Somewhere on Universe's outer skirt, was a planet, a planet called - get this, Outer Erf. I mean, come on, what sort of a dweeb calls a planet Outer Erf, hahah– oh... it was me... Well, anyway, like I said, this planet was on the Universe's outer skirt, and on Reality's fringe too, come to think of it. And, the further away from the centre of Universe and the centre of Reality you get, the more things change. Like you got places near the middle called Middle Earth, well, out near the edge, you got... Outer Erf. See the similarities? That's not all that changes, things like the Elves, and the Dwarves change... 1
So... Not long enough ago, and in a place far too close for comfort...2
Outer Erf: The Return of the Lord.. King.. Chief Dude Whatsit Guy.3
The forest city of the Elves, Ribbonwhale, was silent. It was the sort of silence you get after a late night party involving lots of alcohol; a heavy silence. But that was fine with the Elves, they didn't want the noise, because there had been a late night party involving a lot of alcohol. 4
So when a snore started, quietly at first, but building in intensity, it was understandable that one of the Elves got somewhat disgruntled by the interruption of his beauty sleep, and expressed himself thus, 'Oy, you! Shut yer trap!' Followed the sound of a boot attempting to break the flight speed record. 5
The snoring ended abruptly with snort and a thud as the Elf fell out of his hammock. 6
A bleary voice said, 'Wha–?' There was another snort, followed by a fit of coughing. 7
The Elf in question clambered clumsily to his feet and staggered toward the nearest tree, which happened to be the one he fell out of. He relieved himself on it and vaguely noticed another broken love heart someone had carved on it. He brushed his long, somewhat matted, black hair out of his eyes so he could read it. 8
'Amagoon broke Ayowpin's heart,' he mumbled, shaking his head and instantly regretting the sudden movement. 'Ohhh,' he moaned as he clutched his head and wandered off to find some breakfast.9
The silence continued in the forest, except for the sound of a coffee maker blipping away. 10
The Elf awoken by the boot was sitting next to it, with his head in his hands as he waited for the coffee to finish brewing. 11
Footsteps crunching on dry leaves and broken glass announced the arrival personage, probably of the Elven persuasion.12
The Elf awoken by boot slowly lifted his head from his hands to see who it was that approached him.13
Lo and behold, it was another Elf. 14
This Elf said, ' 'ey wait a minute, we don't 'ave coffee machines 'ere!' 15
There was a tinkling sound and the coffee machine disappeared.16
'Aww, dang it!' exclaimed the now disgruntled Elf who had been rudely awoken by a supersonic boot, as he stared at the spot where the coffee machine had been. 'What'd ya 'ave to go an do that for? I was looking forward to a nice cuppa percolated coffee!' 17
'Well... erm...' The other Elf's mouth opened and shut a few times as he waited for his brain to catch up with this particular train of thought. Eventually it did, as could be seen by the brightening of his face and the triumphant tone in his voice when he exclaimed, 'Cause we don't 'ave coffee machines here, that's why!' 18
'Yes, I know that!' snapped the now very disgruntled Elf. He glared at the rather dim specimen of an Elf standing in front of him.19
'Well, what're you complainin' abou' then?' asked the Elf, whom we shall call Dimmy, his train of thought hurtling fast toward the sharp bend in its tracks. 20
'Well, I know that, but it didn't.' 21
Dimmy stared at him blankly as his train of thought hit the bend in its tracks and derailed. After a couple of seconds, a new error in the history of thought trains dawned. 'Want a pickle?' Dimmy asked happily. 'I have two pickles you see, so I don't mind sharing.'22
The Disgruntled boot awoken Elf sighed, grabbed a pot and made his way to the river to get some water for his coffee. 23
' "Why'd 'e 'ave to do that?" I says,' he muttered to himself, ducking below a pair of trousers hanging from a branch. ' "Cause we don't 'ave no coffee machiney things." Caw blimey, what a daft bugger!' He waved his arms around to emphasise the point. 'Everyone knows that when you're on the Universe's outer skirt and Reality's fringe you don't question things like coffee machines that shouldn't be 'ere, yer just shut up, and use the dang thing till it realises it ain't s'posed to be 'ere.' 24
He reached the river and looked around for a patch of water that didn't have something un-organic floating in it. He found a spot and dunked the pot in. 25
