The wind picked up ever so slightly, a subtle thing that barely shifted the black cloak that hung off My shoulders. It felt like nothing on my cold skin, nothing felt like anything these days... I glanced around, looking for something to peak my intrest in the few people still out of doors at this time of night. 1
The moon lit there faces enough for me to see each one of them as clearly as if they were standing next to me in the middle of the day, and from this vantage point, on a giant hill in the center of the city- meant to be a park- i could easily spot them from a distance without them even knowing i was watching. The tree that hung over me cast my body in shadow, which rendered the black cloak useless. It was so cliche, i hated it, but Stephon had said it was important to keep it on at all times during the hunt, and you never argued with Stephon.2
I kept my watch, wanting to pick the perfect prey carefully, wanting something to put excitement into my life. It had been at least eighty years since any excitment came my way... The few people left mingered about in the streets, a man with his five year old son making there way home from a church, an old lady limping down a dark alley with a basket of roses around one arm. She was about to die, that one. To die in alley, just like me. i almost pityed the poor woman, but i envyed her to much for that. 3
No, it was towards the far end of this small place that i saw what i was looking for. 4
A girl, a woman. Barely a woman. She was closing a shop, working late, and as she stepped outside, i took a deep breath and smelled her. It was fragrant, the smell of that intoxicating blood mixed with... sunshine? if i could put a smell to sunshine, that would be it. everyone around her must feel happy, content, i could tell all of this by her smell. And i couldnt let mortals have what i could never have. 5
I felt a shadow of excitement for the first time in decades, pulsing through my body as i suddenly flew from my perch and raced through the city, following the scent that was heavy in the air for me. I made it to where she was in half a second. i crouched in an alley, waiting for my prey to reach me, another cliche thing the king of this city wanted us to do. waiting was so boring, i could kill her and be done with it in a matter of seconds...6
Luckily this didnt ruin my high, waiting only made it stronger. By the time she got to where i could pounce i could taste her on the air, and i was ready to savor the moment. I lunged out and grabbed her arm, pulling her into the dark passage way before she knew what was happening. I waited for her to catch up, and i few seconds later, my hand was over her mouth to muffle the scream that might have given us away. 7
I traveled with her. far away from any people, in a minute we were in the middle of the forest and i relinquished my hold on her mouth. She didnt scream, and i guessed she was to frightened by my blinding speed to do much at all. I decided to make this as pleasing as possible for her. For the sunshine i would never have again. 8
I moved slowly toward her, and she didnt move, paralyzed by her mortal coil. And thats why she suprised me when i moved in closer and read on her face that she was about to try and hit me. I grabbed her wrists before she could act on this thought, and she froze again, still as a statue, looking straight ahead, her breasts rising and falling. I slowly trailed my hand along her arm, up to her collar bone, then down across the upper part of her chest to the other collar bone and back again, each time coming down a little more. She was wearing a dress, low cut, and as i made my last sweeping motion, just above the line of the dress, i gently slid the dress off her shoulders to expose her full, luscious chest. 9
She was breathing much faster now, her hands and legs trembling. i touched her breasts softly, moving from one to the other in the tickling, sweeping motion of before. She shuddered at my touch, but i could tell by where the blood was gathering that she was no longer held there only by fear. The fear was still there, but the desire was as well. Charming was second nature to my kind, easy as breathing. i knew exactly what she wanted, what she thought she wanted...10
Slowly, i tilted my head down and put my lips to the lower part of her right breast. i let my lips touch and move across, around, up above the nipple, using my tounge to massage, and finally coming down right onto the center, where i bit down and unleashed venom into her system. the venom would stimulate her desire, and i could hear it's immediate effect in the sudden quickening pace of her blood. 11
It made me more ravenous than before, seeing her blood pulsating so quickly, which was undoubtedly the venoms real goal. But i wanted to play just a little bit more. I slowly drank a little blood from my bite, and she didnt seem to notice. she panted, no longer afraid, pushing her body closer to mine. i slid my hand down and lifted up her dress, sliding my hand up her inner thigh, and resting it right between her legs, massaging gently. She let out a low moan, and her blood pulsed once again. i moved my mouth from my inflicted wound and moved to her throat, where the blood flowed to her brain. I tilted my head in, and bit down. 12
I could tell by where my hand still was that this bite had done it. she climaxed so fast, so hard, and she had given me what i wanted to, something to pass the time. i drank, the ecstasy overpowering anything else for that few minutes till her life drained into my body.13
I hid her in the deep ocean far from the little town, as stephon, as the king of this area, had instructed. i vaguely wondered what her name was, and felt the stab of guilt run through me, the guilt that came with thinking of humans as humans, instead of dinner. I cast off all thought of what this girl could have been, she was food, nothing more. I cast it all off while i watched her body float away. I was alone with midnight again.
