View from an Outsider

Rated: PG-13
Summary: His sincere, heartfelt smile is one of the greatest gifts someone could ever receive.
Genres: Romance
Timeline: Past
Warnings: Alternate Universe, Language
Disclaimer: Luke, Noah, and all related characters, plots, and locations are property of Procter & Gamble Productions and CBS Television. No profit is made from this fan creation. No copyright infringement is intended!
Story Notes:
So, I'm basically never satisfied with my stories, but for some reason I couldn't get over how much I wanted to rewrite THIS story.So I finally did!1

2

Noah and I used to be really close. In fact, we used to be best friends. I’m not quite sure what to call us anymore. We’ve known each other since kindergarten, so I guess you could call us “childhood friends.” We both played soccer, and somehow, we always ended up on the same team, which made for some interesting competition. Noah was always claiming he was better than me. I always claimed he was just a bonehead.3

We used to spend so much time together. We’d play video games at Noah’s house (he always won, but only because he cheats), wrestle in his bedroom (again, he won only because he cheats! He has a problem with tickling people in order to win) and spend time trying to improve each others soccer skills. Noah was always so goofy and laid-back, and just plain fun to be around. I’m a lot like him, which was probably why we got along so well. I guess the two of us could’ve been considered popular….Okay, so yeah. We were definitely popular. All the girls wanted to go out with us, while all the guys wanted to hang out with us. It was like everyone worshipped us, willing to do anything we asked. Man, those were the good ol' days. Sadly, the good ol' days pretty much ended in the 6th grade. Why, you ask? Well, it’s all because of one person. One single, small, blond haired person. Luke Snyder.4

He came to our school at the beginning of the 6th grade, moving from Who-cares-ville. If we had to label him, he was the type of guy who ate lunch alone, not because he couldn’t make any friends, but because he didn’t want any friends. He was really quiet and snapped at anyone who tried to talk to him. He was the epitome of depressed. His whole being giving off an angry light.5

He had longish blond hair, bangs falling into a pair of intense brown eyes that, by the way, were icy and cold looking, searing at all of us. He was thin, and a bit on the small side. I guess you couldn’t really call him bad looking, but whatever. I always judge from first appearances, and I automatically decided I didn’t like him. The first time I laid eyes on him I turned to look at Noah, hoping to share a laugh about the new loser, but Noah’s eyes were fixed on the blond, and he appeared mesmerized. As if the person standing at the front of the room wasn’t a homely boy, but an angel, an array of gold light surrounding him and singing a harmonic melody.6

And then…Noah’s face came to life and he was smiling, his eyes magically transforming into sparkling pools of laughter. Noah’s eyes are always expressive, revealing all the thoughts wadding around in his mind, but I had never seen them light up like that, especially not for someone he knew nothing about. I was confused by his reaction, but I just shook my head before turning away, pretending I hadn’t even noticed.7

It turned out that Noah somehow already knew the blondie, and he spent the rest of the day trying to converse with the weirdo. But all he ever received as answers were a bunch of rude commands and questions, including, but definitely not limited to: “Will you shut up?” or “Why won’t you leave me alone?” and “Go away!”8

Most people would have stopped bothering Luke and left him alone. It was obvious Luke didn’t want to befriend Noah, much less anyone. You’d think Noah would understand that. You’d think he would get the hint. But no. The freaking idiot kept up his antics for weeks, desperately trying to become friends with Luke. I really don’t know why he was so persistent. In our eyes, there was nothing about Luke worth fighting for, nor was fighting for him worth being treated like crap. Luke would always respond by nonchalantly calling Noah names, as if he was purposely trying to wound Noah. As if he was purposely trying to drive him away. Heck, if I was Noah, I wouldn’t have taken that from some sass talking emo-case. None of us would’ve.9

All Noah was trying to do was be friendly, but did the weirdo appreciate his efforts? Nope. Not one bit. But Noah still refused to give in, even after Luke got so annoyed with him that he punched him in the face, giving Noah a black eye. I don’t know exactly when it happened, or even why, but one day, Luke came into class, and he smiled at Noah. Not a fake, “Oh it’s so great to see you, even though it’s really not” smile, but a real, genuine, sincere, friendly smile. And Noah smiled right back.10

Since that day, things have changed drastically between them. Noah started sitting with Luke during lunch, and every time I called him to hang out, he’d tell me that he had plans with Luke. Honestly, I had no idea what the heck was happening, but I missed my best friend. I had no idea what he saw in Luke, and I hated that he chose to hang out with someone so moody and antisocial instead of me. Okay, so I was basically jealous. Sue me. As if you wouldn’t be jealous if you were in my shoes. I mean, leave it to Mr. Popular And Liked By Everyone to ditch his cool friends to hang out with the reject. I seriously had no idea how the two managed to get along, because they were so freaking opposite. I mean it! Seeing them walk down the hall together, side by side, it was never more obvious. One of them smiling and energetic, while the other had a small half-smile, his composure calm and unyielding. In our eyes, it was simply puzzling. The way the two, so different in both their ways of thinking and their approach to life, could somehow be friends.11

But, whatever the reason and why, the two were really close, and Noah was extremely overprotective of his little Luke. Anytime I or one of the guys said anything bad about him, he’d blow up at us. One time, our friend Josh made the idiotic mistake of teasing Luke right in front of Noah. Needless to say, Noah hadn’t hesitated in punching Josh right in the face and ending their friendship permanently. He’d gotten detention but he just shrugged it off as if it were no big deal- as if protecting Luke had been worth it. It was then that I started to realize that something about Noah was changing.12

It’s been two years since then, and now we’re all in the 8th grade. Remember how I said Luke’s eyes used to be icy and emotionless? Well, I don’t know what Noah did but sometime ago, the coldness melted, giving way to kindness. I wonder if either of them has noticed that.13

