Betrayal of Trust NaNo Backup

NaNo Blurb - Untitled1

Set in the near future (2015), convicted criminal Angela Morris finds out that an old acquaintance is found dead in an abandoned warehouse - apparently beaten and then killed. She dismisses it as another sad fact of the 'outside' world - one she hasn't had to deal with since her arrest and sentencing five years earlier. 2

Meanwhile, she and her best friend, Tina, have to live their day-to-day life in a maximum security women's gaol - working, eating, sleeping - counting down the days until they are to be released.3

Their routine comes apart when Tina gets news that her son is gravely ill with Leukemia, and when the gaol refuses to allow her escorted access to her son, she vows to Angela that she is willing to risk everything and break out. Angela convinces her that an escape would not be the answer to this problem, only to receive her own bad news - her husband is killed in what appears to be a bungled home invasion.4

After Angela receives a cryptic message in an unmarked envelope, both women turn to each other, and suddenly the thought of escape becomes more and more appealing. The two women put their heads together to stage a daring escape - and succeed to end up on the run, with both the authorities and someone else on their tail and gaining ground.5

While on the run, Tina searches for a way to save her son, while Angela searches for answers.6

What Angela uncovers on her journey answers questions, but brings to light the possibility of something so terrible that she wishes that she had never sought the truth.7

8


NaNo backup - in all its unedited glory. DO NOT READ.9


Leticia groaned and opened her eyes – again. For the second time in as many hours, she ached. Squinting her one good eye – the one without all the blood in it, she glanced around the room. Though she sat just off centre, she could see the grubby walls and the stained floor from her viewpoint. Oil and other indistinguishable stains marked the floor and walls, and the pervading smell of rot and mold and something else filled the room. She shifted in her chair – her restrains digging against her skin and biting her with a reality that she had hoped would have gone away by now. 10

She sighed – a normally nearly silent exhalation, but the whistle that accompanied it reminded her again of her ruined nose. Once reminded of it, that pain came online as well – a deep ache and a sharp sensation for everytime she tried to breath through her nostrils. She breathed through her mouth, which made another of her ailments worse. The sharp coppery taste of blood not only crusted her lips, but also filled her mouth. The split lips was the first of the things that they gave her when she regained consciousness and found herself in this strange room.11

The busted eyebrow and her obviously broken nose came after they started to ask her questions. Still bleary from the couple of cocktails that she had had at the club and whatever it was that they had slipped into her drink – likely a tab of Rohypnol – she had not been able to put two wordas together, let alone answer their rather pointed questions.12

She thought back to earlier… which was hard to do as the images in her mind still refused to resolve themselves into some sort of logical thinking pattern. She usually drank at her favourite bar after wiork, but a friend of a colleague had suggested that they go to the new discotheque-style bar that opened recently in Darling Harbour.13

After waiting in line for nearly half an hour, they had been granted admission. The club had been packed – noisy twenty and thirty year olds all bustling and writhing to the thumping electronic tones of the techno beat. Leticia and Matt elbowed their way to the expansive bar at the back – taking care not to jostle too many of the fashion-clad patrons or spill any of the fancy cocktails that most of the clientele nursed with perfectly manicured hands. 14

Matt ordered one of his usual boutique beers – and she had chosen a Midori splice – and it came in all its glory – with lurid pink paper umbrella and almost too much crushed ice.15

They chatted about work for the most part – her job as the senior IT secrity specialist for Macquarie Bank, and he about the recent programming project he was working onm – a revolutionary new computer game for a recently developed gaming platform. The last few years had seen the advent of mainstream virtual reality game – and Matt worked with the high-level algorithms that ensures realistic game play.16

One drink turned to two and soon she had started on her t fifth drink – far more than she ever consumed in one sitting. Not really a party firl, Leticia preferred a few quiet drink, and she now felt the effects of the liquor in the cocktail . As they sat at a small table just off the dance floor, Letticia dropped her small clutch purse. Matt picked it up with a small smile of understanding. 17

“That’ll be my last, I’m afraid,” she had yelled. Matt had hardly heard her and just nodded his head.18

“We should go some place else – it is getting too loud in here.”19

She had agreed and they had left the bar for a stroll on the crowed steets of inner Syney.20

“Helen tells me you’ve got some interest in algorithmic matrixes..” Matt started.21

Letticia smiled. “Just a side interest of mine – can’t just be thinking about work all the time – I like to do some different projects from time to time,” she replied with a soft giggle.22

“What else have you done?”23

“This and that – I recently got my post-grad Doctorate in IT – my thesis was on the applicatuion of nueral network interfaces and the evolution of complex encryption algorithms – the matrixes would be an interesting area to expand on.”24

Matt nodded again and then grabbed her when she stumbled.25

She smiled nerviously. “Damn – I knew I shouldn’t have had that last drink.”26

“Live and learn eh?”27

“Yes – but is not it strange how we never learn by doing the right thing?”28

He laughed and she liked the sound of it. She recalled that Helen had mentioned that Matt was eligible, but she shrugged it off – she had a career that she wanted to continue building – she had no time for the demands of a marriage as well.29

“Ever come across any particularly interesting algorithms?” Matt enquired suddenly, before indicating that it might be best if they retired for a bit on a seat.30

Letticia had smiled as she remember the time nearly seven years previous when her friend from University had approached her with a problem that need a solution. “Only once – a long time ago – but..”31

Matt had glanced up. “But what? Not something from wortk?” Matt asked – well aware of some of her restriction with intellectual patents that belonged to the bank.32

“Oh – nothing like that, Matt. Just something that a woman I knew from Uni approached me about – an advanced encryption algorithm protecting data on a flash drive. It was more the information that it protected – I wish that I never had agreed to help her out.” Letticia looked away – she had sworn that she would never mention that to anyone – but the drink was making her slightly loose-lipped. The information contained on that drive had made her heart freeze and her breath catch – and she had begged that Angela either return the drive to where she had found it or destroy it completely.33

Matt appear curious. “Sensitive data?”34

“Not just sensitive – harmful – I don’t know if she did what I wanted her to do with it, but that flash drive contained things that give me nightmares.” Letticia stood. “I think I need another drink.”35

“That bad?”36

“You could say that,” she murmured taking his proffered arm. “It frightens me to think that that data might have actually been real – I considered it might have been some fiction that someone had thought up – by knowing the advances we’ve seen in the last few years, I’m not entirely sure.” She shuddered. “It could change the face of the world, Matt – show everyone who really should be feared.”37

Matt stopped and glanced down at her. “Could it have just been that – research …?”38

“No – I opened a section that had extra encryption measures – this was real – a real company creating… evil.”39

“Evil?”40

Letticia didn’t answer, but had pulled him into the closest bar to them.41

After they settled down with their drinks, Matt had excused himself to use the bathroom – and that was the last time she saw either him or the inside of that bar.42

She had awoken with bleary eyes to this room – and a stranger demand answers to questions that he threw at her as hard as the first punch that had broken her nose.43

What did she know? Who else had she told? – The questions had come far too fast for her brain to process through the drugged haze .44

They had hit her again and again. Her lip had suffered next – a vicious backhand that had stung and then gone numb as blood poured from her split lip and rolled down her chin to mingle with the trials of previous tears. The blood flowed into her eye next – a stinging blow that had left her reeling and her ears ringing. That was when she had sobbed for them to stop – to explain why she was tied to a rusty chair in a strange room.45

In the now – she glanced arounf the room as she twisted her hands against the tight rope that they had used to restrain her . The fibres had long ago bitten into her flesh and left her skin raw and reminiscient of days gone when her friends had given her ‘indian burns’ . She whimpered as she heard someone else approach – the same man from before, no doubt to hit her again as she tried to make sense of what they wanted.46

He came into the room, and she gasped as she caught sight of the gun that dangled from his right hand, the cold steel glimmering faintly in the poor light that came in behind him from the outside.47

“You gonna tell me what I want to hear yet – or are you gonna still try this denial thing? You’re a smart woman, Ms. Griffith, I’d hate to hutrt you anymore than I need to. Unless you like the pain.” He sneered , showing a row of off-white teeth.48

“I don’t understand,” she said with a sigh as he raised his left hand again. “Please…”49

The slap snapped her head back, and she cringed as he raised it again,50

“”What do you know?”51

“I don’t…” She cowered as the hand travelled back on an arc. “Please, I can’t think…”52

“We’ve given you enough time to start thinking straight – too much time if you ask me – for all we know you plan to lie,” he muttered. “And how will we know what you say is the truth?”53

She shivered.54

“Tell me… how do you know about the Prioject?”55

“What project?”56

The hand twitched. “You know what I am referring to – a flash drive was stolen from my employer – everything points to the fact that you may know something about it. You mentioned to your friend that you had been baler to crack the encryption – so qwe know that you jknow – it is just a matter of time… and how much pain you are willingto suffer – before you tell us what we need to hear.”57

Her heart skipped a beat.. How did they know – had they been listening to her conversation – how was that possible.. All those thoughts swirled through her brain again as the hand descend once more to snap her out of those thought. She squealed as the hand made contact with her already tender flesh. 58

“Tell me.”59

“What does it matter – you know that I know.”60

“It matters because we want to know who else may know – someone you might have told. And we want to know where that flash drive is.”61

Letticia closed her eyes – of course they mightn’t have the drive – Angela had been gone for nearly 4 years now. She sincerely hopped that she had taken her advice and destroyed the blasted thing.62

“I have no idea where it is. I just decrypted the data. I wish I hadn’t seen that – believe me I never wanted to learn that we are worse than those that we make out to be evil.”63

“I don’t need to know the information, I just need you to tell me who else knows.”64

Surely they knew that Angela had been the one to give her the flashdrive to begin with?65

“Don’t you know – if you know that I had it , surely you know who asked me the decrypt it?”66

“We believe that Angela Morrris may have come into possession of it – but we don’t know for sure if ti was her or her personal assistent that contacted you. Which one was it?”67

Letticia thought about her predicament for a moment too long – the hand once again fell – rattling her as it connected with her cheek.68

“Tell me who asked you for the faviour – the quicker you give us what we need the quicker we can part ways.”69

Letticia sighed – but Angela would be safe from these people where she was. “Angela was the one that contacted me – I wish I’d never said yes, alright? I wish I’d never seen that information.”70

“See – that was not so hard now, was it,” the dark haired man sneered again. “Could have told me that at the start and I wouldn’t have needed to mess up your pretty face. Now – what happened to the flash drive?”71

“I told Ange to destroy it – that nothing good would come of keeping it – you have to believe me – I begged her to destroy it.”72

“Any idea of where she might have stored it had she not damaged the drive?”73

Letticia shrugged as much as her restraints would allow. “I don’t know.”74

This time the barrel of the gun smashed against her face – drawing fresh blood and for her face to tingle with the unwelcome sensation of pain. This time it felt like he had broken her cheek and she moaned as the area blossomed with sharp sensations as she opened her mouth to scream.75

“Come on Ms. Griffiths – I can and will continue to hit you until your face resembles less a face and more the budget mince that Woolies sells.”76

