This grief that I am feeling is overwhelming.1
I feel like I'm being dragged into the darkness.2
There's no one to save me, and I'm all alone with my emotions.3
I feel like I'm suffocating.4
I can't handle this feeling much longer.5
Its taking over me. I feel trapped, and no matter how hard I try I can't find my way out.6
I wish it would just end, can't they see that it's hurting me?7
No they're to busy simmering in their anger, while I'm drowning in my own grief.8
Author notes
Just going through a rough time right now, this just sorta is a way for me to express what I'm feeling.
Okay I apoloigize for the spelling and grammer mistakes but someone was rushing me....-_-. Lol so what'd ya think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I really liked this, despite the spelling and grammar errors. You conveyed your emotions very well. Good job!
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no! I don't feel bad! I hate when my SW friends feel bad! What can Dr. Darkess do to help? lol jkjk anyways I hate it when people say I know exactly how u feel, because no one ever does. But I'll say that I have had feelings related to this before.
But if you let it, things get better!
Loaf,
your twin!
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Awsome! You are such a beautiful poet, hun <3
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Don't let anyone rush you!
May I offer some advice? Just basic. (I like your effort on this piece...and appreciate your sentiment...this is why I am writing this for you)
It is YOUR poem. So...we know it is YOUR "feeling!" No need to say it...over and over.
One of the most ESSENTIAL elements of poetry is...THAT WHICH DISTINGUISHES it from PROSE...is ECONOMY. Don't waste words. Be brief. Laconic. Terse. ECONOMICAL. Don't say "I feel..."
Just tell us what it is that you "feel!"
For example, if you just came out and said: "The grief is overwhelming!"...that would have been enough...AND powerful! (You didn't need to say you were "feeling" this. We already knew!) Then: "Dragged in the darkness." These are excellent...fine, lines. You don't need the explanations as to who is "feeling" this. See?
"No one to save me" is sufficient. You don't need "There's"
(Of course..."there's"...where else?...so it is UNNECESSARY!)
Ditto with "all alone with MY emotions" Lose "my" (whose else?) Remember...it is YOUR poem!
Don't say "I feel like I'm suffocating." Just say: "Suffocating!" (This REALLY makes the difference...and makes it into a real POEM!...not just a note of prose.)
Try to re-do this with all that in mind...if you care about the work. IT'S A GOOD ENOUGH POEM...WORTH THE EFFORT! Also remember...what Hemmingway said about first drafts!
GA -
Hey bff. are you ok? do wanna talk somemore tomarrow at school? Just ask me!
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You really did a wonderful job getting your feeling written down and expressing yourself. I too can relate, maybe not lately but long ago. Remember that you will come up for air sometime, hopefully sooner then later. I know it hurts right now but know that I too am here for you when ever you need me. Also remember you are a very talented, beautiful, and intelligent girl and know I love you. You need to come visit me and stay with me sometime soon!
Again, wonderful job at writing your emotions...that is a very good way to express yourself and to get some of that sadness and anger down.
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something I can relate to.
I too, am going through a rough time right now.
Your piece was very direct and straight forward. I liked it very much.
'There's no one to save me, and I'm all alone with my emotions.
I feel like I'm suffocating.'
I often find it easier to write about my feelings rather talk qbout them, i think it tends to be a bit healthier sometimes.
When someone reads what you have written about your feelings, they tend to pay better attention, as if some how written words are burned into thier brain as oppossed to spoken words.
Well hope for the best, there is alway a way to move, to push forward.
May better times be on the horizion.
_Chaos___>
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First of all the poem itself was wonderful and I liked your emotion. Second of all, remember I'm right here when you need me! Whether to cry, talk, or simply have a rant about how stupid people can be. Everyone goes through hard stuff - that's why we have friends, to help us through those times and to keep us sane. Remember sis, I love you tons and will always be here for you no matter what.
Your Almost-Twin,
Lex
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Hey, Kixy, this is excellent. I didn't see anything too atrocious with grammar so don't worry about that. Listen Kixy, how about you talk to me? Going through rough times really really sux, and maybe I can help some. At least I can be sympathetic and try and help out a bit. You know I'm almost always online. You don't have to talk to me but if you ever need to, you know where to find me. I'm going through a little bad stuff too, which is why my own proper stories are on hold. Come find me if you need anything, okay sis?
This is an excellent to express yourself, and also help yourself feel better. Pieces like these are always very deep and strong and you did a beautiful job. Keep it up! Many good works come from sadness. Yeah, keep going and I hope you feel better really soon.
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