The moon lit there faces enough for me to see each one of them as clearly as if they were standing next to me in the middle of the day, and from this vantage point, on a giant hill in the center of the city- meant to be a park- i could easily spot them from a distance without them even knowing i was watching. The tree that hung over me cast my body in shadow, which rendered the black cloak useless. It was so cliche, i hated it, but Stephon had said it was important to keep it on at all times during the hunt, and you never argued with Stephon.2
I kept my watch, wanting to pick the perfect prey carefully, wanting something to put excitement into my life. It had been at least eighty years since any excitment came my way... The few people left mingered about in the streets, a man with his five year old son making there way home from a church, an old lady limping down a dark alley with a basket of roses around one arm. She was about to die, that one. To die in alley, just like me. i almost pityed the poor woman, but i envyed her to much for that. 3
No, it was towards the far end of this small place that i saw what i was looking for. 4
A girl, a woman. Barely a woman. She was closing a shop, working late, and as she stepped outside, i took a deep breath and smelled her. It was fragrant, the smell of that intoxicating blood mixed with... sunshine? if i could put a smell to sunshine, that would be it. everyone around her must feel happy, content, i could tell all of this by her smell. And i couldnt let mortals have what i could never have. 5
I felt a shadow of excitement for the first time in decades, pulsing through my body as i suddenly flew from my perch and raced through the city, following the scent that was heavy in the air for me. I made it to where she was in half a second. i crouched in an alley, waiting for my prey to reach me, another cliche thing the king of this city wanted us to do. waiting was so boring, i could kill her and be done with it in a matter of seconds...6
Luckily this didnt ruin my high, waiting only made it stronger. By the time she got to where i could pounce i could taste her on the air, and i was ready to savor the moment. I lunged out and grabbed her arm, pulling her into the dark passage way before she knew what was happening. I waited for her to catch up, and i few seconds later, my hand was over her mouth to muffle the scream that might have given us away. 7
I traveled with her. far away from any people, in a minute we were in the middle of the forest and i relinquished my hold on her mouth. She didnt scream, and i guessed she was to frightened by my blinding speed to do much at all. I decided to make this as pleasing as possible for her. For the sunshine i would never have again. 8
I moved slowly toward her, and she didnt move, paralyzed by her mortal coil. And thats why she suprised me when i moved in closer and read on her face that she was about to try and hit me. I grabbed her wrists before she could act on this thought, and she froze again, still as a statue, looking straight ahead, her breasts rising and falling. I slowly trailed my hand along her arm, up to her collar bone, then down across the upper part of her chest to the other collar bone and back again, each time coming down a little more. She was wearing a dress, low cut, and as i made my last sweeping motion, just above the line of the dress, i gently slid the dress off her shoulders to expose her full, luscious chest. 9
She was breathing much faster now, her hands and legs trembling. i touched her breasts softly, moving from one to the other in the tickling, sweeping motion of before. She shuddered at my touch, but i could tell by where the blood was gathering that she was no longer held there only by fear. The fear was still there, but the desire was as well. Charming was second nature to my kind, easy as breathing. i knew exactly what she wanted, what she thought she wanted...10
Slowly, i tilted my head down and put my lips to the lower part of her right breast. i let my lips touch and move across, around, up above the nipple, using my tounge to massage, and finally coming down right onto the center, where i bit down and unleashed venom into her system. the venom would stimulate her desire, and i could hear it's immediate effect in the sudden quickening pace of her blood. 11
It made me more ravenous than before, seeing her blood pulsating so quickly, which was undoubtedly the venoms real goal. But i wanted to play just a little bit more. I slowly drank a little blood from my bite, and she didnt seem to notice. she panted, no longer afraid, pushing her body closer to mine. i slid my hand down and lifted up her dress, sliding my hand up her inner thigh, and resting it right between her legs, massaging gently. She let out a low moan, and her blood pulsed once again. i moved my mouth from my inflicted wound and moved to her throat, where the blood flowed to her brain. I tilted my head in, and bit down. 12
I could tell by where my hand still was that this bite had done it. she climaxed so fast, so hard, and she had given me what i wanted to, something to pass the time. i drank, the ecstasy overpowering anything else for that few minutes till her life drained into my body.13
I hid her in the deep ocean far from the little town, as stephon, as the king of this area, had instructed. i vaguely wondered what her name was, and felt the stab of guilt run through me, the guilt that came with thinking of humans as humans, instead of dinner. I cast off all thought of what this girl could have been, she was food, nothing more. I cast it all off while i watched her body float away. I was alone with midnight again.
