In the city of Amatheiancatha, there is a long-lasting tradition, that whenever someone dies in Amatheiancatha, there is a statue made of bronze of that person, and their statue is placed in the countryside around the city, so they can continue to look at the city they once lived in. Naturally, sometimes these statues need cleaning, as they become covered in moss, or lichen, and birds nest in them, and so on and so forth. As the city of Amatheiancatha is a very old city, there are many statues of long dead people, as well as quite a few statues of not-so-long-dead-and-gone people, and they were all cleaned on a regular basis, every month. This, understandably, is a daunting task, and one which requires a very special type of people. The Meliamnies were the oldest family in Amatheiancatha, and as such were given this dubious honour. And that is why Aaron and his younger sister Cecily were on the head of their Great-great-great-grandfather and -mother respectively. So far, they had reached 5 kilometres from the city, and the light was fading fast. 1
“Time to be getting back now, Cecily.” Aaron said, expertly swinging down his Great-great-great-grandfather and landing lightly on his feet. Cecily climbed down too, taking more time than her elder brother, but still landed safely on the ground quickly. 2
As they reached the main road to and from the city, they saw a group of travellers in the distance, clearly making their way also to the city. Aaron and Cecily started walking back, but the travellers quickly caught them up, as they were riding on wagons, whereas Aaron and Cecily were walking.3
“Hello,” called the man on the leading wagon cheerfully as they came alongside, and halted the wagon. “Would you like a lift to the city?”4
“Yes please” replied Aaron gratefully, and he and Cecily joined the man on the way back to the city. The man was surprised to hear about why all the statues were made, and how often they were cleaned. Once they reached the city, Aaron and Cecily jumped down, and directed the group towards The Weary Traveller, the best Inn in the city.5
The next day, while Cecily and Aaron were making their way to the city centre to see their (alive) father before going out to continue the cleaning of their Great-great-great-grandfather and –mother, they bumped into the man who had given them a lift back the day before. 6
“Hey” the man said. “I’m Mick Jagger.” 7
“I’m Aaron and this is my sister Cecily.” Aaron replied. 8
“Pleased to meet you.” Mick said. “You off to clean statues again?” Aaron nodded. “Good Luck” Mick said, and wondered off.9
That evening, when Aaron and Cecily had returned from cleaning statues, Mick was waiting for them in the city square. They got talking, and Mick told them all about his band, The Rolling Stones, and mentioned that he was planning on staying in Amatheiancatha for about 2 months. 10
The day after that was Sunday, and so rather than clean statues, Cecily and Aaron wandered around the city. Mick had stuck up posters, advertising his band and saying that he would be performing tonight in the main square.11
Cecily and Aaron raced home to tell their mother, who said that they could go as long as they didn’t stay out too late as they had to clean states the next day. As Cecily and Aaron liked cleaning the statues, they didn’t mind.12
That evening, the square was packed, except for where a make-shift stage had been set up for The Rolling Stones. They started singing, and everyone listened. They reached the end of their first song, a haunting melody called Paint It Black. When it was over, everyone was crying. Mick Jagger, the lead singer, was whipping the crowd into a frenzy for the next story, when a crossbow bolt seemed to materialise in his chest, feathers quivering. Mick stared down at it, and then gracefully fell backwards, hitting the floor of the stage with a dull thump. Instantaneously, there was uproar as everyone demanded to know what had happened. 13
Later, there was an investigation. Nothing was ever proven, but most people thought that it was one of the people who had come with the group had shot him, deliberately. All in all, everyone was pleased when they left. Not that stopped the nobles from insisting on a bronze statue, after all, he had died in the city. 14
Many months later, when Aaron and Cecily were once again cleaning the statues, a thought suddenlt struck Aaron.15
“Cecily, you know what? That statue of Mick Jagger, I’ve never cleaned him. In all the years I’ve been cleaner of statues, you’ve always cleaned him.”16
Cecily was amazed, too. “But Aaron, I’ve never cleaned him either. Evidently, he is either self cleaning, or no moss or anything else has ever gathered on him."17
Author notes
yes ok, I felt really random. as for the moral: A rolling stone gathers no moss.
A contest entry
- Implicitly Explicit by Yeshua.
225 points, ended September 27, 2008, 7 entries
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Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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Lol.
Style: 5/10
Flow: 5/10
Uniqueness: 5/5
Readability: 5/7
Effect: 5/10
Lack of Errors: 3/3
Personal Score: 2/5
Total: 30/50 -
wow the city name sure is a mouthful. I thought you lost the plot near the ending as the beginning and middle were so solid and descriptive. Great to see an original concept with an unexpected twist.
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I like the idea of having a bronze statue of everyone in the city, but the ending was a little shaky. There was not much of a plot, though the moral was quite entertaining. Nice thought. Thanks for entering!
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This was a very interesting write. It was odd but in a good way and very original,enjoyed the twist in it.
Good luck in the contest. (: -
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glad that you like it
yeah, i had great fun writing this, I had to stop writing this several times because I was laughing so hard
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I've read and commented on this before, so I won't say anything I haven't already, but thank you for your entry.
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oops. Ahh well.
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This was very odd, but it got a good laugh from me when I got to the punch line. I do have a suggestion though. You know that large, very informational paragraph at the beginning? The story would of worked more smoothly if you revealed that all when Mick asks about the statues. By doing that, it makes people wonder about the statues at the beginning. O.- Things make more an impact when they're revealed in the story, rather then telling the reader at the beginning of the story. But its just a suggestion.
Still an entertaining story. -
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kk thanks for the tip. I'll change it at some point when i have the time. Also glad that you mliked it.
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AWESOME! That was well written and hilarious! I got the randomness when Mick showed up, but the punch line...sha-BANG! It was very well done, with very little hint before the end.
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glad that you liked it. Also glad that there wasnt any hint on what was to come, I thought that as soon as Mick Jagger was mentioned, everyone would get it, but evidently my mind works in very strange ways, so there we go.
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Niice. NIIICE. Did not see tha tending coming. Outstanding.
No need for the comma in the title, might want to just use "The city" rather than its full name as many times as you do in the first paragraph.
Still funny though. Niice. -
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glad that you liked it, and thanks for the tip. Yeah, I really liked writing it, it was highly amusing, and I had to stop several times because I couldnt see what I was writing because I was laughing so hard I was crying. But anyhow, glad that you enjoyed it
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Okay..I read all the way through this story and right at the very end, you through in that clincher! It was beautiful! I really like the whole story and how it had actually transpired that people cleaned the statues, why and for what ever reason. The characters were well conveyed to the reader. I was able to invisage every going on in the town. (except for Mick Jagger - you got me on that one, you clever one you). Fantastic piece of work.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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glad that you liked it. I was kind of expecting that Mick Jagger was going to be obvious, but as different things are obvious to different people... Anyhow, I actually got the idea from a 'Who's line is it anyway' and just changed it a bit. It was fun writing it.
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it was definitely random.
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yes i know. I really should try to make less of my stories random(does that even make sense?) but its all good in the end, I suppose.
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The story is strangely intreaguing, and i liked it very much... but as to the contest... what on earth is the moral or lesson?
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