They’ve become practically inseparable now. Noah spends all his precious little time with his precious little Luke, doing who knows what. He and I barely talk anymore, aside from soccer practice and an occasional “hello” in the halls. During lunch, he and Luke sit by themselves, talking quietly so no one else can hear them, and every so often laughing because of their stupid, UNFUNNY inside jokes. No, I’m definitely not bitter, nor am I being hostile. How could you say that? Okay….so maybe I am bitter, but I’m not hostile. But don’t even try to tell me you wouldn’t be.14

They always sit so impossibly close, as if they can’t stand staying away from each other, even for a little bit. Every time we go on school field trips, my friends and I find seats near each other on the bus. We always try to find Noah, and though we should see it coming, we find him sitting next to Luke every single stinking time. Their legs touching and Luke’s head resting on Noah’s shoulder, with Noah’s arm wrapped tightly around Luke’s waist. Usually both of them are holding Noah’s digital camera with one hand as they go through the pictures. Their fingers keep grazing, whether on purpose or accident we can never figure out. Neither of them ever seems to mind. They always sit together quietly, ignoring the mass of screaming, laughing, and hyperactive kids happy to get out of class that surround them. It seems like the noise just blends together, becoming a love song meant only for them. A song only the two of them can hear, cherish, and delve in to. They forget other people in the world matter besides them. Hell, they probably forget other people even exist. They act so much like a couple dating that it’s nearly sickening. But…I can roll my eyes and pretend to be disgusted and annoyed all I want, but the truth is, I always feel a little jealous at how close they are. And I’m sure I’m not the only one. There’s something between them that seems so much stronger than a friendship. Something almost impermeable….invincible….unbreakable. Something that a lot of people long to share with someone. Noah claims there’s nothing weird going on between them, but I say monkey balls. There’s something going on between them, no matter how much I, Noah, or our friends try to deny it.15

One time, I went over to Noah’s house to work on an English project about Romeo and Juliet, or something useless like that. We were suppose to be in groups of three and act out a part of Romeo and Juliet with props, costumes, and memorized lines. In my opinion, ridiculously stupid. Everyone knows the story of Romeo and Juliet by the 4th grade. After that, I really think there’s no point in making us actually read it, considering we all know how it ends. Besides, we would never have to use Romeo and Juliet in our actual lives.16

Anyway, I paired up with Luke and Noah, and we agreed to meet at Noah’s house after school. I ended up going to Noah’s house a little later than I planned, and I walked into Noah’s room to find the two of them hugging. H.U.G.G.I.N.G. They had to be kidding me, but no. In fact, they didn’t even bother to acknowledge my arrival…or maybe they just didn’t notice, nor care.17

Noah’s arms were snaked tightly around Luke’s waist, keeping him close to Noah’s body. Luke’s arms were wound tightly around Noah’s neck, and OH MY GOD! It had looked like he was sniffing Noah’s neck. Hell, it looked like he was trying to inhale Noah and swallow him whole. Okay, so I’m exaggerating, but it was still pretty freaky. Noah whispered something in Luke’s ear, and whatever it was, it made Luke’s entire face light up. Literally. All of a sudden....he looked like an angel.18

His smile reached one side of his face to the other, his eyes dancing to a silent song of joy. For that moment…for that ONE golden moment…Luke was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful. I didn’t even know guys could be called beautiful, but that was the perfect word for Luke at that moment. And for that moment, I understood why Noah cared so much about Luke’s happiness. His sincere, heartfelt smile is one of the greatest gifts someone could ever receive.19

20

21

**********************************************************************22

How was it that in a blink of an eye, your entire life could be flipped upside down? How was it that in an instant, one look at someone you had known for years could change you forever? And you could seriously feel yourself changing…molding….transforming, thoughts and questions different than before.23

Never in my life had one person been able to have such an effect on me. Never in my life had one person been able to keep me up at night, twisting and turning and losing myself in my bed sheets. Days later, Luke’s face when he smiled still remained painted in my head, waking me up in the middle of the night and allowing me to study it whenever I let my mind wander. And it drove me near insane, the way I couldn’t stop thinking about someone I wasn’t even supposed to like. Someone I wasn’t even supposed to get along with. Yet for days, he was the root of all my thoughts, everything eventually returning to him. In class I would see him, lightly tapping his pencil against his teeth in an effort to get an idea. And my heart would tremble, its cage too small as it fought to crawl out of me. How could he sit there so innocently, so unaware of the power he held? Unaware of the emotions he cursed me with? I would see him in the hall, his gaze focused forward, looking but not really seeing. And I would still want to cower to the lockers, hoping to dissipate myself and my feelings. I would see him during lunch, hanging off every word Noah said, his laugh the sweetest sound I had ever heard. And I would wonder if it was possible that I was simply going crazy. It was either that, or I was falling in love, which was in no way possible.24

Finally, after a week of dealing with my torturous feelings, I got up the nerve and asked Noah to meet me at the beach so we could talk. I couldn’t stop thinking about Luke, and I couldn’t help thinking that maybe there was something more to him than I had previously thought. I had to know. No. I needed to know.25

26


We met at the beach at six in the afternoon. The sun was just starting to set, giving the sky an orange hue. The water was calm and slow moving, lightly pushing against itself in small waves. For a long time, the two of us stood silently, watching the sunset with great interest. Finally, the silence that hung in the air became so heavy that I began to feel suffocated.27

“So….” I said, hating the awkward atmosphere. I stuck my hands in my pockets, and rocked back and forth on my heels.28

“So….” he mocked lightly, his eyes twinkling mischievously. I narrowed my eyes at him, suddenly realizing what he was trying to do.29

“Jerk.”30

“Loser.”31

“Dumbass.”32

“Fartface.”33

“MORON!” we screamed simultaneously, cracking up until our sides hurt and our eyes teared. It was our old little “insult” game that we used to play. I was surprised he still remembered it, but it did help break the thick tension. We got quiet, but at least it wasn’t uncomfortable. It made it easier to talk.34

“So….tell me about Luke.” I looked at Noah out of the corner of my eye, and managed to catch him blink in surprise. I knew what I said shocked him, considering I had never shown an ounce of interest in anything concerning Luke before. It was probably the last thing in the world he’d expected me to say. I turned to face him, only to see he was staring back at me quizzically.35

