I was on my way home from gymnastics, it was a dreary day, rainy overcast no chance of the sun. Not even one tiny tincy chance.1
I was walking down the street when someone caught my eye. He had dark brown curly hair. Brown eyes that stood out. I think the thing that caught my eye was the blue jacked and the bright oronge pant's. He looked like an average person walking down the sidewalk. Someone pulled up beside me.2
"Do you need a ride?" The person said.3
"No but thank's" I walked away as fast as I could with that guy on my mind. I don't know him but maybe he know's me some how.4
Oh yeah I for got to mention I was drenched from head to toe. My goldon elbow length hair now looked brown. Then I saw the road I lived on! yay! But I like the rain. So why am I so cheery about going home? maybe so I could call marissa and tell her about the guy I saw on the sidwalk. 5
"Honey your home! I've been soooooooooo worried!" Mom was squeezing me like never before.6
"Mom! I'm fine I just got off in la la land at 5th street."7
"tsk tsk tsk. you know better!"8
"sorry I just saw someone who caught my eye."9
"You know better than stoping on the sidwalk because you see someone. especialy boys."10
"I didn't say if it was a boy."11
"oh well. don't you have an umbrella?"12
"Yeah."13
"use it because it's cold season."14
"OK! FINE!"15
"Get up there and take a shower."16
LATER THAT NIGHT17
What should I do? Theres homework, gymnastics, tv, computer, and puzzles. Maybe I should see who's on. "OH yeah! sisy's on!" I cirled my hands i the air.18
"hey sis hows colledge?"19
"It's soooooo horible because i have homework up to my eyeballs!"20
"OK but wouldn't you do it before you got on?"21
"That's a good idea but i got a party to go to."22
"When are you coming home?"23
"Next simester."24
"man I wan't to show you how much I progressed in gymnastics."25
"By the way is there anything new that you got for it?"26
"Yeah i got a balance beam."27
"Cool but I g2g now. huggs and kisses."28
A contest entry
- Disney Channel Maniacs! by So Strange.
420 points, ended October 2, 2008, 5 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Well, first of all, some of the grammar was a bit off--or some of it way off. But other then that, I think you have a good story here, that you should probably make into a bigger story by writing more as soon as you can or as soon as you want to.
I think that you have a bit of a chance at winning... though I won't judge until a little later. I hope you enjoyed writing this... because we sure enjoyed reading it.
Keep up the great work and don't stop writing until your fingers can't do so.
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interesting story but i think u should go on with it because it doesn't make that much sense to me but if you went on it would be great. good job keep on!!!
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Good beginning. I `want to read more! There were a couple of typos tho. Like u said jacked, and I'm pretty sure you meant jacket, but I could be wrong.
Keep writing!
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cool! great start, wat is up with that random dude, is he a stalker??? lol
can't wait 4 dee update!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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