Untitled - Chapter 19 - Suppressed Memories - Seg.1

{segment 1 of chapter 19 - Garn}1

I stand on my front steps, looking up at the sky. It’s not covered in clouds today; instead, it’s a sea of diamond feathers like the ones on my own wings, rushing along with the wind. The City is quiet and still in spite of the twisting storm above. “Garn.”2

I look down to see Avi staring at me, blank-faced. She turns and walks down the road. I know she wants me to follow her, so I hurry to catch up. She’s only walking, but for some reason I have to run faster and faster to keep up with her, trying to keep her in view as she turns at a series of intersections. Finally, I find her at the end of an alley, facing me, still with no expression. “Avi,” I gasp. “What is it?”3

I realise with horror that a mech is standing behind her with its hand on her shoulder. It’s the same model that tried to kill her that day in her apartment! I try to warn her, but my straining voice makes no sound. The mech’s hand digs into her shoulder until blood begins trickling from the wounds its fingers make, but she doesn’t notice.4

I try to stop the mech, but I can no longer even feel my legs. I’m frozen and silent as the mech lifts its free hand as if to caress the side of her face. It gets a good grip, metal fingers extending over her eyes, and crushes her skull. 5

She drops to the ground. “Avi!” I scream, finding my voice only too late. 6

The mech looks up at me and speaks. But it’s not the voice of a mech. It’s Avi’s voice, though sounding distant. “Garn, what was your earliest memory?”7

A black hole opens up beneath me and at once I’m falling through it, being pulled down and away from the terrible scene. There’s a feeling of weightlessness, until gravity shifts and I find myself plummeting through the air, slamming into the ground. Gaining my bearings, I realise that it’s not the ground; it’s a wall. An iron fist rams into my chest, pinning me where I am. I can’t see the man; it’s as if he’s shrouded in darkness and no matter how I try to look at him I can’t see him clearly.8

I’m eight years old, and I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I’m not stupid enough to ask. The distorted face leans closer, putting its hand gently over my eyes. I feel I’m losing myself, some part of me being slowly extracted.9

“You must forget everything; forget the trauma, Garn,” the man says softly. I feel distant and faint; the only thing I can remember now is his hypnotic voice. “Begin your life on your own,” he says. “It’s for you to decide who you’re going to be. Your mind, at least, is still human, and this is what people must do.”10

His hand leaves my face, his fist leaves my chest. I can’t tell, but I think I’m losing balance. The man suddenly pulls back a fist and hits me in the side of the head, sending me sprawling on the ground, too disoriented to get up. “When you’ve grown, you may join the cause, or you may have to be destroyed,” he says. He’s being so confusing. One minute he’s showing affection for me for the first time, and the next he’s hurting me. Switching back to his uncharacteristic, gentle persona, he carefully lifts me back up to my feet by the collar of my shirt. “But that’s not something you need to worry about now,” he says.11

Leaning closer to my face, he whispers in my ear. “Know that you are my greatest achievement.” He takes both of my small hands in his and kisses my trembling fingers. “Don’t worry. I’ll be watching you, my son.” I’m frozen in place as he lets go of my hands and hits me again. Slamming into the front steps of the orphanage, darkness overcomes me.12

*13

I wake, gasping for air and strangled by my sheets. Realising where I am, I fumble for the lamp beside my bed and turn it on. Once I’m free of my sheets, I sit up and stare around my room, absorbing the reality and peace of my house. A nightmare. It was a nightmare. Even now, all I can remember of the dream is a wall and a dark street… but I can’t even hold onto that memory for long, and soon all I know is that it was terrifying.14

Dreams are the only place I feel afraid. Because in dreams, you’re forced to be scared. You feel whatever your mind wants you to feel, no matter if it’s logical or not. You have no control.15

Since when do I sleep in? I wonder as I notice that it’s ten thirty in the morning. Stretching, I get up and stumble to the shower. Once I’ve dressed afterward, I head to my couch while drying my hair with a towel and turn on the TV. It’s a music show, and a blonde woman sings into a microphone on a stage flashing with multicoloured lights. Flicking through the channels, I pass a morning show and an advertisement until I pause on the news.16

“… this morning, it was declared that Emperor Duvavi was only standing in as our ruler while the rightful Empress was in hiding. When her family was threatened, the infant princess was taken away for safety. As tradition goes, no one in the City discovers that a ruler has borne an heir until the child is eighteen and ready to take the throne. Because of this, no one even knew she existed until now.”17

I wonder if anyone else has noticed that Avi’s age matches that of the kidnapped child eighteen years ago. If they have, they’re being suppressed. “Ironically, the heir to the throne is none other than Avalia. It’s known that the first Empress named Avalia was killed tragically after a rule lasting only a few months. The government has high hopes for the new Avalia, though. Now that the Empress is ready to rule, Duvavi has graciously stepped down. We have Duvavi here with us live from the Triumph; Duvavi, do you think that this girl we know nothing of is ready to rule us?”18

The old Emperor’s taste in fashion hasn’t changed. He wears less finery than usual because of his rank, but he’s still covered in a fair amount of royal blue satin and rubies. “Avalia is born to be Empress,” he says. “I’m proud to follow her, and I’m certain that the City will accept her.” Proud to follow her? Well that’s just an outright lie. I’ve met the Emperor only a few times, but his character is easy to assess.19

I slouch in my seat and lazily watch the rest of the repetitive questions and answers. News people like to draw out anything that’s remotely interesting. Finally, they announce for the hundredth time that Avi is coming to give her first speech to the City, and she actually appears on the screen.20

Her long, dark hair is up in an intricate bun, and she wears an elaborate red dress with flowing sleeves hemmed with diamonds. She looks beautiful, I realise. Mesmerising. Well, all she’s done is appear and I bet she’s already won over every male in the City. Her face is calm and in control, but at the same time she looks spirited and determined. It’s just like Duvavi said; she was born for this role. How could she not rule us well? I find myself leaning forward in my seat as her long title is announced and she opens her mouth to speak.21

“My brave, honourable people,” she says. “It is a privilege to be standing here today, with an incredible future ahead of me, working for the good of this beautiful City. I will work to make all of our lives more comfortable, safer, and more beneficial. I am young, but I have the experience of the government at my back and I will never lose sight of our goals. Together, we will achieve…”22

I sit in awe as she speaks. She looks like a different person to the one I said goodbye to not so long ago. She’s humble, but this sincere gratitude and optimism draws me in and makes me want to follow her, no matter what she tells me to do. I remind myself that she’s probably been told how to present herself to the public, but she just seems so… honest. The words she says are sometimes quite grandiose and clearly not her own, but she really means them. I’m completely surprised, and impressed with the change in the quiet Outsider I discovered on the plains on my last mission. Amazing.23