Written by Thayla1
Edited by Kirbysman2
I hated my mother while she was alive. I hated her faith - I hated the rules she put in my way. I hated that she was an alcoholic and I hated that she was weak. I never gave a thought to her side of the story nor did I allow her an opportunity to defend herself. When you’re young I guess you don’t really think about endings. It never occurred to me that she could die, that I would never get to hear her side. So it follows that I truly believe that I gave up my right to miss her. 3
When I think of her, I remember the horrible things I said. I have very few good memories of my mother. I have written this to tell you my reader, about my best memory of the wonderful woman she was.4
When I was younger, maybe 8 years old, I had a nightmare one night. She came into my room, which I shared with my sister - my screaming had woken her as well. I don’t know how we got onto the topic, but she told us about the day she died. 5
When she was about 17 years old she contracted typhoid fever. This was back in 1966 and they didn’t have the proper medicine to treat it. Or if they did, it hadn’t reached South African shores. Her condition went from bad to worse and finally, after loosing all her hair and having numerous blood transfusions, her body gave out. She was declared clinically dead. 6
Then she told my sister and I about what happened after she died. The first thing she could remember seeing was a hill and she started walking up that hill. She could feel someone next to her but couldn’t see who it was. When she was almost at the top she heard a voice - the person next to her that she still couldn’t see had started to speak. He asked her to wait. She kept looking at the top of the hill where she could hear the most beautiful singing she had ever heard before. She wanted to be there. 7
"But I have to go there," she said to the person at her side. 8
"No," he replied, "You still have a choice, and you can go back." 9
"But I’m supposed to go there," she repeated to the entity. Then she saw her hospital bed and the flowers her mother had brought for her. 10
"You still have a choice," the voice said again. 11
She stood there staring at the flowers. She pictured her mother, already weak from her own sickness knowing this would probably kill her. Then, remembering her brother, she knew he would not understand. He was too young to loose both his mother and sister. Her family needed her and she could not leave them now. 12
"I’d like to go back," she said. "My family needs me."13
They were busy wheeling her to the morgue when she sat up straight. Needless to say, the nurse almost died of fright. While my mother related this story to us all I could do was cry. I cried and cried but she seemed to glow as she told me how safe and at peace she felt during that time. 14
All these years later, I find myself thinking of this often. I wish that it were true. Maybe that night my very religious mother wanted to tell a scared little girl that she was not alone. How it must of hurt her later in life when I threw her ideals back in her face. How can I grieve a woman I insulted with my every action?15
Maybe she never died all those years ago. Maybe it was a bedtime story. Remembering it now, remembering the look on her face as she told the story, I know that every word is true. But you see, that makes my betrayal even worse. She lived to bring my sister and I into this world and how did I repay her? I told her "I hate you!"16
Is there a plan? Is there a design? If there is, I can’t see it. Her life was riddled with pain. Her husband beat her. Her crime - well, once she under cooked the peas. Another time she gave my sister a biscuit. To add insult to injury, he killed himself and I blamed her for his death until the day she died. What divine reason returned her that day? 17
It seems too late to say this now, but if the world does indeed work the way my mother said, then somehow, she will hear me. I want to thank her for the tears and the fights. I want to thank her for my faith. I want to thank her for my life. 18
I want to say that you were right about more than I’ll ever admit. And, I want to say that I’m sorry. I’m sorry I laughed at your beliefs, sorry I took you for granted, sorry I ignored you. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. 19
I would like to believe that you came back that day so that you could be our mom. I hope you weren’t disappointed in me and more than anything I hope I can manage to make you proud of me. I don’t waste time anymore, you taught me that. I don’t waste my words anymore, you taught me that too. Please forgive me. I know you always loved me, even when I said horrible things, even when I turned my back on you. 20
You were the best mother in the world. I know I never said that before, but please know it is true. Another thing I never said enough is I love you. I love you mommy, wherever you may be. I hope you made it back to that hill. I pray that no matter what you did wrong in this life, that you finally make it to the top. 21
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 14 of 14
-
This story is very good but you have a lot of puncuation errors. Other than that, I like it. Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
-
EXCELLENT
This story brings forth all sorts of emotions. It is very well written. I also didn't have a great relationship with my mother and after her death I went through similar emotions. Now as a mother myself.... well, what can I say? I can but try to have a better relationship with my children and try to teach them not to judge superficially.... Really an amazing write that I'm sure brought you some 'relief'. Thanks for sharing it.
-
I like the changes. This really just almost made me cry as I read it. That's got to be really difficult to deal with. I think that somewhere, your mother has gotten the message and knows how you feel. It's really well written too, I just noticed two typos you might want to fix... toward the beginning "women" should be "woman" and in the middle "bother" should be "brother". But it's an amazing work, you can really feel the emotion behind it.
Rainy -
This is so sad, it's a great write, I am just sorry it had to come out b/c of your situation. I liked it, it makes me appreciate my mom a little more, at least for today. Great write, thanks for sharing.
~Ashley -
Made me think that I should give my mother more credit... Made me remember that I love her! This was beautifull!!! I can't explain how it made me feel, I was sad but also happy, happy that I'm loved! Thanks!!!
Best wished Lumen
-
It is a cross to bare, ang the only person who hurts is you, you are your own judge and jury.As long as you don't kill your self over it, all will be well.
It is a human trait to do and say the wrong things and yes regets I have a few.
If your mother did belive then she will be waiting for when your time comes, she will be the first to greet you.
It was a strange bed time story, she must have had some foresite from that experience and past it on to you.
It is a touching story, thankyou for sharing it with us.
PUG
-
beautiful, but very sad
i wanted to let you know, this did help in a way only people that feel the way i do right now would know.
I think that was the most amazing and beautifully written poem, though sad and made me feel much regret and sadness, i believe that things happen for a reason. And now i can see what is happening to me, could just be for a reason. -
Try to use more complex words and sentences and cut down on the repetition. Other than that, try always to write with that same level of emotion.
-
Beautiful, but Sad
This is beautiful and poignent and made me feel such regret. It made me want to hug and hold my Dad one last time and tell him over and over that I love him. What a wonderful story From the heart definately. Luv Niky x
-
Don't make me cry! lol I've been holding back tears since the first paragraph. This is truly heartfelt and excellent. I'm sure you mother knows that you love her. This is a really great write. Keep up the amazing work!!!
Best wishes,
Amanda -
Excellent story - had me pulled in the whole time and I wanted to keep reading. Nothing in the comments that say whether this is a true story or fiction but I'm believing it's true. And, I think there are lots of stories out there just like this - one of life's tragedies. Excellently presented. My only technical thought on this is that there are many short sentences that might be combined to make the reading just a little smoother. Great job though!
Paul -
nice write
WoW this is amazing; just amazing! I wonder if the story was true that your mother told you, if so, WoW to that too! LOL Neways this is just a very emotional write. That's about all i can say..i'm speachless...
XOXO
~Laura -
Brilliant
Aww, wow, thats really amazing! I think it is extremely well written and is an extraordinary tale indeed. I especially liked the last line, it was very touching, and I can definately say I feel the same way about my own mother.
Well done, a great write. -
wow, this literally gave me the chills. That's amazing that she came back to life like that, and I imagine that poor nurse was never quite the same again. You did a really good job telling this, my only suggestion would be to watch out for sentence fragments. Other than that, maybe a little more detail, you could turn this into a longer story if you added some dialog. I really like it, though, the way it is. What a great thing to look back on when you miss your mother.
Adding your comment:
1 - 14 of 14
