'I fear no curse I fear no hells, unholy ghosts or wishing wells'1
Words echoed through the forest as she danced around the fire, invoking the spirits 2
of nature to guide her through the night. In the distance she could hear the crowd 3
nearing, their calls of anger and fear rising with the flames. 4
'Burn the candles in the sky, to seek the star that points at five'5
Her pace quickened, the flames obeyed. Color filled the small clearing, shadows 6
danced between the trees in the small space separating darkness from light. 7
Soon, she knew, she will be saved. Not even they can stop her now. 8
She was dancing for her life. 9
'The burnings of the chosen ones, the midwives and the witches' sons'10
Power filled the air, voices filled the night, whisperings in a language long 11
since gone. She whispered back, asking them to take her away from here. 12
They argued, she danced for them.The night was becoming magical. 13
'Did you ever see it's eyes and writings on the points of five?'14
Entranced, the crowd looked upon her as she danced around the flames. 15
To them, she was engulfed in pure fire, the burning has begun. 16
'I wear the star for all to see'17
Wind rose up, throwing the trees into chaos. The people feared what 18
they did not understand. Before their eyes, she disappeared, leaving 19
glowing embers behind. Where she went, nobody knew. 20
'I fear no curse I fear no hells, unholy ghosts or wishing wells'21
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
-
What I get from this is a witch hunt. I'm assuming the repeating phrases were to add a touch of spookiness to the proceedings, the chamanic chants of a spell.
If I were to assess this as a story, for me there are big holes in it. It would have been nice to know, some more of a reason to the crowds anger, to give their anger more shape. Also some insight into the witches mind would have been nice, does she hate the crowd or forgive them. Does she leave with happiness or with regret. Is she really evil, or misunderstood.
I'm not convinced the crowd would become entranced, or they would take the time to misunderstand, for me they would probably still seething with anger, resentment and quick to rip her apart.
The line "where she went nobody knew" was unconvincing. Also I get the point of a 5 pointed star and it's association to witchcraft the first time the image occurs. Having the witch just dissappear like, she performed a magic trick, was dissapointing, after all the dancing around flames. What if she turned into the crowds worst nigtmare or something so beautiful the crowd couldn't resist. Any tension you built up was instantly lost in a puff of smoke. Finally besides the mention of trees, the landscape is barely described and I feel a work dealing with this subject matter witches,magic needs well magical descriptions to help the reader suspend disbelief and really participate in the story.
This is less of a comment more of a critique, because you put the time to write this story, I'm taking the time to read it properly and feel free to ignore anything/everything. -
wow, I like this a lot.....to me it feels so soothing.....I practice witchcraft so I can relate to her and the fact that the people who surround her dont understand.....I once had a kid whisper behind my back, lets throw water on her and see if she melts.....to some funny, to me cruel, for I actually pity him, because he stands in a world so full of beauty, yet his eyes are closed.......great write.....keep up the good work....
much love,
~Chris~ -
Wow. Really intruiging layout and structure, you made this work really well. The thing flows along like a storyline....excellent stuff.
Edited on Mar 17, 12:03 because ''.
Adding your comment:
