par with Trey?198
“Just wash my shoulders and the arch of my back Taint, I can do the rest,” Maggie said leaning her body forward, her back curving, ready for me, hair sticking to her shoulder blades.199
“Alright,’ I whispered, my voice feeling tight and constraint.200
My fingers gripped the scrubber, I pushed my body closer to the tub my hand trailing up her back, brushing the hair delicately over her shoulders. I was handling her like a porcelain doll.201
“Don’t be so nervous, this would not be the first time we have helped each other bath,” she laughed trying to lighten the mood and it was working.202
“That was when we were kids,” I replied squeezing the water from the scrubber, watching as the soap suds dripped down the small of her, forming frothy circles in the water.203
Maggie shook her head, uttering to herself and muttering something under her breath.204
I dragged the scrubber across her back softly making sure the last of the grime had been washed away from her back before I let the scrubber fall into the water beside her, grabbing a nearby towel to wipe my hands on.205
“What are you muttering,” I asked both curious and annoyed that she had not spoken up. 206
Maggie held out her hand for her towel, brushing her hair behind her shoulders once again. Her fingers dipping under the water to pull the plug.207
“Nothing,” she said smiling, her face plastered with a cheeky grin that was so contagious I could not help but smile along with her.208
“No, tell me Maggie,” I said watching her wrap her towel around her fresh, clean, body: Her eyes glittering in the light, she looked so happy and amused. I knew it was about me, I knew that look from anywhere.209
I was ready to play her games and I would have had I not heard the sound of my mothers car pulling up in the drive way.210
“Tanya,” I said as we both stood looking at each other frozen on the spot.211
“Go, quick Taint,” Maggie said waiting as I scooped up the pile of clothes she had chosen for herself prier to her bath, throwing them at her.212
“Bed, Maggie” I shouted as she caught the clothes, slamming the door in my face.213
I did not wait for her to answer, instead I walked around in circles like a little, lost, puppy before stepping out into the hallway; shutting Maggie's bedroom door behind me.214
Everything had gone to plan, it had not run as smoothly as I had of hoped for, but I had succeed in getting Maggie cleaned up and ready for bed there was just one more thing that I had to do.215
My mother walked into the hallway throwing her brief case on the floor, she looked like she was about really to fall to pieces, and she was not smiling. 216
“Is everything okay Mum?”217
218
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Three 219
Tanya slammed the front door the sound echoing through the house as she kicked off her shoes and walked into the lounge room.220
“Tanya,” I repeated beginning to worry about the state she was in. She had slammed the door so hard that I thought the glass would of shattered.221
“Not now Taint.” my mother stated standing in the middle of the lounge room, her hand raised to her forehead as if she had a headache, her face flushed brute, red as if she looked like she was about to cry.222
“What is it Mum?,” I asked as I picked up her briefcase, kicking her shoes onto the mat and walked into the lounge room placing her brief case on the coffee table before her.223
“I SAID NOT NOW!,” she screamed pushing the coffee table over, popping the locks on her brief case sending papers scattering all over the floor.224
I stood back moving a few steps away from her. My heart violently pumping inside my rib cage to the point I was beginning to wheeze.225
Something bad had happened to her. My mother never got angry, not even when we broke her favorite china doll did she get this angry and now she was acting like... like… Trey. 226
Her face burning with aggression. Her hands were flying everywhere; knocking books off the bookshelf, pushing chairs over; she was a mess.227
“MUM,” I shouted stepping closer towards her scared that if she did not stop this impulsive rage that she might actually do some real damage and we could not afford to fix or replace anything with the money that we had. Hell, we already found it hard enough to pay the bills and somehow I did not see Trey being to happy about having to buy a new television. 228
Tanya swung her arms towards me the back of her hand hitting my face, almost knocking me to my feet. Her teeth gritted, her eyes inflamed and furious: but upon impact she finally managed to stop swirling around. Her attention and focus on my body, hunched over and holding my face.229
Seeing me holding my cheek in my hand, I felt her hand rest on my shoulder as she tried to settle her breathing.230
“Baby, are you okay?” she asked the guilt dripping through her voice. 231
Bringing my face up to hers I let my cheek go. My skin burning, feeling like it had caught on fire; she had certainly done a good job.232
I nodded wiping the tears that were creeping, falling, from my eyes. 233
“Just tell me what is wrong for Christ sake Mum,” I asked brushing her hand of my hand, I was annoyed, that and the sleep deprivation was starting to affect me greatly; I could feel my eyes becoming heavy as the pain drove right through my body.234
They always did this. The not telling Maggie and I anything until I was way to late. We were always the last ones to find out anything: but not today there was no way I was going to be the last to know. I had already had a hard enough day, I knew I would not rest until I knew what was going on with my mother; For her sake and mine.235
Following me as I took a seat on the couch, Tanya picked up the coffee table resting her tired feet on the edge: before turning towards me, the tears streaking her face, her make up smothered making her look like a washed up clown, ready to talk to me. I sure hoped to Christ she was because I did not know how much more silence I could take.236
I wondered why people always worked them up into these frenzied fits when all they needed to do in retrospection was talk to someone; just to open up to somebody. 237
How bad could it be really? Was it worth it keeping things inside, bottling it up till it all got to much and they did something stupid that they would eventually regret? 238
This is how people died, why committed suicide and while I knew my mother would never be as stupid or as desperate as to kill herself, there were people in this family that just might and it was up to all of us to prevent this by happening by just talking; even though I would admit that something’s were better left unsaid.239
I shivered the image of death burning a vision that would leave me sleepless for many in the not so distant future.240
“I did not want to have to tell any of you this,” Tanya said her finger stroking my cheek, her guilt and sadness apparent as the tears continues to stream, her nose blocked making it hard to hear her through her sniffling.241
The pain was dulling as I paid attention to her looking into her eyes and only her eyes, trying to find an answer before she was ready to tell me: but I found nothing but worry in her eyes, nothing but panic, and regret.242
“See today...Today at work something happened,” she said raising her hand to wipe her eyes, her lips trembling, her hands shaking as she gripped on to my shirt for some kind of support.243
“Something that should never happen: but it did and I now have to pay the price for what I did.”244
I raised my hand lifting it to her eyes, my eyebrows furrowed deep as I wiped her tears for her, brushing the hair from her eyes. Now anxious and waiting. I truly hated it when people tried to drag secrets out when telling them to someone. I was the kind of person that just wanted the truth, however bad it was; for the truth was always far better than a lie.245
“What? What happened? Come on Mum please don't drag this out I have had a hard enough day as it is,” I said as she sat silently, her mind wandering somewhere else. This was beginning to drive me insane. 246
What was so bad? Had someone made a move on her again? It cant have been that bad it had happened before and she had just laughed about it. No it had to be something else: but what ? What else could be this bad that the cat had chewed up my mothers tongue?247
“I lost my job today Taint,” my mother spat out her head falling against the chair, fingers loosing her grip on my shirt as she turned her back to me.248
My heart sunk the, violent beating slowing down. Just as I thought my world could not get any worse, any harder she had to go and throw this at me. 249
She had lost her job? How? Why? What did that even mean? What did that mean for all of us not just her?250
“You lost your job,” I repeated back to her placing my hand on her shoulder, turning her a little , harshly, to face me again.251
She was not going to be the child at a time like this no matter how bad it was. She owed this to me, to be a parent. I did not care if she fell apart in my arms I need the truth, the whole story and I needed it now, no more hesitation or trying to escape it, I needed it right fucking now.252
“Talk to me, right now tell me what happened?” I told her my fingers tightening around the arm of the chair. Thoughts of Treys reaction igniting a whole new league of panic inside of me. Her statement wreaking havoc.253
“Larry, you know Larry,” she whimpered attempting to turn her back to me again.254
“Don't you fucking dare turn your back on me,” I growled rising to my feet, my body towering over hers; anger surging through me like an electrical current, sparking something inside of me that made my blood instantly boil.255
“I can't,” she cried as I dug my fingernails into her shirt, almost ripping the fabric as I pulled on it tightly.256
“You will tell me now,” I hissed trying hard to keep my hand by my side as I felt it being raised into the air, my fist clenched into a ball. I had every intention of knocking her clean if she did not start talking and it was starting to scare me. 257
What the hell was I doing? What was I feeling? Why did I feel so angry? Why wouldn't she tell me anything?258
“Taint let go of me, you're hurting me,” she said trying to shake me of, frightened: but regaining some control over herself and me. “Let me fucking go would you?” she said pushing my body away from hers with both her hands, her own anger resuming, her push causing me to loose my footing; sending my body toppling over the coffee table.259
“There is no need to get aggressive,” she stated firmly.260
I was tired of playing games, I was sick of the secrets, I was done trying to pick up the pieces of everyone else's problems and now I was fast becoming the person I never wanted to become. I did not want this, I did not need this, Maggie did not need this and yet this was our life. 261
How could I escape it with parents like these?262
Tanya held out her hand no guilt in her eyes for her action just pure frustration and desperation to drop the subject, as if it did not matter and it was her battle only to battle.263
I took her hand to knacked to fight this any longer, my whole body almost falling backwards as she gripped my hand tightly and pulled me to my feet, wrapping her arms around me; ready to surrender to the stupidity of our fighting. 264
“Look Taint it does not matter how or why I lost my job, Larry is a predictor and what example would I be setting you or Maggie if I let a sleaze like that treat me the way he does? Sometimes in life Taint you have to do things for your own self respect even if the outlook looks like shit city on the review lights do you understand me?” She asked her fingers stroking my hair as we both held onto each other, both drained, both in need or relaxation after the day we had, had.265
I nodded, my violent streak disappearing with the reassurance that her confession would be soon put to rest, even if it was no where near over. Morning was now On the horizon, a few hours and I would have to be at school, and Trey would be getting up to go to work.266
I knew that Tanya was thinking the same thing as she slowly pulled away from me, caressing my cheeks; Heartache in her eyes.267
I knew exactly what Larry was like and I knew what he would be like if Trey ever found out my mothers secrets. 268
I had been selfish in the way I had treated my mother in those few seconds of despair made me just as bad as him and I felt sick to the core about the way I had handled the whole situation. She did not need another Trey, she needed her son, her reliable, supportive son because at the end of the day Maggie and my mother were in the same league when it came to support, especially when it came to Trey.269
Though I had no idea how she was going to keep this from him. Sooner or later like everything, it would come out and she thought that the shit was bad now. 270
Did she have no idea what would happen when Trey not only found out she had lost her job and the reason why; but that she had been hiding it from. Letting him think that everything was alright until one day when the bills came and they could not afford them that she would just spring it on him? I was sure she was not that stupid. 271
“When are you going to tell him,” I asked following her as she headed towards the kitchen, taking her favorite wine glass from out of the wrack. 272
“I was hoping I wouldn't have to, Marie from work said that they are offering jobs down town in that Italian, hotel, what do they call it... L'afficiant.”273
“L'affascinante,” I said watching her pull a bottle of wine out from under the sink.274
“Yes, L'affascinante Marie said that they are open positions for laundry and suite cleaning.”275
“You haven't cleaned a suite in your life though, why don't you try going for something more in your league like in a magazine or something,” I asked, the aroma of year old wine wafting up my nose, making me queasy.276
Tanya shook her head taking a sip from her glass.277
“Beggars can't be choosers Taint, I am going to have to take what I can get for the time being,” she stated shaking her head. “I cannot afford to not take whatever is available, at least that way Trey will never have to know.278
“Never had to know what?” A familiar, voice sounded behind us.279
