Crash

I wonder if goldfish sleep...1

That was the first thought Justin had when he woke up to a dark room, the only light coming from a fish tank embedded in the wall that was at the foot of the bed. He turned over to see Kate still asleep, her hair playing over her face, the water from the fish tank casting the light in different waves, making her face dance back and forth. He could stare at her for hours...2

It was still dark outside, and Justin knew he had no chance of falling back to sleep, so he carefully slid out of bed, careful not to wake his girlfriend, and hopefully something more after today. He tip-toed out the room and across the hall, vaguely aware of the fact that the payments for this house were almost complete. One or two more, and the house will be mine for good... the thought put a faint smile on his face, a shadow of the smile he hoped to have by the end of the day. It was a big day for Justin Smart.3

Kate woke to the lightest brush, taking the few strands of her hair that were in her face while she slept and tucking them behind her ear. "morning beautiful, i made you breakfast." The sound of Justin's low voice and the smell of coffee brought her fully to her senses. She started to stretch, then opened her eyes; The light from the sun shone right through the window and into the bedroom, making the place shine. 4

Justin was in his robe, holding a tray with the classic bacon, eggs, and pancakes with coffee as a substitute for the orange juice that usually came with such a breakfast. It was amazing. "I've already eaten babe, I'm going to go get dressed. We've got a big day ahead of us."5

The surprise date day, it was finally here. Kate rarely liked waiting for things, and Justin had been leading her on to this day for weeks. finally here, and with it now in the forefront of her mind, she wanted to scarf down her ready made breakfast so she could get on with the day. 6

She took her time, tasting everything and drinking her coffee slowly before setting the tray aside and hopping up to take a quick shower. She dressed in something bright to display her mood. A flaring yellow skirt and white tee with a picture of an orange flower on it. a little flamboyant, but the way she was feeling made it seem just right. Justin was downstairs waiting. "come on babe, we don't wanna be la... wow, you look beautiful sweet heart." He always liked it when she curled her brownish red hair that way. 7

Their first stop, to Kate's surprise, was the park down the street. "what are we doing here?"
"Do you remember this place, babe?"
"yes, this is where i spilled ice cream on your shirt, what are..." He put a finger to her lips, "you'll see."8

"The ice cream was really good hon, thanks." Kate seemed to be enjoying herself, And Justin was barely getting started. the square bulge in his pocket reminded him of that. It was time to step up to the next phase of his date day plans. They went to laser tag next, and ate at the old Crab shack where they went for their first official date, they swam on the beach where they had gone for their senior prom... She seemed to be catching on... To the theme of there date at least. 9

"where to next justy wusty, the hill where we kissed for the first time?" Justin smiled at his nickname and at the memory of the grassy hill. but they had just got out of shopping at the little store on the corner next to their house, a tradition they had started, and it was time. "No hon, were going to where we first met." He fingered the box in his pocket nervously...10

Kate wrapped her arm around Justin's and let him escort her to the intersection a block up from the clothes store on the corner, the place where they had first bumped into each other, him walking to work, her out jogging. they stopped at the light, and he turned, kissing her lightly on the head and smiling at her. "Kate, my angel, your everything to me." He had called her an angel for the first time at the senior prom, she loved it. "And you are my everything baby, i loved today, thank you so much."
"Oh, it's not over yet..." 11

Justin had a nervous look on his face, his ears were turning red, like they did when he was excited... and suddenly it hit Kate. This was it. Finally. She instantly had butterflies, she had been waiting for this day for forever...12

There was a honk, a screeching sound and both Kate and Justin looked up just in time to see a car coming right for them. Kate felt herself flying through the air and then she felt asphalt crashing into her body. Her hands flung up instinctively to save her, and they did just that, keeping her head safe from the blow the rest of her body sustained. There was a loud noise, everything was confusing...13

