I’ve never touched your skin,
But you’ve touched me within.
I can’t soundly sleep at night,
Because I don’t hold you tight.1
Never held your hands holding mine,
Or watched our eyes intertwine.
It’s so old, even though it’s new,
It’s so false, even though it’s true.2
You proclaim yes, but I hear nope.
All I can do is hope for hope.
I’ve never felt your love inside,
But if its there my heart has died.
A contest entry
- Warm Fireplaces and Comforting Arms by Holey Pastry.
350 points, ended December 19, 2008, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I read all five but this one I really love. I so relate to these feelings. I love the line "It's so old, even though it's new." These are beautiful...
Ria -
Aww... that was cute!
Thanks for entering!
H.P. -
This is really good. You should really talk to some agents or something because I would definitely buy your work if it ever got published. You are FANTASTIC!!!
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oh wow, this is something, very deep, ( sorry im kinda late on replying
a bit busy these days and i wanted to give your piece my full attention.) and indeed a Bigger WOW on this one, really very touching and moving.. makes me wonder who is this girl and whether its all real for you 
The poem is so deep its either this is your soul speaking/screaming out or you have great imagination and great power over words. for either of these i applaud you for the amazing output. wonderful. The only thing i found awkward was again a little false rhyme sound in lines 3 to 4. But again it didnt really disturb me from enjoying this wonderful piece. Amazing.
*clappies*
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Gorgeous...
That made my eyebrows rise in that way they do when you saw "awww..."
That was so sweet!
It's not often that a piece of writing by a stranger makes me yearn for love...
You've converted me. You've turned me into a sappy romantic and I HATE IT! grrrrr...
My point being, that you've made me wish someone would write stuff like that for me, and that it was very enjoyable.
NO LIES!!!
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oh my frickin...no way
i just wrote a poem kinda like this!!! (six degrees O.o)
this is soooo good!!!
i feel...so emotional reading this, write more!! -
Very good and very touching. I liked the emotional imagery in this. It has this ambivalent feel to it. It is as if the love is there, but it isn't there or isn't being received fully.
One point: But if it's there my heart has died.
Write On!
Beth
beginning: 5, language: 4, ending: 5.
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Awww, sadness.
The first stanza seemed to struggle with the meter issue, but the others were all right. It seems like it would make good lyrics to me.
Eyes intertwine? That made me think of eyeballs popping out and ocular nerve cords twisting together, making their eyeballs tangle and dangle and bounce together. Not really what you were going for, I fear.
Your last line also left me a bit confused. Did the heart die before her love got there, or because her love got there?
I always like rhyming poetry best; it seems I prefer more cerebral poetry like yours, that took the time to stick to rhyme and meter. Nice job. -
Nice ! It has rhyme and it flows well. The structure is good.Transmits some emotions.Though i think that in 1 stanza the rhyme is sort of forced.It's a good piece in general.
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