“Why?” he asked, his eyes narrowing suspiciously. I shrugged, figuring there was no point in lying to him.36

“I wanna know more about him. I dunno…maybe see him through your eyes.” 37

Noah blinked in surprise again, before turning his body back to face the ocean.38

“What do I tell you?”39

“I dunno…”40

“That doesn’t help me, moron.”41

“Fine, bonehead. Tell me…anything. Whatever makes you happy, and whatever you’re willing to share.” 42

Noah was quiet for a long time, his gaze focused on the ocean. I stood patiently, waiting for him to gather his thoughts. I’m not normally a very patient person, but beggars can’t be choosers (or something like that). If I wanted to learn more about Luke, which I desperately did…, I had to let Noah do it at his own accord. It was a long time before Noah spoke again, smiling coyly.43

“He’s beautiful.”44

I squinted at him, confused. Out of all the things he could have said, he picked that? I didn’t question him though, and waited for him to continue.45

“He doesn’t think he is, and he doesn’t know why I think he is. He doesn’t understand what I see when I look at him.” Noah paused again, taking a deep breath. “He loves the rain.”46


I blinked, my face scrunching in confusion. But still. I didn’t question him, instead choosing to nod slowly.47

"It makes him feel calm, and I dunno...happy. Sometimes he goes to the window, and he just watches the rain for some time. Then, he goes outside---no jacket, no shoes---and he starts...spinning around. I don't really understand it, but I don't really care. Sometimes, I go outside with him and we spin around together, and jump in puddles, and I give him piggyback rides. But mostly, I like watching him inside. I can never keep my eyes off of him..." Noah paused again, seemingly deep in thought.48

"He used to have this dog. He found her at the park when he was younger. She was homeless and gimpy...but Luke refused to go home without her." Noah smiled softly, running his hands through his hair. "He's just stubborn like that.....anyways. He loved her so much. But then, she died two years ago because of cancer." He shook his head sadly, as if wishing he could have somehow prevented it. 49

Suddenly, I felt like the world's biggest jerk. It was more obvious now more than ever that we had all chosen to hate someone we knew nothing about. Someone who was every bit as human as the rest of us. And I now hated myself for choosing to hate him.50

I felt a lump form in my throat, but I swallowed it, feeling it slowly ride down my body.51

"I'm sorry..." I managed to croak out. 52

Noah shook his head again, smiling sadly. "Not your fault. Anyways, he was a huge mess after that. He was really sad and he got pissed at me for dumb things. I felt pretty useless, because all I wanted was for him to be happy. I only wanted to make him smile....but I didn't know how to do that without messing up. But...I finally came up with an idea. I saved up all my money and I got him a puppy for Valentine's Day." Noah's face lit up, the bright twinkling in his eyes returning.53

"Gods, you should've seen him! Luke was so happy! He couldn't stop crying, and then he was so bubbly! Dancing around the room...singing." Noah paused, laughing softly. "He named it Nuke!!" He grinned sheepishly, his eyes laughing.54

"Nuke?"55

"Luke and Noah combined, duh!" He rolled his eyes, and I stuck my tongue out. We shared a laugh, before silence took over again.56

"He hates watching scary movies."57

"Huh...?"58

"They scare him. No--scratch that. They freak him out." Noah chuckled heartily. "He never keeps his feet on the ground when we're watching them, because he thinks something’s gonna come outta nowhere and like, pull him into the unknown, or something like that. And he gets all paranoid, thinking there's something behind him that's gonna eat his face off. He gets nightmares, and then he can't even go to the bathroom by himself! He makes me wait outside the door 'till he finishes!" 59

The two of us burst out laughing. As much as I didn't want to admit it...that was actually kind of cute.60

"But...he watches them anyway...just because I love them so much."61

I was so shocked at that moment that I could barely think of something mildly intelligent to say, let alone nod. So I settled for saying nothing.62

"Every time I make him smile or laugh, I get so happy. He has no idea how beautiful he is when he smiles. His face...I dunno, it sort of comes to life and his smile goes all the way to his eyes. He always makes me feel like I can't breath when he smiles....but it's not a bad thing at all...I love that I'm the only one who gets to see that side of him. I'm the only one who can make him happy. I'm the only one who understands him...." 63

Suddenly, Noah's face seemed to darken, his eyes becoming cloudy and unreadable. "One time...I caught him cutting himself. It wasn't a deep cut, but it was enough to bleed real bad. I bandaged him up...then I yelled at him. He yelled back, of course, and then we just sorta hugged for a long time...Then I asked him why he'd done it." Noah paused, and I could almost sense the myriad of emotions going through him, caused by just thinking of the overwhelming memory.64

"He told me he'd wanted to know how it felt to control your pain. And....I asked him how it felt. He...he told me that it burned. It burned so badly, and his arm felt like it was on fire....and he just started crying and sobbing...and he couldn't stop, and I just...I just...." 65

Noah stopped, and I knew that he wouldn't continue. A question formed in my throat, and before I could stop myself, I felt it coming out of my mouth.66

"Why do you put up with it?" I winced, preparing myself for Noah's rage.67

"Put up with what?"68

"All of it! The mood swings, the psycho attitude...any of it!" 69

Noah didn't answer at first, his eyes slowly becoming less clouded. Suddenly, they became readable again, the emotion becoming clear as night. He turned to me, determination flashing in his eyes.70

"When we started getting closer, I made a promise."71

"Huh?"72

"I promised him that no matter what, I would never leave him. No matter how horrible he got, no matter what stupid things he said out of anger, no matter how hard he tried to push me away...I promised him I would stay by his side. He wants me in his life. He needs me in his life....and I need him." The determination flashed again, but stronger than before.73

"....I intend on keeping my promise." 74

I stood shocked into a state in which words were unattainable. I stared into Noah's deep blue eyes, desperately trying to find reminiscences of the immature bonehead I used to know....but no luck. Instead, I stood faced with someone who knew how it felt to love and be loved; Someone who knew how it felt to share someone else's pain merely because you loved them; Someone who knew how it felt to want to protect the person you loved with your life; Someone who knew how it felt to be ready to give up your life for the person you loved at any given moment. And I realized that Noah, unlike the rest of us, had grown up a long time ago.75