“I only went to Uni with her – I don’t know her that well.”77

“Obviously well enough for her to trust you with her little project.”78

“No… I was the only person she knew that had the skills to decrypt it – she’s got a good head for numbers, but lacks the patience to learn the things that I do. She had no one else to turn to – she suspected that her personal assistant was storing personal information in the work safe – she just wanted confirmation of that suspicion – neither of us expected to find what we did.”79

“Where might she have put the drive,” he enquired again, he voice harsh.80

“I honestly don’t know…” She saw the gun being brandished again and she turned her head away and cringed. “Please – I really don’t know – I didn’t see her much after that – she got married and she had her own career to follow.”81

He dropped the barrel of the gun and her eyes bulged as he fingered the trigger with it pointed at her right knee. “Oh God, please… I don’t know…”82

The gunshot echoed through the room with almost painful percussion, and she screeched as the bullet tore through the fabric of her pants and travelled through her knee, devasting the flesh as the metal slug tumbled and then exited the back of her knee with a gout of bright blood.83

“Even an idea would help your cause, Ms. Griffiths. I really don’t want to waste another bullet.”84

She couldn’t see the cold stare on his face through the haze of tears and blood, but she knew it was there from the lack of emotion in his voice. “I don’t know,” she whispered, her voice croaking with fear and pain and the dread that had started to form in her stomach – her intestines writhing in her gut uncomfortably.85

“How are we to know that she didn’t leave it with you for safe-keeping – you do work for one of the most secure banks in the southern hemisphere – it wouldn’t be that much of a hassle for you to make sure that it was locked up out of sight.”86

“No.”87

“Then you might have told your friend where to store it – you are after all a security expert Ms. Griffiths.”88

“I told her to get rid of it, I swear. If she was stupid enough to ignore me – I have no idea of where she might have put it.”89

He suddenly reached his left arm forward and grabbed a handful of her now matted glossy black hair, wrenching her head back and making her cry out. He pressed the muzzle of the gun to her forehead. “I’ll kill you if you don’t tell me the truth.”90

Warm wetness appeared between her thighs as she whimpered. “Plese… I don’t know. I didn’t know her well enough.”91

In response he said nothing, but instead ground the still warm barrel of the gun into the delicate skin of her head.92

“Please…” she begged again, still half-hopeful that he would know that she was telling the truith and simply let her go. “I don’t know.. please… you have to believe me.”93

He let her hair go with a disgusted murmur, and stepped back from her, leaving the barrel still kissing her skin. “You absolutely certain?”94

She finally opened her eyes again and gazed up at him in terror, her mind making connections and coming to the slow realisation that she may not walk away from this alive. He seemed to pick up on her apprehension and smiled thinly.95

“Are you certain?”96

“I don’t know,” she repeat again, her despair apparent in her voice.97

He took another step back and she sighed with welcome relief as the warm metal parted ways with her forehead.98

“I am finally satisfied,” he replied.99

“Please..” she begged when she noticed that instead of lowering the weapon, he kept it trained on her, unwavering as he regarded her.100

He didn’t blink as he pulled the trigger. Leticia never heard the second report.101

102


Berrima Correctional Centre for women, was located in the small Southern Highlands town of Berrima – ergo why the gaol was named after it. Built in the 1830’s by convicts in chains from local sandstone quarried from the area, the gaol had stood the trest of time. It was currently the only ciontiinuouisly operating correctional facility in the country – and had always been in operation. It was often joked about in beaurocratic circles that when hell finally frozer over, Berrima Gaol would still be standing – processing and containing some of the states varied criominals. It had, for the last thirteen years, operated as a womens correctional facility – orginianaly operating as a programs gaol and then being converted to a maximum security classification women’s gaol in late 2004. Most of the state’s most hardened female criminals ended up at Berrima afat some point or another in theor sentences, as well as the gaol catering for those with long sentenmces or patching gaol histories. 103

The first morning buzzer sounded, waking Angela Morris from her sleep. It didn’t bother her as much as a newer inmate – instead she accepted it as part of her daily routine, and she was grateful that at least she didn’t need to purchase an alarm clock on the activities buy-up. Unless the staff were running late or there was an obligatory lockdown and cell raid, the buzzer sounded at the exact time every morning – 6:45 a.m. on the dot.104

September 2015 marked the start of Angela’s 6th year in custody – the previous five had been initially hard, but after the first six months she soon found her own routine and surmised that she had to live her life no matter where she was – just because she was in gaiol made it no less her life than if she still lived on the outside.105

She walked the one step to the tiny basin sink and splashed water onm her face. Scrubbling the sleep from her eyes she glared at her reflaction – at 34 she could see the tiny crows feet that had started to appear at the corners of her eyes. She sighed and glanced at the small photo tucked into the corner of the vanity mirror – her husband Scott. At least he still loved her no matter what she looked like or why she was in this place.106

He had been part of the reason – he had experimented with a design and had final;ly happened upon a solution that he could patent. The only problem had been trying to fund large scale production of the product – and at the time, they didn’t quite have the cash flow they preferred. Though Angela worked as a Trust Accountant for a large Superannuation fiund, most of theior income seemed to go on paying for the essentials of life – the mortgage – which became the most draining of all, especially leading into the financial meltdown of 2008. They also liked their time away – often spending a fortnight or more a year in intrerstate destinations. She reasoned that they both needed the break – and was not about to give that up to scimp and save money to provide the necessary start-up money for the Scott’s new invention. After some thought – and their increasing arguments over theoir financial situation, she decided to take a few risks. Looking for some loopholes in the Mutual Life’s policy, she soon started skimming funds from the various accounts – always small amounts – and always being careful to hide the trial by changing the figures. She got away with it for a year – and managed to remove nearly $400, 000 from the funds – placing it into an account under her husband’s name.107

Scott atr first bought her story that the money had been bonuses for work and then finally questioned her about it. Unsure of how he would react, she initially denied any of her true acvtions – but a few months l;ater he questioned her again – the account printout scrunched in his hand as he glared at her – accusing her of risking everything – theior reputation and their very standing in huis family. She had broken down and confessed everything – including the fact that since she felt that she was getting away with the smaller figures, she had started to take larger amounts.108

He had blustered – threatened to go her boss – even threatened to anonymously inform the police. Fearing that she would lose him, she told him the truth – that she done thwe whjole thing for him – so that he would see his dream through. She had even convinced herself that they would pay the money back when they started to make a profit, but still she sythioned more money from the accounts.109

Scott had sat in siolebce for hours – staring off out of their North Shore home, his eyes dark with anger and apprehension. When he had finally come to bed, he had muttered something about being alright about it – but that he wanted her to be more careful, to think about it more. Finally he begged her to re-tyhink – that the money she had obtain already had been enough.110

She nearly stopped – but the process she had gone through had been too addictive – that constant thought that someone would catch her drove her to continue rather than prompting her to cease.111

Two years on, as she prepared the company’s fuinacial statements for the end of financial year, police raided her office and removed her to custody.112

Though she applied for bail during her court process she never received it – the judge argued that stealing nearly five million dollar from ‘honest hard-working folk’ to fund her own selfish needs was despicable. It was ionly after an elderly man spat in her face in court than did she realise what she had really done – in pursuit of happiness for her and her husband, she had denied all of Mutual Life’s clients – mostly the elderly who relied on her role in the company to ensure tha=ey could have a comfortable retirement – had been ripped out from under them.113

In late 2011, she was finallyfound guilty and sentenced to a hefty 14 years gaol. Suddenly she found herself without hope or dreams – and not looking forward to spend what was effectively her best year associating with people she normally turned her nose uip at.114

Scott religiously visited evry weeken – and to her it was worth the weekly indignity of being strip searched after he left.115

She stood now in front of the metal shelving that consisted her ‘wardrobe’. No longer did she wear finely tailored power suits or silk and linen. Instead she now a a small selection of everyday clothes in threecolours – green, maroon, and white. Having spent the first few moths in green while she had been in remand, she wxsswore that once she left this place, that she would never wear that colour again – no matter how dfashionable it was. 116

Dismissing the thought, she reached for a pair of khaki cargos – and a stretchy white three-quarter sleeve shirt. That would be sufficient for her visit. After unlock and bvreakfast muster, she would have Tina braid her hair as she usually did for a Saturady visit.117

Angela brushed her chestnut hair after she dressed, smoothing the brush through her thick hair. Placing the bng the brush down after her customary 50 stroke, Angela fingered the three lipsticvks that she had. Makeup would go on after breakfast – she could ill-afford to waste even the smallest amount of cosmetic – activities buy-up only came around once a month, and the gaol didn’t believe in purchasing products on specuials or even shopping at the cheaper outlets. Her $50 a week ‘wage’ she earning as the programs Manager’s secretary/assistant didn’t really cover a $45 lipstick..118

She left the tube of colour and sat back down on the edge of her bed – just as the first unlock buzzer sounded. Moments later she could her the distinctive sound of the officers unlocking the cell doors. From the sound of it, Belmore was on – she could hear his distinctive voice booming out gretting and the odd hurry up to those not yetr accustomed to the morning routing. 119

Less than five minutes later her own door opened, revealing Belmore – a large well-built man with moustache and hard face. 120

“Good morning, Ms. Morris.”121

“Morning, Sir,” she replied as she stood up. “Nice day?”122

He pushed the door open as he secured the bolt. “As good as the last few days – good weather for visits.”123

She stepped outside as he left her door – trailing that morning’s Area Manager – and stepped outside. 124

The September weather was beautiful at that time of year – the mornings still slightly crisp, but she knew that by mid morning – when Scott normally arrived – the weather would warm up nicely. 125

She smiled a greeteing at the woman who just exited her own cell next along from Angela’s – a large girl of South African origins – who clasped a steaming coffe in one hand and an unlit cigarette in the other. 126

“Morning, Chantelle.”127

“Morning, Ange,” she replied with a touch of accent. “Scott coming today?”128

Angela smiled. “Like clockwork. You getting a visit today?”129

Chantelle had been arrested coming into the country as a drug mule from Asia – and though she didn’t have family or friends ion Australia, she sometimes had ex-inmate come in and visit her. 130

“No – though Margaret wrote and said she might be in next weekend.”131

Angela laughed softly. “How is she?” Margaret was a moneyed socialite from the South Coast – and how she got to gaol had been the stuff of legends. While inside she had added character and diversity to a place ordinarily over run by habitual ciminals. Angela smirked as she recalled one time the sixty-something year old had regaled everyone with a tale of her latest ‘toy boy’ – a twenty-something that she described to everyone’s gobsmacked looks was ‘hung like the proverbial horse and knew how to wear her out.’132

“How is she?” Angela asked, curious. 133

“She’s apparaently gone off to Melbourne to purchase a new racehorse – said something about being approached by Gaye Waterhouse about a potential winner.”134

Unlike some of the claims made by some inmates, Angela believed anything that Chantel told her about Margaret – the woman had more money and connections than Angela knew that most people could have.135

“Sounds like something she’d do.”136

“Oh – and she said to say hi – told me to say that she’d visit you sometime – if you want.”137