Tanya looked up, her eyes widened with fear, her fingers gripping the glass.280
I turned around seeing Trey standing in the lounge room door. His lips pursed, his hand by his sides: fist clenched into tight balls of anger.281
“Come on then tell me, what do I never have to know?282
283
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Four 284
“N...nothing,” Tanya lied walking over to the sink, tipping the Crimson, stress releaser down the sink.285
“Well that was a waste,” I said instantly trying to sooth the mood, and the anticipation that was now surrounding the air thick like smoke.286
Trey was not convinced one bit as he stood his ground, his hands still by his side although they were edging forwards, his tight, fist gripping the edge of his shirt: he almost looked like I had just a few minutes ago and that frightened me, for I knew how aggressive he could be, and would be once my mothers secret was out.287
“Don't lie to me Tanya, do not lie,” he growled motioning forward into the lounge room his eyes darting around the room, his surrounding to where my mother's brief case lay unlocked, her papers scattered all over the lounge room floor. His eyes widened, pupils dilating, the veins in his arms bulging firmly against his untouched skin. 288
“What is this,” he said asked screwing up his face, his impression: like he had just sucked a lemon. 289
I watched him, edgy my heart rate increasing again, his face turning as brute, Red as Tanya's had during our heated argument only minutes ago.290
“She dropped her briefcase,” I lied quickly in my mother defense. 291
I could see it in his body, just not his face. The questions must have been swirling around in his; so many of them head, pondering all the possibilities that lay hidden behind my lie. It was enough to give me a headache: but I was not worried at all about getting a headache. I was to busy maneuvering myself from the kitchen and into the lounge room, already on all fours gathering Tanya's papers: ready for the showdown to begin.292
“Tanya, do not play with my patience, answer me now, what is all this shit doing on my lounge room floor and what the fuck where you two arguing about?”293
I raised my head looking up to face Tanya's petrified eyes. She stood still, her face hidden behind her hair, her fingers lacing the edge of the glass; fingers coated in the Crimson, mess.294
“You might as well just tell him,” I whispered, trying hard not to get involved as the words jut rolled of my tongue. I wanted this over and done with, the fighting, the arguments all of it. It was nearing of Three a.m now and I already felt like I had ran marathon, Fifty times there and back.”295
“Be quiet Taint will do the talking,” Tanya said softly, calmly, looking at Trey as he walked through the lounge room, kicking the pile of papers I had just piled high. 296
What a waste of time I thought to myself, immediately gathering the paper into a pile again, though I did not dare complain. I as not stupid enough to complain in Trey's furious position. 297
“No, let him talk its not as if you will be talking anywhere in the near future, pathetic bitch,” he spat, twirling his body around to face me, his rippled, abs heaving as he breathed heavy, his nostrils inflamed with fury. 298
I could tell he was trying desperately, hard to keep his voice down, his slightly, unhinged, emotions stable: but so far it did not seem to be doing him any justice; he looked almost purple in the face, and his body was no secret from sweat.299
“No, let the boy talk,”Trey said his eyes looking darkly into mine, silver and sharp like daggers ready to penetrate through my skin.300
I stopped piling Tanya's papers, both of their eyes upon me now. It was now or never I could do the talking, maybe cut Tanya some slack: but I was not getting involved any deeper in this mess than I already was. Trey already had Tanya's head heady to serve on a platter. The last thing I needed to go to school with was a black eye.301
“Tanya, Mum,” I paused, the words ready to spew from my mouth, “Tanya lost her job.”302
Trey's body did not loosen, his anger did not dull and his hands were gripping the bench as if he was about to loose his footing any second, ready to fall flat on his face. The only thing that changed in his face was the burning desire to hit someone, not that it changed all that much, it more so increased as he gritted his teeth, his eyebrows burrowed deep, hiding his steel, cold, eyes as he turn his body slowly to face my mothers.303
The room went silent, the deathly sound hollow in the room full of anxiety. 304
A few minutes in passing was enough to drive me insane. I had done her dirty work and she sure as hell could do the rest. It was over, I knew it, there was no love in either of their eyes only fury, confusion and a needing for questions to be answered and answered fast.305
“That is what we were arguing about,” I said said bluntly, a solemn feeling of dread washing over me quickly. 306
“That is all I know,” I lied again, looking at Tanya whose face had turned an awful, ghostly, shade of White. 307
There was not much more I could say without being dragged into the conversation any more than I already had been, and yet as my eyes were locked in hers I could not for the life of me move. I was frozen, dead to the spot and no amount of coaxing from my conscience would allow my body to move from my statue like presence. 308
A few minutes more passed. My heart beat not slowing in tempo, though now more than ever I could hear the internal, thumping,cruel, melody, of my heart in my ears distant yet loud: And then the ringing, much like a bell being rung in a high tower. It was the mostly sickly sound I had ever heard in my life, worse than Maggie's mournful pleading and screaming. 309
It was the moments before Trey spoke his first words that I knew I would remember for the rest of my life. That horrific sound that had my stomach lurching for the bathroom, my body stiff and rigid and my blood pulsing through my body like a rushing , angry river awaiting a deadly, waterfalls, drop.310
“Is that true?” Trey asked sharply, bluntly the anger dulling to be replaced with despair.311
Tanya nodded, her fingers wrapped around the glass like it was her only means of support. The tears gushing from her eyes. She did not hold them back, did not even try. She just let them fall, smothering her clown like face, painting a clear picture of regret and sorrow, for loss and guilt and panic for what was to become of her attempt at hiding this from Trey.312
“How? Why? When,”Trey splattered, grabbing a nearby stool and dragging it to the bench, lacing it down for Tanya to sit.313
For the first time in the many years I had lived with Trey I saw something in his eyes. 314
Something different, something internal, something sacred, something that all humans should of possessed; yet I had never once seen it, heard it, lived it in his presence. For the first time in so many years, I saw compassion in his eyes: Trey was human after all.315
Trey did not speak, he just pulled up another stool in font of Tanya and placed his hands on her lap.316
His body sunk, his shoulder humped over as he placed his finger on her cheek to wipe away the tears that seemed to look like they were never going to stop.317
“Lets start with how,” he said calmly, a twinge of the normal Trey still lingering in his voice. Yet the new Trey showed no sign on burning in fury to slap the words from her lips. For once he seemed calm, cool, not so much collected: but willing to hear her out, willing to know the truth.318
It baffled me in so many ways to see him to a one-eighty in matter of seconds; it was to good to be true. I was just waiting, patiently for him to tear her apart. My blood rush slowing down, my body relaxing only slightly as the mood was dulled, the atmosphere completely different, my body not knowing how to react; I had never them like this before.319
Tanya sniffled, her hands moving to where Trey had them softly placed on her lap. She open her mouth, inhaling deeply, the words not ready to come out. But as he body sunk, her shoulders relaxing against the back on the stool she inhaled deeply once more, wiping her own tears before staring Trey directly into the eyes, ready to answer his question.320
“For starters I did not loose my job, I lied, I quit my job today because of Larry Coles.”321
Immediately I felt Treys eyes on me, disappointed and anger lurking behind his brows. Though he did not move. He kept his eyes locked on mine searching for something, before returning them to Tanya's his hand caressing her thigh.322
“What bout Larry Coles? Thought that work was going well,” he asked, stating the truth.323
My mother had, had a smooth run in her working as an editor of our local newspaper. Every so often she had suffered a few hiccups with Larry Cole, but that was nothing new. 324
The guy was an offender as she had stated before and she was not the only one he had tried to prey on, there were others, other women and men working at the newspaper that had reported him, yet nothing had proceeded those complaints. 325
Larry had just received a slap on the wrist and a week suspension from work, the boss must of known he would have been a fool to fire him, but that did not mean that Larry could condemn himself to repeating his offenses: even I knew that.326
Tanya sighed, tired and drained she bit her lip as if pondering her words and returned her attention to Trey and his first question of the night.327
“It was going well, but there is only so much I can take Trey. Don't you think that I would feel the same way if some of those hussy's from work was making a pass at you? Wouldn't you make a complaint is she proceeded to go after you?”328
I swallowed, feeling a lump in my throat beginning to thicken in a tight ball that felt like it was strangling my every breath.329
I knew the answer to that question. It was as obvious as the sky was black at night, but I dared not make a comment and I knew in myself that Tanya knew the answer to that question. She never was good at using other people as examples in an argument, even with my biological father: that was of course when my father was still with us and Trey had not even belonged in the picture of our dysfunctional, secretive, family.330
Tanya must have been on the same wave length as me for next words that escaped her lips, she could of damn well sole mine.331
“No, don't answer that question,” she sniffed,” The point is I am not staying in a job, even if it pays well just to be violated. Think of Maggie, would you like her growing up around me who treat her life a piece of meat?”332
Trey did not answer, he sat silent not daring to turn in my direction, and with good reason. 333
For the lump in my throat that had grown into what felt like a golf ball slid dangerously down my throat, constraining my breathing until I inhaled deeply reminiscing how the nights events had unfolded up until this point in time: my lips were sealed.334
Maggie, being treated like a piece of meat. It was almost ironic, I had to hold back with every ounce of strength that I had in my body not to say anything, for Trey was no where near the innocent man that my mother was making him out to be. I was sure that Larry Coles would look like an ant compared to Trey, in the way of violating women. 335
Trey shook his head, his hand leaving my mother thigh.336
“No,” he said sharply, the anger quickly replacing his calmness.337
I knew it had been to good to be true. I could not blame him though, if I was half the man Trey was then I myself, had I been older would have gone after Larry Coles, if only to give him a friendly warning to keep his perverted hands away from my mother. But I was not Trey and I hoped I never would be, then yet again this was not my fight to battle, it was my mothers and to a certain extent even though I hated to admit; Treys.338
“What exactly did Larry do this time?” he asked sitting back, his foot resting on the foot of Tanya's stool. His shoe pressed so hard that the tip bent over the steel edge, nearing Tanya's bare foot. 339
“It is not important what he did, what is important is that I made a decision for my own self respect and dignity and like I told Taint, I did not just do it for me I did it for my children as well.”340
“TO HELL WITH IMPORTANCE,” Trey yelled gripping my mother by the shoulder, causing both myself and Tanya to almost jump out our skin. 341
“WHAT THE HELL DID HE DO TO YOU TANYA.”342
I shuddered, paying no attention to the pile of papers. My body suddenly able to move again in quick deference of my mother. Fear striking me faster than a bolt of lightening in a thunder storm. He could scream, yell, cry and shout, but I was not going to just sit here and watch my mother get beaten to a pulp my an aggressively, impulsive, brute.343
“HE RAPED ME,” Tanya screamed forcing Trey of her violently, shaking body, the impact near close to pushing him backwards of the stool he was sitting on.344
I stepped closer, slowly my stomach twisting into a sight knot of despair. 345
Larry Coles had raped my mother? How could he have she, it only took her ten minutes from the time she knocked of from work to get back home? How could Larry Coles have possibly raped her in that amount of time and no one find out? Hell how could he have done it at all? Was he really that stupid?346
“He did what?”Trey hissed, a little taken back from my mother violent actions, but still standing his ground as he he slid of the stool, knocking it to the floor beside her.347
Tanya stood still, her body trembling as she hysterically tried to answer him, her voice strangled, constrained by the mucus that ran from her nose, covering her lips like a chap-stick and the fear of Treys actions.348
“H..he..ra... raped me,” she whispered her hands gripping the stool, her head bowed down in embarrassment.349
“Larry Coles raped me Trey... He raped me.”350
351
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Five 352
Trey's silvery, eyes, scanned Tanya's lips, her body. He watched as she stabilized, doing the poorest job I had ever seen and stumbled over the were I was standing close by: wrapping her arms around me. Her face compressed once again in my shirt, her molten tears of regret sinking through the already drenched, mucus smothered, fabric of my shirt.353
