Me and Me

Scene: Two young men of around 18 years of age encounter each other at a street corner. They look remarkably similar, though one is slightly more attractive. We’ll call him Deuce. Each is trying to cross the street when the slightly less attractive of the two bumps into the obviously more attractive one. The less attractive one, we’ll call him the Wild Child, starts bubbling on his feet. He has odd attire that you would expect someone from a tropical island to wear, while Deuce is wearing every day jeans and graphic tee. They stay on the corner and speak.1

Deuce: Hello.2

Wild Child: You would start a conversation like that.3

D: I would, would I? How would you know? I just met you like…4

WC: Well, I wouldn’t be so sure of that.5

D: You wouldn’t?6

WC: Nope. (beat)7

D: Who are you?8

WC: Nobody of consequence.9

D: That doesn’t help me at all.10

WC: No. But you know who I am, so you don’t need help.11

D: I know who I am, and I know who my friends are, but you… I’ve only just met you.12

WC: No, that’s not true.13

D: No, the truth is, that I’m highly confused at this moment. All I want to do is cross the street.14

WC: Yes. The street. Here: let me cross it for you.15

D: What good will that do me?16

WC: Well, Deuce, it will let you see me from a different angle.17

D: I never told you my name!18

WC: And I never told you mine, but you still know it.19

D: But I-20

The Wild Child runs across the street with blinding speed, leaving Deuce on the corner alone for the moment. Deuce squints his eyes across the street.21

D yelling: You look exactly like me!22

The Wild Child returns to Deuce’s side with as much speed.23

WC: Well now we’re getting somewhere.24

D: But you’re not-25

WC: Haha! But I am.26

D: But if you’re-27

WC: Then you’re-28

D: And we-29

WC: You’ve got it now, don’t you?30

There is a long silence. Deuce is thinking very hard.31

D: But you can’t be me.32

WC: Why not?33

D: Well because if you’re me, then I can’t be me. One me is the only amount of me’s that there can be in the world because if there are more me’s than just one me then you- and me- would be fiction.34

WC: Is this fiction? (beat)35

D: Who are you?36

WC: Why can’t I be you?37

D: Because I’m me.38

WC: You aren’t being rational.39

D: I’m thinking logically40

WC: Logics are synonymous with rationale41

D: So if I’m me, and you’re me, then who’s you?42

WC: I’m me.43

D: Well, assuming that you’re me, and you’re you, wouldn’t that make me you and me me as well?44

WC: No. No it wouldn’t.45

D: Why not?46

WC: Because I am me.47

D: But you’re me-48

WC: Well yes, but I’m also me.49

D: So… You’re you and me, and I’m me and me? Do I have this straight?50

WC: Are you thinking rationally?51

D: I’m thinking logically.52

WC: Are you sure? (beat)53

D: There are three things of which I’m sure: I’m sure that I exist, I’m sure that something else exists, and I’m sure that I have a mind and can perceive.54

WC: So the question remains. Am I fiction?55

D: You are.56

WC: Then you are fiction.57

D: Not true. You said yourself that I am not you.58

WC: No, but I am you. Consequently, if I am fiction, you are fiction.59

D: Then we are fiction.60

WC: Or at least someone’s image of fiction.61

D: Who’s?62

WC: Probably each other’s63

D: Oh…64

WC: Yes…65

D: Well it was nice to meet… Me… You…66

WC: We’ve met already.67

D: Right… Well… Good to see you again then.68

WC: We’ll meet again.69

Deuce walks across the street and looks back at the Wild Child. The Wild Child winks and runs away with the blinding speed at which he had originally come. Blackout except for a spot on Deuce who is staring in awe. (beat) Blackout.70