It soon filled, and he picked his way through the maze of trees, old clothes, and beer bottles as he made his way back to the fire he had going. 26
*** 27
Silence was once again disturbed by a voice screaming, well, yelling loudly anyway. Silence frowned at the Elf doing the yelling, shrugged its shoulders, and gave up. General Mayhem broke free. 28
'Elvis is coming! Elvis is coming!' screamed the Elf, running up and down the isles of makeshift hammocks, huts and other things.29
'Shut yer trap!' roared the boot thrower, as he pulled of his other boot and prepared to throw it at the screaming Elf as he ran past.30
'Oh bugger, not again,' sighed the Elf awoken by boot, staring forlornly into his cup of half finished coffee. He shrugged, and downed the rest before getting up to find out what the racket was about. 31
Birds squawked, and Elves groaned and fell out of hammocks. Falling out of them was common practice, it woke one up, and it got them out of bed pretty quick. Plus it sure beat trying to sit up and climb gracefully from one. 32
After awhile General Mayhem decided to sit back, put his feet up, and find out why Elvis was coming. 33
The boot-awoken-Elf found the once-screaming-Elf sitting on the grass in a rapidly growing circle of onlookers, trying to untangle a boot which had mysteriously wrapped itself around his neck. 34
'So, Gorfingar,' the boot-awoken-Elf said to the once-screaming-Elf, who, as you can see by the clever insertion of his name in the dialogue, is known as Gorfingar. 'Who, may I ask, is Elvis?' 35
' 'E's the Lord!' Gorfingar said as he finally freed his neck from the boot, before clambering to his feet. He stood unsteadily in the the middle of the now very large circle of Elves.36
'Lord of what?' 37
'Of–' Gorfingar paused and frowned, as he tried to remember the of what said Elvis was lord. 38
'Oh never mind!' the boot-awoken-Elf snapped. 'Try this one, 'ow do you know 'e's comin'?' 39
Gorfingar smiled, of course he remembered that one. 'Oh, oh! I know! I know!' 40
'Yes, now would you please tell us?' the boot-awoken-Elf asked. His patience was starting to thin, rather like a car tire after a day of doughnuts. 41
'Oh yeah. It was a dream, that's right, I had a dream I did... and 'e was in it 'e was!' Gorfingar said, nodding knowingly. 42
'Indeed, and what did he say?' 43
'Umm...' Gorfingar chewed his lip as he thought. 'Oh yeah, that's right. 'E said, "Well, it's one for the money, two for the show" ' 44
'... 'E said that?' The boot-awoken-Elf raised an eyebrow skeptically.45
'Yes, that's what 'e said. I can almost see 'im now!' 46
'Ohh, you can almost see him eh?' 47
'I'm serious, look behind you.' 48
'Look! Elvis returns!' cried an Elf.49
The boot-awoken-Elf spun to follow Gorefingar's pointing finger. He saw a shaft of light shining down through the trees. That, in itself, was nothing impressive, what was impressive was the fact that it made its way to the ground uninterrupted. As there was so much rubbish between the ground and the tree tops, it was about a one in a trillion chance that a shaft of light would be able to make it to the ground uninterrupted - but it did. 50
The Elves stared at the light, transfixed. 51
Suddenly! Nothing happened. 52
They all stared at the light beam for a few minutes more, and then started getting bored; there was a general scratching of bums, and bored looks. 53
Then suddenly! Something did happen. There was tinkly music, and in the beam of light a body plummeted down. It landed sprawled face down the the puddle of light. No bouncing, just: Wham! And then dead still. 54
The light flickered, shrunk into a small pinpoint, and disappeared. 55
The crowd of Elves blinked, puzzled. There were a few, 'Ooooo, ahhhh, well I never! Tut tut tut's, and then silence.56
. 57
Gorfingar leant toward the boot awoken Elf and whispered, 'D'ya think 'e's still alive?' 58
'Nah,' he whispered back, turning to Gorfingar. 'No one could 'ave survived that fall.' 59
'Ohh,' Gorfingar said, his eyes wide. 'But 'e can't be dead.' 60
The boot-awoken-Elf stared at Gorfingar. 'And why not?' he asked haughtily.61
'Cause 'e just stood up,' Gorfingar said, pointing.62
The boot-awoken-Elf glared at Gorfingar then turned to stare at the being from above.63
The being from above, otherwise known as Elvis, had staggered to his feet. He was now leaning back and staring up, with a look of extreme stupidity on his face at where the beam of light had been. 64