Angela smiled, but shook her head. “Tell her thanks for the thought – but I’m fine with just Scott coming in every week. Maybe she can come in and see Belinda – did you hear that her family’s moved back to Q?”138

“Really?” Chantel replied as she started walking away to light the smoke – she knew that Angela hated to remain downwind from her when she did. “I’ll let her know.”139

Angela took some time just to appreciate the feel of the sun on her skin before turning away and strolling over to her frined’s cell.140

Tina glanced up as Angela entered her cell. “Sleep well?”141

“You know I always do when I have Scott coming the next day,” she replied as she made herself confortable on the bed next to Tina. The two women had been friends since they meet nearly four years ago in the Metropoliton Reception and Remand centre in Silverwater just after Tina had been arrested.142

Initially, Angela hadn’t been sure about the woman – after all she represented everything that Angela had originately stereotype women in gaol to be like – Mouthy , brass and opinionated. It didn’t help that she had just been convicted of drug related offences.143

She soon found that Tina was nothing like the stereotype. Though she dealt drug for a living, she never pushed her ‘product’ nor did she use herself. She treated trhe whole thing like a legitimate business – and Angela often mused that had Tina opted to work in a legally allowable field that she would have gone far.144

Tina had a little boy – Kyle – whose name she had tattooed just above her left breast just after he was born. 145

Through their subsequent discussion about everything from their lives to their sentences and everything in between – Angela learned that Tina was not much different to herself – fiercely loyal, and willing to do anything she needed to do for her family. The two soon became fast friends.146

“Coffee?” Tina asked as she eased herself from the bed and took the one and a half steps to the tiny bench with the kettle.147

“Please.”148

As Tina made the coffee – talking care to add the milk before the water and stirring it only three times, the morning news droned on the tiny TV sitting on the next shelf.149

“I’m half glad I don’t have to worry about the stuff anymore, you know what I mean?” Tina mused as the news report detailed another rise in interest rates.150

Angela nodded – but hoped that Scott had taken her advice and invested their money in that term deposit she had recommended. Though the court had tried to chase the money, and had ordered her to pay most of it back, it all remained in her husband’s name – and nobody would get a cent. She planned to pay the fines and the money back after she got out – but in the mean time that money would earn her and her husband a decent sum. After defrauding Mutual Life, Angela had no compunction holding onto the money for a little bit longer.151

“I wonder when the bottom is going to fall out of the market again?” she wondered aloud, and Tina just glanced at her momentarily. “I mean we are looking like we are going to go bust again.”152

Tina smirked and handed her the cup of Coffee. “You can take the Accountant out of the business, but you can’t get rid of that business sense from the Accountant, eh?”153

Angela blew on her coffee and took a sip. “I can’t help thinking of all the missed opportunities.”154

“You shouldn’t worry, Ange – the whole system will keep on ticking – and you can conquer it when you get out.”155

“As if they’ll ever let me work as an accountant again,” Angela replied with disdain and a hint of pain. No matter how long she did inside, it still pained her to know that she would never do the work that she loved to do.156

“Come work for me.” The quip was a long-standing joke between the two women, and Angela laughed. 157

“You and me – taking over the drug trade in Sydney – I’m sure we’ll be real popular.”158

“Three words, Ange – connections, connections, connections.”159

Angela snorted into her coffe. “That’s one word, Tina.”160

“True – but three times for emphasis.”161

The two shared a laugh at their joke, Tina’s de facto partner – Thomas – did a sideline from time to time with one of the main cime syndicates in Sydney – and Tina often claimed that her little ‘network’ could get Angela anything she wanted.162

As they sipped the last of their coffes, the first muster buzzer rang. Tina stood, removed both of theior mugs to the sink to rinse later. “Yet another day.”163

Angela unfolded herself from the bed. “One day closer.”164

Tina turned from the sink. “Can’t wait until it is more than just one day closer.”165

The pair walked from the room together, nodding greetings to the other woman that trickled from their cells to the main compound and the long white line..166

Conformitry was one of those things that if you hadn’t learnt it before you hit the gaol system, you soon learnt it quick . The woman lined up on that simple white line, toes on the three-inch wide strip, never deviating further away from it than what was expected. A few stranglers hit the line at a run under the intense stare of the butch Area Manager that stood at the front and centre – her hands clasped behind her back as she waited for her charges to line up and fall silent. Two correctional Officers walked from the compound office – the thick muster book held in the arms of one. 167

Eyes forward, each woman had her name called as the officer’s progressed down the line of faces. Most answered with a yes or a grunt or just the mere nodding of the head. Occasioanlly, the women would have a joke about which ever male officer was taking the muster, but that morning nothing came down the line. 168

Standing near the end of the muster line, Angela stared ahead with everyone else – squinting as the morning sun creasted the cellblock opposite and shone in her eyes. Though she had a pair of sunglasses, she dared not put them on – like hats, scarves and hoods, they had no place on the muster line – the officers preferred that their faces were clear of anything that obstructed their full view of the woman. 169

Two people down from her, one of the women snuck a puff of her rollie. Anglea smirked – if anyone could get away with smoking on Muster, Lisa could. The smoke was clasped surrupticiously between thumb and forefinger, tucked away in the palm of her hand. The smoke was riolled tinly – a racehorse by the look of how little smoke twirled from the lit end. The breeze also blew toward them – so odds on, Lisa would get away with it. She caught Angela’s look, winked once, and took a drag while the Area Manager’s gaze drifted away fror a brief second..170

The two officers reached the final part of the line “Geraldson.”171

“Yes.” That was Lisa – her rollie hidden behind her back.172

“Clarke?”173

“Sir”174

“And finally, Morris.”175

“Yes, sir,”she replied as one of the pair snapped off a tight salure at the Area Manager.176

“Muster correct, Ma’am!”177

The hard-faced woman nodded, and addressed the women, “Dismissed.”178

The formality over, the women broke away from the line – some headed for the laundry to battle it out for one of only two machines, some to head to the dining room for breakfast, and others – like Tina and Angela- to head back to their cells to prepare for visits.179

On the way across they ran into the gaol’s only current trannie – Petrina. Tina and Angela tried to include her in some things – even though many of the other woman ostracised Petrina. Tina quipped to Angela the first time they had met Petrina that he could help the fact that he had been born a bloke. Angela had accepted it, but still felt half-jealous that the transvestite had better breasts than she herself did.180

Tina had snorted and lost herself in a fit of giggles when Angela had told her this – and then explained why. Petrina had had breast augmentation surgery as well as the hormone thrapy – and Angela instantly understood why the boobs had looked so damn perfect. Still – she half-considered the unfairness of the situation.181

“Hey, babe,” said Petrina, addressing Tina. “Visits today?”182

When Tina shook her head, Petrina turned her attention to Angela. “That sweet thing of yours coming as usual?”183

Angela smiled and nodded. “As usual. How about you?”184

“Nate’s coming up for the weekend – two visits for me this week.”185

“That’s sweet of him,” Tina replied, involving herself in the conversation again. “Bringing you any new books?”186

“Yeah – a couple of new ones – and one he told me about on the phone – don’t know if I’ll like it – but I told him to bring it anyway.”187

“I’ve never heard of you not liking a book,” Angela teased. Petrina was well known as a book-lover – had read just about everything in the library about from the reference books.188

“Some parody – and a new author, too. Nate says that it sounded quite good – but I suppose I should give it a try. If I don’t like it, I can always give it to the librabry anyway.”189

Angela smirked. “I think you have single-handedly built up the library by double since you have been here – even with books that you like.”190

“Well – I only have limited space, don’t I,” she replied as she stood with one hand on her hip. “Besides, the officers always hate searching my cell – they complain when it takes them longer than the usual ten minutes.”191

Angela and Tina laughed in response. Though Petrina had a lot of things, most of the long-termers had a lot more. She had a lot of sudoku opuzzle books that the screws often rolled their eyes and sighed about – but she knew she was entitled to have them in her cell.192

She and Tina waved goodbye and made their way to Tina’s cell again – where Tina would do her hair for her. Thiough she could do her hair herself, it was one of those things that they did together – and spend the time chatting about the upcoming visit or any other thing that came to mind.. It was something that most of the women engaged in – in gaol most woman strove for comfort in friendships – and it helped them stick together even while gaol got to them from time time.193

After their ritual with Angela’s hair, they swapped small talk for a bit – which of the women were in what relationship – who had been caught sneaking off with someone else’s girlfriend. The whole situation often reminded Angela of the first few years of high school – just without the distract of the opposite sex. Gossip ran rife in the women’s gaol – system – quite possibly something to do with too much times on their hands, but Angela knew that that was simply the nature of woman – when stressed or bored, women would just chat.194

“Angela Morris to visits.” The call came over the intercom, and Angela left Tina with the usual promise to tell her everything later, and went to wait at the gate to be let through to visits.195

No sooner had she arrived, an officer opened the gate and led her through the clinic and then out to the small visits area.196

Being a small gaol – with an inmate population of only 75, Berrima Correctional Centre’s visits section was fairly cosy – or at least it was inside. She walked through and spotted her husband sitting at one of the outside tables.197

He stood and greeted her as he regularly did – a tight hug and a peck on the cheek. Angela didn’t realise until she pulled away that something was wrong.198

“Is everything alright at home – you look stressed,” she said without preamble.199

Scott stood for a couple of seconds before dropping to the chair with a sigh. “I read something in the paper before I left home. I thought I recognised a name.”200

“Who – what’s wromg?” Angela asked , concerned.201

“Remember that friend of yours from Uni – Leticia?”202

Angela nodded. “What happened.”203

“Police found her dead.”204

Angela gasped. “What? How?”205

“Beaten, and then shot – found her in some abandoned warehouse down in Darling Harbour.”206

Angela’s hand rose to her mouth. “Did the paper say anything else?”207

“No – just the usual speil ‘Police are seeking assistance with their enquires’ – basically meaning they have nothing on what happened.”208

Angela sat back in her chair, shocked. She hadn’t spoken to Leticia since her arrest, and now wished she’d had more to do with the woman that she spent a lot of her time with while attending the University of NSW in Sydney.209

“I can’t think of why she would be shot – unless it was a mugging.”210

“They found her bound – and, according to the paper, it looked like she’d received a heavy beating over a period of time before they shot her.”211

Angela remembered quite fondly the time they shared together while at UNSW – studying, the occasional party and gossiping about the latest couple. They had paced each other through their courses – Angela in her Accounting degree, and Leticia with the Information Technology degree. They both graduated the same year, but though they continued on with an honours year each, they grew apart – each chasing their own dreams.212

First, Leticia gained an internship at Macquarie Bank, and Angela soon found her own professional feet – studying for her Chatered Accountant qualifications while working for the Sydney branch of the international accounting firm, Deloite (sp). They originally met for dinners once a week to swap stories of the steep learning curves that they had embraced with eagerness, but their contact soon dwindled.213

Four years later, and approximately a year before Angela contacted her to decrypt a flash drive she had found in her office safe, they had met over a meal. Angela remembered the night clearly; Leticia had run late, strolling with brisk professional determination into the small Italian restaurant, her glossy black flyaway hair blowing up across her face as she pushed the glass door open and bustled into the crowded restaurant.214

