I longed to recede from this love
As you abandoned what was sacred
Let bygones, be bygones you whisper
While I dwell, aching: Retreat
Forsaken in our memories
I succumb to the sense of isolation
Straying away from adoration
Perish in the traits that make us unique
Long, awaited, moments expire
As the days pass us by: farewell
Afflicted, I feel like nothing
Receding in the thickness of lament
Browbeat as you punish me
Abscond in this illness, embedded in me
Your dogmatic, domination, lacerating my soul
When will I be freed to sunder
Plagued in the entrapment of my suffering
I digress into a deep bedeviled, abyss
Waiting by the hands of the frozen clock
One day I promise a voiceless death
Like the words that became strangled
Veering in the depths of Misery
As you molest me: impassive
Now all I feel the heckling strain of apathy
In an attempt elude to this heartless thorn
I longed to recede from this love
As you abandoned what was cherished
Let bygones, be bygones I whispered
While I farewell, smiling: Defeat
Author notes
This poem was written with inspiration from this picture & feelings that I felt a while ago. Basically a relationship that went on far to long: because I was afraid to leave & when I closed that door- another one opened & I am blessed and thankfull I closed the door.
It is about the torment, enforcment, punishment & agony of love & how sometimes love can destroy a person and it takes a lot to get that back.
It is about the courage to move on: however deadly, saddening, painful it is.
For the contest: I decided to enter: I decided the quote that would suit this poem/prose would be : “Everything's fine today, that is our illusion.” - Voltaire
Finally love is about the good and the bad and accepting your lovers for who they are and what makes them: them, regardless. Love is sacred and should be cherished. That is my belief!!
Blair
A contest entry
- Twisted love. by hannah37.
100 points, ended September 28, 2008, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Being for the benefit... by Lady Eventide.
450 points, ended October 4, 2008, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Writing on the Wall by Six-Feet-Underwater.
168 points, ended September 17, 2008, 27 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want some good poems by Fervent-Author.
209 points, ended September 29, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Freedom! by Writing0Freedom.
705 points, ended September 28, 2008, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Beauty by Solei.
250 points, ended October 25, 2008, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I want your best...POEMS!!! by Le Masquerade.
170 points, ended July 29, 116 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please Actually COMMENT - I do not care if it is bad- I really hate it when people view and say nothing~ I am trying to grow- not wither and die ~ SO freaking come on- I do the same for everyone -
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Quite good, I liked the description and mood to it. Thanx for entering my contest, good luck
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I must say that this piece made my heart skip when I read it last night.
The emotion is enough to give me tears. I don't think I possess the vocabulary to describe the beauty of this piece. I will bookmark it until I know how to describe such emotion. It's so beautiful. I thank you for entering it into my contest. I am honored.
I wish you all the best in future writerly endeavors,
Lady Editor
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I liked the beautiful vocabulary you had in this poem. There was a lot of beautiful emotion in this. I personally wish there had been more imagery in it because I really love imagery but some of the the wordings in this were unexpected and brilliantly done.
Thank you for entering!
WritingFree -
this was a beautiful poem, that's all there is to say about it, good luck in the contest.
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Simply amazing. This is such a beautiful poem and your talent is great. Fantastic job, well done!
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Good poem. It carries a lot of feeling. I liked it.
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i loved it.
it was really twisted. and great. this was definitally a good poem.
geat job!
thanks for entering my contest.
:]
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Fine leather...just a little polish needed
As I go: Drop "away" after "straying." Redundant.
I would rethink the cliche "let bygones be bygones"
(I realize it is a quote from your partner...but YOU are the poet...and YOU could say it better)
Lose "by" after "pass us" (same reason as "away" after "straying!"
"Thickness of lament".......Excellent! Very nice.
Browbeat = browbeaten
"Now all I feel the heckling" Are you missing "is" after "all I feel?"
"an attempt TO elude? (without "to" it makes no sense)
(Is "elude" the right word? Did you mean "succumb?")
Lots of good stuff. I feel the piece would be more powerful if broken into stanzas or verses. less daunting. Also, you might consider some punctuation to delineate sentences and thoughts. It's ok to punctuate poetry. After all, the idea is to be understood, is it not? Why not make this easier.
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I must agree with the others.
I know you been through some though times lately.
But you know what dude.. you got something going on that is a blessing and I know that you cherish it.
Besdies from that- the guy - I know- or think you were refering to was exactly as the story goes in most ways- I think it was important for you to somewhat connect with the picture... because those types of anger can lead to some serious damadge.
But you cool now
I know this.
Just tell me more about this hottie of yours.
Can I sink my teeth in too ?
~Blake~
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That was 'awesome'... Simply awesome!
"I succumb to the sense of isolation
Straying away from adoration "
"Now all I feel the heckling strain of apathy
In an attempt elude to this heartless thorn
I longed to recede from this love
As you abandoned what was cherished"
Loved those lines! Very telling...
Good luck with the competition
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Wow!
Wow! The words you used are breathtakingly beautiful! I could really feel the poem, relate to it. I'm actually crying now
though I don't know exactly why-that's how great an impact ur words have on me! The depth and emotions are deep and powerful, and I really enjoyed ur use of strong, evocotive language. Great job! What an extraordinary writet u are! 
Keep on writin'!
-Lissy
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Very well done
Your increasing skills are evident here and you clearly put some thought into this.
The flow is good and the reader can easily move from line to line and keep the essence of what you are saying.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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