"...That's a pretty big thing to promise...." I said, my voice quiet and soft. 76

Noah smiled, his eyes sparkling once again. "He's worth it."77

"...You really love him....don't you?"78

"...More than 'I love you' could ever say...." Noah turned back to the ocean, a small half smile planted on his face, and his eyes calm and certain.79

"When I look at him...I see someone who cares so much about the people close to him. I see someone who's afraid to love...afraid to let people too close to him, but takes the chance at happiness. I see...someone....someone who's been through so much crap in his life, but still manages to be so strong. I see someone...with such a free spirit.... And it's all of those things, and so much more....that make him beautiful to me."80

I nodded, because that was enough to make me understand. To the rest of us, Luke was just one person we were forced to tolerate…but to Noah, he was the moon, the stars, the world, the galaxy. He was air, he was simply…everything. Noah didn’t necessarily say that, but I could read it from his words, his actions towards Luke, and especially from his eyes. But I also understood something else. Luke was not the emo-case my friends and I had put him up to be. Not even close. He was so much more than that. He was caring, considerate, brave….he was beautiful in every way, a kind light radiating from within him.81

Maybe that’s the problem with stereotyping. You end up putting a standard behavior for everyone to meet, never willing to except that there’s so much more to everyone than the image they portray.82

Just from Noah’s words about Luke, it was easy to believe how simple it would be to accidentally fall in love with him. And that scared me, because it was the last thing I needed. So I made a decision. I would stop acting like I couldn’t stand the mere mention of Luke, and start treating him like a human being. But I refused to become close to him. I refused to become actual friends with him, because it would be much too easy to fall in love with him. It would be much too easy to ruin whatever was left of the relationship Noah and I once had. I would never forgive myself if things got messed up between them because of my wacked up emotions that I couldn’t control.83

I may not completely understand their relationship, but what I do understand is that they make each other happy. They may be opposites, but they complete each other. And that's all good enough for me. Besides, I'm starting to think that they don't really care about anyone else's opinion anyway. They would still love each other, despite what anyone else thought or said. They wouldn't care if people told them they were way too young to know what true love is. After all, the rest of us are just outsiders to their relationship. Outsiders, trying our best to look in.84

85


Author notes

Please comment, even if you hate it!

Prompt: http://ecthelian.deviantart.com/art/Lost-Impossible-Stay-Together-34633478

The part when Noah is telling his friend about Luke was actually inspired by "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus!

Not sure if it'll make you cry, but as always, hopefully it makes you feel SOMETHING

Author: Eddie

"if willy gets the willies does nelly get the nillies?"

"Alcholic kind of mood, lose the clothes lose the lube."

Okay, so I agree with the quote. It's better to have been in love and lost it, then to never have experienced it in the first place.

I commented on Letting go of perfection by Writing0Freedom

This is a fan fiction based off of As the World Turns

5 goes...um, between 6 and 7?

OPTION 2: Forbidden Love


Picture 1: http://www.ponandzi.com/image.php?img=1

Finger-Eleven's Contest: Option 2

Best friend: Jessica

LONEWRITER'S CONTEST:
1. Eddie
2. "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis

Paws Contest:
Option 7: Might as well take a shot with this, because it isn't like usual romance stories.

HER stands for "hip hop in it's essence and realist."

http://pavlova.deviantart.com/art/The-ways-of-love-23408858

"A friend is someone who knows the song of your soul and sings it back to you when you've forgotten the words."- Anonymous.

OPTION #2
First Love
-A story about falling in love and keeping or losing it.

SN: Eddie

followyourmoonlight: "People talk.
It's something that we know.
Sometimes you need to ignore the words.
Just flash a smile and glow."
-Favorite word: soul

My favorite Christmas present is probably the brown clogs I got from my sister

Irony6826: http://siniebraico.deviantart.com/art/010-106066385

BEERSTORECOWBOY:
- Constructive Critical
- Brutal

grapevine

A contest entry

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 80 of 80
  • DeathByChocolate
    June 23
    Edit | Reply
    Very full of emotion. nice write


  • Robin Omallia
    February 20

    Edit | Reply
    I really liked this. It was a very good story and it was told really well. A little long though, but it did hold my attention the whole time, which is an accomplishment in itself. Haha.
    Very good story, great read. Thanks for entering my contest!

  • TheDecree
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very lovely story. It was so heartfelt and full of emotion. Noah's and Luke's love are so intense, and from reading your story I could tell that they would do anything for each other, probably die for each other. Noah's former friend probably doesn't get it, but soon he comes to understand. I enjoyed this read.

    Good luck in my contest. (:


  • Darkhearted
    February 9

    Edit | Reply
    I loved it and all your other stories. If I die in the near future I will die holding one of your stories.

    enough said,
    cheyenne


  • beerstorecowboy
    January 17

    Edit | Reply
    Alright. So yours is the first story in the contest I've read so far that had the gall to be about something on the Lame List. FAN FICTION. This means one of two things: Either you didn't read the description of the contest OR you actually want to stand up and prove me wrong. I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and say it was the latter, so you will have earned a certain degree of respect from me.

    That said, here's a critique:

    -You are a very skilled writer and your words flow well, making the whole thing easy to read. I like that. You do, however, need to work on your paragraph breaks. Your story would pack a much bigger emotional punch if the structuring were more defined and important thoughts and actions were given more room to breathe. It reads more like a journal entry than a narrative when you don't accentuate your key sentences and let unrelated thoughts ride shotgun to them with they should be given their own little verbal asylum: a new paragraph.

    -Obviously due to anonymity in contests, I do not know your background or age, but I feel like your characters here are little off. (If I can call them YOUR characters, rather than CBS's! Sorry, I had to rib you at least once. You requested Brutal, after all.) Anyway, they are supposed to be 13 year old boys, but they talk, act and emote like 17 year old girls. And I'm not referring to acting effeminate. Even if these guys are supposed to be the most flamboyant of all homosexuals, they are still 13 year old boys. Popular, jocky ones at that. They should curse like sailors, never stick their tongues out at one another and never once have used the term "bonehead." When you're a thirteen year old boy, it is very very difficult to wrap your mind around homosexuality and it is also very very common for 13 year old jocks to be quick to insult other guys by calling them "fags" or "like, totally GAY!" In fact, this behavior extends well into college for most. My point is, the characters either don't even think to jokingly point out Luke and Noah's obvious physical relationship is "totally gay" or they simply accept it, sit on the beach and talk about their feelings. It comes off more like a female's imagined, idealized concept of male puberty and homosexuality. The characters talk like adults, not kids, and have an understanding of emotions that no puberty-stricken, confused boy could possibly have a handle on. And because of this presumed female perspective, I find it rather difficult to determine whether the narrator is also gay, or just unrealistically empathetic.

    -Just a side note, the whole "cutting" thing seems very unnecessary and tacked on. It kinda came outta nowhere and, once again, reflects circumstances rarely experienced by boys that age. That's the 17 year old girl again.

    In conclusion, I think you have a lot of talent. I found your story to be incredibly readable, which is refreshing. My advice to you, if you will have it, is to PLEASE PLEASE create your own characters! Fan fiction serves only as self-gratifying pulp for like-minded mega-fans. I like your style and I want to continue to read your stuff and watch you grow as writer. You've shown that you can obviously construct a completely original setting and circumstance; why not characters to put there?


  • Irony6826
    January 11

    Edit | Reply

    Beautiful



    It’s beautiful in every way. It’s really emotional and breath taking. It made me sad and happy so many times. I’m afraid to write, to speak, to tell something more, because I’ll destroy the beauty. The way Noah talked about Luke was unrepeatable. I’ll never forget this story. Thank you for entering and sharing it


  • Mrs Edward Cullen
    January 9
    Edit | Reply

    kewl

    kewl i liked it!


  • XxRaindoshixX
    January 7
    Edit | Reply
    My contest was for anime/manga (or Harry potter) fanfiction only. While I appreciate you entering my contest, I will not read or judge this entry.

    I hope you will enter my next contest, and I still invite you to submit another work IF and ONLY IF it follows the rules and stipulations of the contest.

  • lovetoloveyou
    January 7

    Edit | Reply
    Descriptive- beautiful, really good. Thanks for entering my contest- this really is amazing


  • Vampiric souls
    January 5

    Edit | Reply
    ummmmm......... wow......... that is such a good story........... it made me feel something definitely.........

    I love when your describing the love that Noah shows and how well you described it... so so much detail. I was surprised when i read it all and that would be from the descriptions that you used to keep me interested................this is an amazing story... thank you so much for entering...... it is an amazingly beautiful story!!!!!!!!


  • wolf-storm
    January 1
    Edit | Reply
    thanks for entering the contest I really enjoyed this story..


  • Rose Hathaway
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Wonderful

    I really enjoyed this story, and I love how you wrote it through someones eyes, I can never do that but I really enjoy stories written like that! Great imagrey and connection with the characters and good luck in my contest


  • ShadyWilbury
    December 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Thank you for entering this story in my contest. It's unusual for me to stick something like this out, but I found it somewhat engaging. It captures the meaning of promises, through fictional characters, which was part of what I asked for, and I'm grateful for that. Good luck in my contest.


  • beezy92
    December 24, 2008

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    Whoa!

    Somebody likes fanfic. (: Which show was this from? I didn't finish it but I did like what I read. Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest!


  • Vietbabe909
    December 23, 2008
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    sorry

    Sorry, you have broken two rules of write in my contest, so this will be deleted from the contest. Thank you for entering and please read the rules carefully. If you wonder what you are disqualified for its a first person story and I have read this story already. thanks agan for enterying


  • YourPinUpDoll
    December 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    ooohhhh

    I really liked this piece and it has touched my heart.I like the "love" relation that Luke and Noah have its not a physical love such as being labeled "gay" "straight" or "bi" its more of a friend love. One that you will never let go of and you would NEVER hut them. I have loves like that, and I will always stand by those people as if they were glued to me with the sweetest super glue in the world!


    Thank you so much for entering. This story is amazing and I wish you the best of luck in my contest!

    Rose


  • wolf-storm
    December 15, 2008
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    Good job on the story it was good thanks for entering it into the contest.


  • kissedbyan angel
    December 15, 2008
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    i read it over a couple times good job thanx for entering in my contest i will let you know


  • MetroHollywoodTeen
    December 15, 2008
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    I read this twice and loved it.
    Thank you mucho for entering!

    Suzann


  • Living.Disaster
    December 14, 2008
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    Yay I luffels It!!!

    Good Luck!


  • DarkestPassion
    December 14, 2008
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    pretty cool story I liked it


  • Inkling
    December 14, 2008

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    Still awesome. That was amazing. Every thing was so...perfect. Sorry I took so long to comment. My computer froze while I was half-way through. Good job and good luck!


  • wolf-storm
    December 14, 2008
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    I like the story it was good well written. Thanks for entering.


  • Asonine
    December 10, 2008
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    Ive read this one before too! lol but I still love it!!!

    God luck


  • Mads
    December 6, 2008
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    This was really good! Great job!

  • LateBloomer
    December 5, 2008

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    I really, really enjoyed this. I'm not familiar with the characters that you referenced in you synopsis, but something tells me you lent a lot of your own emotions to this. It had that genuine "coming of age" feel, and I loved the way Noah and Luke's relationship change the narrator. Great Job!

    I'd give you more of those happy little smilie things but they only gave me 5 when I joined. :-)

    LB


  • Azzy Bear
    December 5, 2008

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    Oh my fucking god...I sincerely apologize for the use of the cuss word, but all I can really say is wow! That was just amazing. I...I can't even put my thoughts into words. It's indescribable....It transcends words.