“Raped you?” Trey repeated, his voice lowering an octave, the sound so menacing it was like a dagger piercing the skin. Cutting through the barriers of my own stability to make me feel even weaker than I already was.354
It amazed me: For the kind of man he was he sure had a harsh reaction to what was happening to my mother, regardless of their love and marriage. 355
It was ironic, but more so hypercritical in the way that he cared so much for my mother, yet he did not care less about what he did and had done so many times to Maggie. 356
It opened my eyes clearly and made me realize while the demon might have a moment where the sun glistens around him, and all he was changes, those kind of moments are like a masquerade of confusion and when you took of the try- hard mask and took a good look; That demon is still the same monster and always, ever will be because as much as they try to fight it demons are and always will be evil.357
Tanya dragged her head away from my shoulder wiping her nose and lips. Her eyes were Red, raw and blood-shot. Her body still trembling violently.358
“Why don't you go to bed mum?” I asked her, stroking her tangled hair behind her ears.359
“There is nothing else we can really do about it till tomorrow and I need my sleep to, Maggie and I have school in a few hours.”360
“To hell there fucking is,” Trey growled pulling Tanya a little to sharply towards him. His monstrosity, large, hands gripping her shoulders firmly, tightly, in violent anger as he shook her.361
“Tell me exactly what happened Tanya,” she said his eyes glazed with murder.362
“I don't want to talk about it right now Trey. I am tired and I feel weak I will go down to the station tomorrow and report it but right now I am finding it hard to stay awake let alone reenact what happened today.”363
“NO,you will tell me right now I have work, I have commitments and fuck the police. What the hell do you think they will do? Nothing; got it? They will do jack shit for you Tanya. In this world you have to serve justice for yourself. So you will sit down on the couch right now and you will tell me what happened today or so god help me Tanya.”364
Tanya shook her head, shrugging his hand of her shoulders: Her head bopping up and down like one of those retro bobble-headed dogs that the hippies down the road had on their dashboards.365
“It's alright for you men you have no idea what it is like. You can't just expect to force it out of me Trey. I don't want to even think about it. I want to put it in the past and receive justice for what has happened the right way, without resorting to violence.”366
“That is not going to happen Tanya: You are so sheltered sometimes. What do you think the police are going to do, huh? People in this town are ass-licker's when it comes down to the rich and the poor and besides you said yourself the fucking, creep gets away with a slap on the wrist and how many women do you think he has abused already?”367
Tanya bowed her head, folding her arms defeated across her chest.368
“More so than you would think,” she answered looking back into Treys thunderous, granite, eyes. Her hair falling from behind her ear, covering my sight of her face.369
“Exactly: what do you expect from the police? He would pay them out to let him walk free and then how many more women do you think he would abuse knowing he has friends in higher places? It is a dog-eat -dog word Tanya and justice does not always prevail, now tell me what he did to you?”370
“I promised myself when Robert left that I was out of the crime business and you know that. So please for me just let it rest at least until the morning and come to bed with me so we can get some sleep please, everything will be clearer in the morning.”371
Trey raised his hands in the air, frustration leaking from his every pore; filling the room with anxiety and fear. 372
He had not yet lost his cool completely, which I knew must have been hard for him given the situation and the way my mother was defying his wishes time and time again; standing up for herself for once, but I knew she would not stand strong for much longer. Trey would get it out of her, he would make sure of that, he was determined to know the truth even if it hurt Tanya in the process.373
I moved back, resting myself against the back of the sofa as I watched the petty fight unfold in front of me. Why couldn't he just let her have the Three hours of sleep she deserved? They could always resume conversation later in the morning, especially at a time when I was not here to see the everything crumble around me. 374
It was one of those times where I wanted to be the last to known of anything that happened after those final words had escaped my mothers lips. I had already been dragged into far to many situations that a guy like me of my age should not have to worry about: especially with exams coming up in the Autumn. I could not afford to have all this riding on my back.375
“Eh, hallo I am still here,” I said, my voice drained and annoyed. I could feel my body deflating, worn out like a balloon.376
I wished in someways my mother would just get it over with right now. Trey's voice was becoming monotonous and sounded much like a broken record as he demanded the truth from my mother. Then in other ways I could even begin to imagine what was going on in my mothers head at this point of time, and I found treys compassion a cruel act.377
If he really cared, like he was making out, he would drop it, leave it, give her time to breath and wrap her head around the events that had unfolded before her arrival home. You couldn't make a pig fly, even if you wanted it to so there was no point in my eyes forcing something from her that she could not deal with at this point in time. It would only equate to something bad and I could feel the sense of danger lurking around the corner, ready to pounce.378
It was not going to be as simple as Tanya telling Trey and Trey warning Larry to keep away from his wife. No this was Trey, you could see the determination and motives literally exhaling from his very impulsive movement and from every murderously, deep, word that escaped his lips.379
“Do I get a say in this at all?” I asked stepping forward towards where they were standing.380
“If it was up to me I would say just let this rest till Maggie and I are both at school. Don't you think that is a good idea?”381
Tanya nodded, a small smile creeping its way across her solemn face. Her body starting to wind down, unable to take much more than she had already taken today.382
“My idea exactly,” she spoke brushing her fingers across Treys shoulders. Hey eyebrows raised as she pulled back her hands, rubbing her fingers over the sweat that had poured onto her fingers.383
“Did you go running?” she asked trying to change the subject. She had no idea whatsoever about what he had done to Maggie, none whatsoever.384
Trey shook his head, his hands finding her shoulders, fingers gripping tightly onto her body. His molten, aggression flooding through his every step forward.385
“Look Tanya this is your last chance to tell me what the fucking hell Larry did to you, so you better open your stupid, fucking, mouth and just tell me,” He shouted backing my mother into the corner of the room. 386
His fingers dug into her shirt as he pushed her forcibly against the wall, the impact causing the windows nearby to rattle and shake. The curtains falling from the metal pole that was holding them up, revealing my dysfunctional family to the rest of the street.387
Though somehow I did not think that neither my mother or Trey were conscious or cared about the fact that whoever passed by the house could now see exactly the animal that Trey was.388
I watched as Trey ripped my mothers shirt manically, her Violet buttons popping and flying in every direction. Her voice strangled as his hand caught her throat, his fingers spread and wrapped loosely.389
“Last chance,” Trey spat raising his hand into the air. His ugly, fist clenched tightly, his knuckles powder white. 390
This was it, the moment of truth. Now my mother would really see the animal that Trey was.391
Though even in this moment of revelation when all my dreams were about to come true, the truth about to break free ; it did not feel nearly as good as I had expected it to, especially since my mother was in the firing line and my body had come frozen to the spot again. 392
Fear was keeping me concreted only centimeters away from my mother and I could not do a thing to help her, even my voice had been constrained: It felt as if someone had a hold on my throat and was strangling me, squeezing the very life from within me, suffocating me inside a wall I could not cross. It was killing me slowly and painfully as my eyes were fixated to Treys hand raised only inches away from my mothers face.393
“You don't want to do that,” my mother breathed, struggling to speak as his fingers became tighter around her neck.394
“NO,” he screamed his fist flying in the air, almost as in slow motion.395
My eyes flinched, squinting as I attempted watched his every move, not at all wanting to watch when his fist impacted with my mothers face. I wanted to move, I needed to move to stop him from his animosity, but I was far to late: he had already made his impact and there was nothing I could do to stop him.396
“Just watch me,” Trey laughed, his powerful voice echoing through the room. He dragged his fist away from the wall, the plaster falling from his knuckles onto the floor beside my mothers feet.397
“You want to try this one more time,” He asked, his fingers brushing against her cheeks. Wiping the furious tears away from my mothers eyes.398
This was barbarity the way he was handling her, the way he was strangling the life from within her. Forcing her against her will in the most ardent way.399
Worse yet as my body was not anywhere near wanting to move any time soon. I could no longer even close my eyes; forced myself to watch the savageness unfold as he pressed his knee hard between her thighs and wrapped his fingers tightly around her hair, yanking it backwards so that her back was arched in an crooked position.400
“Want to tell me now?” he barked dragging her body to the couch, forcing her ragingly onto her back. His hands already on his belt, unclasping the buckle and pulling on the strap.401
This was my last chance, my one and only chance to stop this from happening. I had to fight my fears for my mothers safety, for my family's integrity. It was up to me, me Taint wilberson to defend my mother when she could not herself. I was up against a monster, but I did not have a choice. It was her or me and I would take the fall for my mothers behavior if that meant sparing her dignity.402
“GET OF ME TREY...STOP IT...PLEASE... STOP,” my mother screeched, hysterically as Trey wrenched down his pants, his foot kicking them to the side as he grinned, wickedly, reaching for my mothers head.403
“Looks as if I am just going to have to make you remember,” He spat cruelly, still fully clothed all bar his dirty, blood-stained, briefs that held his package tightly as he rubbed it against my mothers lips, his hands seizing hers taking them and raising them high above her head as his lips met her wrist, his mouth wrapping around her skin.404
I was not watching this, this was a dream. It was a nightmare, a horrible nightmare and any second now I was going to wake up and everything would be back to normal, or different; different yeah that was it, different; Everything would be different.405
“G...g...get o..o..f..f..me,”Tanya moaned, her mouth being filled with his sex. Her own lips complying with his wishes as Trey slipped his briefs down just a little past his v-line and let one of his hands go to force my mothers face to be buried in his crutch.406
Come on Taint you can do it. What are you doing? Why are you just standing there? He is going to abuse her Taint. He is going to rape her and your just to weak to even stop him. Stop him Taint...stop him right now before he fucks her Taint... he is going to fuck her right before your eyes and you can't do anything about it. 407
The voices; they echoed through my mind, they surged through my head like a train ready to fall of the rails at any moment. I could feel it, feel the power in my body as I overlooked the fear and the images that had escaped into my thoughts. I could feel my feet stepping towards them. Slowly one by one my feet were stepping towards Trey.408
I could sense his eyes as watching me as he looked up, they grew wider as his hands let go of my mothers wrist and he let her fall, back against the chair finally free for a moment from his hellish, grasp.409
The next few moments were a blur, the darkness seemed to be wrapped around me, blinding me completely.410
For the last thing I remembered before I could feel my feet hitting the pavement, my heart thumping... thumping...pounding furiously against my chest: was the feeling of my fist colliding with something that felt as hard as a brick wall and the screaming of my mother, begging him to stop long after Trey had fallen to the floor; not longer making a sound.411
412
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Six 413
I ran, my feet kicking up the dust of the dirt road. The houses around me a blurry mix of colors. My eyes darting in every direction, but behind me as my feet scraped along every surface : not caring at all whether or not I did any damage, the only thing on my mind was escaping the tragic actions of Trey.414
I could no longer hear anything around me but the sound of my heat thumping in my ears, like a bomb ticking, as if it was about to explode.415
My muscles tight as I tried to fight the boundaries of my physic. My fingers numb as the frosty winds of the early morning blew hard, shaking the trees around me, blowing garbage that the streets had acquired during the busy weekend across the sandy path: almost tangling between my toes as I drove my body to extreme limits, pushing myself as the adrenaline surged through my body like electricity through a cable.416
Had all of that just happened? Had Trey really stopped that low? So low as to show my mother the man that he really was? 417
