George had been thinking of this all day -- a way to win a heart. 1
Money's the key, you see! And I'll have my drunken fellow to do the part!2
Now here is what you'll do:3
You'll become someone who isn't you! New Zealand -- a land far and wide. With a business, single and rich, but with no wife!4
Then in a moments notice you'll be called back home -- Oh, this plan is so clever no one will ever know!5
Go on, I'll give you the money you need. Win the heart of the shop keepers daughter, for me. Steal it away from that other guy, I think his name is Charlie!6
Instead, Mr. Kemp pillages and ponders out a courtship of his own. The owner of the shop, Mrs. Bradshaw looks nice -- he'll take her out, spend George's money... twice!7
Then when the plan has to come to an end -- he'll leave all his goods and half his fake money to Charlie instead.8
On an even playing ground George and Charlie sit... sitting on lies, using them as their last bet.9
Author notes
Original story: The Old Man of the Sea by W.W. Jacobs ;; http://www.classicreader.com/read.php/bookid.2382/sec.1/
I hope that I did this right, I've never done anything like it. It seemed like a great concept to me -- so I hope you like it.
A contest entry
- Drabbled Short Stories by Kirin.
350 points, ended October 2, 2008, 5 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Nice summary there. It looks like you tried to make it rhyme a lot, which couldn't have been easy either. I love the last line. Oh, I see, this is "The Old Man *of* the Sea", not "The Old Man *and* the Sea". Much more is made clear.
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Great job!! Just now read the original!*That's how lazy you are!* You did a fine job in bringing the essence of the original! Felt like reading a poem. It was a bit confusing without having read the original though. Great work and Good luck in the contest!
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4000-> 156?! Great!! (But please, HAVE MERCY!!)
The original story is 4000 characters long!! That's way beyond the limits I set. The reproduction is a DrabbleDrabb. So, I hereby Disqualify you!! *Shut up you idiot! Are you crazier than I thought? He/She's the only one we've got! And compressing a 4000 word story to a mere 156 words is no mean feat. So be good and appreciate him/her! Go on!*
Alright, alright! Thank you for entering my contest! Now which on shall I read first? *Read the DrabbleDrabb first, you lazy idiot*
Got it! I'll read yours first and then go to the original. But dude/dudette (OMG! This is driving me crazy! I'm gonna add rule No.8: Mention if you are Male or Female in your author's note!), Have Mercy
You have no idea how lazy I am... *Enough small talk! Off to the story! Off you go!*
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XD
Thanks so much
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Nice Job!!!
I liked this... even if i never liked the old man and the sea.
But... isn't The Old Man and the Sea by Ernest Hemingway?
Lol, nice job thought.
Even if it is over 100 words...
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