Her mother full-blood Italian and her father a forth generation Aussie, Leticia had been born with the best features from both her parents. Angela had watched as Leticia had tucked back the errant strands of hair, smiling in greeting as her old friend had crossed the room. 215

Leticia grinned in return, her coffee-brown eyes glimmering with warmness as she approached the small table in the far right corner that Angela waited at. Angela stood briefly as Leticia came within a couple of steps, leaning forward into the polite embrace that Leticia offered. 216

“Long time no see,” said Leticia as she pulled away and slipped into the opposite chair.217

“It is amazing how time flies when life gets busy.”218

“True. What’s this I hear that you’re engaged?”219

Angela thrust her left hand across the table, a large diamond cluster brandished with pride on her left ring finger. “Scott Morris – we met nearly a year ago – works as a conveyancer for a fairly prestigious law firm on the North Shore. Doesn’t mind the fact that I earn more than him.”220

Leticia laughed knowingly – most men shied away from head-strong career women like themselves, either intimidated by their sheer determination or the fact that they had more pulling power than the men would ever come close to in their own lives. Both women were twenty-six that year, and though Leticia’s mother hassled her from time-to-time on what the two women referred to as their ‘marriage issue’, neither had been in that much of a rush to commit to a long-term relationship.221

“He must really be something for you to willingly give up your freedom.”222

“Intellectually, he’s my match,” Angela had said as she absently twirled her half-full water glass. “He’s interested in other things apart from the law – spends a lot of time developing ideas that could have a lot of potential. Tinkers with things…”223

“All men ‘tinker’,” Leticia replied with a amused snort. “My brother used to pull things apart – shame he never knew how to put them back together again so that they would work.”224

“Scott is different. What he does is more to do with making things work better – or even redesigning something to improve it.”225

“So what is he doing in the area of Law then?”226

“That’s what his parents wanted him to do. He enjoys the work, but I don’t think his heart is in it as much as it is in the ‘tinkering’ that he does.”227

They had ceased their conversation to order their meals – fettucini with creamy mushroom sauce for Leticia, and chicken cacciatore for Angela. They had then spent most of the meal catching up – including swapping stories of the times they shared at university and the blood, sweat and tears of trying to make it in the corporate world after university.228

Angela snapped out of her reverie when Scott reached across the table and covered her hand with his. 229

“I can find out when the funeral is…”230

Angela only nodded mutely before sighing again. “Her Ma will be devastated – losing Leticia will break her heart.” Already, Angela could imagine the grieving that the stout Italian woman must be suffering – no doubt be spending the next few days in her Roman Catholic church, lighting candles and praying to the saints in lament.231

“Is there any way that you’ll be able to go to the funeral?”232

She shook her head, knowing that an escort would likely be out of the question. The Department of Corrective Services occasionally allowed an application to be approved, but only for direct family. Leticia had once been a close friend, but the two had hardly seen each other in the years since that dinner, and never once after Angela had been arrested for the fraud.233

“Will you go for me? Give Maria and Ian my condolences… maybe some flowers?”234

Scott mumbled assent as he stroked her hand. 235

The rest of the visit unfolded as it usually did – idle chitchat about Scott’s progress with a design that he had been working on for a while now, plus the news from during the week. Angela found herself agreeing with Tina’s sentiment from earlier that morning – inside they really didn’t have to worry about those things. Though the stock market may crash or some new dictator arose, life went on without them – they really didn’t need to worry because they no longer belonged there.236

In retrospect, the first twelve months in prison had been hard to adjust to – the new routine, the types of people she ordinarily would have had nothing to do with, much less associate with, and the pervading sense of desperation that other people in a similar situation to her oozed. Those eleven months on remand changed her. She had come into the system naïve – straight, as the other women referred to her with backwards glances and sneers – and unprepared for the steep learning curve that gaol soon became.237

Her first taste of the prison system came as an officer escorted her from her preliminary hearing down below to the police cells below the court. Denied bail and remanded into custody, Angela could only follow dumbly as the officer led her into a concrete-floored hallway. They stopped in front of a creamy metal door with a tiny reinforced glass window set high and to the middle of it.238

The officer unlocked the large bolt on the door, metal scrapping against metal as the bolt disengaged. With some effort, the door swung outwards revealing a smallish room with an observation window set in one wall.239

“Inside, Mrs. Morris. Turn towards me and undress. Top first if you will.”240

Angela stumbled into the cell before the true import of the words sunk into her already shell-shocked brain. The sudden realisation had hit her as if she had had a bucket of freezing water dumped on her. She turned, sheer horror and indignation plastered across her face.241

“What?”242

“Procedure, Mrs. Morris. This is a strip-search – they are conducted on all new inmates, and you are no less special.”243

“In front of you…?”244

The female officer’s lips thinned and she fingered a radio on her hip. “For a smart woman, Mrs. Morris, you don’t seem to be getting the message. Strip. Now.”245

Angela had paused and gathered the open collar of her expensive silk blouse in her hand and clutched the fabric defensively at her throat. “But, I…”246

The officer had unclipped the radio from her belt and thumbed the transmitter. She looked at Angela. “Take your clothes off, or I will get someone else in here and we will take them off for you.”247

Burning with embarrassment, Angela had slowly removed each item of clothing, each layer stripping away not just her physical covering, but her emotional protection. Shaking hands revealed her bra and underwear, and she paused, turning her shoulder protectively against the officer’s glare.248

“Everything.”249

That one word had caused tears to well in Angela’s eyes, the wet trials blazing down her burning cheeks only to cool in the air and leave her skin smarting. Fingers trembling, she had unhooked the bra, letting the item drop to the floor. Next, averting her eyes, she pushed her underpants down and stepped out of them.250

Shivering slightly, she dropped her hands to cover her self.251

“Hands up. Turn around slowly and then lift your feet one at a time,” the officer commanded coldly.252

Angela had complied, already numb with shock.253

“Turn back. Undo your hair, then lean forward and run your fingers through it.”254

Angela had sighed, but still did as the officer asked. She had raised her head again – he hair tossled and her skin goosebumped.255

“Open your mouth, run a finger around your gums and then stick your tongue out.”256

Angela did so, closing her eyes as the officer leaned close to gaze into her mouth.257

The uniformed woman then pointed at a half-filled black garbage back just inside the room that Angela hadn’t paid attention to. “There are some greens that should fit you – dress in those and place your own clothes in the bag.”258

Angela glanced down at her pricey underwear set. “Can I still keep them?”259

“Only those. Everything else goes in the bag. Don’t worry – they will be lodged into your Property bag.”260

Angela had nodded, and then had opened the bag to find the clothes – all the same shade of forest green, and all with the mark of mass production and the logo ‘CSI’ marked in black at the back of each garment. She pulled on the pair of trackpant and a baggy t-shirt and then carefully folded her own tailored clothes and placed them in the black bag.261

The officer had taken them from her and turned away with a word of thanks, stepping from the cell and closing the door with a heavy clang.262

That first night, Angela couldn’t sleep from a combination of nerves, other inmates muttering and cursing, and the pervading fluorescent light that not only had been left on, but also flickered at intermitant intervals.263

The following day had found her in another new situation – being loaded onto a corrective services transport truck headed for the Metropolitan Reception and Remand Centre in Silverwater. She had been loaded on with one other woman – a stringy drawn-out piece with an almost skeletal and haunted face – and five men, all of them in the same drab green as what hung on her own frame.264

The men were handcuffed, but she and the other woman was not. She had been about to ask when the other woman had spoke up. 265

“The screws don’t cuff us – they can if they want if we fuck around, but they normally don’t.”266

Angela cringed at the swearing.267

“New eh? What they got you for?”268

Angela crossed her arms and rubbed her upper arms nervously.269

“Whatever. We’ve got ‘bout three before we get to Mulawa, and it can get kinda boring in the meatwagon if there’s no one to chat to, ya hearing me?”270

Angela had turned and made the decision to at least answer the other woman’s question. “Fraud.”271

The other woman – palid faced with washed out white-blonde hair – had nodded as she pursed her lips.272

“Who’d you rip off?”273

Angela’s barrister had warned her not to say anything to incriminate herself further, but she didn’t seem any harm in telling this woman – who, in all intents and purposes, appeared to be just trying to be friendly.274

“The company I worked for.”275

“Huh. How much?”276

Angela bit her lip, and then sighed once before replying. “Nearly seventeen million..”277

“Holy fuck!” the woman exclaimed, drawing the attention of a couple of the male inmates waiting in a holding cage near them. “What didja spend it on? Gear? Gamblin?”278

Angela had no idea what gear was, and she certaintly hadn’t been the type to waste money on high risk endeavours. “No.”279

“What then? Anyone rolling in that much dough spends it on somthink. You must have a few big arse houses and some horses or somthink big…”280

“It was for my husband..”281

The woman rolled her eyes at Angela. “Get fucked… you need to live big on dat cuz, not hide it all away… can’t do anything wid it now you’ve been pinched… unless you’ve got yourself one kick-arse legal team.”282

Angela had shrugged. True – she was using some of the money on her legal defense, but she also knew that if she could weather out the time in gaol that money would be worth a lot more in a few years time than what it was now.283

“What have you been gaoled for?” Angela had asked out of curiosity.284

“Shoplift, possession of a few ounces, and a drive while disqualified. My fifth lagon - got six months this time from the cocksucking judge – shoulda only got three.”285

“Oh.” It was the only response that Angela could think to give at the time. Part of her cringed at the thought that she’d have to spend the next three hours seated next to this criminal.286

“Name’s Mel, by the way, short for Melissa – but most of the girls just call me Mel. You wouldn’t happen to have a rollie onya?”287

“A what?” Angela had asked, now thoroughly confused by the lingo that the other woman employed.288

“A rollie… or a tailor if you’ve got one…” She sighed in exasperation at the look on Angela’s face. “A smoke – a cigarette.”289

Angela had shook her head. “No – don’t smoke.”290

“Fuck… unless…” Angela watched as she turned to the two men. “Oi! Sexy! Got a spare rollie mate?”291

One of them grinned. “Show us your tits cuz – if we like what’s on offer, we might just give you what you want.”292

Angela turned away as Mel lifted her shirt without hesitating and then gyrated for effect. Catcalls and whistles soon followed. 293

“Come and get it, slut,” the grinning man called out, holding a light cigarette out between the bars of the holding cell. 294

Mel dropped her shirt and strode the three steps to the cell. Angela had watched as she had reached out for the smoke only to have the man snag her wrist and pull her up against the bars. “What say you give me a feel, it is my last smoke afterall.”295

Angela had turned and watched with disgust as Mel had leered and let him put a hand up her shirt and fondle her as she took the smoke from him.296

Before the scene could get anymore lecherous, an officer rounded the transport truck and yelled at them, and Mel scampered back to where Angela had stood, grinning as she sucked on the foul-smelling rollie.297

“What is in that thing?”298

“Ox. White Ox. Cheap as shit, but lasts from buyup to buyup, so we don’t complain.”299