    It's perfect. Nothing to add, and nothing to take. I love it. I'm bookmarking this, just so I can print it and put it in my binder later. xD

    Bravo I say! BRAVO!

    (I would comment further, critique and what not, but the last comment really does sum up everything I do have to say. It was REALLY that good a story.)

    Five hundred million applause smileys!!!!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

  • hawkeslake
    December 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Okay, I came into this story NOT knowing the background of Luke and Noah from TV, had to go back to your profile to see how some of the AN and comments below fit in.

    First, this story doesn't need ANY notes, or any relationship to TV at all. Change the names or leave 'em, doesn't matter. This story stands perfectly well on its own, like a little sparkling gem!

    Your character development, and the exploration of the different relationships of between Luke and Noah and the narrator are full-bodied and intriguing. The plot is minimal, because it is actually the movement of the emotions across the characters. Your ending is both realistic and thought-provoking.

    I think it is perfectly okay to borrow ideas from any source, but you don't have to stick with the original premise beyond the idea that the main characters have fallen in love. What you did from then on was your work.
    By the way, did I mention this story is a gem? Very good work. I look forward to seeing more.


  • Leech
    December 4, 2008
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    ai ai ai, this is freakin amazing!


  • StarOfDreams23
    November 27, 2008
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    Wow this was great...I understand it too. It was great and I give it 100 thumbs up!!!!!!


  • YaoiQueen Killa
    November 26, 2008

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    wow

    I think I understood that, best story so far thankyou for blessing me with your writting


  • UrbanRealist
    November 21, 2008

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    First off - way over the word limit I set for this contest. I don't have much time in the day, and I do want to get through all the stories before I need to get back on the road again. Secondly, I'm not a fan of fan fictions - I'm a firm believer that a story should be written under an author's own steam and not based on another author's hard work. Third, though a cleverly written story, this didn't really fit the contest. Thank you for your entry anyhow.


  • Memoirs of a Girl
    November 19, 2008

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    This is a great write. It's the sort of write that makes you think "gay or not, all that matters is that they love each other". I think it's something that everyone needs to learn.
    This actually reminds me of a song lyric: "Oh, I'm gonna be wounded. Oh, I'm gonna be your wound. Oh, I'm gonna bruise you. Oh, you're gonna be my bruise." From the song Word of Your Body, from the musical Spring Awakening. I think I might add that to my options list.

    This is a great story, thanks for entering!

    ~Memoirs


  • KalineReine
    November 16, 2008

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    I like your style. This was written really well, and it was a great read. You write the characters so true to themselves, the way they were portrayed on TV. Well this was a terrific story, I loved the ending! "Outsiders, trying our best to look in." Sometimes I feel like this, I think we all do.


  • LiveLoveJabberwocky
    November 16, 2008

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    That was amazing!!! It was really well written. I've seen this story on lots of contests, and I've always been curious about it, but I guess I just haven't gotten around to reading it until now, since it was in our contest, and now I'm glad I did! Great job and thanks for entering!


  • donuts-and-music
    November 15, 2008

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    you've already entered another one of my contests, but once again I'd like to say great job, i really liked it.


  • Sammeh Cat X
    November 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Very Good

    I really liked this.

  • jmcherrygirl15
    November 14, 2008

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    Good job. I enjoyed your story. However, something original would have been much appreciated. Good luck.


  • KiwiGurl
    November 13, 2008

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    really good! I felt like it drug on for a while, but it was still good! I enjoyed it a lot and I feal like anyone could relate to each of trhe charactrers. Great writing, keep it up!


  • georgiaz
    November 13, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    omg

    so many of these stories are giving me panda eyes

    its just woooooooow.


  • LoneWriter
    November 10, 2008

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    Give yourself some more credit, I've read really crappy things lately and this is far from it
    I loved how you used jealousy, then showed it from another perspective and made the character realize she was judging someone that wasn't any different from themself. In the beginning I really hated Luke and called him a friend stealer, but through Noah's eyes I say he's a great friend! And people like that can sometimes take a long time to find, and Noah showed how truly special it was. My favorite line was:And I realized that Noah, unlike the rest of us, had grown up a long time ago.

    I wish I could say I cried, as much as I wanted to, but for some reason I didn't. Although this story really did touch my heart.

    Good Luck In My Contest!
    ~LoneWriter


  • Sunless Spirit
    November 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, this is really great! Good luck in the contest! kthxbai


  • Zombie Princess
    November 5, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    this story is very nice and quite touching...


  • Atticus Unanimous
    November 2, 2008

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    I think I'll start with the boring stuff first. There were a few spelling errors (I think that was it... Maybe a comma problem? I don't remember) but nothing terrible. Except "breath" is a noun, "breathe" is the verb. Bugged me a bit.

    The story itself was delicious. I inhaled it with the appetite of an alcoholic confronted with a liquor store. All three characters were amazingly characterized and perfectly defined. They were consistent throughout the whole piece and you penned life into their existence. Your writing is beautiful and flows like bountiful streams. I loved this and I would love to place this in my finalist list.


  • Ayesha Raees
    November 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    hey
    this isnt as bad as you made it sound in the beginning saying that are never satisfied with your stories. Have some confidence in your writing.
    I like the way you mend up the sarcasm with everything but I can say that last paragraphs can be a little more better... you know... like when a person plays with words.
    Though I am not really fan of YAOI (mXm) but I dont despise it either.
    Nice description... I know how it feels to lose a best friend.
    I think you should have described the main character's feeling of looniness and reject a little more.
    Overall... a good story which was a worth a read.
    Thanks for entering and good luck! ^^


  • Dawn Bon
    October 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    [Imagine me breathless]

    This is really good. it would have made me cry if it was about girls [since im a girl...a very confussed girl] I used to be totally against the gay thing and stuff because of my religion. But thats just the thing. I belive love can be with anything humane. Love is...special betweeen you and your love. Ive been debateing about love alot lately, who i love, who i WANT to love, what love is. Ive been thinking about it over the whole summer untill now. And i think not only can i love guys, but i can love girls. I think im IN love with a girl. This really helps people understand on a diffrent level. Good luck in my contest.