That was his bed and while my heart yearned desperately for him to come out of this shell, this masquerade he chose to hide behind, my reasonings had triggered an all new fear inside me. One that I could not escape without running, running away from everything that made my life the way it was and who I was, or rather who I never would be or could be as long as I was under the hands of Trey Grant.418
How could he have done that to Tanya? How could he have shown her trust only to so easily tear that support and love from her, as if her feelings and emotions meant nothing to him? 419
I thought to love someone meant that you were their everything, their world. The one thing in all the darkness and despair in life that brought sunshine to your face and kept your spirits high when life was tough.420
What was love? Did it even exist?421
How could my mother just sit there and take it? lay there and take it? Sure Trey was strong but as my mother had Proven she has strength inside herself. She could of at least tried to defend herself.422
Then again, I knew the wrath of Treys power especially within the way his menacing body towered over the rest of us and how he made it certain that we knew the strength he maintained as he walked around shirtless, muscles bulging, crunching his biceps with every step he took. 423
How the hell were we supposed to learn and grown in an environment where love had no basis but heartlessness and animosity, amongst the dulling light of abuse, hatred, fear and resentment.?424
Not only had Trey broken every moral code that my mother chose to live by, but he had not even shown her the common decency and respect that she needed and deserved. That every human being deserved : Man or woman.425
She was a free person, not a coin-operated machine. She had the right to choose when and what she spoke about. 426
I did not understand this act of forcefulness when even her spoken words were now controlled my this machine, this monster of a man. He had drained last ounce of strength and had used her self-worth and exhaustion as a means of releasing his anger when in reality the person to blame was Larry. 427
Trey had no right whatsoever to be taking this out on Tanya. She was the victim and this was plain and pure profanity. A violation of my mother mentally, physically and emotionally and he had used her ordeal to trigger some kind of sick joy inside himself, some kind of release.428
I felt nothing but outrage and misery as I watched him hauled Tanya and Maggie through a chain full of brutish, punishments : None weaker than another all the same, all for his own diabolical, gratification.429
Why couldn't he just be normal and take his anger out on a punching bag or go to the gym Like normal parents? Or better yet why couldn't he take his sexual frustration out on one of those stupid blow up dolls? At least that way as stupid as it sounded; my family would be safe.430
I had no faith that he was normal anymore, no longer human : everything had and would always be filled with lies.431
All she had wanted was a few hours of peace, or realization; time to work through her emotions and her feelings and in my eyes as an outsider looking in. Time to forget about the ordeal she had been through before she took the courage, despite her disposition and did the honorable and courageous thing of reporting her abuse regardless of the outcome. 432
I felt powerful as I ran, on top of the world, immortal even. I had never known in myself to have that much strength, that much determination.433
Small flashes came to me, as I reminisced how the night had unfolded before my eyes. I was sleep deprive, my body craved it more than anything; but there was no way I was going to sleep, I needed the fresh air and adrenaline to keep me awake, I needed the mornings cruel winds to keep me emotionally stable.434
My fist hitting the wind felt nothing compared to the impact I had felt when my fist had collided with Trey's, but it was a memory for sure, good or bad had left an emptiness inside of me that caused my eyes to burn, with molten, hot, tears of rue.435
I could no longer hear anything around me not even the cars as I dodged them stepping back out onto the open, gravel, road: but the sound of my beating heart, throbbing and robbing me of every deep breath I inhaled, thumping, pounding like drums in my ears, like a bomb ticking, as if it was about to explode. 436
I wondered though as I began to slow down my destination now in eyes sight, would anyone have been able to take that leap; especially given the circumstance that I had been launched head first into. 437
Maybe I wasn't the hero that I felt inside myself to be at this present time, maybe I was just me and that was who I really was inside. I was definitely no hero, I was just a boy, a lonely boy who did what he had to, too defend someone he loved. Who could not stand the sight of another woman being let down. Who without a doubt had crushed a man, even if just for second: out of love, out of hope, out of compassion and for reasons which he still did not yet understand and might never will.438
From a moment I could feel my senses returning to me as I had ran bare foot, open shirt and flimsy, thin, pants the only clothing keeping me warm; I knew that if I looked back it was only ever going to slow me down and as much as I hated to think, it would have only caused me to turn myself back around and face the music much sooner than I needed or wanted to.439
I would go back, that was inevitable, but right now I needed to escape to a place that felt like home and always had been my home, despite how much pain I had gone though, and the many times when I could have sworn I had no where to go. I knew I could always find a home away from home and to be that was the safest place I could think of in my time of need.440
I stepped across the street. Stopping on the pavement to catch my breath. 441
I had exceeded my limits, but I had not pushed myself to the point where I was gasping for breath: Not like I had before.442
Before me stood a Four-story, high, building. 443
From the outside it looked like a run down warehouse, but to me it was like a gateway to heaven. Its almost decapitated, staircase, reaching up high towards the roof, though I did not feel it in myself to take another dangerous risk this early in the morning. I had already had my fair share today: no today I would do as any other normal person would do. I would take the elevator.444
I waited a few moments, allowing my heart beat to slow in tempo, composing myself as best as I could, shaking as the morning wind blew heavy in my direction: paying no attention to it at all as soon I would be in the welcoming arms of warmth and support.445
Ashley, my savior, my best-friend and mentor. I knew that within the shadow of my darkened, life, that he was the one person I could depend on come rain or shine, hail or blue skies: He would be there no matter what and I could trust him, even if that meant baring my soul about the truth of my dysfunctional, family, circumstances. 446
It would be a short flight up and an even shorter flight down if Mr. Collinson was acknowledged of my presence, though in light of what had just happened and prior to my collision and my mother's battle with Trey, somehow the likings of Mr. Collison left me with out a worry, as I walked up the steps to Ashley's family hostel.447
I could see the light still flickering from Ashley's window, the blinds moving with the wind as it whirled, violently through the air. 448
I inhaled deeply, breathing normally once again as I stopped short in front of the dusty, glass, doors. 449
He was awake, I knew it, good old Ashley. The poor bastard hardly slept these days and who could blame him. His father had given him the night shift while his cousin had gone away on holiday with his family and there was no way in hell I could even begin to comprehend the amount of noise that echoed through the paper thin walls of the decade, old, establishment.450
It was just like him though and just my luck for I would not know what to do had Ashley not been awake and as I gripped my shirt tightly around my shaking body somehow the thought of seeing a grumpy, Mr. Collison started to play on my nerves more so than it had a few moments ago.451
In the last few months I had known him I had guessed the number of people boarding in the hostel had to be well into the fifties, even sixties if I counted the comers and goers that arrived here on a regular basis, looking for a place to stay out of the chilly, winter, winds or for a safe place for their children; away from the likings of the same abuse I had encountered for the past Three years of my sad and sorrowful life.452
“Everything will be okay, you're safe now,” I whispered to myself, my fingers trembling as I reached out for the buzzer. “Everything will be okay.”453
It took me a moment to compose myself, but after the moment had passed I could feel my finger lacing the gritty, White, button as I pressed it hard the familiar, static, sound of the buzzer filling the silence of the street.454
I almost wished that a car would pass by or a group of delinquent, idiots, would stumble past on their way back from the local pub just to the shake the nerves that were beginning to erupt in my stomach.455
“He can't get you, he doesn't even know Ashley exists,” I said reassuring myself, stepping a few small paces away from the buzzer. “He will let you in... he will let you in.”456
It was True, neither Tanya nor Trey knew of Ashley's existence and I planned on keeping it that way for exactly the reason I was here in the first place.457
If they knew, then I really would have nothing, no place of safety or solitude to depend on in a time of crisis. 458
Not only that I, but knew within myself that I could not live with the fact that I had put Ashley in any danger whatsoever. 459
Ashley's safety was my top priority, that and the safety of his family and even so a small extent the safety of the residence that were boarding or living in the hostel. I would never put any of them in jeopardy and I never would, all I had to do was keep Ashley a secret and as I ad proven to myself before tonight: I was very good at keeping secrets.460
Not that Trey would be stupid enough to harm anyone, but I never could be too sure.461
After a few seconds I could hear the beeping as Ashley had picked up the phone and was ready to sound his invitation. The sound was almost like calming music to my ears. He was awake : I could now be sure about that.462
“Ashley family hostel, Ashley speaking, how can I be of service to you?”463
I stood silence with my hands across my chest, the cold, air, strangling my lungs as I looked around, self consciously wondering if there was someone behind me, hoping there was someone to wake me up, to make me realize that this was somehow all a dream and that I was still at home in my bed listening to the haunting sounds of Maggie screaming.464
I listened, the essence and annoyance of Ashley's voice causing my lips to curl and a smile to crawl across my face for the first time this morning.465
“Ashley Family Hostel, Ashley speaking, how can I be of service to you?” Ashley repeated in a monotone voice that caused me to chuckle, he almost sounded robotic.466
“I..it's me Taint,” I muttered into the machine, my fingers fumbling around the buttons of my shirt nervously as I looked up to see Mr.Collison staring out the window into the street.467
“Taint,” Ashley asked, sounding surprised and he had every reason to, I was sure it would be getting on past Four now, school was creeping closer and closer by the minute as was the sunrise and that meant that Trey would soon be on getting ready to go to work and maybe by then it would be safe to go back home.468
“Yeah it's me, can I come up?”469
The line was silent as if Ashley was contemplating my question, but to my relief he did not ponder the question for to much longer.470
“Yeah, come right up I will buzz you in, elevator one is not working so you might have to take the stairs. I can meet you down there if you like?”471
“Yeah that would be great,” I replied, thanking him as the Red light of the buzzer switched of and the sound of the security padlocks clicked open, welcoming me inside with the mournful shot-gun clicking.472
I turned around, facing the door and wrapped my fingers on the knob reaching into the warmth of the lobby.473
“Home sweet home,” I whispered, “Home sweet home.”474
475
476
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Seven 477
I waited patiently sitting in a soft, plush, chair just outside the lobby reception. The cozy warmth surrounding me, warming me to the marrow, while my eyes scanned my surroundings, focusing my attention to the stairs.478
I had made it safely, I was in one piece and I had not been injured or harmed in anyway, but emotionally.479
I felt guilty, I felt self-reproach washing over me like the hot, heat, of the hostel had once I had stepped inside the doors, closing them and the world behind me.480
I had left my mother there to deal with Trey. God only knew how that would go down once he stepped up from my physical blow. 481
How could I have done that? Just left her like that, left Maggie like that? Left them both to deal with the aftermath of my courageous call in defense of Trey's brute attempt of enforceability? I was no hero, I was a coward.482
I waited, anxiously as each minute passed, the ticking of the clock that hung on the wall above the lobby door almost driving me to insanity as every minute passed in waiting and thought of how my mother was getting on, whether or not Maggie had arisen from her slumber and whether or not Trey had continued on his streak of violation, or had he backed down, weak and confused with the actions I had taken towards him?483
Tick...tock...tick...tock... 484
It was so repetitive, so maddening that I could feel my fingers crunched, tightly into a fist, ball, of rue: waiting, wishing, hoping that Ashley would walk down those steps and take me up to the sanctuary of his bedroom.485
Tick... tock...tick..tock. 486
Time was getting away, escaping me and while I had no reason to complain at the present time. I needed my best friend to step into the lobby, I needed to be embraced by his comforting words and even as homosexual as it sounded, I need to be embraced physically: just to know that I was alive, that this was real and that I was not alone.487