Angela had never heard of the brand, but from the smell of the thing was glad she didn’t smoke – the grey smoke that curled from the end smelt worse than most cigars. “It reeks.”300

Mel responded by taking a long drag and then exhaling into Angela’s face. “Get used to it cuz – nearly everyone smokes it. When you get to Mulawa the screws give you a reception pouch – don’t tell them that you don’t smoke – just take it – there’ll be plenty of other girls that will need it. And you can trade it for other things… pills, gear anything else you might want.”301

Angela nodded and then decided to query Mel about the workings of gaol in general. “Is there anything else I should know?”302

“Yeah,” she replied, but the rest of her speech was interrupt as the officers indicated a small compartment they were to enter on the truck.303

Crouching down so she wouldn’t hit her head as she lifted herself into the compartment, Angela couldn’t help but notice how claustrophobic the tiny compartment was. Lined with steel panels on all six surfaces, a thinly upholstered bench seat was bolted agaist one side, leaving minimal leg room. After Mel sat on the seat beside her, Angela took a deep breath filled with apprehension.304

“First time is the worst. Just pray the bastards decide to put the aircon on – otherwise it gets as hot as an oven in here. They reckon one of the blokes broke out using a can opener, but I think it is a load of crap, if you ask me. You’d need more than one of those to break out.”305

The breath Angela had taken had filled her nostrils with an odour that could only be described as cloying. She identified the stale smell of the ox rollies mixed with the rank smell of sweat, as well as what she could have sworn was a combination of vomit, urine and excretment. She put a hand over her nose and gagged.306

“You’ll get used to it. I’ve been in a truck just after one of the blokes shit himself – and the fucken screws pumped up the aircon to force it through the system. Made at least one other person turf their guts, and the damn air was ripe by the time we got to MRRC.”307

Angela hadn’t been comforted. Instead, she gagged again.308

Mel had rubbed her back. “Think of somthink else, cuz. Anyway… you asked about what you should do… lemme give you a few pointers eh?”309

Angela nodded. “That would be great. You see – I have no idea…”310

“First – the girls come first. Don’t play up to the screws – they ain’t your friends. They’ll sooner screw you or the other girls over. Some are nice – but most are muddafuckers, you got me? Any shit that goes down, ya keep your mouth shut – everything gets sorted out by the girls – the screws don’t get involved. You roll to a screw and you’ll be seen as a dog – and when that happens, you best hope that you run to protection as fast as your legs can carry you.”311

Angela blinked.312

“Second – don’t get involved in other people’s shit, alright? If there’s a fight, look da other way. Don’t stick up for no cunt – ‘cause, chances are, they never be round to do the same. Plus there’s always shit going down that you may not know about, right? Some girl ripping off another girl, someone putting another girl on the promise and not coming through, yeah? Just stick to yaself.”313

Angela nodded.314

“Third – don’t be telling fibs about anything – not your court case, not your life, not anything. Stuff gets around faster inside than outside – everyone watches the news, everyone talks. You get caught lying, people want to know why. We get plenty of girls come in for wrong shit – killing their kids or bashing old people – and they lie, you know – to cover it up. Don’t lie and we’ll know you’re a good sort.”315

“What happens to those people?” Angela asked, suddenly.316

“The wrong cunts? The ones that hurt kids?”317

“Yes.”318

“We look after them. If they don’t bail to protection, a few of the girls make sure they get messed up. We don’t tolerate it, alright? Women that do those things have no right mingling with da rest of us, do you hear? Pieces of shit they are – most of the girls have kids at home – and some wrong cunt walks around after hurting their own kid or helping their bloke rape another woman’s kid – it is just… wrong. Plus half of them seem to get off on lighter sentences – when they should just be put down like the animals they are.”319

Angela had been momentarily taken aback by the venom in Mel’s voice, but she understood why women in general would feel that way. Just hearing about the fact that some individual could kill or harm children sickened her – let alone someone of the female gender – as it seemed, to her, to be against nature itself. 320

“What are these ‘buy-ups’ you mentioned earlier?”321

Mel sunk back against the seat as the truck started up with a rumble. “Every Sunday we put in our forms – things like smokes, munchies, toiletries and writing stuff – and then on the following Thursday you pick it up from the canteen packaged in big clear bags. As long as you have the money in your gaol account, you can buy up to sixty bucks of stuff.”322

“So – like home shopping?”323

Mel thought for a second. “Somthink like that – but all at set prices – no specials, and most things they charge more for than the shops. Trying to make money off us – and we can’t do a thing ‘bout it.”324

“How do I get money in my gaol account – can I transfer money there from my bank account?”325

Mel snorted with mirth and rolled her eyes. “Damn cuz, you really don’t know anything, do ya? Screws didn’t tell ya?”326

By ‘screws’, Angela took that to mean the corrective services officers that she had seen briefly the day before and that morning. “Only that my court clothes would go into ‘property’ and that the cash I had on me would be credited somewhere.”327

“That’d be to your gaol account. Everything you need to pay for comes out of that – buy-ups, phone calls, activities – and the VCL screw-over.”328

Angela, still trying to keep up with the other new terms, simply looked at Mel blankly.329

“VCL – Victims Compensation Levy – for every charge you are convicted with, you owe the system forty bucks. Me – I have a total of five charges – and that is taken out at 10% a week until I pay the whole thing.”330

“How do I get money into my account then?”331

“People that are on your ‘approved visitors’ list can send you a maximum of a hundred bucks a week. You can also earn money once the Industries Manager sticks you in the first available job.”332

“We work?”333

“Hell yeah – I wouldn’t call it work – more like slave labour, but it is somethink to pass the time. Mulawa has Gencore – which is packing poxy headphones for Quantas, the Nursery or the Kitchen. There are sometimes sweeper or clerk positions come up, but they are rare – newbies don’t get them – the older girls get themselves moved into something like that.”334

Angela considered most of those ‘positions’ as well below her skill level, and her indignation must have shown because Mel snickered at her discomfit.335

“Cuz – there’s no ‘take it or leave it’ thing on the go at Mulawa – the screws expect you to work when you make it outta induction.”336

“Induction?”337

“First place they send everyone that comes straight into the system. I don’t have to – I’ve been on remand for the last few months until I got sentenced. But you do. Just stick to what I told ya, and you’ll be out in the main, two, three days tops.”338

Those first twelve months had seen more of the same – always travelling by transport truck to court and back, needing to met and accept other women – some in similar situations to herself, others despairing or half crazy and everything in between. Gaol seemed to bring out the full range of emotions in people – plus responses she’d never dreamed a person would do.339

She remembered the first time she’d seen a suicide attempt – a young girl that had dug into her wrists with a plastic knife – the panic that had ensued as the screws retrieved her from the celll and dragged her out into the common room, bright red blood slicking her arms and painting patches of her greens black. Of the time that she’d walked in on someone shooting up methadone, or the time that two girls had asked her to stand ‘cockatoo’ as they bailed up another woman and stood over her for a fit full of watered down heroine.340

After that first year, everything that seemed strange and jolting soon became normal.341


After her obligatory strip-search at the end of her visit, Angela re-entered the gaol just before the lunch muster at 12 noon. The women gathered as they did for the morning muster; all seventy-five with their toes to the long white line, waiting patiently as their names were marked off.342

Angela and Tina waited in the lunch line – by the smell of it, that day’s offering was hotdogs – and chatted. 343

“Turns out that an old friend of mine was found murdered down near the harbour.”344

Tina’s slate-grey eyes widened with surprise. “Who?”345

“Leticia – you know – the chick that I hung around a lot with a Uni – worked for Macquarie Bank. Scott said that the report in the paper indicated that she was not just killed – that something else might have been involved. But I can’t imagine Leticia being wrapped up in anything illegal.”346

“I can get Tommy to ask around.” Tina’s de facto keep his hand in a lot of the criminal activities in the city – and providing transport logistics for a variety of shady products for a local crime syndicate was just one pie. 347

“It is probably nothing – maybe someone with a problem with the bank.”348

“Or someone wanting to run a scam. Was not she some sort of security specialist for Macquarie?”349

Angela nodded as the two were given their fruit rations and then walked back out of the dining roomk together. 350

“What sort of information would she have had access to? If someone wanted to run a a major rort, any sort of highly secure information – like passwords or programming codes would be something someone pulling that sort of job would find handy.”351

“She was their IT security specialist. But anyone would have to be stupid to try a fraud at Macquarie – she had the computers at that place locked down tighter than Fort Knox. And I’m sure she told me one day that someone that wished to extort them would need more than computer access codes – they’d need physical access. She was one of the best. Killing her would have been stupid.”352

“Babe – there are people that can pull confidence schemes without blinking. Tommy’s got a friend that can get into any building he could need to – pretends to be someone that belongs.”353

“Wouldn’t work with Macquarie. I remember Leticia boosting about their biometrics identification system Macquarie has for their higher levels – and some procedures she called ‘anti-social engineering measures’ that she helped build the parameters for.”354

“Maybe that’s why they killed her – squeezed whatever information out of her that they could, realised that it was futile, and just killed her because they could.”355

Angela shrugged.356

As they lapsed into silence and strode across the compound toward Angela’s cell, Petrina came up to them with a huge grin on her face.357

“Something’s made you happy.” Angela remarked. “You seemed to be having a good visit earlier.”358

“Got me new book.” Petrina held up a novel with a garish cover of smirking elves.359

“Outer Erf – A LoTR Parody,” Tina read, slowly. 360

“Sounds like something some guy did years ago with the Harry Potter series – my cousin had that Barry Trotter and the Chamber of Cheese book or similar,” Angela said with a smirk.361

“I remember that. But this is better than some lame rip-off of Harry Potter. I’ve skimmed over the first few chapters – and there is some funny shit in this. Even how the dude wrote the draft is crazy – get this…” Petrina opened the book to the author’s blurb at the front, and started reading, “…written as part of the author’s third National Novel Writing Month attempt, where thousands of writers from around the world create the first draft of a novel in a month…”362

“A month?” Tina exclaimed as she eyed the size of the book. “Fuck off – what did the guy do – not sleep for the entire month?”363

Petrina smirked. “Either that, or he went on a one month speed trip. That would account for some of the random crazy shit that is in here. The story is really good – but some places you read a line and just lose it. Like this…” Again, Petrina flicked through the book. “Here it is… ‘the elves strolled through the forest – allowing Elvis to walk ahead of them when an ibis appeared from the undergrowth. Legolamb stopped, put a finger to his lips and pointed. The ibis went about its foraging, ignoring the presence of the elves until KABOOM! – it exploded in a shower of feathers and hot, sticky blood. Legolamb snickered when he turned to find Elvis trying to brush a blood-soaked feather from his face, which made him sneeze as it brushed his nose.’”364

Angela and Tina couldn’t keep a straight face any longer, and burst out in laughter as Petrina closed the book.365

“The rest of what I read so far is fairly humourous – but that bit takes the cake so far.”366

“I’ll have to borrow it when you’ve finished reading it – I need a good laugh,” Angela said with a smile still on her face.367

“Sure thing babe. This is going to entertain me for the rest of the afternoon.”368