He started to wander off, but stopped mid stagger. Which is quite a feat if you think about it. When you're staggering your balance isn't at it's best, so to pause mid stagger, your balance is even worse. He should have fallen over, that is, if he wasn't on Reality's fringe... but seeing as he was, he didn't. 65
He stared wide eyed at the ring of Elves, which had got closer since he had proved, he was, in fact, alive, after a fall which should have, in fact, killed him. 66
'You're... you're... you're... elves!' he exclaimed.67
The boot-awoken-Elf walked forward, and stood nose-to-nose, or nose-to-eyebrow due to a slight height difference, with Elvis. 'Yes, and apparently, you're Elvis so don't get all discriminatory on us,' he said, jabbing Elvis in chest with a finger.68
'Yes. But this is incredible! I've never seen elves before!' Elvis said, as he swiped the boot-awoken-Elf's hand away.69
'We are not elves,' the boot-awoken-Elf snapped. 'They are short little things that help a big fat man in a red suit take presents to millions of kids in a matter of minutes. We,' he went on, affecting an aristocratic tone, 'are Elves, we have royal Elvish blood coursing through our veins!' 70
'Yeah, but it's strongly diluted by coffee and alcohol,' one Elf muttered. 71
There was a few snickers. 72
The boot-awoken-Elf glared at them, and went on. 'It is the capital letter that distinguishes us–' He waved his hands at the Elves '–From them!' He pointed to a drawing carved onto a tree of a little fat elf loading presents onto a sleigh. 73
Elvis's mouth formed an 'O' of understanding. Then he frowned. 'But how do you know I said elf not Elf?' 74
The boot-awoken-Elf rolled his eyes and sighed. 'Because,' he said as patiently as he could manage, which wasn't very. 'This is a story, it's in writing, and we can see what everyone says, that's why.'75
'But, if this is writing, who's writing than? asked an Elf out in the crowd. 76
'The Author, duh!' the boot-awoken-Elf snapped.77
'So 'e's sitting somewhere typing what I'm saying now. Which means I didn't think of it, but 'e's thinking for me, and giving me this stupid cockney accent?' 78
'Yes! Exactly! You've hit the nail on the head!' the boot-awoken-Elf exclaimed happily.79
'Well, why does he keep calling you the "boot-awoken-Elf"?' 80
'Well, that's easy, he obviously hasn't thought of a name for me yet. I suspect that once he does one of you will say something like, "Hey Bob, what's going on?" - or some such thing.' He paused, the Elf who had made the brilliant deduction into the ways of writers looked as though he was having trouble coming to grips with said deduction. 81
'Oooo...' The Elf's face went through a dozen or so expressions before settling on a slightly crazed look. He giggled, and slowly fell backwards. 82
The Elves behind him hurriedly stepped out of the way. 83
Thud! 84
He hit the ground, twitched once, and then lay still. 85
The other Elves crowded around him. 86
'You think 'e's dead?' asked one.87
'Dunno, is 'e breathin'?' queried another.88
'Only one way to find out,' said the boot-awoken-Elf as he pulled a match out of his jacket. 89
The other Elves gasped and leant back. 90
As the boot awoken Elf held the match up, there was silence. He smiled, and swiftly lit the match on the cheek of the Elf standing next to him.91
'Oww! Wh–' The Elf fell into sullen silence as the boot-awoken-Elf held up his hand. 92
The Elf whom the boot had awoken slowly lowered the match toward the fallen Elf's nose. The lower the match went, the further away the Elves leant. 93
The match was now right in front of the fallen Elf's nose. 94
Nothing happened, the flame burnt its way down to the boot-awoken-Elf's finger, without even a flicker. 95
He shook the match out, and closed the Elf's eyes. 96
'Well, he's dead,' he sighed.97
'Oh, that was clever!' exclaimed Elvis. 'So you held the match in front of his nose, and if he was breathing the match would have gone out?' 98
The Elves all broke out into raucous laughter. Once the laughter had died down, the boot-awoken-Elf turned to the befuddled Elvis. 'Ah-hah, no,' he said. 'Not exactly gone out. With the amount of alcohol he had last night, I seriously doubt it would have gone out.' He smiled at the shocked expression on Elvis's face, and went on. 'And now, we find out about you; where did you come from?'99
'Erm, oh yes, that's right. They called it the Third Rock From The Sun,' Elvis said. 100
'Third Rock From The Son, eh? Well, well, well,' he said, more to himself than anyone else. He leant forward and picked up a stone. 'So, you came from here? Or–' he picked up another stone. '–from here?'101