Tick...tock...tick..tock..tick..to...488
“Taint,” I heard the familiar voice of Ashley ask, hearing the pattering of his feet on the tiled flooring of the lobby.489
I looked up, tears almost escaping my eyes with joy, an abnormal feeling of happiness lifting my spirits as he ventured forwards, his eyebrows burrowed behind his Italian, styled hair cut, his emerald eyes sparking like prized jewels in the flickering light in the lobby. He had no idea.490
I stood straight on my feet, clutching the arm of the chair for support. My body felt like it was failing me, my arms wobbling and weak, my knees shaking feeling as though they were ready to buckle, giving way to cause my body to fall onto the hardness of the tiles.491
I tried to put a smile on my face, though I did not have to try hard. I felt nothing but comfort as I wrapped my arms around my best friend's shoulders and buried my face deep into his shoulders : not being able to keep the tears back to save my life.492
Ashley placed his hand slowly across my back, a little taken back by my advancement. I could feel it in him, the shock, the curiosity, the nerviness of having another males arms wrapped around him in an unmanly fashion.493
But as I closed my eyes, breathing in the heavy scent of another human being I could feel him relaxing into the embrace. His long fingers stroking my back, caressing me into a sense of relief as he pulled me in tighter, not willing to let go even though there would soon come a time wen both us would need to break free.494
“Shh, it is going to be okay, whatever it is we will work it out, talk about it okay,” he reassured me in a soft, subtle, voice trying to quieten me down so that I would not bring any attention to the Two of us.495
“Come one now, why don't we take this upstairs and you can tell me what is wrong. I can even make you a cup of Milo if you like or fetch you a drink of whiskey if you would like something stronger,” Ashley joked trying desperately to lighten the mood and it was working.496
I nodded, my chin colliding with his shoulder blade as I began to pull away from his tight embrace, I was sure glad at this present time that I was not one of those boys who wore mascara, emo's I believed they were called for right now I would have looked a right mess, not only that I would have looked like clown who had asked their dog to do their make up before a show.497
“Yeah,” Ashley repeated his hands now on my shoulders as he lowered his head attempting to look me in the eyes. 498
I nodded not being able to speak at the present time and not willing to risk someone overhearing the conversation I was about to have with him. Somehow I felt much safer in his arms, but you could never be to sure who was listening in a place like this.499
I was paranoid, dating my eyes everywhere. From the lobby door, to that damn ticking clock that had been close to making me scream and as he led me up the stairs, his hands wrapped around my shoulders I felt my eyes dart behind me with every step we took, somehow thinking that someone, anyone, would have heard me crying and where ready to be invasive, much like a stalker, or an animal stalking its prey, ready to pounce on anything that was more interesting than peeling, wallpaper.500
Once we had reached the second floor felt my body about to do a turn on me as a wave of emotions hit me all at once this time causing me to fall in a heap, slipping from Ashley's once strong grip: falling hard against his bedroom door, my body sliding down it painfully.501
Ashley went into overdrive. 502
I could feel his hands sliding under my armpits as he wrapped my rigid arms around his shoulders once more pulling me to my feet. 503
I watched as he lightly kicked open his bedroom door, closing it behind him with his heel and switched on the light, softly laying me down on the sofa while he walked into the kitchen to “fetch” me a drink.504
“Milo it is,” he said clattering around the kitchen allowing the fridge light to shine brightly in my eyes as he took out the milk and held it up towards me.505
“Hope you don't mind light milk? Mum insist I drink it to rid myself of this acne I have got going on here, but honestly I do not see the difference, do you?”506
I shook my head a smile slowly creeping across my numb cheekbones.507
“Yeah neither do I, but that's mothers for you. How is yours by the way? I read that article she wrote about teenage mothers, quiet interesting and I have to agree most dick-wads these days would not give Two-hoots about being a father, to busy getting pissed and laid in my opinion. No not for me I tell you I would be right beside them, well maybe not when the the bub I born, but you know.”508
I nodded, not in agreement entirely, but to show him the respect he deserved even though a vast majority of his statement had been washed over my head as I faded into the light of the refrigerator, flash backs of Trey's bulge being forced into Tanya's mouth causing my stomach knot, painfully.509
“Two sugars then?” Ashley asked pouring a good amount of milk into my mug, rolling the spoon handle between his fingers.510
“Yes please,” I squeaked, embarrassed with my own voice. I sounded like a mouse being squished or worse yet a guy who had just had his balls kicked. I would have to do better than that if I was going to explain to Ashley just what had gone down this morning and the reason why I had woken his father at four A.M: that in itself was not going to go down well when the sun rose.511
Ashley smiled, humming the familiar tune of Queens “your my best friend” as he added two tea-spoons of sugar to the steaming mug and placed the milk back in the refrigerator, shielding the light from my eyes.512
“Here you go darling,” Ashley joked in his queer impersonation voice that usually had everyone in the class either pissing their pants or throwing paper at him. That was what I liked the most about him; he had no shame.513
I took the hot mug from his hands, cupping my palms around it the heat immediately radiating and warming me up, more so than the lobby had.514
“So then, are you going to tell me whats got you so torn or do I have to squeeze it out of you?” he asked taking seat behind me, poking me lightly in the stomach.515
I flinched, drawing my body back in defense while I took the first sip of my Milo, the instant sense of relaxation surging through my body as I melted into Ashley's sofa ,closing my eyes for a moments peace.516
I felt my eyes open, looking deeply into Ashley's, emerald, stones.517
“It's Trey,” I said the words escaping my lips all to easy; so much I was surprised that it had taken me that long to even speak.518
“Ah, what has the bastard done this time? I don;t see any black eyes so, so far it is looking good. What he do? Let me guess, the ass holes cheating on Tanya?”519
I shook my head, my eyes leaving Ashley's as I scanned the room. It was exactly the same as it had been last time I had visited a few weeks ago. For a boy of his age he sure kept his room tidy, almost to an obsession, but that was a small law that could never equate to all the good traits that made Ashley who he was.520
“What then? Did he loose his job? Get in a fight? Take your sketchbooks away and enroll you in the Army? What? The suspense is killing me, you really had me scared down there I hope you are aware of that. I wouldn't have thought you were the type to cry, you seem so numb sometimes, almost as hard as a brick wall, I guess I should be lucky you let me in,” He laughed noting the small smile that still remained on my face.521
“Close,” I answered sipping slowly from the mug, the Milo still being to hot to skull down. I would wait until it was tepid before I even attempted to burn the inside of my throat, not to mention my tongue. I had a bad habit of doing that, always at the most inappropriate times.522
“Oh which one?” Ashley asked quietly, the joking and excitement fading from his voice as he realized the seriousness of my breakdown.523
“He enrolled me into the Army,” I joked, feeling my spirits lifted once against with the look that shone upon Ashley's face. He looked far to serious and it was amusing.524
“Ah yeah right, get out of town,” he said giving me a friendly punch in the arm. “You in the army, please when I said you were as hard as a brick wall I meant as hard as a crumbling brick wall and plus you would never leave me all on my lonesome, who would make you laugh so hard you almost pee your pants. Hell do they even laugh in the Army?”525
I grinned, feeling the Milo trickling down my fingers. He had punched me a little to hard and the sticky, substance, was starting to begin to harden on my skin making it feel like my skin was slightly peeling.526
“I will have you know I would make a good, eh Sergent thank you very much,” I laughed feeling totally at ease in my environment. It was almost as if the days events had never occurred and I was just making a passing visit, one where Ashley would make me laugh till I did literally wet my pants. 527
“Then what... w—ha—t, and why are you wearing that hideous “Pablo” shirt? What did I tell you about wearing that shirt?”528
“It doesn't match with my completion,” I whined in a slightly queer voice, following his joke.529
“Exactly, you are better of looking naked,” he said pausing for a second to ponder what he had just said. “I mean that in a non- Homosexual way.”530
I nodded.531
“Sure, sure, no I am now being enrolled in the Army. Trey did something horrible to Tanya and I just needed to escape it all, even just for a few hours. You don;'t mind do you?” I asked. My smile remaining, but the tone of my voice becoming serious now that the jokes were over.532
Ashley's eyes widened, nodding as he took the mug from my hands. His own expression screaming with curiosity.533
“What kind of horrible are we talking here?”534
I looked down, my face buried in my chest. I felt ashamed and somehow responsible, if not embarrassed as the words came clean, spilling from my mouth like a rushing, river.535
“The kind of Horrible...” I paused.536
“Go on,” Ashley said, his body leaning into mine, his hand on my shoulder for support.537
“The rape kind, the abuse kind, the kind where I accidentally on purpose; punched him in the face and knocked him cold on the ground. The kind were I leave my mother ready for another round so I can run of like a coward crying up the street and the kind that leaves be shattered, exhausted, sleepless and afraid of my own shadows: Yeah that kind of Horrible.”538
539
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Eight 540
“Rape?” Ashley asked, his mouth gaping wide.541
I nodded, tilting my head to the side.542
It was not as if I did not believe it myself, I knew what had happened and I was slowly beginning to accept that was who he was. But there was something about the way that Ashley had said it that made it seem more real, more intense and it had pushed the dagger that was in my heart just a few inches more making it hard for me to want to continue.543
“God, as if Maggie wasn't enough Now Tanya?” Ashley stated his fingers rubbing my shoulder soothingly, his mouth beginning to close.544
I could see it in his eyes that he was just as surprised as I was. I had told him earlier on in our friendship what Trey had done to Maggie and to my dismay Ashley had become distraught and overly sympathetic and now as the revelations were about to unfold I could feel his spirit being lowered once again, his heart sinking inside his chest as he too became almost speechless, his moth closed as he took in the words that I had just said.545
A few minutes passed, I could feel his body sinking into the chair as his eyes darted around the room, his hand covering his mouth. I knew he wanted to say something, and inside I begged for him to question me, yet at the same time the silence was almost soothing. It was peaceful and I did not mind just sitting in the warmth of his bedroom, his fingers doing the talking as the tension in my shoulders was eased.546
“Why,” Ashley asked, his eyes fixated on mine once again.547
“Why not? Does Trey ever have to have a reason for anything he does? No, he is a carnally, corrupt , freak of nature “I answered closing my eyes once again. The memories flooding into my mind quickly. 548
Was this how it was going to be? Every time I closed my eyes would I be reminded of Trey's cruel actions?549
“I could think of a thousand good reasons why not. What I meant was why? What happened? What drove him to turn towards her? I though you said he would never have the guts to even attempt it?” 550
Ashley's face had turned a pale shade of Grey despite the heat he looked like the blood had been drained from his body, or like he was living the nightmare right beside me. It made me wonder just how much these kind of statements affected him.551
After all he did live in a hostel, he had to have seen cases just like mine and even worse. With abused women, battered and beaten even. Then there was the children my age or younger who had to face this world, living amongst the animals of society. It must have been hard and I assumed it was even harder to comprehend coming from his best friend.552
Ashley's fingers lingered down the arm of my shirt, he took my hand in his. 553
“You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,” he said softly, his finger intertwining with mine.554
“I mean if it is to hard to talk about it, then we can talk about it later, or not at all.”555
I shook my head, accepting his comfort, not feeling a thing towards his gesture sexually, but the promise of a shoulder to cry on if need be, and the support of a best friend: the kind I needed so much in my time of rue.556
It was overwhelming, I could feel myself sinking further into the chair. My tired, weary body almost giving into my sleep deprivation as the heat dragged me into an intense, sense of exhaustion. 557
“No it's okay, I want to,” I said squeezing his hand tightly. “I have to.”558
Ashley nodded accepting my statement. He did not seem to be worried that I was squeezing so hard that his hand was starting to turn Purple. Instead he nodded, patting my hand ready to listen to everything that I had to say.559