Angela and Tina parted ways with Petrina, recommences the journey to their original destination – Angela’s cell. The two women reached Angela’s cell and sat on the step in the sunshine and ate their lunches.369

“Tommy and Kyle coming up tomorrow?”370

Tina sighed and ran her fingers through her short spikey blonde hair. “Tommy says Kyle is still sick with the fluey thing from the other week – still sniffling – plus really tired, like he has no energy or something. I told him to take Kyle back to the doctors. I know he’s only a kid – and kids get sick all the time, but he should have been better by now at least.”371

“He won’t even bring him up for kid’s visits on Tuesday?”372

“No – chances are that will be the only day Tommy will be able to get Kyle in to see a doctor – and I really don’t want make Kyle’s health any worse by insisting that Tommy bring him up, you know?”373

“Shame – I know how much you’ve been looking forward to spending some time with him.”374

“Yeah – and his birthday coming up too – I just wanted to wish him a Happy Birthday.”375

“Don’t worry – I’m sure he’ll really like the card you bought for him on Activities.”376

Tina smiled. “He’ll love it – that’s for sure.” She sighed again. “I can’t wait for the day when I’ll be able to give him more than a card and a tight hug on visits.”377

Angela threw an arm around her friend’s shoulders and drew her close. “That day will come, and you’ll be able to catch up with everything you’ve missed.”378

Tina leant into the embrace and though tears came to her eyes, she nodded into Angela shoulder and replied, “I know – but it is just so hard watching him grow up from inside here. I haven’t been there for all the thing that a mother should be there for – losing his first tooth, scrapping his knee for the first time – and not being there when he’s had a bad dream. Tommy’s been great – but I haven’t been there.”379

Angela rubbed Tina’s back, trying to give her friend some comfort and companionship. “I’m glad I don’t have kids – I don’t know what I’d be like if I had to leave them behind. I think I’d be in worse shape than you. Hang in there Tins – one day you’ll walk out of this place – and be able to be with Kyle twenty-four-seven. Chin up, eh?”380

Tina nodded again and pulled away, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. “Chin up,” she repeated, agreeing with Angela. It was the two women’s motto for their time inside – no matter how much the system got them down, the best they could do was put on a brave face and keep their chin up.381


The weekend soon finished, and the week started anew – the regular routine clicking over each day – three musters and three head-checks – each progressing and ensuring that all were present and accounted for. The start of the marked a slightly different routine – the women of Berrima Correctional Centre were expected to work as part of their rehabilitation program. Both Tina and Angela spent their weekdays in the Corrective Services Industry Printshop that was set apart from the main gaol, but enclosed by the same large, locally excavated sandstone that the rest of the gaol was.382

On Wednesday, they mustered in the laundry and waited for the Printshop overseer to open the heavy steel door and allow them entry into the Sterile Zone, and then through to the tiny passageway and into the Printshop itself. They held what everyone else did – their coffee, assorted reading materials and snacks. Though the gaol provided lunches for the inmates, most preferred to have other food on hand for eating during the day’s work.383

Names checked off, the woman milled at the entrance-way to the Printshop while their overseer ran them through the jobs that needed to be completed that day – a large order for competitor bibs for a triathlon, plus some small assorted jobs for school carnival ribbons and printed canvas promotional bags.384

Tina and Angela entered the cramped passage-way, pausing to find their steel cap boots and switching their runners for them. The other women di the same – soon the line of black and brown steel caps were replaced with a slightly less neat one of name-brand joggers. The two parted ways just inside the large workshop – Angela to enter the office where she worked as an administration clerk, and Tina to organise her carousal print crew and check that her screens from the day before were still set up as she had left them.385

Angela sat at her deak and booted up her computer. She would need to have the job sheets ready for the overseer to distribute to the rest of the women, as well as the day’s time sheets. The overseer entered the office just as the sheets appeared in the printer’s out-tray, and so she rose to complete her other regular task – preparing coffee for Tony – the corrective services officer, the Printshop overseer, and her boss.386

“Morning, Angela.”387

“Good morning, Sir,” she replied as she flicked the switch to boil the jug. She glanced out the tiny, barred window to an uninterrupted view of the real world. “Looks like it is a nice day out there.”388

“It is – it was a nice drive in this morning as well – summer is pretty much here already – though the morning was a little crisp.”389

Angela smiled as she added the necessary scoops of Nescafe and sugar to the cups – this was one of the few perks of her job as an administration clerk – she had access to real sugar – not the fake crap that came in the tiny pink packages. Officer Tony Jenson lived another hundred or so kilometres to the south west at Goulburn, and though Berrima got cold, Goulburn was just that little bit more extreme – even in summer most mornings started off fairly cold.390

“How’s the boys?” The ‘boys’ were two staffy boxer crosses that he had adopted from an RSPCA shelter nearly three years ago after his wife left him, and Angela knew how much he cared for those two dogs.391

“Good, except for when Neo decided that my hallway was the best spot to gnaw on some rabbit is head he found.”392

“Nasty,” Angela replied, her lip curling in disgust. She poured the hotwater to Tony’s coffee, and after a dash of milk and a stir seconds later, she handed it to him. “Here you are, Sir.”393

“Thank you. You have the sheets ready to go?”394

She took a quick sip of her own coffee, before setting her mug down and picking up the pile of still warm job sheets from the printer. “Just need to be stapled.”395

He nodded and waited for her to do so, before exiting the office to hand them out to all the other women. As soon as he left, Tina came in with her empty mug and helped herself to the coffee. Tony tended to turn a blind eye to Angela’s friend affording herself the strictly controlled commodities, but she was the only one he allowed – not just because she was Angela’s friend, but also since she was one of the best screenprinters out on the floor.396

“I made sure you got the bags again – there’s no point in switching you out just to print numerals. Michelle and Dana are fast printers – they should have the NSW Athletics job finished by today – the screens are all ready to go.”397

Tina nodded. “Thanks – I really didn’t feel like needing to set back up again – and you know how much I hate someone just jumping into my set-up and screwing up the screens.”398

Angela knew – unlike some of the other ‘girls’, Tina actually cared about her work quality – and damaged screens would mean needing to spend over time in the workshop if the jobs weren’t completed on time. The two may have been in gaol, but it was no excuse to forget about things like quality and dedication. Besides – the two enjoyed the time they could spend away from work – like visits on the weekend – and having to make up for work then was not on their agenda.399

Tina pointed out through the large glass panel to the workshop floor to wear the row of machinists sat. “I’ve told her not to go anywhere near the machines in the morning so soon after having her ‘done – she’s going on the nod already.”400

Angela looked out to where Tina was pointing – at one of the other woman – Kiara Donaldson. Like some of the women on the methodone program, Kiara chose to insist on a higher dose of the liquid handcuffs – preferring to spend her gaol time zoned out on the heroin substitute, rather than face up to the fact.401

Kiara sat at her machine – an industrial overlocker in this case – with her coffee in one hand, her other guilding canvas through the machine, and a chunky rollie clenched between her lips. Every so often her eyes slowly blinked shut, and her head tilted forward. Just before she seemed to fall asleep completely, her head jerked back and her eyes flew open.402

“Bloody goose. She best watch herself. Tony will kick her arse if he notices her smoking near that fabric – and going on the nod will make it worse. Plus Mathers has been hassling me to put her on the machines – if Kiara doesn’t pull up her socks, I’ll have to give Mathers the job,” Angela replied. Part of her position required making sure each of the ‘girls’ were in jobs that suited them – and respected them for how long they had already been in the system for. Kiara was a damn good machinist, and she would hate to see her job needing to have to be given to one of the newer girls on account of her own stupidity.403

Tina and Angela watched as Tony passed Kiara without noticing – choosing instead to yell at a couple of short-termers for smoking around an open container of turps.404

“Fucken idiots,” Tina remarked. “Though I am glad that neither of them are on my crew – the last thing I need is someone having a self-emolation episode while I’m in the zone. Keep an eye on Kiara if you can – I’ll have a word with her, but if it looks like she’s going to fall asleep altogether, you might be best to tell her that you’ll give her a break off the machines in the mornings.”405

Angela nodded. “Alright. But if she wrecks any of those bags, I can’t cover for her. That’s the last of the fabric – and if she screws up, it is your job that pays the consequences for that.”406

Tina cradled her fresh mug of coffee and eased out the office door. “See you at lunch.”407

“Ok.” Angela sipped from her own mug as she watched her friend approach Kaira and explain a few ‘home truths’ to her. She hoped that the girl would at least listen or even over to come off the machines for the morning, but as she watched the conversation unfold, those hopes died.408

“Damn it, Kiara. Just listen to her. I’ll put Mathers on for a bit,” Angela muttered under her breath as Kiara turned a cold shoulder to Tina.409

Before she could surmise about the situation any further, the office phone rang and she reached to answer it. “CSI Print, Angela speaking.” 410

As she answered some questions from a client waiting for an update on the delivery date for their order, Tony walked back inside the office. She hung up the phone after reassuring them that the order would be finished and packed by that afternoon, and on transport by that night.411

“Velmar Holdings?” Tony quizzed as he sat down at the next desk.412

“Yes – they wanted to know why their ‘No Smoking’ signs were delayed. I told them we’d have them out by this arvo – do you want me to get Tina onto them as soon as she finshes her print run?”413

Tony looked out onto the floor. “Yes – she’s the only one I can trust to have to job completed professionally.”414

Though there was the barrier of officer and inmate between them, Angela and Tony worked as colleagues – as they had done since she was made his administration clerk nearly three years previously. Trust in Corrective Services Industries was something that had to be earnt irrespective of her security classification. She may have been a Category 2 inmate, but due to her convictions the Programs Manager had initially been hesitant about allowing her in a position of trust – one that involved being allowed restricted access to the Business Unit is financial data and an outside line.415

In those three years, Angela had proven herself invaluable – she had retained her business manner from the outside, and was perfectly matched – more so than most inmates – to deal with customer enquires and to perform the administrative tasks – such as making sure the girls got paid what they should – of the business unit. Some women in the same situation had been known to exploit their position, but not Angela. She considered her work – though it only paid $85 a week – just as important as a job out in the real world.416

She knew that Tina was the same. Though the two women came from completely different ends of the spectrum, they both shared the same belief that integrity and diligence at work paid dividends. They both earnt the most money from CSI Print compared with the other girls, and knew they could – if need be – request things like extra time for lunch or be able to work on a personal project, and be allowed it.417

Neither did so – instead, they helped run the printshop as best they could – Angela by suggesting which girls might be better suited for some positions more than others, and Tina by making sure none of those women forgot it.418

While filling in a purchase order for more banner ink, Angela glanced out in time to see Kiara ‘on the nod’ again. Thankfully, her coffee mag was empty – as it now dangled from one finger from a limp arm hanging beside her. The industrial overlocker was still going – but no fabric was there to go through – and for that, Angela was happy – sewing cotton was cheap enough to waste. What did concern her was that Kiara’s bottom lip appeared to be missing something.419

No rollie. 420

Kiara pretty much chain-smoked, so her without a smoke in her mouth was a rare sight indeed. 421