    Every single word of thsi was pure genious. You should be able to love who ever you want to and not be criticised for it. Thanks alot.

    -Dawn


  • xXSnickiesXx
    October 26, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    X-Eyes Water-X

    This was AMAZING!

    The emotion, the plot line.. Everything was flawless!

    It was, in a word, Beautiful <3

    I loved it

    Best of luck♥


  • Dassy
    October 26, 2008

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    That was extremely depressing. People should be able to love whoever and not be judged... and emos never crave attention... Im not saying that luke was emo... I'm just sayingthat we never crave attention... we just want someone to love us

    great job, and i wish u the best of luck with your contests/


  • donuts-and-music
    October 26, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    it was enjoyable, and a good read. Good luck!


  • EZlats
    October 25, 2008

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    I did read it all the way through like you asked me too and it was good, but rules are rules. This goes way over the word count so I'm sorry but I need to DQ it.


  • crookedheart
    October 23, 2008

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    I really liked it, it was well written to be sure.
    But I would've liked to learn more about who the narrator is. Like, a name for instance?


  • Lady Eventide Greeters member
    October 19, 2008

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    Oh, wow! This was such a wonderful piece! The emotions, the descriptions...wow!

    I can't even pick out a favorite part!



    I really enjoyed this piece, from beginning to end. Sometimes, we must stand against everything in order to do what we feel...what we know is right. Sometimes, others have a hard time accepting that. Accepting us, once they know the truth. Still, it is best to stand tall, walk proud than to live in fear.

    An excellent story, this. Exceptional!

    I wish you luck in future writerly endeavors,

    Lady Editor

    CRITIQUE:
    We’d play video games at Noah’s house (he always won, but only because he cheats), wrestle in his bedroom (again, he won only because he cheats! He has a problem with tickling people in order to win) and spent time trying to improve each others soccer skills. [With this sentence, since you begin with "play" and "wrestle," I would turn the word "spent" into "spend." That way, the sentence will remain parallel.]

    Man, those were the good ‘ole days. Sadly, the good ‘old days pretty much ended in the 6th grade. [I would use ol' instead of those you used, since the apostrophe indicates that a letter is missing from the word.]

    He came to our school at the beginning of the 6th grade, moving from who-cares-ville. [perhaps Who-cares-ville, since it's the name of a place, be it not real.]

    He was the epitome of depressed, his whole being giving off an angry light. [He was the epitome of depression...]

    But all he ever received as answers were a bunch of rude commands and questions, including, but definitely not limited to; “Will you shut up,” “Why won’t you leave me alone,” and “Go away!” [Instead of a semicolon after "but definitely not limited to," I would use a colon]

    Not a fake, “oh it’s so great to see you, even though it’s really not,” smile, but a real, genuine, sincere, friendly smile. [I would capitalize the Oh.]

    And you could seriously feel yourself changing…molding….transforming, thoughts and questions different then before. [Instead of different then, use different than.]

    Never in my life, had one person been able to have such an effect on me. [I would get rid of the comma in this sentence.]

    I stuck my hand in my pockets, and rocked back and forth on my heels. [One hand in two pockets?]

    “That doesn’t help me, moron.” [Atmosphere is unthickened now, yes?]

    A LOT OF WHAT NOAH SAYS NEAR THE END CAN BE COMBINED SOMEWHAT. IF YOU ARE UNSURE WHAT I MEAN, PLEASE IM ME.

    "Put up with what? [end quotes needed]

    Noah didn't answer at first, his eyes slowly becoming less clouded. [I would have this begin a new paragraph, so that the reader doesn't get confused as to who is talking.]

    I stood shocked into a state in which words were unattainable. [I would have this begin a new paragraph, so that the reader doesn't get confused as to who is talking.]

    "..." [What does this mean?]


    He was caring, considerate; brave….he was beautiful in every way, a kind light radiating from within him. [comma after considerate]

    You end up putting a standard and behavior for everyone to meet, never willing to except that there’s so much more to everyone than the image they portray. [The beginning of this sentence is confusing. What about "standard behavior" only?]


  • DemApples
    October 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    TITLE = 2/2PTS
    STRUCTURE = 20/30PTS
    FLOW = 13/15PTS
    CHARACTERS = 20/20PTS
    IMAGERY = 16/18PTS
    DESCRIPTION = 4/5PTS
    SETTING = 10/10PTS

    total = 84


  • writeroftoast
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    You write beautifully. It's very easy to get lost in your writing, and to fall in love with Luke too. You wrote a very deep story about what it means to love and be loved, and I commend you for that. Good luck in the contest!


  • Neolittlefish
    October 14, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Well done, that was lovely! very warm and sweet, I liked it a lot. you're a great writer, keep up the good work and thanks for entering


  • Hinata-is-me silver member
    October 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    omg! this is really good! I can't believe how Luke named the dog Nuke. It's so cute! They should adopt a baby and name it Nuke. lolz. great!


  • EmeraldLullaby
    October 11, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very Nice! This was beautiful! Thank you for entering the contest! Best of luck!

    --Sarah

  • Elegant Inspirer
    October 7, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    OH I found a way to give you more clappys!!!

    Just kidding it didn't work... lame I thought if I commented again it would let me give you more clappys but sadly it doesn't.

    Elli

  • Elegant Inspirer
    October 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Man, it takes forever just to get down to commenting. I really liked this. Like a freakin lot. I can't even say how much I liked this. It was sooo beautiful. I really liked your main character; I liked him because of the voice you gave him. The way he thought and spoke, it made him a relatable character to stuff I would do. The title is what drew me in initially but as I read I didn't see the connection between title and your story. I couldn't have imagined a better way to put that phrase into a story than what you have done here. I can only give you three clappy dudes I totally wish I could give you more.

    This kind of writings is what writing is all about.

    Elli


  • Be.Your.Own.Hero
    October 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *high fives you* DUDE! That was wicked awesome! Especially the ending! I don't even know what to type anymore! This was just AMAZING! I absolutely loved it! Thank you so much for entering, and the best of luck!