Elvis looked puzzled. 'Umm... no. I didn't come from there...'102
'Ah, but you said you came from the Third Rock From The Son. Well, which Son did you mean? Most of us are Sons here, 'cept for the ones who are Daughters that is. So which Rock did you come from then? Hmm? Answer me that!' he finished triumphantly.103
'Wha–?' a now extremely puzzled Elvis said. Then the light dawned. 'Ohhhhh, I see, Son not Sun.' He frowned. 'I thought you could see what I said? You should have seen I said Sun not Son.' 104
'Well yeah, of course I did. But I naturally assumed that the Author had made a typo. Seein' as we 'ave no idea what a Sun is,' he said.105
'What? You don't know what a Sun is?' Elvis asked incredulously. 'But you have one here!' He went to point to it, but the trees obscured his view. 'It's... it's that thing that rises over the hills in the morning, travels through the sky, lights up the world, and then sets in the evening,' he said desperately. 'Surely, you know what I mean?'106
'Ohhh, that thing,' the boot-awoken-Elf said.107
'Yeah, that's the one!' Elvis said, clearly relieved. 'So what do you call it than?' Curiosity crept into his voice now.108
'Oh, we call it The Great Orb Of Glaring Whiteness That Is Inducive To Headaches, Especially After Late Night Parties Involving A Lot Of Alcohol.'109
Elvis gawked at him. 'You call it all that?'110
'Well, yeah. What's wrong with that?' 111
'It's long! Don't you have something shorter you call it?' 112
'Oh yes, of course we do. You can't expect us to call it that every time we talk about it?' the boot-awoken-Elf said, laughing.113
'Well what do you call it then?' Elvis asked, annoyed.114
'Well, it's also known as T.G.O.O.G.W.T.I.I.T.H.E.A.L.N.P.I.A.L.O.A.' 115
'Good grief!' Elvis exclaimed. 'That's even worse then The Great Orb Of Glaring Whiteness That Is Inducive To Headaches, Especially After Late Night Parties Involving A Lot Of Alcohol. I mean, don't you have something else you say when you refer to it in an ordinary conversation?'116
'Oh yes, we usually say something like, "Argh! My eyes. It blinds us!" ' 117
Elvis gave up with a sigh.118
'Anyway, on this "Third Rock From The Sun", what were you doing?' the boot-awoken-Elf asked, endeavouring to return to the original subject.119
'I dunno, I do know they called me The King, though,' Elvis said, a large degree of pride in his voice.120
'The King, eh? King of what?' 121
'The King of Rock, I think,' Elvis said.122
'Ohh, The King of Rock is it now. Which rock? This one?' he asked sarcastically, holding up one of the rocks he picked up earlier. 'Or maybe this rock?' Holding up the other rock. 123
'No, no, no! Rock as in the genre of music!' Elvis snapped.124
'The John-Ray of music?' an Elf out of the crowd asked. 'I've been wondering where ol' Johnny got orf to. Last I 'eard 'e was heading orf to visit the Dwarves.'125
'No, genre! Not John-Ray! Look at the spelling you dolts!' Elvis exclaimed, glaring. 126
'Yea, I 'eard 'e changed his name, made it sound more "Posher" 'e said,' another interjected. 127
'Well I 'eard that 'e got abducted by aliens,' yet another said, with the air of someone who knows what they are talking about. 128
'Shut up, shut up, shut up! I don't care who he was, I was the King of Rock on a Planet called Earth!' Elvis screamed, his face starting to resemble someone's face when they got really angry. 129
'Ohhh, well why didn't you just say so?' the boot-awoken-Elf asked.130
'I was trying to! But you wouldn't let me get a word in edge ways!' 131
'So why was Johnny orf to see the Dwarves?' an Elf asked the one next to him.132
' 'E heard they was good with Rock,' the Elf next to him replied.133
'Dwarves is actually better with 'eavy metals,' the boot awoken Elf pointed out. 'Now, what were you saying?' he asked, turning back to Elvis. 134
Elvis started looking even more like the aforementioned face. He opened his mouth to snap a reply, but was interrupted by an Elf who couldn't get off the subject of the missing John-Ray,135
'Well I thought 'e was off to see the wizard.' 136
'Argh!' Elvis screamed, 'I just want to go home!' He started sobbing.137
The Elves fell into an embarrassed silence, and there was a general shuffling of feet and coughing.138
'Erm... umm.. .you see...' the boot awoken Elf began wretchedly. He sighed, why was it always him who had to tell people these things? 'Gosh darn it! You can't go back, once you're here you're stuck here.' 139
