It was really fucking dark, y'know? How was I supposed to know it wasn't her? Well, I totally regret it now, y'know? Who the hell am I talking to, anyhow? Why so many questions? Nervous habit, I guess. I always speak in questions when I feel scared.1
Have since I was a little boy. Not that it's important at all. 2
I should probably tell you how I got here now. In the literary world they call it "exposition." What a time to be remembering lit class, right? 3
I was at a new years party at the house of a friend of a friend, you know the kind of place. Swanky, I think is the word. Guy was obviously rich, probably single, but you couldn't tell for the crowd of chicks around him all the time. Story's not about him though, it's about me. Well, midnight came around and we were supposed to kiss someone, right? Well, the ass turned the lights out. I totally knew who I wanted to kiss, and she just wasn't that far away. It shouldn't have been a problem, and she was waiting for me, right?4
She wasn't exactly my girlfriend, but I'd been in love with her forever, and a few months ago she said she liked me back. Now I wish I would have done something about it sooner. She's such a nice girl.5
Well, anyways I kiss a girl. Soft lip, I was sure it was her. Things get hot quick, and she guides me upstairs. I'm not about to argue with that. We lay down, we do it. I'd really rather not focus on that though, I don't wanna throw up in here again. Small area, y'know? Whoever she was, she was kinda a freak.6
She tied me up and stuff, used some interesting and painful toys. It was always dark though. Really fucking dark. Thing is, she still hasn't untied me. She just took me to her car and put me somewhere with no light. I'd imagine it's the trunk, but I wouldn't know. She blindfolded me, y'see. 7
So, I've been sitting here talking to you. Who happens to be myself in this place that's darker than. . . well, blacker than. . . I don't know yet. I hope I'll figure it out eventually. It always bothers me when I can't think of things. I wouldn't want to be bothered by too much else. My ass hurts a little, I'm not entirely sure if it was something she did, or if it's just my position. I was a little drunk. I'm pretty sober now. Ha ha. Funny. I'm just full of wit aren't I? Laughing in the face of danger. That's the kind of guy I am.8
Now would be a bad time to mention I pissed my pants a few minutes ago, wouldn't it?9
Wait, I think I hear something. The door's opening. Crap, my blindfold's coming off. I can see. . . Ah, hell. It's her, the girl from befo- no wait, it's HER. The one I love. Wait, why's she here, and what's that knife for?10
Y'mean, it was her the whole damned time? Well, I guess if I'm gonna die, I can take comfort at least in knowing that I was never unfaithful, and I died after my first and last time with the girl I loved, and it would be her hand that kills me.11
Wait-12
Who's that other chick?13
What do you mean was it good for--14
Oh, shit. That part about feeling good? Scratch it. 15
Guess I'm fucked, right?16
Might as well enjoy it. I said she was a freak, but it wasn't all bad.
Author notes
Option 1 was chosen. This was kind of a fun internal monologue. Hope you all enjoy.
A contest entry
- Happily Never After by Sha Wujing.
270 points, ended September 24, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Reminds me of Faulkner's (Sound and the Fury) stream of consciousness style. This is a nice sketch. It could really use some context. A different voice from another character or a narrator could provide some of this.
In segment 10, the main character switches from telling his tale in past tense to present tense. Up until seg 10, it is as if he is talking to us, the reader, a real person. But now that we are thrown into the present tense, where are we? The character he is relating to isn't present in the action. I think if the structure and tenses stay the same, we, the reader, should be brought into the action as a character who has some role to play and has some perspective on the main character being stabbed to death.
Good writing, it held my interest throughout. It could even be filled in a little with details, and the pace would still be plenty fast. You wouldn't "lose" any readers if you added a little more description, in other words.
Thank you for sharing, it was a fun read!
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Lmfao! This is fucken weird and hilarious! Very interesting to, a bit confusing at the end though
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I liked it for the most part. Got a bit confussed at the end though. I think that was the reaction you where going for though. The whole thing just kind of screws you around and makes you feel like your in the trunk of a car.
Nice.
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My ass hurts a little. -Laughs-
I love the fact that in the face of danger and death, thats what he thinks of and that is what he said. More poignant because I think if i was in a scary situation such as that, it is probably the small little things like my ass hurting that i would think of.
The ending leaves me wondering though. Does he actually die? Does he not? It wasn't actually said that he was the victim right?
Awesome. -
Entertaining
This made me laugh. And I liked the lime flavor of the double twist.
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