Angela waited for Kiara’s usual jolted snap to attention – the jerk followed by a bleary rubbing of her eyes, but it never came.422

“Shit,” she muttered as she pushed herself away from her desk. Out on the floor, Tina printed her bags full-steam ahead – her carousal moving quickly as her and her crew pumped out the work without paying much attention to the other women that worked around them.423

Angela marched across the floor, avoiding the other women as they moved around her – transferring printed ribbons to drying racks and those near the carousals transferring wet, printed fabric of varying types to the conveyer belt of the large industrial dryer/heat setter – referred to by the women as the ‘pizza cooker’. By staying out of their way, she avoided attracting attention before she could reach the line of machinists. 424

On either side of Kiara, both of the other woman worked with fierce concentration – and it was well needed – the machines operated at speeds that made making mistakes dangerous. As she reached Kiara’s table, she kicked her foot of the speed pedal, while at the same time reaching across the table to slap the woman gently.425

“What?” Kiara mumbled as she rubbed her face with her hands. “Where’s me smoke?”426

Angela glanced down at the bundle of fabric beside her. As she leaned closer, she caught a waft of acrid smoke. 427

She grabbed Kiara by the shoulder of her t-shirt and yanked her up from her seat. “Get up, you goose. You’ve dropped your rollie in the fucken job,” she hissed as the two other women paused what they were doing and looked over. 428

The smell of the smoke was slightly stronger and one of the other women tilted the box to look inside. “Fucken hell, Kiara. I’ve only spent half the morning sewing them.” She glanced up at Angela. “There’s no fabric left to complete the job.”429

Angela came round the tables and started pulling the canvass bags from the box – shaking each bunch to check for the cigarette. The first few handfuls were fine, but halfway into the box, Angela pulled out a pile that were quite definitely smouldering. She took off for the wash-up bay, cursing under her breath – there had to be nearly fifty bags in the smouldering pile – and she was already not looking forward to telling Tony that that job could not go out that afternoon.430

She dropped the bundle into the washbay and turned on the taps, watching with consternation as the pile fizzled as the ember within ceased burning. When she was sure that the fire had gone out, she picked up the sodden mess and dumped it in the bin. Angela stepped back out on the floor in time to see that most of the women had stopped working and had joined in on the recriminations. Before she could attempt to get the situation under control, Tony strode across the floor.431

Stopping briefly to wipe her hands on a rag, Angela bustled over. “There was an accident, Sir.”432

Their overseer turned and regarded her – anger and frustration written across his face. “That much I can see. Who is responsible – and what is the damage?”433

The women all stood around silent – most finding other places to look or more interesting things that demanded their attention. Angela gave Kiara a glare. The women’s code of honour dictated that though she had dealt with it, she was obligated to keep her mouth shut as to the who of it.434

“Well?” Tony queried, the annoyance in his voice obvious. The look her gave Angela was one of understanding – but only just.435

Kiara shuffled and then sighed. “I dropped me smoke into some bags. It is nothing, Boss…” She tilted the box forward to prove her point. “All sweet.”436

Tony clenched his fists a couple of times – as overseer he realised the predicament they were in better than most. “How many did we lose?”437

Kiara ignored the question, opting instead to play with a length of bag handle. 438

“Ms. Mitchell – I asked you a question. Answer it, please. Otherwise I have no choice but to have you transferred back to your cell for a couple of days.”439

A couple of days on ‘cells’ – though perfect for Kiara while she was doped up and on the nod, would drive her batty in the afternoons. ‘Cells’ meant being locked-in during work hours – not time up in the compound to do what she wished. Berrima Correctional Centre was a programs gaol, and women were expected to work. If you weren’t working you could be expected to be locked in as either punishment for refusing to work, or because you were too sick to work.440

Kiara fidgeted some more, and Tony lifted his radio from his utility belt. Before he lifted it to his lips to ask for a rover to come and take Kiara back to the compound, she decided – through the methodone haze – that telling Tony what had happened might be better for her.441

“Ok, ok, already. I dropped it – and I think maybe some of them got burned. But I don’t know how many – Angela came over and helped out.”442

Angela sighed in relief – at least now Kiara had given her permission to tell Tony. “Maybe about forty or fifty, Sir. I don’t know for sure – my first thought was for OH&S – they’re in the bin near the washroom.”443

Tony re-clipped the radio to his belt. “You’re off the machines, Kiara – and back on the floor.” He turned to Angela again. “Is there someone else that can take over for this arvo – we really need to get this job out.”444

Angela waved forward a skinny redhead. “Mathers should be fine – won’t you?”445

The young woman nodded, her eyes cast downward so that no one could see how pleased she was.446

“Alright.” The overseer turned to the other women. “Back to work. Time is money, ladies. If you are going to smoke, please take five minutes away from the products – I really don’t want to have to explain to Corporate why so much of our jobs seem to be going up in smoke.”447


The week progressed as it usually did; the women spending their days from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m. in the Printshop or at other work sites such as the Kitchen or Farm. The end of the week rolled around, marked with the regular half past four dinner muster. Again, the women lined up as per usual – but with their meal trays and personal crockery. After the ‘all present and correct’ rang out on the compound the women once again filed into the dining room to collect their meals.448

Angela handed over her plate, indicating which of the vegetables of offer she preferred with the evening’s main meal offering – chicken snitzels. Once she had retrieved her now filled plate, she moved onto the next part of the line – collecting a dessert and the next day’s milk and breakfast cereal ration.449

The Correctional Service is NSW was fairly self-contained. The milk came in 600ml quantities marked with the blue and red CSI logo on a white background – straight from the dairy industry run by another women’s correctional facility – Emu Plains Correctional Centre – a low security centre just west of Sydney. Their meals came as ‘cook/chill’ from the men’s centre at Silverwater, and all their linen, clothes and other necessities were provided by other CSI business units.450

Angela dropped the milk and pair of yoghurts on her tray, shaking her head at the offer of Cornflakes – she’d wait until something else was on offer before picking up more breakfast cereal. She stepped out the door and stood off to one side and waited for Tina to exit the dining room.451

Tina soon walked out, her nose turned up at her tray.452

“It is only schnitzel – could have been worse.”453

“Not that – Lisa gave me mango yoghurts – she knows I hate mango.”454

Angela picked up her own pair of yoghurts – strawberry – and held them up. “Here – swap. I don’t mind the mango.”455

The two women stopped and switched their yogurts.456

“Keller looked like he was keeping I pretty close eye on everything – and you know how much he hates when the kitchen girls hands out ‘favours’.”457

Tina rolled her eyes at Angela’s comment. “It is not like I was asking for extras.”458

“No. But he’s pretty straight down the line. Apparently, he made the kitchen girls double check the quantity of fruit that went down to the Printshop for lunches – and then stood their and recounted just to make sure.”459

“Fuckwit screw.”460

Angela smirked. “Well – he is straight out of the Academy – still got creases in his pants. Give him a few months working here and he’ll ease up a bit. They always do.”461

The newer correctional services officers often came from the Academy full of self-righteous attitude, but after working with the female criminals often eased off on the attitude – it was different actually working with the inmates, rather than just being trained in a classroom. However, some retained that, and the women were either careful not to annoy those ones, or went out of their way to ride them. One such officer was Megan Weir – she stood outside the compound office with a grim look on her face and a permanent sneer on her lips made worse by her common bouts of cynicsm.462

“Inmates Morris and Collins, what is so funny?” she asked of Angela and Tina as they walked past with sly grins on their faces.463

“Nothing,” they replied together without stopping.464

Officer Weir followed them as they walked past the compound office and rounded the corner to the small compound cells. “Stop right there.”465

Both Angela and Tina stopped and turned around, before waiting silently for the screw to detail what exactly their had been stopped for.466

Angela dropped the smile and let her face fall into a more neutral mein. “Yes, ma’am?”467

Officer Weir examined the contents of their dinner trays – her eyes slowly drifting over the milk, yoghurts and main meal. “Where is your cereal Ms. Morris?”468

Angela had to refrain from sighing. “I didn’t pick it up, Ma’am.”469

Officer Weir frowned, and then wrinkled her nose up at the ordour that drifted from the plates. “Dismissed.”470

Angela and Tina turned around and walked away before they both started giggling. 471

“God, she’s impossible. What did she think I’d done with my cereal – bartered it for a couple of leaves of pot?”472

“Who knows. You should have seen the time she stopped one of the farm girls that came in with five trays of eggs for the kitchen – Weir thought that she was trying to smuggle heroin into gaol in the eggs. Made her pick up every single egg so that she could check it for cracks. Even made her break a couple. Leonie just stood there – the kitchen laundry in one hand and just waited until Weir was over it.”473

Angela snorted and then laughed. “Esther rides her all the time. You know how anal Weir is about head-check?”474

Tina nodded.475

“A few weeks back while you waited in line for medication – Weir came round to do the headcheck, and Esther was sitting her step talking to me for a bit. Just before Weir hit our stretch of cells, Esther asked if I could manage a ‘fart for the cause’.”476

Tina smirked, “I heard about this – I wish I had been there to see it.”477

“Anyway – I thought I could – I mean, I never could fart in public before I ended up in this place – but what can I say – gaol changes a girl.”478

“True.”479

“Figured if I concentrated hard enough and then held it, I would manage a decent one. Anyway… Weir reached me first. ‘Inmate Morris,’ she says, that complete pinched look on her face and her pen poised above the book. I stared at her, rolled my arse to one side and let one rip.”480

Tina laughed so hard that she had to lean her dinner tray up against the wall. “I can just imagine the look on her face.”481

“Priceless. Meanwhile, Esther was busting herself not to laugh. Weir just raised an eyebrow in disgust, and turned to Esther.”482

“Oh no…”483

Angela was now laughing herself, and had to pull herself together to continue. “Weir looked at her; ‘Inmate Matthews?’ – and I kid you not, the fart that Esther let go was priceless – it would have even made my husband blush.”484

Tina now placed her tray done on the ground and sat on the nearest doorstep, needing to hug herself to stop her ribs from aching as she laughed.485

“Weir looked like someone had stuck a sour lemon in her mouth and told her she couldn’t spit it out. The eyebrow was already lost in her hairline, and I swear her knuckles were so white that I could have sworn she snapped the pen in half. She looked at both of us – and by then we had both lost it – and after flapping her mouth a couple of times, silenced by how rude and offensive we had been, then said with her very posh sneer, ‘That is NOT how a lady behaves. You should be ASHAMED of yourselves,’” Angela mimicked, imitating Weir’s look of pure affronted indignation. “Then she snaps the muster book shut, turns, and stalks off. I tell you, I don’t think that screw’s chin could have gotten much higher.”486

“It is so much funnier listening to you recount it – plus it makes it that much more humourous because you hardly ever fart. No wonder Weir has it in for you.”487

“Needs to learn to loosen up. Though I did hear a rumour that she’s into leather and whips.”488

Tina held her hand up. “I so do not want to hear that. Please don’t go there – just imagining that that woman has a sex life creeps me out.”489