Author notes
I dont usually write erotica, but i thought i would try it. dont hate me for my sad attempt. constructive critism please... meh, i actually dont care. lay it on thick, whatever you want to say.
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A contest entry
- Inspire Me II by xxxWhisper-Sorrowxxx.
175 points, ended September 26, 2008, 8 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Dark Discoveries by UnicornGargoyle.
172 points, ended October 21, 2008, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Hit Me With All You Got by Luckyk.
150 points, ended October 5, 2008, 12 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prompts, Ideas, and Darkness! O.o by Friesian.
650 points, ended September 28, 2008, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
what do you think?
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
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I liked the feeling behind the piece... far away and yet somehow kind of close. It was great. The imagery was superb; I felt like I could see the characters right in front of me. I loved the ending. It was so gentle and serene and so sad at the same time. I liked the way he thought of her as a human for a while, not long, and then just shrugged it off and went back to his normal view of her. It expressed a little feeling on his part, which made me relate to him much better. Great job on this, and best of luck! Keep writing!!!


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wow!
Great, great descriptions and excellent imagery! The wording was great! And the last but...wow!
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WOW different definitely different...I enjoyed this muchly wouldn't have minded if you had expanded just a LITTLE bit more on their little play date in the woods...well at least how the surroundings increased and heightened his hunger so too speak after he entered the forest that is...but that's just me... So this is Good Luck

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In the first paragraph the "m" of "my" is capatalized once. There are a few other capitalization mistakes throughout the story, as well as a few grammar errors. The plot is interesting and I like how her smell is described as sunshine, that's very creative. I would like more backstory though. Nice story, good job
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Wow this was one of the things i was looking foward to! The only thing was that when he snatched the girl, what happened didn't last as long as i wanted it to. That's why they call it a short story huh? I guess what I'm tryin to say is that it left me wanting more. I want to know what would have happened if he let her live. This story is pretty good to have me thinking like that. The more erotic part was good, and I'm glad you didn't mention fluids. Lol. It takes away from the scene. Great job and good luck!!!

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Well... Ummmm... I don't usually read erotica, but I thought I'd give it a try. That was... Interesting. It was definitely a story though, good beginning, good middle, good end. I like how you put just enough about Stephon in there to know who he was, but just as... The word escapes me right now, but you know what I mean. I did like it, though it wasn't quite my style. I believed in his sickness though. I did really believe that he was very ill... I mean... Aside from being a vampire and all. There was just one little grammatical thing I wanted to point out, and that was in the fifth paragraph, there is the repetition of the words "stepped outside". It makes the phrasing a little awkward. Other than that, I enjoyed it.
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ha ha, thanks for catching the grammer thing for me. you know how it is, i'm sure, writing off of a whim at three in the morning... and thanks for commenting, gald you liked the story.
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I forgot the clappy guys


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Um...*shivers* wow...i definitely didn't hate it.
1 - 9 of 9