Justin. She swiveled around and saw the silver car that had been coming for them crashed into the base of the stoplight they had been standing under. and between the stoplight and the car was Justin, the upper part of his body resting on the hood of the car. Shock flooded through Kate, and she felt herself walking slowly toward the scene with her arms outstretched, not quite aware of what her body was doing.14

She felt him in her arms, heard her own voice chanting the same thing, please wake up baby, please wake up... And suddenly the volume got turned up. People were all around and she was screaming something. PLEASE WAKE UP! I LOVE YOU JUSTIN, PLEASE WAKE UP! someone pulling on her hand, someone trying to calm her down. But he never woke up. Kate eventually let go, part of her finally hearing something outside. "must have dropped this... Nice ring to..." She gasped and snatched the box from the man's hands, holding up the diamond ring. He never woke up. She never saw him again, but she wore the ring till she died.

Author notes

sometimes i hate it when the good guy has to die! ha ha, sorry if i made it a little to dramatic, i wrote this at four in the morning. And yeah, this is my story of depressing sadness. hope you enjoy. Also for the contest, my user name is eternalsyn16. I commented on "then i looked back at you".

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Kevan gold member
    October 6, 2008

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    EXCELLENT!

    Congratulations. Great everything in this story. The drama was perfect. The suspense, the description... EVERYTHING. It was slightly predictable, with the title giving away a major plot-point but that's alright. Good work.

    xoxoxox
    Kevan.


  • Eddie
    October 5, 2008

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    Wow!

    That was really beautiful and descriptive, despite the grammer mistakes. I actually teared up. At the end, when he got hit by the car, my mouth just dropped, because I had already guessed that he was planning on asking her to marry him *Bursts out crying* It sort of reminded me of A Walk to Remember (the book) in a way, because she wore the ring until she died, never seeing the point in taking it off. That was so bittersweet....thank you so much for that!

  • Elphinstone
    September 28, 2008
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    ahh

    thats really sweet. Very descriptive, and well written, this could go a long way, so keep up the good work

  • xxDemonicxx
    September 26, 2008

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    ooooooommmmmmmgggggggggg ='(
    u totally ruined my nice day !!
    So Touching =(
    loved it !!


  • K.Tangent
    September 26, 2008

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    There were some grammar mistakes, but overall the piece was well written. It had a sad tone to it, but it was a bit predictable. (I think his fingering with the box in his pocket made it obviously so.) But even so, I like this type of story-- a tragedy of true love. It was cute, made me smile, and the death was realistic. I've read a lot of stories where the characters felt flat, and I honestly didn't care when they died. You DIDN'T do this, however, and it was a relief. You made the characters easy to relate to, and therefore their pain was realistic to the reader. Good luck in the contest. <3


  • JaydinC
    September 25, 2008
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    oh damn


  • Trepidation
    September 25, 2008
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    I actually cried. It made me cry it was that sad.

  • DeuceIzWild
    September 14, 2008

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    :,(

    Jesh man. That was just so sad. I can't even really react. I guess that the story did what it was supposed to do though, because I'm really depressed now. Kudos on a good write!


  • EZlats
    September 14, 2008

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    I liked it. And thanks for submitting a new story and not just a prewrite. It has made me happy Ok, I have to say I could see the way this was going to end after just a couple paragraphs (that's not a bad thing, it's just I could tell this was a love thing and that it would end in tragedy with the man dying.) What I really liked is that your charachter really was a good guy in this story and so far, I haven't gotten that from the other stories (except one one a little, but that stories good guy hadn't really shown much goodness. It only said that he was good.)

    And for a four in the morning piece, this was good. I didn't notice any first/third person switches but then again I don't really care, I care about content mostly. There are lots of grammer mistakes though, mostly for capitalization. I won't really care about those much either.

    I do have one other problem, so I want you to read the rules completely through and find them. I give you the BOTD since it was 4 in the AM and I made a similar mistake in a couple contests myself.

1 - 10 of 10