    ~*Princess*~

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Toxic Paradox
    October 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Before I can comment on this story properly, I need you to let me know which other story from the contest you commented on, please. Thank you.


    • Eddie
      October 4, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      Okay, i fixed it! Sorry about that I commented on Letting go of perfection by Writing0Freedom.


  • Peachy
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *sobs pitifully*
    I hope you win gold! This deserves it! *keeps sobbing*
    This was sooooooooo beautiful!!!!
    *squeals*
    The descriptions of everything, it was just so amazing! I loved how you managed to make it funny but so heart wrenching at the same time. What actually happened to them though? Did they end up together? I hope they did!
    I can't believe how this managed to hook me! You couldn't have pulled me away from the computer! My eyes were glued to the screen
    Anyways, I loved everything about this wonderful, magnificent, awe inspiring write. It was beautiful!
    But I say monkeys balls.
    lmao


  • MoraKpon
    October 1, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ...that was truly beautiful, man...dang i don't know what to say, i thought for sure you were going to somehow go off into some homophobic rant, but it was quite the opposite and i thank you for it

    Thank you for entering


  • LostSoulOfRage
    September 28, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! this story was amazing. really. i totally love it. i wasnt even aware of how long it was until i got to the end! thsi story it truley amazing. i love it. great job! thnx for entering the contest!

    -LostSoul


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    September 27, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Oh Yeah!!!!
    I remember seeing this show on a list line up for Gay television shows and wanting to watch it. Well I can tell you fiction is far better than television even if it is based of the show.

    I read this in the one liner competition as you know and was instantly in love with it.

    I can fare say that after reading this (The whole story) it inspired me greatly to continue with my romance story. Why because it was so believable, so beautiful.

    The character dynamics in the piece were superb and quite frankly I did not want to stop reading.

    Also if you can leads me in the direction of finding is show online that would be so brilliant.

    The theme... *drools* I love gay love so what can I say!!!

    I just want you to know you have me on my hands and knees *worship* because this story was one hell of a ride with a good message behind it and frankly the best under 4000 word story I have read in a long time.

    GOOD LUCK WITH ANY CONTEST YOU PUT THIS IN
    Temaria Blair


  • Yeshua
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Sorry, but my contest has a STRICT no language policy... BUT THANK YOU for the warning. That just made me smile... its hard core integrity...

    Thanks for the submission


  • EverRose
    September 25, 2008

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    I loved this! I thought it was SO beautifully written. amazing job! I got tears...too. Lol. NOt heavy, but, watery eyes. hehe


  • Melancholic Smile
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was written so well, it is so easy to read I didn't even notice the length of it! What a beautiful tale of "not judging a book by it's cover" and seeing the true beauty that lies within. It fitted well with the picture and was full of great descriptions. There are a couple of grammar errors I came across but nothing that affected the read of the story. It was really lovely and I'm glad I read this. Thanks for entering and good luck


  • Hellcat Metal
    September 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    WOW!

    That was amazing! I mean, I am not usually one to read over 2,000 words of something on here unless it just really interests me. THIS hooked me from the very first line! Wow, that was such a well written story! You said it was fanfiction so I don't completely understand everything that is going on but the emotion is definitely there. Man I'm wondering how you didn't win more trophies on this out of all the contests you've entered. Wow I'm just..That was suberp, brilliant, beautiful! And so well written! Man, I hope that you win GOLD in the contest you're currently in (I'm in it too), because you deserve it. GREAT read!


  • Just Breathe.
    September 24, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Aww!! I love this! Very well written and descriptive. Got a few tears out. Great job!

  • Elphinstone
    September 23, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    ahh, this was absolutly perfect. I loved it Btw, in paragraph 11, I would suggest you change all of Mr Popular etc into starting with capital letters, cos that kind of confused me. But apart from that, it was wonderful. Made me feel exactly how I wanted to feel.


  • Firestar-
    September 20, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I love this story! Read Pikachu's And Yoshi's Quest, Pikachu's Past, Pika and Coliath and Pika and Gloiath two Raichu is Back!


  • LittleMissChrissie
    September 19, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Very well written


    I thoroughly enjoyed reading this and didn't even notice how long it was until I reached the very end, ha ha. I could really feel the love Noah felt for Luke and I think you wrote it very well. Rarely do I come across stories that I can relate to... but in this story I did.

    I wish you the very best of luck in the contest.

    Chrissie


  • Mel-the-Believer
    September 18, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was well written. Good job on this story. Thank you so much for entering the contest. Good luck. God Bless!


  • hannah37
    September 17, 2008

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    i will tell you in said no more than 1500 words. so you passed the limit by alot. i still read it. and it was a great story.
    it was very pulling in. i didn't want to stop reading it. but it was great.
    thanks for entering my contest.


  • xxxWhisper-Sorrowxxx
    September 17, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This story held my hand and pulled me in, right from the beginning. The characters you picked, and the feelings you thrust at the reader, they're just... I can't even begin to describe. I really liked it.


  • Six-Feet-Underwater
    September 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very sweet. I think it's a great story about understanding why we love. Beautiful job! It sucked me right in and the way it was told was great. Loved it.


  • Valkyrie silver member
    September 15, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    You've got a very gentle, calm way of telling stories. It flowed very smoothly; I didn't even notice how long it was! This isn't my style at all, but I do admire the gift you have for telling it; thanks for entering it into my contest.
    Also,
    P12 fact = face
    P34 I wanna more - left out a word there...know? hear?


  • Forgotten Anomaly
    September 15, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    *blinks*
    Wow...
    I wasn't exspecting that at all. Its hard to say. This is wonderfully writen even if I stumbled across several errors on my way through. Its hard with long stories like this to properly currect ones grammar. This is very, very emotional and easily understood. The whole thing all makes sence at the end. Your trying to prove the wrongs of sterotypes... I'm sadly a female Luke in the sence of trying to keep everyone out, being over emotional... A wonderful story.
    Thank you for entering my contest.

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