“Well I am here for you,” he said, his head rocking back and forth as if possessed. “You just tell me in your own time, we have all the time in the world.”560
“Thanks,” I said, appreciating his support, my hand releasing his from my firm, reassured, grip. 561
“It was Larry Coles,” I stated, finding the words hard to say. His name feeling like acid on the tip of my tongue.562
I hated the guy from the day that Tanya had first told me of his actions. I somehow hoped that Trey would too, after all Larry had abused his wife time and time again, only this time he had overstepped the boundaries and limits of perversion.563
And while Trey still remained the same, old, hypercritical bastard that I had learned to grow up with. I kept asking myself why had he just not gone after Larry? Why? It was most definitely in his nature and in his heart and while I did not condemn violence it seemed the right thing to do. 564
“Larry Coles?” Ashley asked confused, curiosity dripping from his tongue like a dog hungry waiting anxiously for it's food.565
“Yes, Larry Coles, remember the guy I was telling you about from mums work?”566
Ashley nodded, raising his head in realization of the man I had spoken of a few weeks prior to this morning.567
“Oh yeah, I remember that guy. The one who was feeling everybody up? The one who only got a slap on the wrist? What about him?”568
I sighed, letting go of his hand as the feelings on tension were elevated. Could I say these words? Would they escape my lips without damaging my emotions any further? 569
Surely I had to take the risk. I knew that Ashley would not judge me for the way I felt, he had never in the past and I was certain he would not start now, but in the same respect I felt ashamed still, guilty and distraught. The emotions that I were feeling were still being tampered with in the depths of my mind and I was afraid that if I had another relapse that this time for sure: I would not be getting up in such a hurry.570
Then again that was a risk I had to take. The time was here, right now and it was now or never and sooner much rather than later had a more appealing look to it then keeping Ashley in the dark, causing him more worry then it was worth.571
“He raped Tanya, I don't know when or why all I know is that he raped her,” I spat, the words coming out like the toxic strike of a venomous viper, anger seeping from my voice filling the air with an awkward sense of frustration.572
“ Hell she was so distressed she pretty much trashed the lounge room and I came pretty close to hitting her myself.”573
Ashley's pupils dilated, I could see his eyes blood-shot from his own sleep deprivation. I could feel my heart sinking in my own chest, regretful that I was bringing him into this mess of a life that I lived, but relived that his focus was purely on me. 574
“What I don't understand is how he could of done that to her, she had already been through so much and yet he was just willing to treat her like some kind of machine for a release of his own anger.”575
“Larry?” Ashley questioned, now confused with both statements: His eyebrows burrowed once again behind his thick, chestnut-Brown, mane.576
“No Trey, he just would not listen to her. She told him to drop it, she stood up to him for once and he backed her down into a tight, little, corner like a child. As if it wasn't enough for Larry to rape her, he was going to rape her as well. It's sick, I just cannot fathom his motives and I feel guilty. I should of done something, but I stepped in too late and now she has to suffer the after fall of my cowardliness.”577
Ashley shook his head, brushing his fringe away from his eyes. His emerald gems sparking with emotions that I could not read, but knew that he felt.578
“So let me get this right. This Larry Coles, freak, raped Tanya and when Tanya tried to tell Trey to leave it and back the fuck of he tried to rape her? What for punishment? Fucking hell I could just about kill that ass hole right now. Where was Maggie?”579
“You're telling me,” I said pushing my body forward, not wanting to loose control of myself. I gripped the arm of the sofa looking towards Ashley's kitchen.580
Ashley caught on rising to his feet once again, running his hands down his shirt to rid himself of the creases in his shirt. He was always one for presentation and yet again he managed to bring a small smile to my lips.581
“You want me to fetch you another Milo?” he asked already heading towards the kitchen. His his hips swaying as he walked.582
I watched him walk away, my attention on the way he moved. There was nothing manly about the way he moved, it was almost as if he was skipping towards the kitchen. His heels popping up as he reached into the fridge for the milk: once again ready to take care of my thirst. 583
He knew me to well and maybe that was why I felt so at ease with him. Not only that I had tried to deny my feelings for so long that they had began to fade away.584
I was sure though that our friendship was not purely platonic as far as Ashley was concerned. 585
I had the feeling that Ashley considered me more so than a friend then he let on and while that did not worry me, I was not at all sure how to feel or what I would say and do if he did.586
It made it hard in some ways to open up to him, to get too close: That was when it scared truly scared me. I could not trust my own feelings, let alone be willing to open up the the love of another, but despite this lingering attraction I felt willing tonight to open up, physically, mentally and emotionally by talking everything through with him without the worry or admittance of Ashley's feelings.587
“Yes please,” I replied my eyes scanning his body. 588
He was nothing like any man I had ever seen, or any boy I had ever seen in his case considering that we were still sixteen. He was built, but not solid. Tall, but not like a tree more like a hedge that blocked out just enough attention from the people around me. He always looked hygiene unlike me and most of the males in out high-school and he had a dress sense that Carson of “Queer eye for a straight guy” would be well and truly proud of.589
I always felt a twinge of something confusing swelling inside me when I looked at him, though I did not want it to become too apparent that he made me feel even the slightest bit aroused. I was straight, at least I thought I was. No I knew I was, then yet again I had nothing to compare my feeling against. I had never even had a girlfriend in my life.590
Though this was no time to be pondering my sexual orientation and as I dismissed the feeling once more I steered my eyes away from Ashley, focusing my attention on the issue at hand.591
“Here you go,” Ashley said distracting me from my thoughts.592
I smiled taking the Mug from his hands once again, ready for round Two.593
Ashley leaned forward placing his own mug on the table before us. Turning his head towards the clock we both looked up seeing that it had just gone on Five-Thirty. We would have to get ready to go to school soon, although by the looks of it I was now certain that neither of us would be making it to school today.594
“So where were we? Ah yes so do you think it was for punishment or just him trying his power on? And where did you say Maggie was?”595
“I didn't” I said placing my mug next to his. “She was asleep. Trey made me give her a bath and put her to bed like she was some kind of child.”596
Ashley sighed, inhaling deeply as he took in my words: Unable to stop himself from yawning. The sun now shining through the open window.597
“So he raped Maggie asked you to do his dirty work and then attempted to rape Tanya before dawn, because she did not submit to his demands.”598
I nodded averting my eyes to the sunlight. I was beyond sleeping now, in fact I was wide awake despite the way my eyes felt like they had been attached to a chain, being pulled from the back of a land rover across the Australian desert. 599
“I don't think it was a form of punishment entirely, I just think it was an outright power rage. He wanted something and for once my mother was willing to not comply. He got angry and embarrassed and that's when he wanted to show her that she would tell him because he I think deep down he though there was something more behind it then my mother was letting on.”600
Ashley took his mug in his hand, walking towards the window. 601
“Do you think there is more going on then she lets on?” he asked looking back towards me.602
I shook my head, not at all sure what to make of his question.603
“Even if there was, which I am sure there is not, there is no excuse for what he did to her or should I say what he could have done had I not stepped in when I did.”604
Ashley nodded stepping back from the window. He placed his mug on the window seal as he gripped the hem of his shirt and lifted it up over his head, throwing it to the floor.605
I gulped, my heart beat pacing faster than usual as my eyes fell on his toned, tanned, chest. Watching is rise and fall with every breath that he took.606
“Fucking hell for 5:30 it sure is fucking hot, or is just me?” Ashley laughed lifting up his armpits.607
“Dah...ah I think it is just you,” I said my voice faltering as I forced myself to peel my eyes away from him. I was not meant to feel like this; he was a guy and this was not the time. No not the time at all I already had to much on my mind already.608
Focus Taint...focus, I told myself taking my mug in the palm of my hands for another sip of Milo: this time sculling it down without a worry.609
“So what exactly happened? You said he tried and you stepped in?” Ashley asked picking his shirt up from the floor, his mug remaining on the window seal.610
I nodded, focusing my attention on a poster that hung on his wall: to scared to pay attention to Ashley in case I got distracted and lost grip of reality.611
“I don't know, One minute he was wrenching her wrist above her head and forcing himself on her and the next he was lying on the floor.”612
Ashley raised his eyebrows, taking a seat beside me once again. His body radiated heat, not only that in the midst of the warmth his sweet, musky, scent was wafting in my direction, coaxing me into a soporific state.613
“So how did he get on the floor then?” Ashley asked curiously, but in a tone that meant he knew what had happened: He just liked questioning me I assumed.614
“I hit him,” I said sharply, looking at my fist. It had bruised lightly, but not badly. I was sure the evidence would be there when I returned home, but for now all that I had was slightly, red knuckles and the memory of the impact my punch had made.615
“You hit him?” Ashley snorted, his eyes lighting up with spirit once again. “You? You Taint Wilberson, “I can't hurt a fly” hit Trey?”616
I sighed turning away from his laughter.617
“Well how else do you think he landed on the floor then, huh?” I replied, the tone in my voice annoyed and harsh.618
Ashley stopped laughing, his breathing becoming steady as he regained composure over his reactions and turned me around to face him.619
“I don't know I thought Tanya might have fought back, you know? I'm sorry, but you have to admit when it comes to violence your not exactly the best candidate for a fist,fight. Especially with the likings of that stupid, brute.”620
I shrugged my shoulders having no reason to lie, but feeling like I just had. What was this feeling? Why could I not accept what I had done? I was telling the truth, yet I still felt like I was being dishonest to myself.621
I still felt brave, courageous, exhilarated and powerful, but I did not deserve it. The praise I was giving myself. I might have been brave to stand up to him, but I was still a weak bitch for not staying there.622
“God Taint, is that why you ran?”623
I nodded, my mood changing from amused and relaxed to depressed and embarrassed. If only he knew what it was like to live with him, then he might have been able to understand the fear that surged through my body and mind like like venom. 624
Hell I don't blame you I would of ran for my life too. Dude that is just awesome. Way to go,” Ashley said raising his hand for a high-fiver. He was thoughtlessly ecstatic and convinced that I was some kind or God for defending my mother against the machine. I wish I could tell him how sick it made me, how much I dreaded seeing Trey's face again and how I knew that mine would probably never look the same after Trey had finished with me.625
I was about to tell him that he had no idea, that he never would have any idea how frightening it was: when we both heard a knocking at Ashley's door and the familiar voice of Mrs. Collinson asking Ashley if it was alright to come in.626
I looked as Ashley, who seemed in a panic to put his shirt back on and directed my attention to the door, were the knocking ceased and Mrs. Collinson waited for Ashley to reply.627
“Ah...just a second mum,” Ashley said doing up his buttons so fast I swore they were going to fall off.628
Was Ashley embarrassed? Worse yet was Ashley embarrassed to be seen shirtless with me?629
“Alright you can come in now,” he replied, coming his hair over his eyes, his hand gripping the chair as Mrs. Collinson walked into the room.630
“Oh hello Taint, I thought I could hear your voice from the hallway.”631
I smiled at Mrs. Collinson, feeling Ashley's leg pressing hard against mine. I turned around seeing anxiety in his eyes as he continued to grip the chair: something strange was happening.632
I felt a twinge, a shock, a moment of stimulation as I felt my eyes watering in arousal. 633
This is not safe...this is not right... think awful thoughts...think awful thoughts... think obesity...think anorexia... think of Trey... ignore it...just ignore it and it will go away.634
“So how is your mother Taint?”635
636
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Nine637
“My mum,” I paused, my eyes fixated on Mrs.Collinson's smile. 638
I felt sick to the pit of my stomach having to lie like that to Mrs.Collison. After all my mother was usually doing so well and Mrs. Collinson was almost like a second mother to me, in the way she had looked after me like I was her own son. 639