'Oh. Really?' Elvis asked, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and sniffing. 140
'Really, really.' 141
'Well, I guess I'd better get used to you lot then.' Elvis sniffed again. 'Right, let's clean this place up then!'142
The Elves looked at each other, confused.143
'Umm, clean up?' the boot-awoken-Elf asked. 'I think I missed something here. What does cleaning up have to do with you being stuck here?' 144
'I dunno, I felt like saying it,' Elvis said, shrugging.145
'Right...'146
'It could be that the Author is getting sick of writing this and just wants to finish this chapter, so he's typing random things to boost the word count a bit.'147
'Yes, that is a plausible theory.'148
'Or, I've finally gone of my rocker and I don't know what I'm saying at all anymore.'149
The Elves nodded vigorously.150
'Also a highly plausible theory. I think it's probably a mix of the last two,' the boot-awoken-Elf said, nodding. 151
'So, seeing as I'm stuck in this dump, let's have some introductions.' 152
'Of course,' the boot-awoken-Elf said. 'That is Gorfingar–' He pointed to Gorfingar '–That is Randemdood–' He pointed to another Elf standing near the edge of the crowd '–That's Arghwind and then Ljeepond, her Dad, over there.' 153
Elvis nodded to each in turn. 'And what is your name?' he asked the boot awoken Elf.154
'I am Legolamb,' he said proudly.155
There was a snicker that rippled through the crowd, growing in volume and intensity like a tidal wave. Soon it was raucous laughter. 156
Legolamb's smile faded as he realised what his name was. 'Wait, you can't do this to me! I deserve a better name then this,' he yelled. 'Oy, you up there with the computer, can't you come up with a better name for the MC?' 157
And what, may I ask, is wrong with Legolamb? I thought it was a funny name.158
'Oooo, incurring the wrath of the Author now, Legolamb?' snickered one of the Elves in the crowd.159
'Shut up! It is a funny name, that is what is wrong with it! I want a serious name.'160
Ohh, are you questioning my supreme judgment as Author? 161
'Yes! I mean, no! Of course I am, not, I don't know!' Legolamb wailed.162
The laughing grew louder, and Elvis joined in.163
'Wait! Don't do this to me!'164
Why not?165
'Because... Because... Just, because!'166
Oh shut up all of you, I'm sick of this.167
Everything went black, and there was silence. But if you listened really, really, really hard, you could hear nothing.
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Ahem....
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AHEM!
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Oy you!
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Yes you! The one with the stupid look on your face!
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Yes of course I mean you, you're the only one here, so who else would I mean?
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Look, I've finished writing now, so would you just bugger off?
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Go on! Shoo!
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I thought I told you to bugger off? You're still here.
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Oh fine! I'll say it! The End, till next chapter. Now go away before I taunt you a second time!
Author notes
I have finally got around to editing this, it's been sitting for aaggeesss waiting. But here it is, chapter one of my LoTR parody. 
DoozerDan is my username and I choose option three? I think, the humour one. 
Enjoy peoples! And don't forget to let me know what you think.
- the MCAG group list • next in list
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A honest critique that is helpful is the best critique.
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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LOL! Luved this one. Like my absolute favorite!
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OMG! this is hilarious and i could not stop laughing! Very good job. i really like how the Elves talk about you in the story, that was a really interesting and funny twist to it. i loved it! keep up the good work
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cool that was a good read.Obviously u put allot of effort into this too
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LMFAO!
I loved this!
This made me laugh!
It was funny and yet it peaked my intrest and kept my attention to the end.. It was in a word, Fabulous!
Lmao,
I liked it alot..
Best of luck ♥
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Hmmmm....
a wee bit tipsy, eh?