Angela smirked and held her hand out for Tina. “Let’s say we go eat what we have while it is still warm. This crap tastes worse when it is cold.”490

Tina took the hand-up before retrieving her tray from the ground and then walking the short distance to Angela’s cell – which now had the afternoon sun bearing down on it.491

“Another hot one this summer I think,” Angela remarked as she sat on the doorstep. “I just hope we get the same awesome storms that we got last year.”492

“You and your crazy love of lightening.”493

“Must be the altitude or something up here – but storms here are just so much more awe-inspiring.”494

“I hate the lightening.”495

“I know – you can hide under my doona again if you like.” One of the storms that they weathered in the previous summer occurred just after lunch one weekend, and Tina had backed into the cell, terrified.496

“I can’t understand the fact that someone who has used a gun can be frightened of the crashes of thunder from the lightening.”497

“Gun is different – at least I know that when I pull the trigger, that the thing is going to make a sound. Lightening – you have to wait – and you don’t know how close the danger is.”498

Angela rolled her eyes as she took a mouthful of the crumbed schnitzel with mashed potato.499

Tina elbowed her. “Nice friend you are – paying out on me over lightening. How about you and spiders?”500

Angela chewed and swallowed before replying. “That’s not fair – my fear of spiders in well founded – I was bitten by one, remember?”501

“So one spider means you hand out a death sentence to every other eight-legged thing that crawls within your personal space?”502

“Of course. Wouldn’t you kill some hairy thing that crawled into your bed?”503

“Depends. If it had two legs, I wouldn’t say no – especially if he had a sexy arse and a cut bod.”504

Angela giggled. “You just had to turn the conversation round to men, didn’t you?”505

“Well – would you say no to that?”506

“If it was not my husband, I would.”507

“Even after five years?”508

“No – I love Scott too much to even consider cheating on him. And, honestly, would you really cheat on Tommy?”509

Tina sighed dramatically and smirked. “That depends.”510

Before the conversation could continue any further, and announcement came of the gaol intercom.511

“Tina Collins to the Area Manager’s office.”512

“You got a bluey in for something?” Angela queried as her friend stood.513

“Only my usual – an application for re-classification.”514

For the last six months, Tina had been pushing to have her Category 2 classification altered with a Section 6 – the ‘outside’ warrants that the women could apply for once they were in the last part of their sentence. Tina now had less than two years to go, and the warrants – including one that would allow her to work outside under limited supervision – were something that she had kept her her nose clean for. The blue coloured application form was used for this and many other things – but all of the inmates referred to it simply as a bluey.515

Angela stood as well. “I hope they move forward with it this time – the sooner you can get your section 6 warrants the quicker you can move into the good stuff – works release and day release.”516

Day and weekend release was what Tina was really hoping for – so that she could spend time catching up with her son – it had really crippled her emotionally to have been inside for the first five years of her son’s life – and she worried that her son wouldn’t accept her once she did get out. She nodded her head in agreement with Angela. “I hope so.”517

Angela walked with her down the the large gate that demarcated the border of the tiny section that contained the hierarchy of the gaol system – the Area Manager’s Office and the Deputy Governor’s office – on the left side, and the side entrance to the clinic on the other side.518

The Area Manager, Officer Valerie Brown, her position in the hierarchy marked with a single pip on her shoulder lapels rather than the stripes that the lower ranked officers had, come down the steps slowly. Her grim countenance irked Angela, and she watched as Tina’s face fell with consternation.519

“Ms. Collins, if you could come through,” she commanded as she unlocked and opened the smaller gate that was set within the large gate.520

Tina eased herself through the held open gate, needing to brush past Officer Brown due to how narrow the opening actually was. “What’s wrong?” she asked, when Brown remained silent.521

“Into my office – I have something that you need to know.”522

Tina glanced back over her shoulder at Angela. Angela smiled hesitantly – to her something didn’t feel right.523

Tina followed Officer Brown up the small flight of steps to her office – a wood-panelled affair, with stuffy beaurocratic furnishing and strict utilitarian carpet and furnishings. Tina glanced around the office with apprehension as Officer Brown indicated that she should take a chair just opposite the extravagant desk. 524

“We received some news from your family, Ms. Collins. I’m afraid that it is not good news.”525

Tina sunk into the chair, her heart clenching in her chest. What was it? Was Tommy alright? Had he been in an accident with the truck? She lifted a hand to her mouth and took a sudden, painful breath. Was something wrong with Kyle?526

“We received a call from your de facto partner – Thomas – he took your son Kyle to the doctor yesterday – the doctor ordered some tests. The results came back – your son has the initial stages of Leukaemia.”527

Tina gasped as something tightened uin her chest and the feeling of her stomach plummeting and rtoiling around caused her to grip the armrests of the cheap chair. “Kyle… has Leukaemia? How…?”528

“These are just preliminary findings, Ms. Collins. I’m very sorry to have to give you this type of news. It is always hard deliveryi8ng bad news to the women, but in this case – being a child – I’m so sorry..”529

Tina still couldn’t comprehend what Officer Brown had just said. Her boy – her precious baby – had Leukaemia? She knew that he’d been sick – but just presumed that the sniffles and his lethargy had just been a result of catching that nasty flu that was currently going around – not something serious. She let out a strangled sob as reality hit her with full force. “Oh God!”530

“We realise what you may be feeling, Ms. Collins. We normally offer the inmates a few things to help them accept this sort of news. We can take you to the clinic – the nurse will give you a couple of sedatives for the night. And if you think that you can’t be alone, I will allow you to spend the night with your friend – Angela Morris would be more than happy to have you share with her – I really can’t see that being a problem.”531

Tina buried her face in her hands, and suddenly was overcome with a potent cocktail of emotions – worry for her son, her heart wrenching as the dreaded word – in relation to her son of all people – tore at her. The fact that she couldn’t simply be with him – to hold his hand as they performed further tests – to be with Tommy, who was probably now worried sick and not able to work because he had to be there for Kyle because she couldn’t.532

Leukaemia – the word that all parents dreaded to be spoken in relation to their child – and Tina simply couldn’t believe that it was her precious baby boy – just days from his fifth birthday that was now caught in the grips of a potent childhood killer. Her mind whirled with what he now would have to go through – the devastation that something like chemotherapy would do to his tiny body. That he would lose that gorgeous mop of straw blonde hair that he had inherited from her.533

Her sob soon progressed to a long drawn out keen as the Area Manager sat there looking vaguely uncomfortable.534

“I want to be able to see him. I want an escorted visit!” she demanded through a viel of hot tears. “I want to be there for him, my poor boy…” she trailed off to take a huge hiccoughing breath as she felt herself take the crazy ride towards hysterical weeping.535

The Area Manager stood slowly. “Ms. Collin?”536

Tina ignored her, completely wrapped up in the devastatyion of the news. She folded herself down over her knees, wrapping her arms around her shins. “No, no, no – it can’t be true – not Kyle, not my baby. I need to see him. I need to be with him. Why?”537

She glanced up suddenly, her cheeks flushed with a flaming red, and streaked with hot, salty tears. She ran one hand through her hair and tensed her fist, pulling at her hair. “Why? Is it me? Did I do this to him? Oh God!”538

The Area Manager cam around to stand beside her and dropped a comforting hand on her shoulder. Tina reacted as if the hand was a hot brand, and she brushed it away with a hiss. “Fuck off! Like you fucken care, screw!”539

Officer Brown let her hand drop sullenly to her side – she’d seen this reaction in too many other women not to take personal offence at the words that now streamed from Tina mouth – the recriminations, the hate, the woe about why she had to come to gaol – the pleas that she just be allowed to leave the gaol just for one tiny visit. 540

Valerie knew that, chance are, the serious offenders review council would not allow an inmate of Tina’s security classification out on a visit – the number on escort officers too many for a gaol like Berrima to sustain for something that was not a medical emergency. But she wouldn’t tell inmate Collins this. She simply let the woman vent her grief and aanger, he said firmly, “We’ll see what we can do. I can’t promise anything, but I’ll make sure I recommend that you can at least have one escorted visit.”541

Tina nodded through her haze of grief, the words a degree of comfort for her. She wiped at her face angrily. “I can go in with Angela?”542

“Yes – I think it is a good idea that you not be alone tonight.”543

“Thank you,” Tina whispered, now feeling faint in the head from the intense emotional outpouring that she had just done. Angela would understand. Angela would be there to hold her and comfort her. At least that was something she vould be thankful for in this place. She pushed herself up from the chair, but faltered as her head spun, black dots collecting at the corners of her vision.544

Valerie stepped forward and grabbed Tina’s left elbow just before she stumbled and fell. “Maybe you should stay seated for now. I’ll get the nurse to come over here.” After speaking this, she grabbed a radio from a row of them off to one side of the desk, and after thumbing the send button spoke into it. “Area Manager to clinic.”545

A crackle and a response followed, “Clinic responding.”546

“Nelson, can you bring Janelle to my office – tell her she needs to bring the kit – and some sedatives for Inmate Collins – she’s had some bad news.”547

“Copy. Will be over in five – she’s just getting the evening meds prepared.”548

Valerie muttered, “Over,” before gently insisting that Tina return to the chair.549

Tina didn’t need much coaxing to drop bonelessly back into the chair, where she hugged herself again. “Can Angela come and sit with me while I wait?”550

Valerie thought for a moment. “I don’t see why not.” She left the office for a few moments.551

Tina heard the gate open, and the hushed whispers between her friend and Officer Brown, but didn’t really pay much attention to them – she was still caught up in the pain and grief of the news. Part of her didn’t want to believe that her son might be so sick – that part also believed that something had been mistaken – that her son’s results had been mixed up with some other child’s – someone less fortunate. It really couldn’t be happening to her – not when she was incarcerated and couldn’t do anything – couldn’t run to the hospital and care for her son.552

She barely glanced up as Angela entered the office, but she did resume crying as Angela gathered her in her arms and stroked her hair.553

“It will be ok, Tins. Have you asked for a phone call yet? They should let you talk to Tommy.”554

Tina couldn’t really concentrate on what Angela was speaking to her about, but just shook her head. She felt Angela pull away slightly.555

“Can she call her partner, Tommy? I think if she did, it will put her mind to rest,” Angela said to Officer Brown.556

“Fine. But not in her present state. I can’t have one of my inmates in the compound, hysterical.”557

“Let her take the call in here – I know that is allowed Ma’am – you’ve let other people do the same when there has been a death in their family. What makes this any different – it is her son afterall.” Angela knew what the women were entitled to, and just because Tina was her friend, it made it no different. In fact it made her more righteous and indigant and so she glared at Officer Brown until Valerie averted her eyes.558

“I’ll need the number,” she said as she made her way to the chair behind the desk and then sat back down again. 559

Angela, rubbed Tina on the shoulder as she spoke. “She needs Tommy’s number – probably his mobile – I can’t see him being at home.”560

Tina recited the number with a mumble, and Officer Brown lifted the handset of her office phione, and punched in the number. She listened as the phone rang several time, before going to message bank. She shook her head at Angela.561

“Is Kyle in hospital?”562

“Westmead,” Officer Brown replied.563</