I guess that she was one of those people who was born with a maternal instinct: Unlike my mother, who when it came down to it hardly had one at all. She had to have needed one working in a place like this.640
“Oh my mum, she is doing very well,” I lied, gritting my teeth.641
I had no choice. Or did I? I could always confine with her, couldn't I? She had dealt with this kind of situation before and she was not the kind to be judgmental. Though somehow I did not think that Ashley would appreciate me confining this kind of information with his mother.642
I could only imagine the mothers who had no idea whatsoever about parenting and how having a woman like Mrs. Collison there to support them must have been like some kind of miracle: she was sure a miracle to me, but then again so was Ashley.643
“Well that's a blessing then,” Mrs.Collinson grinned her eyes wandering over to Ashley who had not moved since she walked into his room.644
“Anyway, I just came up here to ask if you boys would like to join me in the kitchen for an early breakfast? I'm feeling a bit peck-ish and since I heard you two boys talking I just wondered if you would be hungry?”645
Food, oh wondrous, brilliant, succulent food. How I craved it so in the early morning hours. It had been a long time since I had eaten and even when I had it had only been one sausage and a handful of mixed, half cooked, frozen veggies. It sure was not as appetizing as Mrs. Collinson's cooking, but I had not complained.646
“Sounds like a go...” I stated, being interrupted sharply by Ashley's elbow colliding with my hip.647
“He means to say it sounds like a good idea, but we have already eaten,” Ashley lied, talking so fast he sounded almost like one of those foreign telemarketers. 648
I could hear my stomach grumbling, aching with the urgency to feast on something appealing, something tasteful and something filling. What the hell was he thinking? Or more to the point why was he acting like such a mouse?649
“No,” I paused turning to face him. “I really meant to say that would be a great idea, thank you Mrs Collinson.”650
Ashley glared, his eyes glistening murder. It made me smile and it had Mrs. Collinson in a stitch as she raised her eyebrows and walked over to where Ashley was sitting, placing her hand on his forehead.651
“You feeling alright today?” she asked, unable to contain herself from chuckling at Ashley's expression.652
Ashley nodded, folding his hands across his chest and leaned back into the sofa, trying to dodge his mothers looks.653
“Yeah, of course I am. Why do you ask?”654
“Because you are turning down “mamma's Big breakfast for one” Mrs Collison said pinching Ashleys cheeks. “And you are acting like you have ants in your pants, this would not have anything to do with your father now would it?” she asked curiously.655
Mr. Collinson was a respected man, a business man and a good father. He went to church, as did his family and was always there to support them when he needed them. Unlike Trey Mr. Collinson would not slit anyones throat if they tried to harm his wife, but would do the responsible thing and report it; despite his family's confrontation towards justice. That and he would never lay a finger on Ashley in any sexual context. 656
For an old, Italian, traditional man Mr. Collinson had top marks from me, but Mr Collinson was a homophobic, narrow minded, bigot. Who had somehow for some reason got it into his mind that I was gay: not only gay, but in love with Ashley and that I had somehow brainwashed him into acting and dressing the way he does. Regardless of the fact that I looked nothing like the next gay icon for Australia. 657
I could see what was coming next a mile away and I suddenly realized why Ashley was acting the way he was, towards me and his mother. He was frightened of his father, not only that he was frightened of his fathers reaction to me being there so early in the morning: Surely it would have crossed Mr. Collinson's mind that something was up and he had sent Mrs. Collinson to cuss it out.658
Ashley shook his head, brushing his mothers hand from his cheeks in embarrassment.659
“No, I'm Just not hungry,” he lied, this time fixating his attention on the open window. “I ate before Taint got here.”660
Mrs. Collinson frowned, rejected my her sons affection and his love for “Mamma's Big Breakfast. Her smile disappeared as she stepped away from Ashley and focused her attention on me once again.661
“Well you might not be appreciative of my offer, but it seems to me that Taint is keen. We might have to leave you up here then. It will give your father and I a good chance to talk about your schooling with Taint” she state, in a matter-of-fact tone that caused Ashley to face her once again: His eyes wide with fear.662
“Alright,” Ashley barked. “Alright, I will come join you for breakfast.”663
I smiled, my stomach grumbling once again in agreement with Ashley's decision.664
“Sounds like a plan,” I stated, leaning into Ashley. My hands rested on my side as I attempted to rid myself of the short pain that was shooting through my body.665
I could almost taste the fatty, juices of Bacon dribbling down my lips and chin. The warmth of the butter melting on my tongue as I took a bite of crispy, fresh, bread and the herbs and spices of Mrs. Collinson's famous, spinach, omelette's. 666
“Good, great, excellent,” Mrs Collinson smiled, her frown disappearing behind her tangled, chestnut, locks: A beauty that Ashley had taken from her genes. 667
“I will let you Two boys finish up your chatting then, and I will come and get you when it is ready, alright?”668
We both nodded in unison to Mrs. Collinson's proposal. Watching as she walked over to the window, drawing the curtain to block the sunlight from coming into the room. It was something my mother did also, it must have been of those motherly things I could not understand and did not waste my time trying to.669
“Alright, I will be downstairs if you need me for anything,” Mrs Collinson assured as she walked out Ashley's door, closing it softly behind her.670
Ashley waited until he was sure that his mother was downstairs before he grabbed hold of my arm and swung me towards him, holding me closer towards him. His lip curled angrily.671
“What do you think you are playing at Taint?” he asked nervously, his eyes darting as if he was searching for the answer in my eyes.672
I looked at him, taken back by his advancement; confused by his question. His breathing heavy, as I came almost lip to lip with him. The tension so thick and constraining that I found it hard to breath in his impulsive grasp.673
“I don't know what you're talking about,” I whispered feeling the warmth of his cheeks against mine.674
“You do bloody so,” Ashley said drawing back from me. His eyes still flickering and darting as he looked into mine, shaking me back and forth uncontrollably.675
“What are you doing?” I laughed nervously attempting to shake him of. He was beginning to scare me, but at the same time it was amusing to see Ashley so worked up about something that was so obvious.676
“Trying to wake you up, you seem to be in a dream state. You do realize you just said yes to sharing your breakfast with my dad, don't you?”677
I shook his arms of seizing his wrist stopping him before he lost control of his mind.678
“I might have been scared of your father once and by all means I can tell you I still am, but really do you think I would be afraid of the likings of your father after today? Really?”679
Ashley disappeared inside his head, pondering my question as I loosened my grip on his wrist and allowed them to fall between us: dangerously close to my crotch.680
“NO,” I answered before had a chance to even answer. “ No, he doesn't frighten me and bedsides I am starving for some real food. Are you going to deny your best friend your mothers home cooked breakfast for starvation?” I chuckled watching as Ashley came to his senses.681
Ashley shook his head, his eyes wandering to where mine were rested between my lap.682
“No,” he whispered his voice loitering as he moved back away from me: his eyes closed as if he was trying to extinguish a feeling. One that was beginning to become more apparent as every moment passed between us.683
“Ashley,” I spoke, my fingers moving towards his, my thoughts incoherent. 684
“Don't Taint,” he whined pushing me away. “Not now, mum will be back soon and I don't want her to think...” he paused, not wanting to finish his sentence, looking to change the topic to something more joyful.685
“So where were we before my mother cut in?” he asked opening his eyes.686
“Don't want her to think what?” I asked knowing very well what this next words were going to be.687
Ashley sighed rising to his feet once again.688
“You know exactly what Taint, don't play games.”689
“Playing games? me play games?” I snorted unable to contain the sarcasm as it dripped from my every word. “Well sorry, but I seem to be the only one in this room right now doing everything but playing games.”690
Ashley swirled around, his arms raised high in the air before he tucked them behind his head. Frustration pouring from his body language.691
“So you think I am playing games with you now?” he bit angrily, his eyes no longer showing me any sympathy.692
“No I don't think you are playing games,” I answered rising to my feet my body in line with his.693
“I just want to know why you find it so hard to just say it.”694
Ashley snorted taking Two steps away from me, until his back was pressed against the wall. His eyes watering with embarrassment.695
I had no intentions of taking the bait, but I could not help myself. I had triggered something in him, I had bared my soul to him; confessed everything and now I thought it was time I knew a few home grown truths about my best friend. What had he got to loose.696
I took Two steps forward, till our bodies were once again in unison; my chest pressed against Ashley's as he attempted to press his body further against the wall.697
“Find it so hard to say what,” he demanded strongly, trying to stand his ground. He was only making it worse for himself and I could feel his body sinking as I moved myself closer towards his body. My hands finding his wrist, holding them tightly as I pinned him against the wall.698
“Why do you find it so hard to just admit that your gay?” I hushed, my cheeks brushing against his. My body and mind once against becoming incoherent as his sweet, musky, scent filled my nostrils: Melting me completely against his body.699
“Taint... you're scaring me,” Ashley pleaded his fingers wrapping around my arm.700
“Just admit it Ashley and I will let you go, please, for me?”701
Ashley shook his head, tears rolling down his cheeks as I pressed my chapped lips against his firm, moist, soft, sweetness; locking us both in a kiss that had been long anticipated.702
I closed my eyes lost in the moment, my fingers loosening as Ashley gripped my wrist.703
“I can't,” he breathed, parting my legs with his knee.704
I could feel lips tongue pushing against my lips, demanding, beckoning me further into temptation, but as much as I wanted it; the moment had gone. The need, the urgency, the impulsive hunger that had surged through my body like a rocket ready for lift of was simmering into nothing.705
I pulled away, unsure of exactly what I was doing and what had driven me to do it in the first place. I was not gay, I was broken.706
“I need to go,” I hushed feeling his knee rubbing between my thighs. It was pure heaven, a feeling I had never felt before, but this was not the time, nor the place and this certainly was not me. 707
I had, had a moment of relapse. I was confuse and neither did I.708
“What? Why? You just got here, What about breakfast?”709
“Tell you mum I'm sorry, but I had to go home.”710
Ashley shook his head, his palms finding my shoulders. Soothingly he began to caress them, edging his fingers towards the nape of my neck. His lips pressed against my bare skin. It was so inviting. I savored every second of this curious, but confusing statement of affection.711
“But Taint... this feels so right,” Ashley pleaded his hand wandering towards my crouch.712
I needed his touch, I wanted to feel what it felt like to be made love to by someone who really cared about me. Hell everyone else around me was no damn, virgin, but I still was. Why did I feel like this? Why did I want him so badly when I knew I could never be like him? I knew the answer and I could not do this to him. 713
“I can't” I whispered pulling back. “I have to go okay? this is just too confusing.”714
“Confusing?” Ashley asked bewildered by my response. His fingers edging towards my pants once again.715
What had I done? Ashley was aching for me. How long had he felt like this? How long had he been waiting for this moment? And here I was about to tare his dreams right from his fingertips, just like an animal. I assumed to much and acted to quickly with no time to even comprehend what was going on inside my head.716
“My sister was raped tonight, my mother too and Trey almost drained her of any self respect she still had keeping her strong and here I am ready to loose my virginity to my best friend who I love, but most definitely not in the way he wants me to and you expect me not to be confused.”717
Ashley was silent. His lips curling, trembling as he stepped away raising his hands behind his head once again. The tears tricking from his Emerald, gems. His eyelashes flickering: drenched in his salty desperation.718
“I am fucked up Ashley, I am so fucked up and I am damn near falling apart and you are asking me what is so confusing about this?”719
The room was silent. 720
Outside I could hear the traffic of the busy cars on their way to work. My mind wandering to Trey. He would be having his morning shower by now, getting ready to leave. I was pretty sure that it would be safe to go home now. After all there was no way that Trey would miss work, not now that my mother had quit her job.721
I looked at Ashley, wasting my minutes in silence when I could be making my way home. Not quiet ready to face my mother, but ready to push aside the feelings that I was feeling and acting out. I was sure Ashley had, had enough of my bullshit for one day.722
“I need to go,” I said breaking the dead, awful, silence.723
I turned around looking towards the door. My heart crashing against my chest, my own mercury tears burning like lava as the trickled down my cheeks, slipping salty between my lips.724