*drumming fingers*
hmmmm...I dunno dan, dare I be honest and tempt the wrath of the ROTFLMFAO commenters below? Sure, why not?...
This could be very tedious, as in a glance it covers about as much ground, storywise, as a trip to the loo. Now, could conceivably an heaven-sent Elvis and a troupe of inebriated elves accost me in the job-site pisser whilst at the same time brewing a pot of coffee? Probably not. But I do read some really good lines on the wall in there and this was no exception. This was much ado about nothing and as such places a tall order on the "worthy of my time" meter, but hey, it made me snicker a wee bit and that's always noteworthy. Pulitzer prize for literature? Not likely. Plumeister's prize for giggleature(most humble award though it be)? Sure...why not?
You've been blurring the line between Monty Python and Lord of the Rings and it's not right.
Your names were a triumph in nomenclature.
p.s. "The Great Orb Of Glaring Whiteness That Is Inducive To Headaches, Especially After Late Night Parties Involving A Lot Of Alcohol" -shouldn't this be hyphenated? -
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Well hey, can't please everyone all the time, can I now, Al?
Thanks for the honest feedback, it is much appreciated.
Believe it or not, there is some method to the madness that is this story. The lack of plot is in actual fact, part of the plot. That all comes to play next chapter (which is cunningly titled, 'The Arrival of a Plot').
This is in for a rewrite actually. I wrote this awhile ago, but for a novel, it's not quite right. It's half script already, which doesn't help things, so I'm gonna start a new word document, and let 'er rip with better style, and hopefully better weaving between dialogue and narrative. Haha. I'll let you know when I have some up, 'K? See if you enjoy that more.
I'm curious, what defines 'not right' in writing? Why is blurring the line between MP and LoTR not right? Not asking this in a nasty way, or anything, but I am curious.
*me looks up nomenclature* Thanks? I think.
Yes, it should be hyphenated. Didn't even think about that.
Thank you for taking time out to read this and give feedback. Whether good or bad, honest feedback is great.
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Was I not clear?
I liked it, Dan. My point was simply that this is ridiculous for ridiculous's sake and there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes it's just fun to be silly, and though we will not change the world with it, we definitely made it better by making someone smile or smirk or giggle or whathaveyou. Chill, Dan...I thought you did a good job here. Sometimes silly is just plain fine. You've no need for reasons why, Dan. The true test is that I read the whole thing. If you can write silliness and still hook the reader all the way through you've come out a winner, Dan. Fear not, Mr. Doozer. Your streak still stands.
p.s. by "not right" I mean that you have forever un-holified the LOTR trilogy by mating it with Monty Python. It's a terrible, terrible travesty but I suppose it will have to do. My favorite is Legolamb but I fear Orlando Bloom shan't appreciate it much. Oh well, he has the adoration of plenty of women to help him get over it... -
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The 'worthy of my time' line threw me.
Wasn't sure if that was meaning you only just found it worthy, or it was really worthy. I went with not so worthy. Haha.
I'm chilled alright... well, actually, not really, it's getting warm down here, should turn the aircon on... Anyway... I dunno if I've written any world changing pieces. I guess not, as the world is still the same. But I like to write moment changing pieces. Pieces which make people laugh, and have a happy moment to remember. Changing the world one person at a time.
*Sigh* Some people think that one needs reason to be silly, and that unless a piece has meaning and reason it's not a good piece. Not to mention been told not to be so silly.
Bah...! Bah I say to them!
But anyway, you weren't clear as you usually are, but now I get you. Still gonna revamp this one though. Could be a lot better.
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Hey dan, you hit the nail on the head...
My main jist is "what are you trying to accomplish here?, What is the underlying purpose, the greater message you wish to convey to the reader?" When you invoke reader curiosity with lot of strange happenstance the reader is very apt to wonder "why?" And, if they're like me(very few are, so you needn't worry) they will look for answers to those questions in order to justify the time spent in an effort to comprehend the meaningful gestalt of your story. It's not right to rob them of that. I like the moment, dan, and there's nothing wrong with the moment, but if you can wrap the moments up into a whole experience that is corralled by meaning and a bigger picture, it creates a meaningful framework for the reader to hang your story in their mind and it will remain and serve a greater purpose beyond the "moment". "Why?" is a very powerful question, and if you can always answer it satisfactorily, the craving intellect will always return for more. At least I think so. When I can answer that question and have someone come back I'll return to bolster this wisdom with some real-world experience, alrighty then?
It was a good bit of off-the-cuff quirky comedy, dan. And I did enjoy it. I just kept wanting there to be a reason other than to just write comedy. I think we had this discussion about Monty Python. The underlying implications in Monty Python's work are profound and very effective in a subtle way. Though it appears very stupid comedy, it is actually very in-depth at purveying political and social views held by the comedy's creator. Good writing takes effort, and that effort should never be wasted just because. Anyway, that's what I was trying to say. I hope it translated well between the Aussie/American cultural divide.
al
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The mark of a good story is - in my opinion at least - that it can be read and be entertaining for more than one reading. This chapter more than satisfies this 'requirement' - and I have probably read it more than most.
I enjoyed how you brought the characters to life, and I especially loved the dialogue of those characters. I try to add inflections in speech and almost always put the wrong emphasis in the wrong places. You do it much better than me.
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X3 haha this is hilarious...wait most of ur story's are! cant wait for more.
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Suddenly, nothing happened. Great
This is great! I loved every moment of it!
Great work!
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Read this last week and still like it.
Just sitting here now waiting for the next part. *taps fingers on desk* -
lol
I never thought that there would be an elf who spoke like that "Oy, you! Shut yer trap!"
*rolls around*
English elves; ya gotta luv em!
I couldn't stop laughing with this and the author humour just made me laugh harder!
I loved it!
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Cool story. Keep going in this!
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wonderful
I love your story your imagination is so clever it made me laugh and smile which is good because i normally only like fantasy romance strories but your story is now i would consier my second favorite story the way you created the names was so fantastic! the accent of the elves is just downt right cute i love it =) i wish i could just take a peep inside your mine because like i mentioned before your imagination is one of a kind my friend i think i would have loved lotr tons more if the stoy line was well yours then perhaps i wouldnt have fallen asleep before it even got to the middle i honestly want to hear more please keep writing i have to say my my favorite one would have to be legolamb being if i had to pick a favorite character from the movie lord of the rings legolas would be my choice if every one could create stories like this maybe then the world wouldnt be so bitter and everyone once could learn to laugh a bit more but then if everyone could write like you then there wouldnt be unique ones that we treasure so dearly when we do find one oh and the way you ended your story PURE GENIUS! my friend well keep writing and spreading smiles to the faces who d badly need an uplift
-Bella
. Rewarded 8
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~falls over laughing~ Genius =) Absolutely genius. But you know that, so why am I even bothering?
I love the elves' names =) Legolamb... were you naming the things closest to you? I love their accents too. Amazing story =) It reads a lot better now, I remember I was trying to read it back when you weren't done with it yet... Yes, definitely much better now.
You quite wonderfully broke through the forth wall. With a sledgehammer. It completely shattered! Lookie, there's a piece now. OW I stepped on it!!
Once again, wonderful story =)
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Brilliant
Extremely well-written, and it was very clever and funny. I was laughing basically the whole way through and I can honestly say I found nothing to criticize with it. I loved the way you parodied Lord of the Rings without making your story stupid.
I wish you the very best of luck in the contest! It was great reading your story!
Chrissie
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Don't you hate these young upstart characters that get a big head when they get a main part and start criticizing their author? *shakes head*
And what's up with these readers that just won't leave when your trying to finish the story so you can go have a cold one? *grumbles*
This is a great read!
It's well written and funny as hell throughout.
Bit one. Does that mean there's more? I can't wait. Heh heh
Greg
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Yeah, how dare they question me, it's outrageous!
Readers cop a bit of abuse from this... but don't stop reading, I really want you to!
Yes, there is more, Chunk Two is next.
Thanks for reading, commenting and applauding!
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Very cute, well written and humorous. You have some great parts in here, one of my favorite lines being: "Ohh, are you questioning my supreme judgment as Author?" And the ending is classic, reminds me of those joke emails that invite you to "scroll down, keep scrolling..." etc. And now - I will "bugger off!"
. Rewarded 6
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Yep, I love the power of an author. Being able to do what I like. To a degree...
The ending will be better in a book, 'cause it'll be spaced out over pages, and there'll be a few blank pages before the last line, enough to get the reading wondering, 'What the hell...?'
Thank you for reading, commenting and applauding! -
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Haha, thats awesome. I want the book as soon as its out!! %3Pr
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*rolls on the floor laughing her head off*
SOOOOO funny.
I love the planet name by the way! -
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I think maybe I should call this The rofl Story. As that's what everyone seems to be doing.
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oh my gosh this is the first time i reading one of your pieces and you had me laughing so badly i cried. i cant wait till your other piece let me know when it comes out so i can enjoy another good laugh. in all honesty i have no clue when i last laughed like that so thank you for making me laugh...remember to let me know when the other one is in...
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Hehe. Glad you picked a good one to start with. I'll be sure to let you know when I get part 2 out.
You are most welcome for the laugh, it's my pleasure.
Thank you for the lovely comment.
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:D
Oh my god, you always make me laugh!
I swear your stories are comedy gold! I was laughing so hard through out the entire thing especially when they are talking about the sun!
And the name Legolamb
! And I love how you intervened it was a very clever take good job I can't wait to read more of this.
'Oh, we call it The Great Orb Of Glaring Whiteness That Is Inducive To Headaches, Especially After Late Night Parties Involving A Lot Of Alcohol.'
Elvis gawked at him. 'You call it all that?'
'Well, yeah. What's wrong with that?'
'It's long! Don't you have something shorter you call it?'
'Oh yes, of course we do. You can't expect us to call it that every time we talk about it?' the boot-awoken-Elf said, laughing.112
'Well what do you call it then?' Elvis asked, annoyed.
'Well, it's also known as T.G.O.O.G.W.T.I.I.T.H.E.A.L.N.P.I.A.L.O.A
^^^ lmfao my favorite scene !
Kudos for you I was reading this in my living room and my parents thought I was pyscho. Good job!
Miranda
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Hehe. Glad you enjoyed it. Let your parents read it so they could see what was so funny?
Thank you muchly for dropping by reading, commenting and applauding.
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oh man i think i cant even move, I am laughing too hard to eveb type. How am I typing this comment now? With help of god. Anyway this is definently the best humor i read on storywrite so far. I loved it! lol man the joke were just halirous! Good Job! Keep up the good work! AHAHA still cant stop laughing. The king of rock hahaha! cant believe so less people commented on this amazing story. oh and please do inform me when the next chapter comes out!
. Rewarded 6
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Well, the story have only been up 24 hours, so still waiting for comments to roll in.
I'm pleased you enjoyed it so much. I'll be sure to let you know when I get more done.
Thank you very much for the read, comment and applause.
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he he he
seriously, very funny, or shouls that be Siriusly? hmm, never did get the difference between those two. Very well done. Cant really think of anything that needs to be improved really, so ill just keep saying well done. Highly ammusing. I nearly fell of my chair reading this, it was sooooooo hilarious
. Rewarded 6
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I'd say seriously. Siriusly is for the mentally impart (i.e. chat room addicts). j/k. Just not a big fan of it.
Very glad you enjoyed, thanks for stopping by and taking the time to read, comment and applaud.
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Heheheeeeeeeee, that was good! Verymost hilarious! My favorite of all the funny parts had to be Legolamb, and how he suddenly realized his name. But the interaction between you and them was also great, as was the made-you-look last little bit there. Hee!
. Rewarded 4
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I'm really pleased with how this piece turned out. Leaving it sit for months has been good, given me time to improve.
It's taken so long to get up because I didn't realise for awhile that anyone could do italics, and this piece kinda needs them.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
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Oh my f**king god.
*pauses for a while and laughs hisself off his chair, down the hall, down the street and into the train station, down into Central City afore catching a bus back home ...*
ROFL LMAFO LOL -- etc etc.
Seriously, Dan, you are the single most hilarious writer in the WORLD - after Walter Weinermann.
Love this idea, love the Elves, Cockney accent and all - the hilarious puns and double entendre, the insertion of Elvis, oh god, you made literally, I say literally, laugh myself off my chair.
And everyone in the house is asleep, so -- Added to the fun!
Hilarious. Simply hilarious.
I salute you as the single most ... wait, I already said that.
Kudos to your hilariousness.
RJ
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Hehehe. Glad you enjoyed. I thought it was time to put up another side splitter, haven't done one in awhile.
Wait till next chapter, they get a plot then.
Thank you for the read, comment, and applause.
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