It Hurts When I Almost Leave You

I left reality right then and there. That darkness thickening, circling me in the deepest sleep I could imagine. I shuddered as I felt bitter cold all around me. Perfect, and nothing here to shield it.1

Almost instinctively, I let my arms go forward and lead my way, since I was unable to see quite yet. All the while, somehow back in reality, I heard Ryan frantically scream for me to wake up. And I could feel his hands around my face. Warmth...I felt him kiss me too, since he knew I would most likely wake up from that. But to him, he was probably kissing a girl in a coma. Or worse...2

A dead girl. 3

I could still feel his hands on me, two fingers on my wrist. Ryan checked for my pulse, and kept saying "Please Angell" over and over. I listened as he and Nick conversed about how light the pulse was; I was growing colder than normal in his arms, I concluded. He keep shivering and Nick was trying to see if they should call 911. Ryan shook his head near my face. They would wait and see if I was just faking or asleep. After that, they attempted to stay calm. 4

It sucked not being able to wake and say I was okay. 5

But, maybe I wasn't. I still kept my arms out and I wasn't blind anymore. I was still aware of the boys' voices, but I was in a whole new surrounding. I knew this dream. But why...now? 6

The fair was last week, I acknowledged to myself. Therefore, the dream was impossible to be true. Sigh of relief. I felt a slight hint of sickness hit me though. Here it came. The little girl, five years old...me. Sitting peacefully on a bench, I looked at nothing. My face was blank. My curls sat comfortingly on my shoulders, and the ribbon was in my hair. My blue dress looked cute on me, my black shoes making me feel proud. At least, they did back then. So I watched little me, stare into the darkness, and the moon began to hide beneath the clouds.7

A shadow emerges. I watch five year old me stiffen and begin to panic. But I feel her panic. I begin to look as the figure comes closer, and he's carrying a girl. A blond girl with blue eyes as bright as the clear sky. I missed those eyes, and how I longed for them. She was my perfect cousin, dressed in all white, and the figure draped in all black. How utterly ironic, that the two symbolized love and hate. It sickened me though; why the hell did he have her? 8

I wanted to run and take her, but I couldn't touch anything, most likely. I couldn't stop it; right now I was nearly dying in the arms of my lover. Any interference, and I could die in an instant. Not the best idea at the moment. So I stood there, behind the 4-H building, waiting to see what was next. He smiled a bit and held his hand out to five year old Kori. The night air swirled, the water puddles sloshing and sending a chill to the little girl. My cousin shivered as well, and the figure held her closer. 9

Stupid and naive as I was then, I was too scared to let my cousin be by herself. I walked towards her, afraid that she might die. And then the scene changed. This time I was taking part in the dream. I was on the back of a man, and his name was ironically Ryan. He was older than me, I knew, because he was bigger and looked older. He resembled nothing to the Ryan I knew and loved. He was seventeen, if I remembered correctly. I didn't understand why these two dreams were haunting me. Then I tried to catch myself, but I remembered that I had to say those words. If I didn't, the dreams could change and I die. 10

"Ryan, why are we out here?" I asked, looking at him. I was five again in this dream too. My voice was so childish. "We're out here cause I did bad stuff." He responded, smiling reassuringly. "Well, what type of stuff?" Ryan frowned. "Kori, I killed some people" I giggled. I remembered the next part. "So you think we'll ever leave?" He still smiled, "Nope, but at least you'll be here with me, right?" I giggled again. "Yep!" And then the dream stopped. 11

Great, I was bound to learn two lessons from this. One, don't let yourself be an easy target and two, my god, I hoped that I seriously didn't have any ties with a murder. 12

My eyes fluttered open. I actually could see around me. I looked up at Ryan. His face was pain-stricken, but I could tell he was happy to see me awake. Nick smiled too. "I've been trying to wake up, I swear. My dreams wouldn't let me. It's like...I was to learn something from it." I said, sighing. Ryan watched as I sat up some. He held me, barely using any strength to keep me up. "You're fucking freezing, Angell. I thought you were going to die" I smiled, "So I could hear. I was really praying you two wouldn't call 911 or something. I was flipping out cause I just knew I'd be okay." Ryan lifted a brow. Nick asked the question. "Wait, you could hear us?" Another sigh from me. "Yes, I could. Clear as a bell. It was pissing me off that I couldn't wake up and say 'Hey! I'm totally fine!'" I reached for the glass of water I knew Ryan had gotten me. 13

After seven extreme gulps, a trip to the bathroom, and a thermometer shoved in my mouth, I was dubbed unable to go to band. My temperature was 94.5 now, and I should've been dead. But I was a lucky girl. I could easily live through cold temperatures, even if my body didn't like them. No wonder I was in the bathroom puking for ten minutes. Ryan got my hot chocolate and decided to call my grandma, who didn't get off work till 6. She said she would take me to the hospital then. She called Grow and said I was unable to go. Ryan had lied smoothly, of course, to make the situation less than it really was. I thanked him, huddling under the six blankets. 14

I was sweating to death, but the thermometer insisted I should be shivering. And the thermostat was set to 75, so I should've been in the middle zone. I still stayed in between 94.5 and 94.9. Frustrating, but Ryan was determined to help. Nick had left though, after my long, ten minute bathroom break. When he realized I wasn't coming out after the fourth minute, he bailed. He wasn't about to help his best friend's chick puke in the toilet. 15

After several attempts of trying to warm me up, I passed out again. Ryan left me be and I drifted in and out. So many things on my mind. Those eyes...those emerald eyes.16

Jacob.17

I had totally forgotten about him.18

And when I woke up again, I heard footsteps and two resonating knocks.