Turn and walk Taint... turn and walk... turn and walk away Taint... just walk away.725
“TAINT,” Ashley cried reaching for my shoulder.726
I spun around, my shoulder crashing into his, but not paying much attention as I stared into his sullen eyes: awaiting his response.727
“I'm not gay,” he said softly, wiping his eyes as he let go of my shoulder.728
“You could of fooled me,” I responded hearing the sound footsteps stepping towards the door.729
“I'm not Gay taint, I'm Bisexual, and I think..”730
We both heard a knock at the door, though the door did not open. Instead we could hear the sound of Mrs. Collinsons voice drifting loudly through the key hole731
“Breakfast is ready,”Mrs. Collinson called in a sing-song, cheery voice that had me smiling as I looked straight into Ashley's eyes, anxiously awaiting his confession.732
“Well?” I hissed, under my breath, trying to hurry his confessional while at the same time wanting it to linger, to last to enjoy this moment. For I had never felt so needy in all my life.733
Ashley inhaled deeply reaching for my hand, holding against his chest: I could fee the thumping of his heart against my fingertips. It was electrifying. 734
“I think...” he paused, closing his eyes. 735
A minute of silence filling the air as I blocked every thought from my mind and focused my attention on nothing else but him.736
“I think...”737
“Yes, you think?” I joked, urgently needing to lighten the tension. My blood pursing through my veins; I was on fire.738
“I think I might be in love with you.”739
Stop A Bullet
Chapter Ten 740
“Would you like a glass or orange juice Taint?” Mrs. Collison asked as she slid a plate before me, presenting “Mamma's Big breakfast.741
I nodded, letting the smell of sweet, succulent bacon fill my nostrils before I greedily picked up my knife and fork and began to rip away at the crispy, pig.742
At the end of the table, overlooking his morning newspaper; Mr Collinson started between Ashley and I taking a few sips of his coffee, while keeping his eyes glue to our actions.743
I had not had a lot of time to process Ashley's confession, but I had however spent a small amount of time working myself up for it. It had been a long time coming and while it had not gone as I had expected it was a surprise none the less and another thing to add to the long list of confusing thoughts that continued to course through my mind.744
“Please and thank you would be nice Taint,” Mr Collinson grumbled, his wife placing a larger plate in front of him with double the servings she had given Ashley and myself. 745
Where the hell did he put it? I asked myself taking my first forkful of bacon, shoving it in my mouth like I had never had a thing to eat for the past Three years. It was to die for, and I would too if Ashley proceeded to try and grab my attention by placing his foot between my inner thighs and the seat of the chair.746
“Yes please,” I replied, noting Mr. Collinsons request. I had lied to Ashley about being scared of his father. It was a lot easier to claim such things when you were not in a room with him, but now that I was I felt myself pushing myself in a corner and biting my tongue so as to not say anything stupid that might give Mr. Collinson more reason to despise me.747
Mrs. Collinson smiled topping up a glass full of freshly squeezed orange juice before she too took a seat besides Mr. Collinson and began to cut her bacon into small strips, popping them in her mouth like you would popcorn in a cinema. 748
“I'm taking the day of school today,” Ashley announced courageously. He had not yet touched his food which reassured me that maybe he had really eaten before I came, or maybe he was just to busy playing footsies with my crouch to enjoy a nice, home cooked, breakfast.749
Mr. Collinson frowned, his eyebrows hidden behind a thick, line of wrinkles. His hair aging, still slightly brown drooping over his eyes revealing more than his grim, morning attitude.750
“I don't think that would be such a wise idea Ashley, your grades are already slipping and you have been away from school for the past Three days. How do you ever expect to pass year Nine if you don't go to school?”751
Ashley shrugged, a not so wise move attempted and executed brilliantly without any word from Mr. Collinson.752
“The same way I have for the past Three years of my life. What do you think they make weekends for?”753
My eyes widened as I looked across at Mr. Collinson whose cheeks had turned a slight pinkish color, almost the color of the bacon that lay untouched on his plate.754
Ashley was testing the waters I could see it. His whole attitude had changed from fear to joy; the joy of being a smart-ass was washing of like a bad stench, but not before it headed in the direction of the restless Mr. Collinson.755
“Now don't you be smart with me young man,” Mr. Collinson growled raising tension between everyone who sat at the table, including me who had put down my knife and fork to afraid that I might choke while watching the actions of Ashley's sudden behavior change unfold.756
Ashley looked up, his mile not fading, but remaining the same as he took a large swig of his orange juice gulping it down before he wiped his mouth on his sleeve and laughed in his father reaction: pressing his toes into my crouch.757
“AHOY,” I shouted being jolted on the spot, his toes toying with my sensitivity and his parents patience.758
“What I mean to say is ahoy Mrs. Collinson what herbs did you mix with this Spinach Omelet, cause I think it has worn of onto the bacon.”759
Mrs. Collinson frowned wracking her fork through her omelet as if trying to pick out the spinch pieces in her response.760
Damage control... Taint damadge control... I said to myself watching as Mr. Collinson eyed me up in down, looking disgusted with my remarks to his wifes cooking.761
“Because ahoy Mrs. Collinson you can come around my place anytime and cook for me, because this is absolutely delicious, a dish to die for,” I replied, watching her as her frown quickly disappeared and was replaced with a happy grin.762
“Taint you are to kind,” Mrs Collinson laughed, giggling like a school girl. “I can give you the recipe if you like? And you can take it home with you. It isn't that hard to make, just tossing a few ingredients in that's all.”763
I nodded accepting her proposal my eyes fixated on Ashley who seemed amused with his actions, although I was not at all appreciative. He was acting like a fool and if he did not stop it he was most definitely going to get us into a lot of trouble.764
“Anyway, back to school,” Ashley said steering the topic back onto him, his voice as flamboyant as Carson from Queer eye, his smile wreaking of mischievous thoughts. 765
“The answer is no,” Mr. Collinson stated, propping his newspaper beside his juice, before picking his glass up and taking a few small sips. His Grey, tired, eyes never leaving Ashley's.766
Ashley pushed his plate away, turning his body so that he was in line with his father. His foot still resting against my chair: although he paid no attention to me whatsoever as he tried to bargain with his father.767
“I'll have you know I don't want to go today with good reason,” Ashley said stating his reasons without an ounce of back up to support his claim.768
I watched Mr. Collinson as he patiennly egan to cut through his own omelet, taking a forkful in his mouth: ignorning Ashley's statement.769
“I will have you I had hardly any sleep last night, so I don;t think it would do me or anyone any good if I went to school today because I certainly would not be able to focus.”770
Mr. Collinson looked at Ashley, placing his fork and knife beside him before directing his attention towards Ashleys statements, crushing both he and I with the next few words that left his lips.771
“Did you ever think the reason why you did not get any sleep last night was because you were conversing at Four A.m with Mr. Faggot over there?” he said pointing his grubby finger in my direction: taking the first stab at my heart.772
I could feel the knife inching into my hard, not yet twisted but the pain beginning to fill me with anger, my blood boiling with the confrontation of his words.773
Ashley gasped. His moth hanging wide open with unexpectedness of his fathers reaction to the simple truth. This was irony at its best, if only Mr. Collinson knew I was sure he would be the last to start throwing accusations around like he had nothing better to do but insult me and blame me for everything that went wrong in regards to Ashley's flamboyancy and sexuality dilemma.774
I knew that this had shocked Mrs. Collinson as I heard with a brief certainty as she told her husband of for bring that kind of talk to the table. She was taken back for sure by his tone and his accusation, but she was like Tanya in many ways in regards to standing up for what she believed in and even though she would not admit it, I did not see homophobia to e in her nature.775
“I will have you know that I was awake long before Taint arrived and he is not a freaking faggot dad. Hell he is not even gay, he is probably the straightest person I know and it just goes to show that you have no respect for anyone if they don't match up to your standards. Hell look around you dad, you can accept some homeless, contain, addict into your home, but you can't accept my perfectly clean, respectable friend.”776
“Watch it Ashley you are cruising for a clip behind the ear,” Mr Collinson said raising his voice another octave. How grow dulling but becoming something far more aggressive. Ashley was sure testing him now.777
“I'm not going to school end of story, like it or lump it,” Ashley said standing his ground as he drained the last of his orange juice and stood up.778
“Sit down and grow up,” Mr Collinson snarled taking Ashleys arm, wrapping his fingers around his as he twisted him back into his seat.779
My stomach was beyond knotting and my heat had quickened way beyond its normal beat. I could feel the infernal thumping in my ears as I watched, seeing a side of Mr. Collinson I had never seen before, one that I was sure that neither Mrs. Collinson nor Ashley had seen before either.780
“Or else what dad?” Ashley asked nervously: fear screaming from his body although he was hushed into the silent room. “Your going to hit me are you? Just like Grandpa did to you? You want to be like him? The go ahead and hit me?” Ashley cried, “HIT ME.”781
Mr. Collinson let go of Ashley's wrist throwing his hands onto the table as he swiped his glass of the edge, causing it to crash and break right beside Ashley's foot.782
He turned his direction to me, his eyes menacing, gouging into my soul like the knife he had inched into my chest. Only now he was about to stab it deeper, right into the core of where all the pent up emotions lay hidden and buried to rest. 783
I could feel it, see it, hear it in his heavy breathing as his lips began to move, and silence filled the air. I could feel the blood rushing through my ears, pounding, trashing sounding like Tsunami waves hitting the sandy floor or the roads of a terrified city. 784
He led his finger towards me, his expression never changing as the words began to spew like his mouth like a noxious parasite ready to eat away at whatever emotions I still had in tack that were keeping me from jumping of a Ten, story-high building with no regrets.785
“This would of never happened if you hadn't come along and fucked him up,” he said his voice harsh and course. Like his throat has been slashed my a cat, he was struggling for the right words to say as his eyes started to water.”786
“You slithering, sodomizing, perverted, freak of nature, you get out of my house before I break your face against the wall. Do you hear me?” he barked.787
I sat silent, still, unmoving and petrified. My body reacting differently towards the messages that my brain was sending it.788
Get up and run Taint...get the fuck up and run...he is going to kill you...789
“I SAID DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME,” he screamed, this time causing Mrs. Collinson to rise to her feet.790
I had no choice, I had to leave.791
I could not escape, not here not anywhere and home was a far safer place then in the surroundings of Mr.Collinson. At least I knew what was coming with Trey. I had no idea or Mr. Collinsons limits; for all I know he could damn well break my face against the wall and kill me in the process.792
I pushed back my chair, nodding as I quickly thanked Mrs. Collinson for the breakfast and marched as fast as I could out the kitchen door, through the lounge room and into the hallway where I took a second to breath, gathering my thoughts. Taking a short second to let the tears stream violently down my cheeks before I ran, running as fast and as hard as I could down the stairs.793
I could hear footsteps, not far behind me but I never looked back, neither did stop running until I reached the lobby, pushing the dirty, glass doors; stepping out into the cool, fresh, morning air.794
“Taint, wait up,” I heard Ashley cry as the doors behind me were pushed open and Two big arms were wrapped around me tightly, spinning me around into a grippingly, strong, embrace.795
“I'm sorry,” he cried as I fell apart in his arms, this time not stopping myself as my knees buckled, causing me to slide down his body, my own hunched as I knelt against his legs. Wrapping my arms around them for some kind of support; a support I both knew we needed, more than ever this time.796
Ashley fell to his knees, pulling my head toward his chest. His fingers stroking my hair heavily as he to began to cry into my shoulder. He too feeling the after shock of what had just happened, worse so than me.797
“I'm sorry,” he repeated, “I'm so sorry.”
Author notes
St op A Bullet
Word count : 27,383
Feedback if you like.
Blair
In a list
Please Actually COMMENT - I do not care if it is bad- I really hate it when people view and say nothing~ I am trying to grow- not wither and die ~ SO freaking come on- I do the same for everyone -
Comments
-
You have not lost your talnet yet my little vampire Queen sorry it's been a wild for me reading some of your wrok. Keep up the talent
Adding your comment:
