Dogoff

ah, so. what next? I hope no one is reading this over my shoulder. I always feel uncomfortable with that. especially when its a personal email to someone. I always try to tell them to 'fuck off' in my words to see if they take heed. perhaps I’m paranoid though. there is a boy opposite me, the other side of this table, who is letting his friend slap his hand with something hard for fun. I suppose to see how long he can withstand it, show how manly he is, that sort of thing. he tells him to fuck off. why let him do it? I’m not sure. I expect secretly behind closed doors and drawn curtains he pays women to slap him. probably not though, he’s only my age. when he is fat and old and unhappily married with too much money that’s what hell do. just waiting for his wife or kids to burst in and find him on all fours with an apple in his mouth and leather clutching his hairy sad flesh. ugh. that’s maybe the buzz, along with the pain. why am I talking about sadomasochism? and why is electronica boring these days. I must admit I don’t keep up with it as much as I would like, but it never really sounds exciting any more. the old albums of course are still there, but this new stuff I hear is so repetitive. it is not a necessity with music without instruments to be boring is it? seems so the way things are. ahh music. I sound young don’t I? how old, 18? that’s how old I am. mostly, almost not I mean. past the half way mark, closer to 19 than not. anyway, music. I spend most of my money on it. always seems worth it. my CD shelf is bending though, I think the weight is too much. ah, don’t worry, not too bad. it’ll last a few months. I can still count my albums. I think I have too many best ofs though. I get tired of them, try not to buy them. they are easy because they give a picture of the artist general, saves buying each album. but I find you never really understand an artist till you’ve understood an album. there's a thing, people say they have a favourite band but after only listening to one album of theirs. I cant understand that. what if they’re other ones are shit? it is hard to know this sort of thing when on poor wages. still, could be worse eh? at least I’m not dead, or worse, dying. people I’m sure ought to be more grateful. did you ever head that song by Nitin Sawhney, I think it was on the album Prophecy. street guru, or something it was called. a new York cab driver talking about life and that. anyway he concluded that really what people need in life is people, friends and family, we get so consumed in efficiency and productivity, technology and modern life, we forget what really matters to us. what a wise man. the title is right, but it ain’t half twee. he was a nice man. he thinks people don’t realise how important your family I ‘til you’re much older. I'd agree with that. I wish I appreciated what I have more. damn teenagers.1